Friends with Benefits..

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

I am currently in a sticky situation and am looking for some advise and opinions (obvioulsy, hence posting here!).

I have sleeping with a friend of mine for the past few months on a regular basis, maybe every second weekend. We meet up, have a few drinks and a laugh then go back to mine and have great sex. We both entered into knowing that it would be a casual, no strings attached arrangement. We have both been burned quire recently and neither of us want anything serious.

He is free to be with other people and so am I. We don't really ask each other about it. He'll call me most weekends or I'll call him but if neither of us do, it's cool.

Last weekend we were in the pub and he kept touching my leg and looking into my eyes. We were outside smoking and he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. He was acting very boyfriendy but I kept pulling away so he'd get the message that I'm not interested in things getting any more serious.

It's weird, I never thought I'd be the kind of girl who could handle this but it turns out I am. I really fancy him, he is gorgeous but I don't want to go out with him. The common perception is that men can have sex without emotion but woman can't. I'm just wondering if this is actually true in most cases. Also, I get the feeling that he's going to ask me to become more than friends soon and I'm wondering how to let him down easily.

Maybe I'm wrong though, maybe he's just being affection but doesn't actually want anything more.

I guess my question is..can guys really have sex without emotion with the same girl or will feelings develop over time?

Thanks

He'll get used to you being around. If he's gonna ask you to get more serious, i'd expect it in the form of a christmas present. You'd be better off making up some bullsh*t story to tell him about 'how someone asked you out and you said you werent interested in being with a guy in a serious way'.

Just give little hints like that and im sure he'll pick up on what you're trying to say.

Curvy Vixen

Not a guy but God forbid I'd miss an opportunity to get my 2c worth in:D!

I don't think that falling for a friend with benefits is gender specific. I think that it depends on the two people involved and the chemistry between them.

For instance Bob and Mary might always be FWB but put Bob with Annie and in the same situation he could fall for her in days. That's the beauty of humans...you can't control everything that's goes on inside

As for how to tell him, maybe he was just really drunk that night. Might be worthwhile waiting to see how he behaves next time and if he's a bit too 'tactile' tell him then that you are happy with things as they are. Or maybe he thinks that FWB stretches to behaving that way?

pretty-in-pink

From what I've seen, FWB often becomes more then that for one person. Not saying it can't work, but at some point it seems that one person develops deeper feelings then the other. Now these may not be relationship feelings, but nethertheless, they transcend the FWB level of emotion. Some of the happiest relationships I've seen started as FWBs, but so have some of the biggest messes.

From my observations, 20% manage to keep it FWB, but the rest...something changes. As for who, when, where and why...its all part of the wonderful. unpredicatble tapestry of life. I met my fella as a FWB, and we hope to do the full grown up house with kids thing....

If you want to keep the "WB" part, maybe drop a few hints that someone asked you out you're really not into it, you're having fun being single. Or point someone out to him, for him to score. No girl who wants to go out with her FWB will push him in another girls direction.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I wouldn't neccesarily worry, guys(myself included) can get quite affectionate with girls we have f-all interest in with a few drinks had

Gannicus

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

Not a guy but God forbid I'd miss an opportunity to get my 2c worth in:D!

I don't think that falling for a friend with benefits is gender specific. I think that it depends on the two people involved and the chemistry between them.

For instance Bob and Mary might always be FWB but put Bob with Annie and in the same situation he could fall for her in days. That's the beauty of humans...you can't control everything that's goes on inside

As for how to tell him, maybe he was just really drunk that night. Might be worthwhile waiting to see how he behaves next time and if he's a bit too 'tactile' tell him then that you are happy with things as they are. Or maybe he thinks that FWB stretches to behaving that way?

I agree with curvy. don't think that an FWB is going to feel like more for a guy solely. could happen to either gender just as easily. The next time you're out see what he's like without drinks in his system. Maybe he was just being a bit more affectionate than usual. If it has been a while since you seen each other last that may be a reason for the affectionate side of him. If you feel really uncomfortable about it just have a chat. I'm assuming that you are both mature adults. I know a FWB "couple" where she's really affectionate but she doesn't want anything more than him or the way they are now.

Dragan

I would'nt assume a bit of harmless physical flirting equates to him developing emotions for you.

I mean, within a couple of hours of those drinks you guys were going to be having sex.

Physical contact will occur.

MIN2511

We are all humans, he may fancy you and want more... I have never seen Friends with benefits working out for long... There's always issues somewhere...

I tried it a couple of times and someone always ends up getting hurt!!!

Dudess

There's a considerable number of threads with this very title! I'm too lazy to type what I think, so I found a post of mine on one of those threads:

No way could I do it. If they're a friend in the first place, then they already mean a lot to me, not to mind bringing physical intimacy into it. There is a considerable level of emotion invested in a friendship - adding supposedly no-strings sex to that makes no sense to me. I think it's an incredibly crass, cold concept - that's just my opinion though.

Any purely sexual relationships or encounters I've had were purely sexual because they pretty much involved only sex.