what to do about boyfriend

LegacyUser

Have being going out with a guy for 4 yrs, he has 2 kids with 2 different woman, he supports them both and after 4 yrs I asked him is he going to commit to me.......I wud love to get married and have a baby but he doesnt know what he wants so I left him and moved into another house she he could sort his head out, htat was 4 months ago and he still doesnt know what he wants???????????????????

What am I to do, I love him so much.....................

A lady from Galway.

STUBBORNGIRL

hi Galway lady

He sounds to me like he is very confused. He is probably afraid of having a third child with another woman. Think about it - it hasnt worked out for him with the other 2 women and he has a kid with each of these. If it didnt work out with you and ye had a kid that would be 3times unlucky! i have no doubt that he loves you but i wouldnt take offence to it! doesnt seem like things work out that well for him so he is hedging his losses!

I would give him his space - I'm assuming your relationship is continuing the same as it was before, if not you need to work on getting that back on track and try speaking with him about your concerns! if you love him you will wait for him and marriage and a baby will come when ye are both ready.

without more information to go on im sorry but i cant be of anymore help.

Good luck with it - i hope he is worth the wait.

John Mason

time to move on methinks.

or else accept he will never commit to you or agree to have babies with you

Raekwon

What age are the both of you? I'm guessing that this guy in his late 20's/early 30's and the thought of having a third child for a third different woman scares the life out of him & IMHO it really should.

If I were you I would consider moving on with a guy with less baggage then this fella because you sound young and infatuated by him but in the long run you could find yourself alone with a child who's father has too much on his plate to deal with. And that is a situation that nobody should find themselves in.

tbh

what are you to do? Here, as I see it, are your choices:

1. Accept the fact that he doesn't want to commit or have any more kids, and so break up with him so you can find someone who does.

2. Accept the fact that he doesn't want to commit or have any more kids, and decide that despite that, it's worth being with him, so forget about getting married and having kids with him, and go back to him.

3. Ignore the fact that he's said he doesn't want to commit or get married, and go back to him assuming that eventually, one day, he'll change his mind and everything will be fine.

Pol Pot

pol pot can see it from his point of view. Having a child with his ex - pol pot is unwilling to attempt this level of commitment again. It is prob likely that Pol Pot will never desire kids again.
The fear of having another relationship with child fail is too much.
Pol Pot imagines the fear for him is doubled.
You may not be talking about kids yet but he may see that as a logical conclusion from more commitment.

It may be a case of having deal with him,commitment-phobia and all or walking away.

SarahSassy

If he doesnt know then he genuinely doesnt know. Men tend to say what they want in these situations. I dont think you can hang on hoping he will change... He probably wont but in his defense he is telling you upfront...

Move on and if he is able to change he will come back to you, if not, then you have a chance for the life you want but with someone else.