Problems from Childhood

LegacyUser

I made a post a while back but i dont think i explained properly

When i was a teenager i had a lot of problems eg getting bullied, parents not getting on, i found it very hard to mix with and talk to people, no friends. Although it doesnt seem that bad now typing it out here it was very bad at the time. I became extremely depressed and suicidal. i had no one to talk to and couldnt muster up the courage to phone the samaritians. On several occaisions i would do or say things hoping someone would pick up things werent right but no one did. Now although my parents were always arguing my father in particular was very easy to chat to and would give good advice. but my mother wasnt and if you told her anything personal she would use it against you or over analyse it. Although i was stuck indoors all the time they didnt seem to think it bothered me and i was happy enough. I couldnt really seem to signal to them something was wrong and Instead of talking about the problems i had i just tried to bury them or push them away. I feel as if i had some sort of undiagnosed breakdown but just carried on. The only help i got was from reading self help books, problem pages etc

Now 20 years later i have developed a lot of problems. i am still living at home and feel as i have never had a proper relationship with my father and emotionally i am a teenager. Now that my parents are older i feel almost a grief there somewhere. I have also never been in a relationship and feel as if nobody really knows me.

tbh

try this exercise and reply back if you can. Think of someone that you really admire - doesn't have to be someone famous or anything, just someone that you really respect.

Then, have a think about what it is about that person that you really respect? Maybe it's their confidence? Or their ambition?

What you are doing at the moment is focussing on the type of person that you don't want to be. It's difficult when you are in that mode to focus on the practical changes you can make in your life to move yourself forward. If you can try to identify the characteristics you admire in others, it will give you specifics to aim at. If you admire someone's confidence, how can we get you to be more confident? If it's their, say, fitness or something, then how can we get you to be more like that? You can start to identify small steps that will help you on your road, and you'll find that once you start the process, it gathers momentum and the "bigger" steps you take in the future become more manageable.

So, start the process off by trying to figure out what kind of person you want to be, and why, and take it from there.

Beruthiel

OP
Seek out a professional, talk through your life with them.
Think about what you need in life, make a list if it helps, work towards it.
We can become comfortable in the way we live life, it takes effort and courage to go outside that, but when we do the rewards are boundless.
You will have to make a concerted effort to grow and become the person you want to be. The effort is worth it though, so chin up and start your new life today.
Is there something you've always wanted to do, a hobby you've wanted to take up? Start there.