Arguments never resolved

LegacyUser

If i ever fall out with someone i can never make up and i usually think that the other person is judging me, talking about me behind my back and is holding a grudge. Because of this i never resolve arguments and because i think they are holding a grudge i hold a grudge too inna sort of defensive way. I can never if i am in the wrong apologise or if the other person is in the wrong accept their apology. Usually i sulk. Also i take critizism bad and feel sometimes i am being laughed at or condemned sometimes. Sometime when i fall out with someone i dont even put viewpoint across or explain why i am annoyed


My Mother is a very critical person and for a long time she would chastise me for small faults. She would also hold grudges against other people for relatively small matters. Also sometimes i felt she would laugh at me for getting bullied or teased not by what she said but her looks or expressions. My father was the opposite if done something wrong he would get on to me then he would forget about it. He would also offer guidance. My mother on the other hand would either roar at me(occaisionally even hysterically) or she would say nothing and drop hints for a long time afterwards eg getting onto me indirectly. I could nenver really tell he my problems as she would be very judgemental or would make snide remarks
She would also compare my childhood to her own pointing out my lack of confidence(i am a fellow btw). She would be a very hard person to talk to as she would expect you to agree with her all the time. If you had a different opinion she would either shout you down or accuse you of being judgemental even if the critizism was very mild at not even allow you get your viewpoint acrtoss. Sometimes when she would go to far she would come feeling guilty but still not able to face your criticism

I have for a while felt that othere people arent like this. I have seen people phisically people fight and half an hour later they are best friends again. They can then even laugh and joke about it. I very rarely argue with anyone infact sometimes i dont even stand up for myself i when i have an argument i usually fall out with the other person and then keep my distance. I know 2 guys who are always fighting and are still best friends

However recently i have fallen out with people and havent resolved it where it be their fault or my own. There are parts of my behavior that i dont like but i am afraid to change because i feel as if i am 'giving in'. I usually very unnassertive but i feel i am at times becoming increasingly more critical of other people and i am also losing friends. Also i feel like event though i am a Fellow and in my 30s i am turning out just like her.
Actually even writing this is a help

Trinity

And do you think your mother was correct in this attitude?

I think you know the answer! I couldnt hold a grudge if my life depended on it. And people have done horrible things believe me.

Some people are just like you, but the only person you are hurting is yourself. It sounds like you would be better to get things off your chest, cos once they are out there they lose momento.

For example writing this helped, can you imagine what speaking your mind and letting it go would feel like?

DOnt end up bitter and lonely. Learn to assert yourself calmly. I prefer to do this in writing as i am a bit of a shouter when annoyed but once again once its out it loses steam.

I am sure people are not holding grudges they just get on with their lives but you will end up isolating yourself as people having little fallings out all the time!

Doesnt mean you have to let people walk on you. If someone does something really bad by all means walk away where possible, if they are not worth having in your life. Write down the arguements, what it was about. Take yoursefl out of the equation, when you are full of emotion its hard to see the wood from the trees and its only in time you realise you may have been in the wrong and by then you will be sorry. It is a hard word to say when you actually mean it and its not just lip service.