Friends - Really that tough?

LegacyUser

I've had this difficulty since day one in my life. I remember only having about three friends in my life. They were all good but I had them at a very young age. In secondary school I was a loner..but not forcefully. I was usually picked on and whenever I got on with someone I always ended up having them turn on me as soon as someone 'cool' started to mock me or insult me in some shape or form.

Of course school is school. I went to college and tried to meet people..but I just for some reason couldn't click. I couldn't find anyone who had the same interests as me..and that's a real downer. I don't drink..and that certainly doesn't help things anymore either as clubs/pubs just aren't any fun when watching everyone else have great craic when boozed up!

I managed being a loner..but it was really disheartening. I have a good job. I try to be as nice to people as I possibly can be. I just don't know why I can't get anyone who wants to do anything fun. It makes me sad as I tend to see everyone enjoy life..and sometimes I find my own life a complete pain as all I do is work, sleep and watch everyone else around me have great craic and get odd looks and insults from everyone else.

How does a person 'click'? I guess I'm nerdy in that I don't have an interest in sports or drink.

Anyone know of good activity clubs in Cork City, maybe?

Thanks for reading my ramble!

samhail

past the obvious alchos response of chill out and have a pint or ten !

the only way to mingle with new people is by getting a wider exposure to new people. im sure there are some clubs out there that you might enjoy, could try a new sport you might like it. how about Judo ?
or if not sport there are other "geeky" clubs chess, mensa, ice breakers. check out your local notice board or just throw cork clubs into google.

LegacyUser

RandomPoster wrote: »

I've had this difficulty since day one in my life. I remember only having about three friends in my life. They were all good but I had them at a very young age. In secondary school I was a loner..but not forcefully. I was usually picked on and whenever I got on with someone I always ended up having them turn on me as soon as someone 'cool' started to mock me or insult me in some shape or form.

Of course school is school. I went to college and tried to meet people..but I just for some reason couldn't click. I couldn't find anyone who had the same interests as me..and that's a real downer. I don't drink..and that certainly doesn't help things anymore either as clubs/pubs just aren't any fun when watching everyone else have great craic when boozed up!

I managed being a loner..but it was really disheartening. I have a good job. I try to be as nice to people as I possibly can be. I just don't know why I can't get anyone who wants to do anything fun. It makes me sad as I tend to see everyone enjoy life..and sometimes I find my own life a complete pain as all I do is work, sleep and watch everyone else around me have great craic and get odd looks and insults from everyone else.

How does a person 'click'? I guess I'm nerdy in that I don't have an interest in sports or drink.

Anyone know of good activity clubs in Cork City, maybe?

Thanks for reading my ramble!

RandomPoster wrote: »

I've had this difficulty since day one in my life. I remember only having about three friends in my life. They were all good but I had them at a very young age. In secondary school I was a loner..but not forcefully. I was usually picked on and whenever I got on with someone I always ended up having them turn on me as soon as someone 'cool' started to mock me or insult me in some shape or form.

Of course school is school. I went to college and tried to meet people..but I just for some reason couldn't click. I couldn't find anyone who had the same interests as me..and that's a real downer. I don't drink..and that certainly doesn't help things anymore either as clubs/pubs just aren't any fun when watching everyone else have great craic when boozed up!

I managed being a loner..but it was really disheartening. I have a good job. I try to be as nice to people as I possibly can be. I just don't know why I can't get anyone who wants to do anything fun. It makes me sad as I tend to see everyone enjoy life..and sometimes I find my own life a complete pain as all I do is work, sleep and watch everyone else around me have great craic and get odd looks and insults from everyone else.

How does a person 'click'? I guess I'm nerdy in that I don't have an interest in sports or drink.

Anyone know of good activity clubs in Cork City, maybe?

Thanks for reading my ramble!

Random I assure you, you are not alone as I was planning to post a near identical topic.


I suppose my situation is slightly different to yours in that up until my late teens I was actually quite sociable and had loads of friends but as I moved into adulthood and left school I suppose I just lost contact.

College was a real struggle and I found it a difficult experience. I kinda got lost in the crowd and after that never really made the effort. I started a postgrad last year and vowed to make a real effort.

The thing is I dont really like Pubs or clubs either. Its not my thing. I find this makes it very difficult as drinking seems to be the very hub of social activity for students (and possibly wider people in general). Even though I am a member of a few clubs I find that unless you drink it is difficult to really get to know people and make good friends.


But like you say I find it hard to click with people. I like all the usual things...films, sports, TV and I can have perfectly normal conversations with people about them but I just never really feel that connection, in short, I feel like Im talking about these things because its what people are supposed to do rather than because it really interests me. That makes me sound really anti-social but Im not like that at all.

I suppose it sounds harsh but Im starting to come to the conclusion that some people are just meant to be lonely. Its weird because I bet if you asked people I know nobody would know I felt like this. I could be surrounded by a group of 10 people but I still feel so lonely. Perhaps thats just the way its meant to be:(

deadpoet

In terms of 'clicking' with people, it depends on who you are, and who they are. That may seem obvious, but theres two ways of 'clicking'. You either approach the party as a mimic, ie the same sense of style, taste in music, political views and general ideology on life. Thats the easy way, but if this is the criteria they accept people into their social circle with...they're crap, and you're better off without them. The alternative is to be yourself, and act as though you're not really pushed on being part of their group, but still act friendly and generally approachable. The latter is a tried and tested method that I myself have employed for most of my life and the results far surpass those of the former.

RossFixxxed

Without being insultiong to you OP but do you come across as a cock? I say that because I've met people who are almost deliberately 'different' and have to 'not fit in' with everyone and often come across as condescending. I've had a friend go on about how everyone's taste in music is rubbish (he likes the same music as me mind) and how his taste is much better.. I mean come on! I like the music but people like what they like! Better is very pretentious in that context.

You can be yourself but also engage with other people's interests etc as well... I'm not a footie fan but some people's enthusiasm is catching!

Are you judgemental? Are you VERY biased? Argumentative? Aggressive?

What are your passions? I'm curious what you like and what you are like!

R

St Bill

OP, we are all born with the same ability to make friends and connect with people. Nobody has a headstart. You're looking at everyone else and wondering why they're having fun. Stop observing and get involved.
If someone doesn't have the same interests as you, it doesn't mean that they're not worth getting to know. It's condescending to think like that and the people around you can probably pick up on it. Many people at some stages in their lives are nervous about making friends and meeting new people, they don't want to mess up, but they go ahead and do it because the alternative is to sit on the outside looking in.