Workaholic wife rant

LegacyUser

Just need to rant before I explode, sorry folks.

I married for a good few years and I love my wife dearly, but some time she drives me crazy. She is a total workaholic works 6days at least 10 - 12 hours a day, takes only one day a week off, hasn't had holidays in 4 years etc, etc, etc. I've got used to that and I have accepted that, thats the way is like being and isn't going to change for anyone. (Well thats what she tells me during the "talks" we've had on the subject)

Any, had some bad news today, a family member died. a distant relation, but one that gave both my self and my wife plenty of time and always made us feel welcome.

So I phoned my wife to tell her the funeral arrangements and she tells me that she is too busy to talk to me. So quickly I tell her she needs to take time off to go to either the church the night before or the funeral the day after (I'm going to both so she can come to either with me). To go to the evening church she will have to finish work at around 4pm and when I say this to her I'm told that at the moment it looks alright for her to go but she can't be 100% that she will be able to go.

Like WTF, how and why do people put a fu*king job before everything else. Its not as if the boss would mind her taking time off, they don't. I've often been there when they tell her to stay off and she just won't. By the way she doesn't save lives or anything, she works the hospitality trade. I'm not saying she or what she doesn't isn't important, it is in my wife's eye and therefore is in mine. But my God I'm sick of her putting everything behind her job.

Anyway, rant over!!!!!! again folks sorry just need to get that off my chest.

McGinty

I married for a good few years and I love my wife dearly, but some time she drives me crazy. She is a total workaholic works 6days at least 10 - 12 hours a day, takes only one day a week off, hasn't had holidays in 4 years etc, etc, etc.

Are you saying that you and your wife have not had a holiday for four years because of a job? What do you do on your holiday time? Do you have children, do you plan to have children, if so, will she be too busy for the children? How do you feel being on your own all the time, because that is what you are at the moment?

Any, had some bad news today, a family member died. a distant relation, but one that gave both my self and my wife plenty of time and always made us feel welcome.

So I phoned my wife to tell her the funeral arrangements and she tells me that she is too busy to talk to me. So quickly I tell her she needs to take time off to go to either the church the night before or the funeral the day after (I'm going to both so she can come to either with me). To go to the evening church she will have to finish work at around 4pm and when I say this to her I'm told that at the moment it looks alright for her to go but she can't be 100% that she will be able to go.

She is obviously too busy to support you at a time when you need it, do you want this pattern to happen for the rest of your married life? Is this what you signed up for?

To be honest I was shocked that she was unwilling to take time off to go to the funeral, but most importantly to be there for you when you need comfort. I was also shocked that you spend so much time apart, okay, couples need space but not absence. I am afraid that your wife is using work to hide away from issues, they could be personal or related to your marriage, I am not sure, but you need to address them, otherwise you are going to live an existence not a life. There is more to life to work, but it sounds like your wife is addicted to it, and what happens if she cannot work, how will she cope?

MIN2511

Sorry for your loss, a colleague of mine died over the weekend and it's sad....

Anyways, leave your wife for now and when she gets home you need to tell her how IMPORTANT it is that she attends at least one. I don't think if she told her bosses she had a funeral/wake to attempt they would begrudge her a few hours.

You are right to rant, i would have lost my head if i was in your shoes.

tbh

dude - is this something that you can accept? It sounds to me like your missus isn't going to change of her own volition. So, you can either give her an ultimatum - it may be that she doesn't realise how bad this problem is for you, and this ultimatum might be the kick in the pants that she needs, or you can accept that this is the way she is and deal with it. Either way, don't envy your choice.

star-pants

Even if she is very very into her work and enjoys it/wants to put a lot of effort into it, I would assume that if someone close to ye passed away she'd put it aside (not even a full day but half a one) to attend one of the ceremonies.

to work 6 days a week, 10-12 hrs a day and not go on holidays and seem very rigid about even taking a few hours off sounds odd to me. You're not asking her to quit or ruin a career, just spend some time with you. Do you guys see much of each other?
It sounds like there's a problem that isn't just going to go away - you seem to have tried talking before - but does that just put ye back at square one?

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

and isn't going to change for anyone. (Well thats what she tells me during the "talks" we've had on the subject)

This might possibly be a deal breaker for me.

A marriage is all about give and take, to me it doesn't look like she willing to do that.

I would not want to be with someone who chooses their job over me.

Wagon

For christ sake, it's a bleeding job! Why would you want to work 12 - 14 hours a day!? I just can't grasp that at all! and all this rubbish about "thats the way I am and I'm not going to change for anyone" is a real pain in the arse, like you were wrong to suggest that you'd like to see her once a month. If the shoe was on the other foot, I can absolutely gaurentee that most will say that you'd need to change. So does she, otherwise what's the point in being married to someone if you can't spend your life with them?

LegacyUser

Life is about prioritising.

Your wife seems to have her priorities a bit messed up.

Why anyone would choose to work over personal time is beyond me. I used to work with a guy who complained we had too many days off over Christmas!

She puts her job about you and your marriage by the sound of it. That is simply wrong.

Does she get paid amazing overtime? Is she worried about losing her job?

Here's something that I like to watch when I think about work:

<no You tube links in PI>

echosound

Work to live, not live to work. Something your wife should bear in mind.

NO point looking back at her life realising she pissed it all away working for an employer who sees her as just a number, someone instantly replacable, instead of spending at least some time (and a funeral - I mean surely she could take a few measly hours off for that) with the people who actually matter and who actually appreciate her.

If she is this inflexible, I would say you need to have a SERIOUS chat - marriage is all about give and take, compromise, seeing the other side, etc etc. Sounds like you are the one always compromising. Needs to be sorted out or you'll end up resenting her completely.

How anyone could prioritise their job over their homelife is beyond me.

4Xcut

If she was like this when you married her then it was your choice. You have to either deal with it or leave her. Buy unless this is a new thing then you can't blame her.

IRISH RAIL

4Xcut wrote: »

If she was like this when you married her then it was your choice. You have to either deal with it or leave her. Buy unless this is a new thing then you can't blame her.

Thats bad advice above. if people are to take marrige seriously then they both have to commit to it. that means spending time together even if she did work those hours before marrige its still no excuse not to go on a holiday for 4 years. my ex said something similar to me now shes an ex im happy again.
op do you have any kids ? or has there been talk of any ? how would you raise children with there mother not around ?
this is a really serious problem your wife is home (except for sleep) for two or three hours a day no job is like that not even president bush. what I would do is go to the funeral if she doesnt come you know she is not capable of supporting you emotionaly. then i would pack my bags and go on a holiday for a week. id let her call me and tell her out straight when she asks why didnt you tell me say If you hadnt the time to go to my relations funeral how would you have the time to go on a holiday, if you want to work fine Im having some fun. a little childish I know but it is the shock element of it that would hopefully cop her on. If she gets in a huff invite her down maybe she will see more to life, if not I would really consider where your marrige is going as you have already talked to her about it more talking wont solve anything it will just delay the inevitable. its not a marrige youre in its an arrangement at the moment.

Stheno

It could be possible that your wife may not be 100% happy in your marriage and is using work as a way of avoiding dealing with your relationship.

You've posted that you've had talks about her working habits, but have you talked about how things are going with you as a couple, or if there is anything more than just the job that is causing her to prioritise her worklife over everything else?

HTH

themadchef

Can i ask you OP if your wife was a workaholic when you met her and fell in love with her? When you got married all those years ago was she working just as many hours as she is now? Maybe she is using her job as a hide out, maybe not.

I obviously dont know the job your wife has, but, i can tell you personally, my aunts husband died this August bank holiday weekend. I couldint go to the funeral, there was no way i was leaving work in the sh1t, there is no cover to be had. A four course lunch for 120 people and no chef was not an option. The funeral was almost 2 hours of a drive away on the busiest weekend of the year traffice wise. My aunt completly understood.

My point is, maybe she (your wife) really couldint go. As for her telling you that's the way it is etc etc. Can you as a couple afford for her to give up her job? If you can then there are much deeper issues imo. Working 60+ hours a week is not fun 52 weeks a year.... i dont care how much you like your job. God knows a love my job but if i could afford it i'd work part time.


You need to talk, face to face, no tired heads. Let her know how youre feeling. She sounds like a bully but maybe she really doesn't get how you're feeling.


Very best of luck OP, hope you can get through this.