Angry housemate

LegacyUser

Hi all. Im just wondering if Im being unreasonable here as Im getting a few bad vibes from my housemate and think they are unwarranted on her part but I just want to throw it out there for confirmation or not, whatever the case may be. Mods, please move this if its not in the appropriate place. Thanks.

Ok – heres the story. A girl moved into a room in the house that I and another girl share. I own the house but have always had a housemate rather than landlord situation as its easier and I’m really grateful for the guys contributions towards the mortgage.

Anyway, so Girl A moves in to the double room and Guy A is in the single – he’s been there over a year and a half when she moves in. We didn’t know she had a boyfriend when she moved in, but that’s cool cos its to be expected that she would have one and that he would overnight maybe….3 times a week. Just a normal amount really for anyone not living together and she’s only with him 4 months.
I should add here that he works as a security guy in town and finishes work at 3am ish – again, didn’t know this when she moved in and she made no mention that odd hours would be kept. We know she worked in a bar so were more than open to here arriving back late. We were both nine to fivers so thought the usual respect would apply – ie – keeping the tv volume down, not banging doors etc.

Anyway, it turns out that her boyfriend comes over 6 nights out of seven and then they go and have really noisy sex waking us up every bloody night. Had a word with her and thought all was ok but its continued to the point where Guy moved out and so had to get another girl in. He was thinking about moving out anyway in with a guy friend so was no big deal really.

So, on to last night. 3am she cooks him a slap up meal – the smell of frying onions woke me up and then the TV was blaring and I thought that’s it. Then the went upstairs – thankfully no Debbie does Dallas again, but I was awake…again….and couldn’t fall back to sleep. Not for the first time do I find myself at my desk practically nodding off.

So I texted her this morning that we need to talk and I’ve asked her to move out of the house. Don’t get me wrong, shes a lovely girl, but I just cant take anymore interrupted sleep. Ive asked her time and time again to can it but to no avail, but now I feel bad for having to do what I done. Its not as though I haven’t asked her before – in a really nice way – at least 3 or 4 times, but she just laughed it off and then went straight back to making as much noise as before. Its embarrassing having to listen to her squealing at the top of her voice while they are in bed – the walls are pretty thick in fairness. I just wonder am I being a bitch or asking too much. The reek of frying onions at half three this morning just drove me over the edge. I suggested to her that she might be better off in a one bed apartment as she see her BF so often and the hours are different. I think shes mad with me cos I got a text back saying she was thinking of it anyway cos she wasn’t happy in the house. I hate all this. I hate confrontation and want to handle this in as nice a way as possible without any bitching developing. The heating has been broken for the last 3 weeks as well, which didn’t help I suppose. Not the entire system but it was on a go slow so the house wasn’t as warm as it should have been so I can understand her being a bit pissed off too.

So how should I handle this? I feel a bit ill at the thoughts of going home to a fight. My stomach is churning all day. I said in the text that I thought we should talk this evening and then got her texts back – I didn’t want to go into it as I work in an open plan office. I have thhe feeling shes going to be really bitchy when I get home and is going to make life difficult for the reat of the month – start of Dec shell be moving out.

Nevyn

It;s your house you are entitled to your sleep if she can't respect the other people in the house then she has to go.

preilly79

your house, your rules, your choice. show her the door.

AARRRGH

You're dead right - I would have done the same. She's being disrespectful and you don't need this kind of crap in your life.

Give her one month's notice in writing and make sure she realises she cannot use her deposit for her last month's rent! This is really important in case she turns out to be a psycho.

Best of luck + stick to your guns.

topper75

Really feel for you in this situation. Can be really upsetting and compounded by lack of sleep. A better day with new tenants is waiting in 2009.

You can't go through life with zero confrontation! It's just up to how you handle it. There are inconsiderate people out there and dealing with them is a key life skill.

Don't take any old tenants - get 9-5ers that you get on with.

girl_friday

I would advise you to contact Threshold. As far as I am aware if you are an owner occupier then you don't have to give her the same amount of notice. I know because I lived with an owner occupier and when I contact Threshold about issues I was told that given the situation I was only a 'paying guest' and was entitled to no notice other than 24 hours. Its up to you what you want to do but you could be as well off asking her to find a new place asap and that she can stay til then but up to beginning December max...

LegacyUser

Look you did your best, you asked her to keep the noise down and she didn't, you were more than paitent and she AND her boyfriend are a pair of self absorbed bitches.

Don't worry about her saying she was thinking about moving on anyway she may have just said that because she wanted to save face. If she's bitchy to you just ignore her.
You may find she doesn't stay to the end of the month anyway.

Don't feel bad about it, she's a cow.

AARRRGH

He has to give "reasonable" notice, whatever that is...

Irishcrx

Wouldn't take that mate, it's your home and you have the right to live in comfort not in hiding. Go home and explain that you have simply have enough of the way she has been going on, shes had warning and not acted on it and she has to go. If she gets bitchy or abusive simply tell her if she continues to be like that she is to leave asap otherwise she can have till decemeber.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. Much appreciated.

Im no warrior thats for sure! And Im a girl - not a guy!

I know I have to start being brave! Im generally ok, I can deal with confrontation, I just hate it. It upsets me no end.

Good re the keeping deposit. I dont think shes a psycho - just thoughtless. But I will be keeping the deposit till she moves out. Im hoping this can be done in a civil manner - and Im sure it will be ok in the end. Guess I might just be a bit insecure cos Im tired and feeling a bit fuzzy from it.

Ill give her the month. If things start to get too much I might suggest that she might find a place sooner than that. Its the atmosphere in teh house that Im worried about. She gets thick over things and gives out alot - but thats just her nature. Shes had a pretty hard life by all accounts and I think she was looking forward to finally settelling somewhere for a year or two. I guess Im just a bit soft and need to , as Me Cullen would say, grow a pair of lee roady!

I hate the thoughts of getting someone new in as well. Weve had guys do runners, alcoholics and one guy was a pretty terriffying bully. From then on I decided that girls would be easier too live with. Wrong!


Ill post tomorry and let ye knwo what happens. Thanks again!

Colonel_McCoy

get her out.........she is show a complete lack of respect.

jim o doom

My advice is to calm down and stop worrying; She already knows you want her out, so she will find a place for herself.. she isn't a friend, so your not alientaing someone that you actually care for out of your life - one thing I would suggest is hiding anything you own that is particularily valuable; she might be nice, but she has been very dismissive of you thus far & your requests (despite you owning the house) - so if this is the case, she could just try and do something spiteful to hurt you because she's out now - regardless of the reasons.

pickarooney

What's the issue? The house-share didn't work out. You told her this. She's obviously pissed off because she'll have to find a new place. She'll get over that, move out in time (give her a decent notice period, whatever the law says, it's only fair) and you'll get someone less noisy.

Sumire

Went through a similar thing myself, tried to be as polite as possible but the housemate didn't and tried to turn it into an all out personal slagging match. Best advice I can give is try and not get drawn into a row, you have valid reasons for asking her to leave so just keep repeating them. Good luck!

nialo

Your well within your rights to ask her to leave. its not a debate, the only discussion you should be having with her at this moment in time is the day she has to have moved out, handing her a written notice and stating the terms that she has to leave the place in. Outside that you dont have to entertain anything further from her. dont let her make a big deal of it and dont back down. lay it as it is to her and leave it at that. if she is anyways decent she will take it on the chin and may bitch a bit but will go quietly enough.

MJOR

Been there and it's tough.... just give her two weeks notice and get her out.

SpookyDoll

Yeh, its not the easiest thing to do, but try your best to ignore any bitchyness she comes up with. She will get sick of it sooner than you and probably leave earlier than you think.

At the end of the day its your house and you are not going anywhere, she is so brazen it up and dont be intimidated.

Stay polite as much as you can though for the sake of your own stress levels.

I think if you more or less tell her the boyfriend isn't welcome you wont see much more of her. So you will kill two birds with the one stone.

Also that means you wont feel as though its the two of them against you sort of thing!

Anyway, get your courage together and dont be intimidated in your own home!

otwb

Your house. The trial period did not work out. She has to go. Dont feel bad about it.

BTW - am I the only one who thinks that you are a really nice landlord allowing a partner stay over even three nights a week? One or mabye two nights max is the standard in my place (two nights in each partners house is four nights in a week - if you are together that much then its time to get a shared place)

You have been very nice to this person so do not feel bad.

dcukhunter

You have tried being nice and given her chances, but it sounds like she has no respect for you or the house.
I was in much the same situation a while ago with two people in the house, although I dont own the house I do have the lease on it. The lads were not to bad in fairness just the friends they brought back had no respect for anything. After a good few warnings and after telling them no more friends to be brought back I came back from work one morning to the house a state light fittings pulled out writing on the walls etc. Long story short told them to move out and have two others in now who I get on with and dont wreck the place.
Put up with it untill she is gone then get others in that will respect the place. It is your house after all.

LegacyUser

Hi Guys, Me again. I wrote a note yesterday to thank you all for the advice and gumption giving, but it didn’t appear – for what reason I don’t know. So here we go anyway…I said Id give an update in the note and that’s what Im going to do now.

I ended up going gout after work and landing home the better of a few glasses of wine on me…not pissed, but wouldn’t dream of even going there unless entirely sober. Plus it was 11pm by the time I got back, so 20 hours on the go at that stage so bed was a calling. We did have a quick word as in “I think its best and you need your space with him” Response “Yep, fine, Ill start looking for a place but Ill need the month. “ Me – “Yah coo, nite. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz”

And that was it really. I know shell want to talk about it more tonight but ill fully intend on being sober this time  Maybe I was just winding it all up in my head – I do that. But it wasn’t as bad and I was repeating in my head “Itsmyhouseitsmyhouse” all the way up the garden!

So thank you all for your responses. Much appreciated and unless she turns into a nutter over the next few weeks, I don’t forsee any huge problems. I think Ihave been nice to her - I always would be to housemates, its hard to find decent people to live with so I appreciate it when I find them. So, all thast to be said is ...."double room in cosy house anyone?"

*regrets famous last words already

xxx

NewFrockTuesday

Hi all - just a quick update on the house situation. yes - going unmasked for the update!

Well, shes gone! I came home a few days later to her discussing signs for her nail salon....which apparently was going to be in my kitchen as she had decided to stay and let me off about being such a bitch about wanting her to move out! I couldnt believe my ears!

She had decided to let my bad slide!



I went upstairs to call a friend about it and to get him to come over to the house as her bf was there as well and hes BIG. Then I just asked her to leave an suggested her bf might allow her to have the nail salon in their new place. Whatever...not my business really but best of luck with it etc etc.


So shes gone. I came home to find her lock stock and barrell packed and gone a day or two later. A dramatic but welcome exit!

So thanks again for all the advice! Just thought Id give a quick update. Sometimes I wonder what happenned to this or that poster. A conclusion is nice!

dcukhunter

Glad it all worked out for ya eventually anyway. :P

Peewee_lane

Make sure she didnt throw any meat down behind your fridge! Worst revenge ever.... (not me... someone else did it to one of my mates...)

Redpunto

jaysus, she sounded like a fruit and nut cake,,, at least thats all done, ya did your best to make the situation go as easy as possible,,she was just not a very nice person, either that or a psycho, well rid:D

lizzyvera

It's hard to get people to rent at the moment and rent is going down generally so you won't be harming her by throwing her out.

AARRRGH

God... there are so many freaks out there. Nice one for getting rid of her!