Afraid of comitting to realtionship with girl..

imboard2

Hi,

Since the start of the college year i've slept with this girl 4 times(every night we've been out together)

Things seem to be getting kind of serious now because we've been texting for the past few days with a kind of serious tone. There has been talk of watching movies together etc..

I am pretty cautious about moving to the next stage.. I've only ever had a proper girlfriend a couple of years ago, and for only 6 months. I've always been happy with the idea of being a "free agent"

I also think that the reason for this caution is because im not sure if I really like her.. The very first night I met her (hello!) I didn't think "I like this girl" in fact I didn't think much of her at all..she was the driving force in the whole "hookup" that night and, now that I think of it she was the second night too..Then I just thaught, sex on tap..and now im here! All along I didn't think she wanted anything serious because of things she said but se obviously changed her tune since the last time we were together..

I feel so bad now because I feel I don't like here enough to have as a GF but that I have led her on for the past month!

I suppose I am asking how can I end things peacfully because I will still have to socialise with here afterwards..and also stating that im kind of afraid of committing to a relationship. I have a funny feeling this is pretty common among guys though..

Any insight greatly appreciated..

Thanks!

dudara

I think honesty is the best, and only, policy here. You'll have to say to her that you don't see the relationship progressing anyfurther - and don't sleep with her anymore.

Curvy Vixen

You need to meet her face to face and tell her that you don't see it going any further. Be a grown up and don't do it by text.

You have, in your own words, used her for 'sex on tap' so she at least deserves that much.

Then the next time you decide to shag someone you don't really like for a period of time, you need to understand that there is a chance that this might happen. I don't want to generalise but I think that women in particular tend to develop some sort of emotional bond to someone they are having regular sex with..just reading PI on a regular basis will tell you that.

You can make it as clear as you want where you stand but you should be at least aware of the other person's feelings.

And no, I don't think that it is necessarily pretty common for guys tbh. I think that you are using that to try and mentally excuse yourself from having done this.

(And before anyone thinks I'm 'taking the girls side' in this, I'm really not. I think that that sentence that he carried on having sex with her even though he doesn't really like her says a lot, that's all).

solace

Firstly, whatever you decide to do, deliver the message in person. It's disrespectful and humiliating to end something like that over text. Thing is, it sounds like you're not 100% sure you do want to end it. It's like you are interested but your fear of commitment is influencing your decision. The best solution is to be honest with her. You obviously like her as a friend and plan on spending time with her if you want to end it amicably so explain how you feel (maybe leaving out that she was 'sex on tap'). It's not going to be the easiest conversation but I'd say it's definitely the way to go.

Curvy Vixen

solace wrote: »

Thing is, it sounds like you're not 100% sure you do want to end it. It's like you are interested but your fear of commitment is influencing your decision.

solace wrote: »

You obviously like her as a friend and plan on spending time with her

I'm not sure how you pick this up from the OP's post solace ?

I think that he says here quite clearly that he hasn't really been in to her from the start

I also think that the reason for this caution is because im not sure if I really like her.. The very first night I met her (hello!) I didn't think "I like this girl" in fact I didn't think much of her at all..she was the driving force in the whole "hookup" that night and, now that I think of it she was the second night too..Then I just thaught, sex on tap..and now im here!

And it doesn't seem that he wants to spend time with her, more that because of mutual friends, that he will have to spend time in her company in the future..

I will still have to socialise with here afterwards..

Wibbs

I agree with Curvy Vixen, it reads to me like he does not want this at all. He just isn't into her for whatever reasons. The sex was on tap and he jumped. Probably alcohol assisted too. Just tell her that you don't think you'll work out, but you think she's cool and she should go for someone that wants to put as much energy into something as her etc and leave it at that. Don't do the "it's not you it's me", because even if it's one of those rare times when it's true, she won't believe that.

Redpunto

Be a man and tell her how ya feel and stop taking advantage of her. End of.

Beetlebum

Redpunto wrote: »

Be a man and tell her how ya feel and stop taking advantage of her. End of.

How exactly is he taking advantage of her? He said the first night he met her she pursued him, ditto the second time they met. He wasn't that pushed either wya but went along with it as most people in his position would.
He has now realised that he's not that into her and doesn't wanna take it further so he's looking for advice on how to tell her.
Taking advantage? I simply don't see that. She wanted to have sex with him obviously if he was coming onto him. He didn't lead her on or promise her anything. In the words of Jermaine (Flight of the Concords) 'A kiss is not a contract for another date'.

Op...just be honest with her and say you're not looking for anything serious. She might be feeling the same way and viola..you have yourself a f**k buddy. Everyone's a winner.

MIN2511

Why do you have to meet her in person to deliver the message??? I don't think it's disrespectful, send her a text and tell her that you don't see things working out. It's not like ye are official.

zero19

Ah you'd still be better off saying it in person, especially if she thinks they are going somewhere, no point in being a bollix about it

Redpunto

Beetlebum wrote: »

How exactly is he taking advantage of her? He said the first night he met her she pursued him, ditto the second time they met. He wasn't that pushed either wya but went along with it as most people in his position would.
.

Exactly, its not like he was forced to sleep with her, OK taking advantage of the situtation then,,,,

LoveIt

I know most people seem to think the OP has to say it face to face but I would disagree. Most of their communication has been through text it seems. A few years ago a friend of mine was with a guy a few times, she thought it was going somewhere and was delighted when he asked her to call over. When she got there he asked her if she wanted a drink and then said he didnt think it was going anywhere! I think he really should have just said something like that over text or on the phone instead of getting her hopes up and arranging a meet up.
At the end of the day it will probably be easier for her to deal with the news if she doesnt have to pretend to be grand about it to save face in front of a guy she barely knows.
Having said that if they had been out on a few actual dates or were "seeing" or going out with each other then texting would be a big no-no!