I can't get a guy :(

LegacyUser

Ok, so this might sound kind of silly but I can't get a guy. I mean like, I'm 20 years old and I've never had a boyfriend, never even been kissed. I don't know what it is; I know I'm not ugly or anything because I do notice guys checking me out and smiling at me but, it only ever goes that far and they never approach me. I don't know if it's the way i'm comming off or what. The only guys that ever approach me are guys that i'm not attracted to at all. I know thats really shallow but i can't help not being attracted to someone. I'm also kind of shy and a bit reserved and i've been told that sometimes it can come off as standoffish or snobby and i am not like that at all. honestly, i'm really friendly and i'll talk to anyone who wants to talk to me. Any advise guys?

BobbyOLeary

I do notice guys checking me out and smiling at me but, it only ever goes that far and they never approach me

Ever think of approaching them? Not to ask an obvious question but why not? Go over and just say hello, I know, its harder than it sounds but from my experience, any girl thats come over to talk to me I've been delighted with and we've had a great chat.

Your post reminds me of a girl I knew years back, she came off as snobby or bitchy when anyone would talk to her first but if you actually got talking to her it was great. I suppose the only advice I can give about conversations is to be interested in what the person says, actually talk yourself, don't just let them ramble on at you. Most guys I know are a bit put off by a girl who just stands there and nods her head, they tend to prefer a girl they can actually talk to. Shock horror.

Firetrap

I assume from the way that you're talking that you're meeting guys in bars/nightclubs. They're not the easiest places to meet the opposite sex IMHO but not impossible. How about trying to chat to a couple of these guys. I've found that having a more extroverted friend with you can be brilliant for getting conversations started with people. To be fair, most people when they're out socialising will happily chat to you.

Maybe too you could take up a new hobby that entails meeting people or join a club. Somewhere where you can meet people and, that oldest of clichés, be yourself.

More than anything else, stop putting pressure on yourself to get a boyfriend. Guys will detect the desperation a hundred metres away and you will scare them away. When you go out on a Saturday night or whatever, don't set out thinking "I've got to meet someone tonight". Set out to enjoy yourself with your friends and if you meet someone, so be it. You're only 20 - you've got your whole life in front of you.

Censorsh!t

I know exactly how you feel. I am uncontrollably shy and just can't seem to be able to talk around some people. I'm always terrified that people think im a bitch because i dont talk much. I always tell myself "just go out and be yourself, it doesnt matter what anyone thinks", but that never works. I also understand the whole people who like you, but you not attracted to them, that always happens me.
If you get to know new people when you're with friends and people you are comfortable with, it's alot easier, so you can at least kind of be yourself anyway.
I found in the end, i just had to wait for the right someone who was willing to put in the effort and accept my shyness to come along. It did help an awful lot that i was with my friends when i first got to know him, because i doubt i would have uttered a word otherwise.

towel401

Censorsh!t wrote: »

I know exactly how you feel. I am uncontrollably shy and just can't seem to be able to talk around some people. I'm always terrified that people think im a bitch because i dont talk much. I always tell myself "just go out and be yourself, it doesnt matter what anyone thinks", but that never works. I also understand the whole people who like you, but you not attracted to them, that always happens me.
If you get to know new people when you're with friends and people you are comfortable with, it's alot easier, so you can at least kind of be yourself anyway.
I found in the end, i just had to wait for the right someone who was willing to put in the effort and accept my shyness to come along. It did help an awful lot that i was with my friends when i first got to know him, because i doubt i would have uttered a word otherwise.

i think i know someone like that. really quiet never talks to anyone, shes a couple of years older than yourself. ya know im starting to think she's asexual.

but guys are the chasers and girls are the choosers so if you're not **** ugly you could probably have anyone you want...

Wibbs

towel401 wrote: »

but guys are the chasers and girls are the choosers so if you're not **** ugly you could probably have anyone you want...

Generally, but not always. Of the most objectively actually beautiful women I have ever known, 2 of them got very very few approaches. Very few. You'll notice I use "very" a lot. And the ones they got.....:rolleyes:

OP you need to open yourself up more. Start in you and the world will see the results and see you too. Ok ok that sounds too hippylike. Get out there. Have more confidence in yourself. Fake it if you have to. Realise that you are a seller in a sellers market so that's one advantage over the guys. Enjoy it. Both the good times and the not so good.

entropi

I know how you feel too OP and i'm a guy in his 20's...well i used to feel that way a few years back until i made the effort to "put myself out there" by not being the really shy guy, talking to people if possible or finding a common interest, i once talked to a complete stranger for almost 2 hours because we had one thing in common haha!! Now it did creep back up on me but i've overcome it again and am quite happy to talk with someone, or even get their attention. I myself ain't a bad looking guy but i'm happy with who i am and that stuff sells (hinting at what Wibbs was talking about with a buyers/sellers market).

Being shy and reserved doesnt really go down well with the laws of attraction unless you are specifically looking for those traits in a potential mate, most of my life i was that person you are, never been kissed etc and didnt see the fault in it. Mostly i figured out that i'm gonna stay that way if i dont break out of my shell at some stage, but it did happen and came naturally and no pressure to do so for the sake of society or peer pressure. You will realise when this happens too, but you must be willing to push your boundaries out a little and be open to new ideas/forms of interaction. As it turns out with me not being a drinker i had to work extra hard to do this in a club/pub scene but lo and behold i happen to be a decent dancer and have gotten compliments from many women so i've found my good social skill in a way, talking wouldnt be my strong point but i could listen for days but MAYBE you have a certain skill that could go down well in attracting a bloke too, only you know this but again, you have to try crack open that shell so the world can see the true, beautiful and attractive you that seems to be hidden for now.

What i'm trying to get at is really try to show more of your good side to people and the positive energy coming from you will be picked up on (trust me it may sound like bull but it works) and as others have said here, "be yourself":) as that is what will attract. Desperation is certainly noticable, just play it cool but not too cool, or it may backfire :(But guys DO like women chasing them too, it comes as a surprise and yes most guys here on Boards including myself would welcome that.

If this seemed a little long i apologise but you gotta keep reminding yourself "I AM WORTH IT and I AM HAPPY"

Defenestrate

Unregistered wrote: »

Ok, so this might sound kind of silly but I can't get a guy. I mean like, I'm 20 years old and I've never had a boyfriend, never even been kissed. I don't know what it is; I know I'm not ugly or anything because I do notice guys checking me out and smiling at me but, it only ever goes that far and they never approach me. I don't know if it's the way i'm comming off or what. The only guys that ever approach me are guys that i'm not attracted to at all. I know thats really shallow but i can't help not being attracted to someone. I'm also kind of shy and a bit reserved and i've been told that sometimes it can come off as standoffish or snobby and i am not like that at all. honestly, i'm really friendly and i'll talk to anyone who wants to talk to me. Any advise guys?

Heeey how you doin'?

Hehe but being serious, I wouldn't worry about it too much. The pressure is on the guys to be great kissers, dancers and charmers but with girls it's actually quite endearing when they're quite shy and naive. Cute really.

It is very intimidating for a guy to approach a girl he doesn't know though when she doesn't look approachable. It's easiest to approach cheery, smiley bubbly girls and hardest to approach the quieter ones, especially when they hang round in packs!

Oh, and don't worry about the never being kissed thing, it's really not that hard, you'll pick it up easily when it happens.

galwayguy22

Unregistered wrote: »

...I know I'm not ugly or anything because I do notice guys checking me out and smiling at me...

Pics or GTFO

towel401 wrote: »

but guys are the chasers and girls are the choosers so if you're not **** ugly you could probably have anyone you want...

Exactly, approach them and don't wait to be approached yourself. Females need not fear rejection at all, because with the majority of men, if you approach them they will not reject you, and even if they don't fancy you they'll still have a chat.

I find that girls are the opposite, and will gladly rip your dignity to pieces for all to see with flat out rejection.

LegacyUser

Hey guys, it's the OP here. I get what everyone is saying and i know that i need to put myself out there more it's just that i'm not the kind of person that likes to attract attention to themselves. I actually find those type of people, that have to be the center of attention, really irritating. I have a few friends like that and i just can't be around them for to long because they're really overwhelming. Honestly, i think i've come a log way from a few years ago, when i couldn't even respond to a simple question because i had this intense social anxiety.I would get really nervous and my mind would go blank and the only thing i could do was smile and then quickly get out of the situation. thanks for the advise guys

Brady

Hey..

PM me, ill hook you up with my mate who cant find a girl! perfect?

towel401

kkposse wrote: »

wanna go on a date? pm me?

lol

LegacyUser

OP, are you in College? and if yes, what college?

I've attended two colleges, one a small IT and another a big univeristy (this is my first year in the uni) and to be honest, I've found it alot harder here in the uni to find friends and fit in...

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I am newly single after being in a relationship for the past 4 years and I have noticed it is hard to meet guys I think guys are very good at reading us girls and if we seem keen or not confident they wont come near us.. just a guess with the experience I have been having, trying going out holding your head up high with a big smile on ur face works a treat

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Ok, so this might sound kind of silly but I can't get a guy. I mean like, I'm 20 years old and I've never had a boyfriend, never even been kissed. I don't know what it is; I know I'm not ugly or anything because I do notice guys checking me out and smiling at me but, it only ever goes that far and they never approach me. I don't know if it's the way i'm comming off or what. The only guys that ever approach me are guys that i'm not attracted to at all. I know thats really shallow but i can't help not being attracted to someone. I'm also kind of shy and a bit reserved and i've been told that sometimes it can come off as standoffish or snobby and i am not like that at all. honestly, i'm really friendly and i'll talk to anyone who wants to talk to me. Any advise guys?

Well im an 18 year old male in a similar situation. Spent my whole life in a boys school with only male friends and am finding it tricky to adjust to life in college. Ive been really pushing my boundaries and have become a better talker and listener but still have a long way to go.
I wouldnt say im too shy but I think my social skills arnt up to scratch (cant really tell tbh)

My big problem is I still talk to barely any girls. Ive went out and joined as many societies as I can but most of them are full of men. My course is huge and so I know nobody in it. Been trying to go out clubbing more often but my mates arnt really the club going types and Im finding it a terrible way to meet new girls. Its far too loud to get a decent conversation going and costs a fortune.

So im all out of ideas of what to do now?

Sorry for hijacking the topic.

kingofthecastle

but guys are the chasers and girls are the choosers so if you're not **** ugly you could probably have anyone you want...[/quote]

obviously equality hasn't hit the dating game yet, men still have to do all the work. apparently equality is only something women want when its to their advantage.

If you want something you have to actively seek it out. he/she who dares, wins!

ASIL1983

Ive neen in a relationship now for 5 years but before that i had the same problem, id see guys looking but never approaching. I was coming across as snobby when really im not. My problem was that i naturally kind of frown even when im not trying to and this put men off-people were always telling me to smile and cheer up even though there was nothing wrong with me. So my advise is to smile like a cheshire cat when you're out and keep eye contact when a guy looks at you and see how it goes:D

von Neumann

ASIL1983 wrote: »

Ive neen in a relationship now for 5 years but before that i had the same problem, id see guys looking but never approaching. I was coming across as snobby when really im not. My problem was that i naturally kind of frown even when im not trying to and this put men off-people were always telling me to smile and cheer up even though there was nothing wrong with me. So my advise is to smile like a cheshire cat when you're out and keep eye contact when a guy looks at you and see how it goes:D

Great advice above,

OP, you said you get approached by guy you don't fancy. out of a hundred guy you see in the average week, how many would you fancy?
What do you look for in a guy?

I've always found that my gf's grow on me.
I may not be swimming in my own drool when I first see them,
but give me six month and they're the most gorgeous girl in the world.:)

Don't worry your only 20, so there's loads and loads and loads and loads of time.

MisterMonkey

maybe your a bit smelly

Overature

go to a party and get wasted and chat up some nice guy and there you go.
good luck

Silverfish

Brady, kkposse, MisterMonkey, this is Personal Issues, not AH.

Read the charter.

LegacyUser

i've been single my whole 26 years of life, and i don't give a ****
i got messed up with alcohol, now its my worst enemy and best friend..i have nothing else.
who gives a ****? the amount of misery in the world..i consider myself lucky.

MisterMonkey

Silverfish wrote: »

Brady, kkposse, MisterMonkey, this is Personal Issues, not AH.

Read the charter.

i wasnt being fasecious, i think she could really be a little smelly

Wibbs

MisterMonkey infracted. read the charter before posting again. The very next unhelpful post and you are banned.

Eric Cartman

I know a girl in a roughly similar situation to you, one of her problems is , when shes in a group out with people if any guy comes over and starts dancing near her shell come over really close to me or one of the other lads and start dancing with them or hugging them , the potential guy leaves and she goes back,

another thing is constantly changing her status on social networking sites (bebo/facebook etc..) to seeing someone or its complicated (despite her actually remaining single the whole time) potentially keeping away other guys,

does any of this sound familiar, i dont reckon its anything to do with how you look or even being shy, is there anything you could be doing that would potentially make guys think your taken or anything ?

towel401

Eric Cartman wrote: »

another thing is constantly changing her status on social networking sites (bebo/facebook etc..) to seeing someone or its complicated (despite her actually remaining single the whole time) potentially keeping away other guys,

why would someone actually do that? and i thought it was very much frowned upon to start hitting on girls on social networking sites. especially facebook

LegacyUser

Force yourself to go out on your on to a big bar of nightclub and talk to as many peopl as possible without drinking. If you do that twice a week for a couple months your confidence should rocket up.

When someone first tries to put in contact lense the eyelid shuts as a reflex action as a protection mechanism, but when you do it enough your eyelid doesn't close because your brain has enough refernce experiences to know their is no danger.

It's similar when talking to strangers in a nightclub, if you do it enough and wake up the next day your brain will realize from the reference experiences that there isn't much danger to your life so your brain allows you to feel confident.

The key to this is talking to lots and lots of people.