Financial issues causing marriage problems

LegacyUser

Myself and the wife are in our mid 30's. We had a baby a year ago. To say the last year has been hard financially for us is an understatement. My wife has a career that pays good money and right now she is working 2 days a week. I work fulltime myself but we can barely get by, our bills are always payed late. We have cut things down considerably. The solution would be for my wife to work another day or a day and a half. That would give us the extra money we need for bills. I talk to my wife about childcare and she is open to it but it has never really been looked at as a solution. My wife thinks its a waste of our money if we pay for childcare. Childcare is not that expensive where we live yet it. So right now her parents look after our child for 1 day during the week and i do saturdays. This has caused constent rows and to make it worse my wife suffered from depresson after the baby was born. She went on medication and she was fine for a while but now it appears to be back again. I am constently reassuring her and she is a great mom and wife. I help out as much as i can with the housework,making dinner, feedings, getting up at night but its never enough. My wife is always tried. Am i been unreasonable because we cannot afford to live on one income. The only way we could do that is if we moved to somewhere remote but that is never going to happen. I am tried of fighting over money.

crazzzzy

if ur wife is feeling depressed again she needs to get help. she might be finding it hard to cope with work & being a mother. have ye have any time alone without d baby?

obviously she doesnt feel able to work extra days at d moment but speak to her about this & find out whats goin on. ask parents to take d baby some sat & when your wife comes home have dinner for her & talk about the situation. make sure she knows u support her.

have u tried gettin some financial help? speak to your local welfare officer or citizens info....they mite b able help out in the short term.

LegacyUser

We dont spent alot of time together without the baby if that answers your question. The thing with my wife is that we do not have alot of support as she doesnt have alot of family, so when she is at home with the baby we dont have alot of people to depend on.

I think my wife finds it hard coping with work and been a mom, you are spot on there. The thing is if she goes back on any medication it causes other problems. The last time she was on medication for depression she had problems sleeping. So its a no win situation. Our child has been in and out of hospital over the last year but thankfully she is fine now.

The bank of ireland have been very understanding and i have been onto to their credit operations for the last few months. I do support my wife as best i can. I just things could be better. I am thankful for everything we have but it breaks my heart to see my wife like this. I see our child less than hour a day until the weekend due to work and putting the baby to sleep early. I wish it could be different but if i got a job closer to home i would earn considerably less and with the way the economy is right now if you have a job then your lucky.

crazzzzy

has she tried other meds r alternative treatments. i knw with d financial situation it may not seem like a solution but if she feels better then she will b able to do more. there really is no easy short term solution.

u seem like a great husband & she is lucky to have such support from u. the prob with depression is it may not seem that way to her & she may feel like she has too much to do. get some info on post natal depression & try get her to go to d doc. also u need support coz its v hard living with someone whos depressed. its frustrating coz u dont understand why they cant just get over it r do something about it. unfort its not that easy for them.

have ye any friends wid kids? how bout ur family?

another problem is if she is stayin home most days on her own with d baby, she is prob bored & no adult conversion. is there any mother/baby groups nearby?

She may feel like shes abandoning d baby by going back to work as alot of mothers do but it would prob b best for her....

could she work all half days r less than 8hr days? if she cld get outta d hse everyday even jst for a few hrs

Trinity

It must be a very stressful time for both of you.

The added pressure of having to leave your baby with strangers is a nightmare tbh and then pay for it to boot. Been suffereing with PND for a year myself, didnt take meds and getting there slowly but it has left its mark. In fact my relationship has suffered so much we are thinking of calling it a day and are currently on a break. (at out age i know but its better than killing each other!!)

There would be very few creches willing to take a child on for one day tbh, none i checked with anyway as i asked quite a few to do a split week and the answer was ok but you have to pay the full week!

Much as i love my baby it is a full time job, stressful and quite overwhelming, even to take a pee takes planning!

I'm sure you have been through these options before but just in case.

Did you ask your in laws to mind him an extra day?
Is there anyone you would trust to mind the baby in the home, it can be cheaper and more one to one time for baby.
If your wife worked an extra day or two would it then be viable for you to work closer to home?
Is there anyway she could work a day at home or something on the side that wont take to much time?

My bills were once direct debit and it was horrible having 300 gas and maybe 200 esb whipped out of your bank. Now what i do is pay a set amount each week. Say 20 euro. That way when the bill comes its substantially less or if i am lucky already paid. I do this religiously now and its a dream. I was never good with money so managing weekly is much better and even if the bills are slightly behind you NEVER hear from the companies as they see its being paid each week, just an option anyway.

Its important to take as much stress off your wife as possible (at the moment), I know it looks impossible and is probably a big strain on you but believe me she will get better quicker and back to herself without these added stresses.

You need to get out. I still havent gotten back into the swing of going out, in fact the thoughts of it fills me with dread and i put it off each week but its important for you both as individuals and as a couple to have a bit of entertainment and forget the worries for one night.

It saddens me to think in this day and age with the cost of things parents dont get to see their kids, couples dont get to see each other and still we do it all just to pay the bills. Its hardly worth it. New age hippies know what they are talking about