urgent advice please

LegacyUser

need urgent advice on how to handle this situation, my friend's housemate killed himself in my friend's house and my friend found him. I'm seriously worried about the effect it has had on my friend, he won't talk much about it but he won't agree to see counsellors or anyone either. Funeral etc., now over and my friend is staying with friends at the moment. How do we help this guy work through this major shock without it having a serious lasting effect on him. We have to stop him going back home where there are belongings and constant reminders of his friend. Problem is he has to pay mortgage etc. on house and can't afford to move out. Please please help, anyone ever been in this situation??

DeiseChick87

havent been in that exact situation, but ive been through suicide from both sides. Main thing is , (and as stupid as it sounds) keep in contact with ur friend. Even general texting "well how ru?" or whatever, mightent seem like much but uve no idea how much it helps to know that people are there for you. He may not want to talk about it yet, as its still so raw. Its true when they say people never get over losing someone they love thru suicide ...but you learn to live with it. Somedays it will take over ur life & somedays its still there but u can go on with ur life. Dont hassle him into talking about it, but make it very clear ur there if he needs you.

Its also important for your friend to be around people, even if he doesnt particularly want to. Because lets face it, he wont be in the form for it, but its better than being alone. Trust me on that.

I really hope some of that helps. Its a horrible situation for anyone to go thru. Its also crap for you because u dont know what to do. All you can do is be there & u obviously are a great friend, considering u posted this in the first place.

Best of Luck x

oh well , okay

Haven't been through this exact situation but have had to deal with suicide in my family and it's a terrible thing .

Would echo what's been said already - be there for him - keep in touch - don't be afraid to ask how he's feeling but don't push him either .

Tough situation but one to be dealt with and not ignored .

She Devil

Been in a very similiar situation, we had a house party one night, few mates came back, i was seeing a guy who i asked back, we asked his friend because we didnt want to leave him on his own, The house party was in my cousins house who lived a few doors down from me. Anyway long story short, guy commited suicide that night, it was the guy i was seeing best mate in my cousins house. Horrible Horrible Horrible time, guards were in had to take statements etc, my cousin was in bad shape cos he felt like he had something to do with it. But i look back now and the way everyone stayed so close and got each other through it, get him out and about, make sure he talks about it. Play his songs and let his grief hit him now instead of later. Its hard times but good on you to be such a friend to stand by him. Time isnt a healer but its a great help. Best of luck

themadchef

It's going to be really tough on your friend. He's really going to need to talk eventually. I can honestly say if it was me i probably wouldint move back in to the house...ever. Finances aside, too many memories.

He's most likely going to be angry at the choice that his friend made, he's going to be guilty he didint see it coming. Accepting that he couldint change what happened, and was the best friend he could have been is going to take time.

There's going to be huge emotional trauma from finding his friend, in his home in those circumstances. I believe it's going to take alot of time and alot of support. Be the best friend you can be to him. He's going to need all the support he can get. But, as the other poster said, don't push.... just be there.

Overheal

Thats awful OP. I'm sorry for your friend, and I don't say that for everyone.

If this just happened, he's probably going to need some time to be penseive and sort it out in his own head before he talks to anyone about it.

Try calling the samaritans and ask them for advice on what to do in this situation.

drunkmonkey

you didn't say how long it has been....humans are amazing creatures, you friend might be able to find his own way to muddle throught the situation, everyone has there own way of dealing with loss....all you can be is upfront and staight with your frined and see how they want to get through it....if than involves hanging onto your friends presence well so be it...

LegacyUser

Thanks to everyone for the advice. This all happened in the last week and we're all trying to come to terms with it but the guy in whose house it happened is our main worry. We don't want to leave him alone but can't be there 24/7. his parents are real worried about him as well.