mixed signals one more then one level

uprooted shane

right, this is a long long story, but ill try to cut it down as short as i can....

last christmas me and a long term girlfriend whom i loved broke up. at the time i was a bit of a reck, and i consoled myself with a friend from college i had met the october before. through this we ended up becoming amazing friends. (im male, shes female) now, at the start i didnt have any feelings for her past platonic ones. but i did love her to pieces.

i was kissing a few girls for about 2 months but nothing really took off. during this time, me and my friend were just getting closer and closer, her opening up to me, me opening up to her, about not only my past relation ship, but things were neither of us had told any one before. and it felt great. i never had a female friend whom i was this close too, feeling so comfertable with, and didnt fancy.

but then, things started to change, i started to get feelings for her. still we were getting closer and closer, and all was well. over the space of about late april to the end of june i and plenty of chances to kiss, obvious chances. chances to tell her i had feelings for her, where i was 90% sure she would say the same. the signals she was giving me were telling me she liked me too, but me having issues from years back, was too scared to make a move. then about that time i moved back home, so didnt get to see her much, and we were texting alot, but still, its not the same.

eventually, i get the nerve to tell her i have quite strong feelings for her, and tell her how i feel about it all, when they started and what not. the reply was, she had originally good, in that she said she did like me too, but thought that not only if i did like her, i would never tell her, or would i ever make a move if i didnt allready, so she moved on. however the week before, she had been down to visit with a few other friends for a party i was having and she said her feelings were coming back in the few hours she was around. i replied to the email, with a few questions in it, and got no reply. which i took as a sign that she thought it was best not to do anything about it. and then i tried to move on.

so it ended up we drifted a bit. then we were on a college holiday, and its not the same. i kinda get the impression that i annoy her, but at the same time, as soon as i see her again, all my feelings, not that they had gone far, came rushing back. but as i said, things are akward. like we were ex's after breaking up slightly badly, which i took was her not wanting to lead me on.
(note, were still texting alot, at least 3 hours a day)

this is where it starts to confuse me. when we get back to college its even worse, its like we had a fight, and wernt talking, but being nice for the sake of others. and we both say it to each other. she says she misses me, to me, and a mutual friend who told me. and tells me that she doesnt like not talking and what not. so now, were talking and its grand, during college. but texting, she just stops a few messages in, no real reason, just stops. i sent her a email a week ago, about how weve been distant and just trying to get over it, with no reply, and ive asked if she wanted to go for a walk a few weeks back, and when were there, she asks if it was ok to ring a few friends who lived in the area.

now i understand if she misses me and that and if its akward for her if she doesnt have feelings for me. but like, why not reply to the email, which was clearly just as a friend (i didnt bring up any thing relating to my feelings for her in it), and then continue in a txt or two this week to say she misses me.

oh also, one of the first weeks back, we knew each other a year, so we decied to go for a meal, after words we were ment to check out the cinema, but we got chatting too much in the resturant and missed it, so we went back to my apartment to watch a dvd insteand. things heated up and i had yet another chance to kiss her (i dont want to go into too much detail, but it wasnt your standerd, the moment is right kninda thing, it involved a more sexual alignment of bodies, so it was obvious) and yet, me being me i didnt take it.

now ive come to realise that if it happins again, im taking the moment, ive been eating myself up for not taking it, so thats not the question, my question is, how do i approach this. there is two things i want to say to her. one being, im getting mixed signals on a friend basis ie: the email, lack of a reply, and the texts and talks about us being distant,

but i also want to bring up the fact i still have feelings in a way thats not going to mess up us trying to not be distant.

(also, to make things complicated, shes really firlty with a friend of ours, which is giving me the mixed signals about the dvd night too)

im asking her to go for a walk out to a place we went to in howth last year next week to try help things.

sorry for the long post also

AthAnRi

Go for it

MagicMarker

Stop bloody texting and emailing for a start.

Call her, right now, tell her you like her past the point of friendship, ask her out on a DATE! Make it clear!

If she likes you more than a friend, she'll say yes, if not...well you know.

6th

This thread needs no more posts other than you coming back and telling us that you guys are giving it a try or that she said no.

Mr. Incognito

KISS HER YOU FOOL!!!

uprooted shane

wow, pretty quick and clear replies,

thanks every one! guess ill just bite the bullet so!

and sentanal, is that from a film or something? sounds familar!

LegacyUser

Sounds like the girl may be damaged goods to be honest, has been hurt in the past and is afraid she will get hurt in the future - you sound like a decent enough guy so i'd say go for it sounds like she likes you too but is afraid of something...

uprooted shane

Unreg4 wrote: »

Sounds like the girl may be damaged goods to be honest, has been hurt in the past and is afraid she will get hurt in the future - you sound like a decent enough guy so i'd say go for it sounds like she likes you too but is afraid of something...

actually, thats what i would have thought looking at it from the outside, but shes never been in a relationship longer then 7 months, (or so) and never been hurt. she told me this and i know she was telling the truth, its just that shes a shy person when it comes to these sorts of things. i think because of the fact that it was such a deep "friend zone" that things got so messed up in the first place!