Can't understand it, can't get over it

LegacyUser

I'm 20 and in my final year of college. I've been single for over a year. I've gotten to know a guy better over the last few months, with whom I have many mutual friends. He is also in his final year, he's 22 and he's also been single about a year. I gradually became attracted to him as much for his personality as for anything else.

At first I didn't want to act on it because of our mutual friends and because he is close friends with a guy I was meeting unofficially last year for a few months on and off, and I felt that he considered me to be this other guys ex and thus off limits. But we kept crossing paths and he was so lovely and eventually on a night out about a month ago we kissed and swopped numbers. I'm pretty sure I made the first move but he since told me that he wanted to kiss me for a long time but just never thought he'd have a chance.

So we started to text, casually, chatted in college and kissed every night we met out, usually 3 nights a week. He even came back and stayed the night a few times, just kissing and talking and joking. I really began to like him. We didn't really define what we were at and didn't talk about it to anyone else but still everyone in both our social circles just noticed that we were meeting and basically quickly it seemed to be the case that we were considered "meeting" as in off limits for others. However, we never said that to each other.

I'm on good terms with my ex. He however is not. I still don't know what she did to him, he would never say, but definitely must have at the very least cheated. She broke his heart. He's a clean living guy but he said he went heavy into drinking after the breakup. She's still around college and on one occasion he refused to kiss me because she was nearby. He says, and I quote "She's a slut, she's the devil, etc." and I'm assured from mutual friends that this is not a situation where deep down he wants to get back with this girl. Its more that he's really bitter and angry at her still.

He was lovely to me but when I eventually asked if maybe we could say for sure to each other that we weren't kissing others, he said he didn't want anything serious. I said fair enough, I just wanted to know he wasn't sleeping in my bed one night and scoring someone else the next. He said that was hardly going to ever happen.

That was Wednesday morning. Thursday night, out as usual, I saw him and he was kissing some blonde girl. I nearly died. No warning. I know he was free to technically do it but it hurt like hell. That was an awful weekend. He texted to apologise for being an ass. I told him he was free to do it but that he should have set me straight first instead of just letting me see that unexpectedly. Then the next night we met out he apologised, said if I had done that to him he'd have gone mad, and agreed after a lot of talk that we shouldn't see other people but that I would give him space to stay with his friends on a night out and not be possessive. Fine with me, possessive isn't in my nature.

Thursday was Hallowe'en. He was out, told me how great I looked, we kissed then went with our respective friends for the night, met again during the night, kissed and talked, then went dancing with friends again. At the end of the night I went to look for him and found him in the nearly empty club kissing some girl. Again. In front of me. I couldn't believe my eyes. When he came over I confronted him and he blatently denied it to the point where I doubted my own eyes. He came back to mine, we talked for ages, he still denied it, he said he really liked me but hated relationships because he can't trust women. I asked him not to hurt me and that I would never hurt him. Then next night I find out from a mutual friend that he did in fact kiss that girl. He apologised, told me he was drunk and didn't remember and that I deserved better, and he'd see me around.

But I'm not over it. I'm dying here. I'm mad about him. What can I do? Would I be wrong to give him another chance if he tries it on again the next night I meet him? I'm not interested in any other guy and to see him with girls would kill me. Help me either to get over him or reason with him. Please.

MIN2511

You are not even in a proper relationship and you are worrying?????

Would a relationship make you more secure? NO! Forget him, he's quite confused on what he wants. Besides he sounds very possesive. I wouldn't want to date a guy who calls his ex a "slut" and "devil" no matter what she did to him.... Imagine if things didn't work out between ye...

Girl, try to move on!

impr0v

It sounds like he's been hurt by the previous girlfriend alright, but you shouldn't have to pay for her sins. It's also hypocritical of him to state he doesn't trust women, yet to be dishonest, deceitful and blatantly untrustworthy in his dealings with you.

If you've caught him in the act twice what's been happening when you haven't been around?

If you want to stay with this guy you're going to have to get used to this happening, no matter what he says when you're on your own. If you're cool with that then everyone's happy. However it sounds like you're not and unfortunately it doesn't sound like he's willing or perhaps able to commit to a monogamous relationship.

It would seem like your options are limited..

SarahSassy

He is not an honest guy... He did in fairness to him say that he didnt want a relationship but then you both agreed not to see others - this is where he has gone wrong because not much after that he was snogging the face off someone else....

He is not ready for a monogamous relationship. If you are then you wont get that from him. You will have to let him go and stop letting him use you... You deserve better.