Finding Starting College Tough...

LegacyUser

I just realised today that its about a month since i started college and really its not going too well. I guess i had held starting college up as a fix-all for my life in that i could start again, make a whole new set of friends etc. I suppose a lot of people do. Thing is it hasnt worked out like that at all. I haven't really made many friends at all and really im finding college quite a lonely place. I go to my lectures and then, with nothing much else to do or anyone to talk to i usually go home. I mean I have got to know a few people here that i talk to or might meet for lunch with aswell as some old school friends that are here but certainly not the revamped social life i guess i had hoped for and expected. Thing is im not hugely shy or awkward or anything like that. Im actually quite a friendly, easygoing guy. I mean i have a good group of existing friends who i still see alot of. i just find the college environment very strange and daunting. I tried to throw myself into it initially but ended up joining so many societies that i didnt become actively involved in any particular one. I can already see the groups in my course beggining to form and my biggest fear is that if i dont do something about it now il find it very difficult later on to break into these groups. The college years are meant to be the best of your life...but a month in and im feeling lonely and rather dissilusioned. Do i just need to be patient or get out of my comfort zone and talk to people any chance i get?

dudara

College doesn't magically fix your social life but it does offer opportunities. You need to talk to people more - i.e. sit down next to someone new at lectures and introduce yourself.

Join a sports club or society - that way you'll get to know people outside your course. Don't confine yourself to making friends on your course alone.

Don't worry - lots of other people still feel the way you do. It can take months to settle fully into college life - but you do have to try

Third_Echelon

It has only been 4 weeks... The first 4 weeks in any new adventure such as college, job, travel etc are always quite tough and the oul head needs this time to take everything in and get used to your new surroundings.

College is very different to school (I'm guessing you are a college first-timer around 19?). There is a different way of doing things and a very different pace compared to school life. I'm sure you are not the only one in your situation in your class...

I also think that how you actually attend college is a big thing. Are you still living at home with your parents or have you moved to another town or city to attend college?

Sometimes moving away can be daunting etc, but it gives you that bit of freedom, which sometimes can make the college experience that bit more enjoyable.

For me anyway, I started college 10 years ago. Took me 5 years to get my degree, but I got there in the end. I had to move to go to college as my parents house was too far away. It was great to have that big of independence and it meant that I could get involved in the after-college activities etc or if someone mentioned something was on, or working on a project, it meant that you could do it and start to interact with your classmates outside of college hours.

In the first year or so classes can be quite big, so I only really had a few friends in class (I lived with people I knew from home, so that helped as well). You will find when classes are larger in first year there will be a lot of smaller groups of friends...

It wasn't really until 2nd year and classes started to get smaller (specialist topics, labs, people dropping out etc) that I got a really good bunch of mates, so it can take time. Get involved in social nights out. When someone mentions a night out or a band playing or whatever... make the effort to go. I met a lot of people that way.

I'm now 5 years post college and my core group of friends now are all people I went to college with or met during my college years. These are the people who you are going to know for the rest of your life... Over the post-college years I have lived with 4 or 5 mates from college. I currently living with 3 of them..

So.. it does take time and it will get easier. You just have to be patient and enjoy it. I wish I could go back to college.. Its a lot more fun than working, that's for sure!!!

GAAman

Hey op, i know exactly what you mean i moved here to derry in 2005 to go to uni and long story short i ended up takin a year out, now this year any friends i made then are graduated and gone so im on my tod again.

Its only at this point that i have actually made a few friends in the course im doin so it does take time, sure everyone is in the same boat feelin awkward to speak to people and stuff but it even just starts off with "how did you get on with that test/assignment/etc" and goes from there.

You mentioned societies do you play any sports? Because they are a great way to make friends with team building etc and socialising (with my gaelic team in particular we were told that we were shíte on the pitch but great with a pitcher )

But as the folks above me said give it time sure you have at least two years to go yet