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  • 05-11-2008 9:21pm
    #1
    ellieh1
    Registered Users Posts: 638 ✭✭✭


    Hi All,
    I would be very grateful if you could please offer some advice. My boyfriend had just been told by his son that he is gay. It was done through text message, and unfortunately it took my boyfriend 2 days to reply (only after I found out about the text and got him to reply to his son). My boyfriend has taken this news quite badly, blaming himself etc, and I would be very grateful if anyone could point me in the right direction of information on how to help my boyfriend deal with this. His son needs his support but unfortunately until my boyfriend starts to gain some information I am frightened, he will be unable to support his son, and his son needs him big time!! Websites, books, anything would be a great help.
    Thanks in advance,
    Tagged:


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    #2
    alexjk
    Registered Users Posts: 226 ✭✭alexjk


    Here's a link to contacting the gay switchboard, they can offer advice and counseling to family members http://www.activelink.ie/irish/organisation.php?id=117

    Though the most important thing to remember is that there's no "causing" it, it's just the way it is and his son is still the same person. How old is the son anyway?


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    #3
    ellieh1
    Registered Users Posts: 638 ✭✭✭ellieh1


    His son will be 22 in March.......hopefully they both will meet over this weekend and have a chat


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    #4
    Reflector
    Registered Users Posts: 380 ✭✭Reflector


    hi,
    Well the gay switchboard is a start. www.gaire.com is a good source of info, it's another chat board and they give out good advice. Your boyfriend blames himself but for what???. I think the fact that at 22 he felt ok to tell his dad that he is gay is a great start. Does your boyfriend think that he has a bad relationship with his son. If so then this is the time to repair that. This guy has opened himself up to his father in the hopes that they can have a proper honest relationship which could never happen if he hadn't been up front. I would suggest that he is prepared to meet him, his son is looking for acceptance and it's a very crucial time.


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    #5
    DubArk
    Registered Users Posts: 831 ✭✭✭DubArk


    Texting each other seems to me to be the least favourable way for a Father and Son to be communicating to start with. Do they not speak to one another?

    As the father, he really needs to step up to the plate and be there for his son. Blaming himself for something that’s completely out of his or his sons control is just wasting precious time.

    Its 2008 fast approaching 2009 and this should not be a problem for either Father or Son. Does his mother know and is he getting the support he needs form her?
    :)


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    #6
    ellieh1
    Registered Users Posts: 638 ✭✭✭ellieh1


    They both have a good relationship, I think the son found it easier to tell his dad by text, I honestly dont know. The son has only moved out of home in the last three weeks.

    Anyway,I am going to stay with my boyfriend this weekend and plan to have a chat with him, as to how important it is for him to be there for his son. I think he will be incredibly supportive towards his son, if shown they way.

    I am not sure if the mother knows, and so have told him to ask his son, if he has told his mom yet. I dont think it is my boyfriends right to be the one to tell the mom, its his sons decision. I just want to be sure that his son is getting every ounce of support from his dad, they have a good relationship, and its so important that they continue this, and I think my boyfriend needs to be more obvious in his support, like ringing more often, or asking him over for dinner, or whatever.

    I understand how important the support is to his son, all I need now is to encourage my boyfriend to to be extra supportive.....

    Thanks for all your responses, I am very grateful, every bit helps. hugs to you all!!!


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    #7
    DubArk
    Registered Users Posts: 831 ✭✭✭DubArk


    ellieh1 wrote: »
    They both have a good relationship, I think the son found it easier to tell his dad by text, I honestly dont know. The son has only moved out of home in the last three weeks.

    Anyway,I am going to stay with my boyfriend this weekend and plan to have a chat with him, as to how important it is for him to be there for his son. I think he will be incredibly supportive towards his son, if shown they way.

    I am not sure if the mother knows, and so have told him to ask his son, if he has told his mom yet. I dont think it is my boyfriends right to be the one to tell the mom, its his sons decision. I just want to be sure that his son is getting every ounce of support from his dad, they have a good relationship, and its so important that they continue this, and I think my boyfriend needs to be more obvious in his support, like ringing more often, or asking him over for dinner, or whatever.

    I understand how important the support is to his son, all I need now is to encourage my boyfriend to to be extra supportive.....

    Thanks for all your responses, I am very grateful, every bit helps. hugs to you all!!!

    Your Boyfriend and his Son are very lucky that you're there for them both!
    Hugs and kisses right back at you!! ;)


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