Almost the full package.

testing_times

Morning,
Ok let me break this down as simple as I can.
30 yr old male, Happy go lucky, confident no problem chatting with anybody and get on very well with the ladies. Where I have a problem is in the bedroom – surprise surprise.
This problem has been bothering me for a while now, every time it happens I think of a reason why it happened and push it to the back of my mind.

So I am getting intimate with a girl, everything is good, everything seems to work. Previously I would of been extremely confident in bed, willing to try anything that she liked, not so the case now.
Basically when it comes to actual sex I just can’t stay hard at all.
Any other form of stimulation is grand, no problems there but once we start to have sex – nothing, I just lose it.
This has happened with a bunch of different types of women, some I have been attracted to more so then others.
If we pause and continue ‘fooling-around’ boom, rock hard again, brilliant but as soon as we attempt to have sex again same old story.
I don’t know what is happening to be honest. I have tried a bunch of positions all with the same result.
Sometimes I have put this down to drink, I think every guy suffers that now and again but I have had plenty of sober attempted sex so have ruled that out.

No sure if this problem is in my head or not. I mean I get so worked up when fooling around that the only thing I am thinking about is orgasm so it’s not like I am not enjoying myself.

I know I am not going to get a quick fix solution here but just wanted to share this pain in the a$$ problem with you guys.
It’s getting to that stage where I am almost scared to start seeing a new girl as it’s only a matter of time before the inevitable happens. This has ruined a couple of good relationships in the past as I was unable to satisfy my girl I decided that it was better to finish it, not a very mature cause of action I know but stand in my shoes and i am sure you would do the same. The whole talk about it etc thing doesn’t always work.

Any thoughts?

Nevyn

Have you spoken to a dr about this ?

testing_times

Not yet, I will more then likely arrange an appointment in the next couple of days. I just wanted to get some feed back from anybody that has gone through the same thing and what approach that took.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Would imagine this is psychological as it's not an issue before you penetrate. Can you remember when it started? was there any significant even preceding it, like bad sexual experience or some trust issue?

testing_times

I have been thinking that its not physical is eveything works from start to finish is various other ways.
To be honest this has been happening for nearly 2 years I think - how frickin bad is that.
No trust issues that I can think of. I was seeing this girl and the sex there was great. That relationship didn't work out, my choice, and it has been down hill since that.
I don't think that break up has anything to do with my current situation as we were only going out for a couple of months so weren't extremely close or anything.

not yet

Have you tried the HARD candy yet...........

Otherwise, and this is a serious suggestion so no bans please.. use an escort girl for the night,tell her the problem and spend the night working on it with no pressure.

LegacyUser

I'll get shot down over this but I'm going to tell you about what worked for me and as an adult you can take it or leave it ..

I'd the same problem ... heard all the well meaning advice ... relax ... set the mood... take your time etc.

All sensible but it didnt work for me.

I bought a herbal viagra alternative ... I'll pm the name if you want.

It did the job from a physical point of view. Got hard, stayed hard, lasted longer and could go again and again.

Used it for a few months

Now even though I've dozens of them in my bedside drawer I dont even consider them any more because pyschologically the anxiety seems to have disappeared.

As I said ... worked for me ...

testing_times

No hard candy yet, always been curious about that stuff even before there was a problem.
I dont think a call girl would solve anything, plus those girls charge by the hour :-)
I have tried plenty of things with various girls. Sometime I think i am getting somewhere, lasting longer then normal but the inevitable always seems to happen.

not yet

A friend of a friend!!!!! told me they work,and as the poster above said if its just till you get your confidence back what harm.

testing_times

To the guy that used the herbal option i would be interested to hear a bit more if would could PM me.
Something that could get the ball rolling would be great as its getting quite annoying at this stage as you can all imagine.

Wibbs

OK folks. NO more on the viagra talk or vaigra substitutes. This is not a medical forum and I wouldn't be too quick to take "herbal" advice too quickly either. How does it work, what are it's side effects etc And yes herbs have side effects. You take it to PM or whatever, but the next one that suggests it here gets a week off.

copeyhagen

Unregistered wrote: »

I'll get shot down over this but I'm going to tell you about what worked for me and as an adult you can take it or leave it ..

I'd the same problem ... heard all the well meaning advice ... relax ... set the mood... take your time etc.

All sensible but it didnt work for me.

I bought a herbal viagra alternative ... I'll pm the name if you want.

It did the job from a physical point of view. Got hard, stayed hard, lasted longer and could go again and again.

Used it for a few months

Now even though I've dozens of them in my bedside drawer I dont even consider them any more because pyschologically the anxiety seems to have disappeared.

As I said ... worked for me ...

that sounds like yours was a placebo!

testing_times

Not sure what I do to be honest, I will more then likely go and see a GP but because I dont think its a physical thing I have been reluctant to do so.
I don't want to think \ worry about it to much as I think that might just make things worse.
Oh what to do, what to do.

TheDriver

Can you PM the herbal name also please, curiuos about herbal medicines

Wibbs

TheDriver which bit about not discussing herbal vaigra did you not get. Infracted.

TheDriver

I didn't discuss it as per your request, I merely asked for it to be PMd to me again as per your request and as the OP is unregistered and the poster with the info, I thought I was doing the correct thing by asking here. Apologies.
P.S. what does infracted mean?

shellyboo

testing_times wrote: »

Not sure what I do to be honest, I will more then likely go and see a GP but because I dont think its a physical thing I have been reluctant to do so.
I don't want to think \ worry about it to much as I think that might just make things worse.
Oh what to do, what to do.

Just because it's not a physical problem doesn't mean you shouldn't go to your GP. Most should be able to help you with basic psychological problems too, and refer you to a specialist if needs be.

turbot

Here are some things you should try:

1) Using larger condoms

2) Study tantra / bio energetics if you get the chance. There are various exercises to release physically held sexual stresses

3) Learn about chakra breathing

4) Go visit a hypnotist or NLPer

pjproby

Have you noticed that one of the Ads by Google, that pops up, when you read this thread is for herbal treatment for erectile dysfunction.

fashinmad

Wibbs, I really like your no nonsense masculine tone in that e mail!! ha ha! No probs i will not mention the V word but i hope all works out for that guy!

TheZohanS

You need to relax OP. It seems to me that you're focusing on the goal more than the game itself.

Enjoy what your partner is doing for you and with you, take your time before you even think about penetration. You might be rushing things.

When you're with a girl just let things happen naturally. When you're both naked and having foreplay penetration happens naturally; it's not a case of "ok foreplay over time to get stuck in!". You'll find with enough foreplay the two of you will be so worked up that even my granny wouldn't put you off your stride.

If you really want to impress a girl you'll satisfy her without penetration by touching and oral - let her please you the same way.

It sounds as if you're not in a fulltime relationship at the moment so just take your time explore any partners you may have and give them a chance to do the same.

Remember; don't rush things!