talkeing about f*ck buddys

LegacyUser

Lurker reeder going unireg fro this one.
i am in a f*ck buddie state with a guy. i realy like him but think that he seees me jsut as a f*ck buddie. we have daily contact and whne hes in the mood he comes over ot my place adn well, you know the rest. i wold like us to be more but i dont think he wnats to and i know your going to say ask him but im scarred that if i ask him hell break contact with me. Do you think i shuold just carry on and see if he feels more for me in time or what will i do? I dont want to face him with it cause i realy like him. We are 30 & 31 and both singel but both had big realationships befroe now. Do yuo have f*ck buddys and if you do is it jsut sex or is there a realationship other than the sex? i havnet seen him in 2 weeks and will see him tonite and am lookeing forward to it so much but wnat to know if im lookeing for to much.

Beetlebum

confuseud wrote: »

Lurker reeder going unireg fro this one.
i am in a f*ck buddie state with a guy. i realy like him but think that he seees me jsut as a f*ck buddie. we have daily contact and whne hes in the mood he comes over ot my place adn well, you know the rest. i wold like us to be more but i dont think he wnats to and i know your going to say ask him but im scarred that if i ask him hell break contact with me. Do you think i shuold just carry on and see if he feels more for me in time or what will i do? I dont want to face him with it cause i realy like him. We are 30 & 31 and both singel but both had big realationships befroe now. Do yuo have f*ck buddys and if you do is it jsut sex or is there a realationship other than the sex? i havnet seen him in 2 weeks and will see him tonite and am lookeing forward to it so much but wnat to know if im lookeing for to much.

You need to face your fear and talk to him. Nobody here has the answer you are looking for. I know it's scary but it's always better to know where you stand then you can decide if you can handle the situation. If you can't then maybe call it a day.

Off topic and I'm not trying to insult you but your spelling is atrocious for a 30 year old woman!!

Annie Bananie

**** buddys = just sex
**** buddys can only work well if neither are in love with the other one, or someone will just end up hurt.

If you have more feelings then just friends with this guy, then stop **** him and start to date him (= sorry, but you have to ask him). If he does not feel the same, then yeah it will hurt, but leave him and get over him and find someone that loves you instead.

Well worth it in the end. GL

Gazza22

Well it seems that although you enjoy this guys company from time to time, you're not entirely happy with the relationship you both have at the moment.

So as suggested already, you need to talk to him if you feel you want more. Then you will know where you stand, he may want things to progress too.

You don't need to declare all your feelings for him, maybe just approach the subject gently when you feel the time is right by suggesting dinner/cinema/a few drinks out - his reaction will instantly answer your questions...if he wants a more serious relationship, he will gladly move outside the bedroom! If he doesn't seem too keen well then you can either call it a day or stay as you are!

TripleAce

confuseud wrote: »

Lurker reeder going unireg fro this one.
i am in a f*ck buddie state with a guy. i realy like him but think that he seees me jsut as a f*ck buddie. we have daily contact and whne hes in the mood he comes over ot my place adn well, you know the rest. i wold like us to be more but i dont think he wnats to and i know your going to say ask him but im scarred that if i ask him hell break contact with me. Do you think i shuold just carry on and see if he feels more for me in time or what will i do? I dont want to face him with it cause i realy like him. We are 30 & 31 and both singel but both had big realationships befroe now. Do yuo have f*ck buddys and if you do is it jsut sex or is there a realationship other than the sex? i havnet seen him in 2 weeks and will see him tonite and am lookeing forward to it so much but wnat to know if im lookeing for to much.

u no got a dictrionarykt 'caus cnat undrestttand?

Liam Byrne

Daily contact = more than FB in my book.

Wibbs

TripleAce if you have a problem with a post report it or PM a mod. Do NOT comment on thread. It may be that the poster has dyslexia. Please read the charter of this forum.

LegacyUser

Beetlebum wrote: »

You need to face your fear and talk to him. Nobody here has the answer you are looking for. I know it's scary but it's always better to know where you stand then you can decide if you can handle the situation. If you can't then maybe call it a day.

Off topic and I'm not trying to insult you but your spelling is atrocious for a 30 year old woman!!

i am realy sorrey. i am partialy sighted so i can spell ok verbaly but typeing corectly without a spell checkar takes so long. Thanks to all for the advcie though i will read them proparly now.

dotsman

To be honest, you're breaking the first rule of being **** buddies (incidentally, the second rule is that you are just friends and it is just sex, but the first rule is still more important!). And that's honesty. You need to tell him how you feel. Otherwise you'll just grow more and more obsessed with it, bringing it down to either a happy ending or a disastrous ending.

Don't come straight out with it and scare the **** out of him. The next time you are with him, probe him for his feelings (in guy-subtle ie NOT girl-subtle:D). Mention that you are not interested in other people and ask him if he feels the same way. Or ask him what would he think if the two of you were to start doing more things besides sex (but, "not to worry, we'll still be having the incredible sex!")

Question, what is your friendship like besides the sex? Have you been buddies for long before the sex? Do you have a normal friendship besides sex?

I suppose one thing you have to ask yourself is why do you like him romantically? Is it genuine romance, or is it that you just have grown attached to him due to the sex?

Never had a romantic relationship grow from **** buddy status (but am still very good friends with all concerned!). I have had friends who have moved onto the next level after being ****-buddies, so it is possible.

Aidric

Enjoy it for what it is, no strings smashing. Forming a relationship will only complicate things. If he wants to make the move to a relationship then I'm sure he'll intimate so.

Firetrap

OP, how about asking your F-Buddy out on a date. Something like going bowling or to a film if your eyes are up to it. That kind of thing. Don't dress it up as a date as such, more of a fun thing to do together.

If you think he only wants you for the sex, you need to stop seeing him. These things have to end sometime and it's better that you do the dumping than to be dumped.

JohnGalt

confuseud wrote: »

Lurker reeder going unireg fro this one.
i am in a f*ck buddie state with a guy. i realy like him but think that he seees me jsut as a f*ck buddie. we have daily contact and whne hes in the mood he comes over ot my place adn well, you know the rest. i wold like us to be more but i dont think he wnats to and i know your going to say ask him but im scarred that if i ask him hell break contact with me. Do you think i shuold just carry on and see if he feels more for me in time or what will i do? I dont want to face him with it cause i realy like him. We are 30 & 31 and both singel but both had big realationships befroe now. Do yuo have f*ck buddys and if you do is it jsut sex or is there a realationship other than the sex? i havnet seen him in 2 weeks and will see him tonite and am lookeing forward to it so much but wnat to know if im lookeing for to much.

Eh...what?

Wibbs

JohnGalt read the charter of this forum and just as a thought, maybe, just maybe read the entire thread before typing your insight and hitting post. First and only warning as you're new around here.

Liam Byrne

Aidric wrote: »

Enjoy it for what it is, no strings smashing. Forming a relationship will only complicate things. If he wants to make the move to a relationship then I'm sure he'll intimate so.

Male/female stereotypes again ? Why should he have to either (a) stick his neck out (since he doesn't know how she feels, he would be) or (b) be the one calling the shots ?

It's the 21st century, folks. And OP, if you're not happy then either (a) suggest a change or (b) move on or (c) both, if the answer to "a" isn't the one you want....

It can be great having a f/b (actually wouldn't mind one here tonight) or even a b/f / g/f, but if it keeps you guessing or makes you feel sad or unwanted then it's doing more harm than good....

The Corinthian

confuseud wrote: »

Lurker reeder going unireg fro this one.
i am in a f*ck buddie state with a guy. i realy like him but think that he seees me jsut as a f*ck buddie. we have daily contact and whne hes in the mood he comes over ot my place adn well, you know the rest. i wold like us to be more but i dont think he wnats to and i know your going to say ask him but im scarred that if i ask him hell break contact with me. Do you think i shuold just carry on and see if he feels more for me in time or what will i do? I dont want to face him with it cause i realy like him. We are 30 & 31 and both singel but both had big realationships befroe now. Do yuo have f*ck buddys and if you do is it jsut sex or is there a realationship other than the sex? i havnet seen him in 2 weeks and will see him tonite and am lookeing forward to it so much but wnat to know if im lookeing for to much.

Some fsckbuddy arrangements develop into relationships. Most don't.

You need to speak with him on this and see if he wants to form some form of relationship, even a tentative one. Don't phrase it as an ultimatum, whatever you do.

If not you need to ask yourself if you're happy with how things are and if not make a clean break - but having the courtesy to let him know why first.

Don't procrastinate.

Beetlebum

confuseud wrote: »

i am realy sorrey. i am partialy sighted so i can spell ok verbaly but typeing corectly without a spell checkar takes so long. Thanks to all for the advcie though i will read them proparly now.

I'm really sorry, I should have kept my trap shut!!
I really hope things work out the way you want them too.
Take care.

MIN2511

Op, this whole **** buddy thing is bloody hard!!!

I reckon we all have been there at some stages in our life’s, some successful and others not

Ask him. Only thing you should know is that if he says there's nothing more than what it is now, CAN YOU ACCEPT THAT?

Tell him and tell him soon. He won't know if you want more unless you tell him. If he doesn't want the same then you need to end the FB situation because your not satisfied with it. It'll hurt but it'll hurt more if you drag it out.

I had an FB situation where I was happy out but she wanted more. I didn't realise this til it was too late and I ended doing the thing I wanted to avoid the most and thats hurting her.

The big thing with FB's is you have to be honest and always lay your cards on the table, otherwise your negating the spirit in which the arrangement was entered.

I have given up FB's. They can be as much hassle as a relationship.

MIN2511

jayhaitch2 wrote: »

The big thing with FB's is you have to be honest and always lay your cards on the table, otherwise your negating the spirit in which the arrangement was entered.

I have given up FB's. They can be as much hassle as a relationship.

Good point there
That’s the thing about FB is you start with no emotion, casual sex doesn't hurt. Then after 3-4 months of constant sex one person gets emotional and wants more....
Most people can't have sex without emotions, it's fine with one night stands but when you constantly shag a person for over 3-4 months you would be inhuman if you didn't feel more.
It's always disappointing to know that you aren’t worth more than sex but it's reality.
I believe nearly everyone here have been on both ends of the stick, it can be unpleasant.
Ask him, but be prepared if his answer is no to a relationship. Would you end the FB relationship because of this

Beetlebum

MIN2511 wrote: »

Good point there
That’s the thing about FB is you start with no emotion, casual sex doesn't hurt. Then after 3-4 months of constant sex one person gets emotional and wants more....
Most people can't have sex without emotions, it's fine with one night stands but when you constantly shag a person for over 3-4 months you would be inhuman if you didn't feel more.
It's always disappointing to know that you aren’t worth more than sex but it's reality.
I believe nearly everyone here have been on both ends of the stick, it can be unpleasant.
Ask him, but be prepared if his answer is no to a relationship. Would you end the FB relationship because of this

If after a few months it would be inhuman not to develop feelings, does that mean you think both people usually do? Just curious..

biko

OP you're gonna end up hurt.
I suggest you ask him out for cinema, dinner etcetera and see how that pans out.
If he refuses then you should cut contact "in my opinion" before you're in too deep. Get a bf that will like you for you and not just as a **** buddy (easier said than done I know)

MIN2511

Beetlebum wrote: »

If after a few months it would be inhuman not to develop feelings, does that mean you think both people usually do? Just curious..

We are humans... no two of us are alike, for some they may not develop feelings...

I have in certain situations and i haven't in others...