what to do...?

LegacyUser

was going out with gf for over four years, we broke up about 4/5 months ago. alot of things in our relationship where excellent, loved each others company, similar interests, fancied each other, good sex life, made each other laugh etc.......

occassionally however, an arguement would arise over what we both needed from a relationship. while we both loved each other in our own way very much, we both at times got frustrated with the other person for the way they showed they cared/or didnt. maybe at times i took her for granted because i/we thought we where right for each other. maybe she took me for granted cause she didn't realise how much i really did care when i did. eventually anyway it got to the stage where it was just one too many times of the same arguement so we called it a day.

still keep in touch occassionally with text/email. don't want to hurt each other anymore than we have to. its tough, we have alot of good memories together. thing is, i can't help feeling i've lost the person that i really was happy with and cared about so much. i thought when we broke up, that maybe it was the right thing, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. but as time has gone on, and i have tried to move on, i feel more and more that the best thing that ever happened to me has gone.

so all im really asking is, can this situation be retrieved, does anyone have similar experiences of this type of scenario and what did they do? i want her back, but am i just gonna hurt her/me by going down that road? should i just force myself to except maybe it wasn't meant to be, maybe it wasn't as good as i thought it was?

gabigeist

Forget her. Even if you got back together, you cannot recreate what you had as both of you would be conscious of not committing too much in case you break up again (as you would have a history of it).
Change your mindset. If there is no option of getting back, you'll get over her quicker. Shut the door hard and fast.

Wagon

Cut contact as well. Even the small bits of it, at least until your sure that you feel nothing for her.

jessbeth

I mean from reading what you wrote it sounds like you were good together. All couples have arguements about things at different times. You've never going to meet someone who totally agrees with you on everything. Have a talk with her and see if she is missing you as well. Maybe you could work it out and then just agree to disagree at times. Relationships are all about compromise!

LegacyUser

i kinda understand when people say cut contact, time to get over her, move on etc....maybe that is the right advice, and that is possibly what will eventually happen.

just wondering though, has anyone been in the situation where you have broken up from a long term relationship and eventually got back together? or do poeple think that you only end up hurting yourself more by hoping that you can get back what you once had?

as i said before, at the time when we broke up, i did feel like maybe it was the right thing to do, 5 months on, i feel like we have made a big mistake

LegacyUser

i kinda understand when people say cut contact, time to move on, time to get over her etc...sometimes that is how i feel, that this is the correct advice, maybe it just wasn't meant to be...

another part of me though feels we really did have something special between us, that if we both tried harder to understand where the other person was coming from, that it really could work if we both wanted it to.

havent seen her since we broke up a few months ago, however we have kept in contact occasionally and agreed to meet up for a quick drink maybe in a week or two. is this a bad idea considering i would like to get back together?

anyway, what im really asking is, are there people out there who have broken up from a long term relationship and eventually got back together? if so, was it ever like it was before? or am i just hurting myself? as much as i think that we could possibly work, we did break up, so move on?