Something missing in life....maybe travelling...

LegacyUser

This is similar to other threads I have read but I am looking for some specific, decent honest advice, im a regular boards member but want to go unreg for this....

Just a bit of background first,
Im 26, have a fairly decent (stable) job that I enjoy and also pays reasonably well. I have my own place, my own car, no loans except a mortgage and about 25k in savings. I have a wonderful pretty GF and have been with her for roughly 4 years. I do love her deeply but like every relationship sometimes the spark just isnt there, but we do try and work on it, with weekends away etc. I am a member of a gym and have several hobbies football etc which keep me busy probably 3or 4 nights a week (just so people dont say the generic join a gym\club etc). I also have a group of really good mates and a very active social life at the weekend, so I know im blessed in pretty much everything in life. The thing is, I always feel like im missing out on something in life and im not sure what that something is, its not that I get depressed or anything, but I just always feel like "Is this it? Is this all life has to offer?"

4 of my friends are currently making plans to emigrate to Australia or New Zealand for at least a year, as they are tradesman and they know that the work just isnt here for them at the moment. They are looking at emigrating next march on a one way ticket as none of them have any of the commitments I do. Which leaves me at a crossroads in my life, one way points to staying here, with no friends, and will probably lead to getting engaged\married\kids in the not so distant future. The other road points to Australia and the single life and god knows what else. I could maybe take a years leave out of my job, and I work for a multinational and they could possibly set me up with a job abroad, although im not sure.

If I stayed here I know I would probably regret it for the rest of my life and probably blame my GF in some stupid way for making me stay. If I go, I would loose the woman I love and maybe have to start at the bottom of the ladder career wise when I come back. I would also have the hassle of trying to rent the house out for a year etc.

Ive had a chat with my parents about this and they said that I have to do what's in my heart and if I wanted they will look after my house while im gone etc. I have floated the idea with my OH about it, like in a passing comment and I know by her reaction that she would understandably be less than keen on me going and I know that I could never ask her to wait for me. Another thing before any1 suggests it is that I would never go travelling with her, its either with the lads or not at all, as my GF isnt really the back-packing type.

Another thing that plays on my mind is "am I too old to go travelling?" Like I should have went when I was 21, not 26. I know its a different era but at my age my da was married with 2kids and a third on the way, its just I got caught up in the whole, "quick buy a house now before you can only afford a 500K portacabin in Mayo and spend the rest of your life commuting"

So there's my dilemma, admittedly in today's world its not all that big or important but any advice is whole-heartedly welcome. Thanks in advance....

LegacyUser

You seem to dismiss the idea of travelling with your oh very quickly.

Why not ask her if it's something she'd like to do with you? You might be surprised. Being in Oz isn't all backpacking as you end up staying in a few places for quite a while. You could always go and work and live nicely especially if your company sorts you with a job. Even if they don't , there are plenty of people in Oz for a year living it up.

Unless of course you want to be single and do it without her - and believe me, heading off and having a gf at home will be tough.

I don't think I've ever met anyone who regrets leaving a job to head to the sun for a year. I've also never met anyone who thinks "great, 35 more years in this job and commuting, that's 5 days a week, 48 weeks a year.... fantastic".

I'm always surprised by people who think that if they don't go that the only other option is marriage and kids and that that is the end of your life.

If you think that you will regret it for the rest of your life then go..... you'll regret more then things you didn't do in life than the things you did.

G86

Hi OP,

First thing is, you're not too old to go travelling, sure you're only 26! I don't intend on it myself until I'm around 25, alot of my friends are the same.

You say the sparks gone with your girlfriend? Have you spoken to her about it? I know you say you've mentioned going travelling but if my boyf of four years 'mentioned' he might be emigrating I'd sure as hell want to sit down and discuss it!

If after 4 years, you can't see yourself being content by marrying this girl, then perhaps she's not the girl for you. And if thats the case, you can carry on now and break up in a year or two - and still be stuck in Ireland - or sit down and discuss it with her now and get on with your life somewhere else. Its not going to be easy on her either way but its not fair to stay with her if your hearts not in it.

With regards to your career, this is the best time to go in my opinion, because at 26 you're not at the peak of your career (well unless I'm wrong and you are?) and it should be easy enough to climb back up the ladder once you get back. Who knows, you may not come back, or when you do you may want to pursue a different career.

I know you have a mortgage, but rent the house out and you're sorted, and your savings will really help you out. If I have a quarter of 25k in my bank account when I go travelling I'll be happy out!

So, it all boils down to the girl, you really need to figure out how you feel and no one else can do that but you I'm afraid.

eroo

Mr indecisive wrote: »

If I go, I would loose the woman I love and maybe have to start at the bottom of the ladder career wise when I come back. I would also have the hassle of trying to rent the house out for a year etc.

Those two things decided it for me mate!:)

IRISH RAIL

try and get a month off work as opposed a year and who says you cant bring your oh with you

dudara

Have you considered travelling with your GF? Or do you feel that the relationship has ran its course?

Pigeon Reaper

You're never too old to go wandering about. I would consider going with your GF unless you want time and space to yourself. If this is the case you need to ask yourself why you need the space.

All of these thing aside the world is a big place and worth seeing.

Doolee

Walk away from your computer...go to the travel agents with your credit card...and book your ticket. Then worry about everything else! Thats what I did. Just book it...stop deliberating!!!

Glowing

I went when I was 25, and it was the best year of my life. I think it's something everyone should experience. Sit down and have a serious chat with the girlf, you might find that with a bit of persuasion, she might consider it. Travelling doesn't necessarily mean 'backpacking' - you can do it quite comfortably, and she'll probably even have room for her GHD (hahaha, sorry that was mean)

You'll never regret GOING, you'll only regret NOT going!

LegacyUser

Look people. Stop mentioning his GF and has he asked her to go with him. The fact is he does want to go it alone and with out her. The problem being, does he want to take the risk of loosing her.

OP, I'm in the same boat as you, but Im 31, have a GF of 8 years, Have little savings and a **** career. Im over the limit for a 1 year visa to OZ, so Im going for a month for Christmas on my own.
The problem is, when I get back I know things wont be fixed. I will still want to run away for ever. I don't know what to do.
Im scared ****less about having kids etc as this would be my life laid out in front of me.
Hopefully Ill win the LOTTO.
Fair well

LegacyUser

Hey Op,

I just got back from one year travelling around the world. I am 31. I had much the same dilemma that you had before i left. I had a gf, happy life but in my heart I knew I had to travel. I also knew that at 30 there wouldnt be much scope in the future. It was either go now or never go.

I knew that my gf wouldn't want to go backpacking with me and when ever I raised the idea in passing she would dismiss it as something that was not really her idea of fun. She preferred weekends away in nice hotels or a week in the sun on a beach.

I made the momentus decision to leave. I broke up with her shortly after booking my ROTW ticket. This was very hard to do. I knew that it would but untangling myself from my dublin life and from a girl I loved very much was heartbraking and made me feel extremely guilty for hurting her.

I knew that trying to continue a long distance relationship with her while travelling was not going to work and might cause us both more pain in the long run. Breaking up at home meant that she could get a chance to move on and we could talk about it together in person rather than the massive stress that breaking up from 5,000 miles away can cause. ( i have seen this and its can be awful for both parties distance can cause mistrust and jealousy on both sides and often lead to very bad break ups)

Anyway, my trip was everything I hoped it could be and more. I have done amazing things, seen the most fantastic sights (most of them in South America). Made loads and loads of wonderful new friends and have learned alot about myself. I travelled alone for 6 months which is a truly liberating and adventurous experience.

If I think back to where I was 18 months ago when I was wrestling with the decision to travel. I can only say that I am glad I did and it was entirely worth it.

So if it is a burning desire then you must go. It is a selfish act. Its all about you. But that doesnt mean its wrong.

I say book it and go for it. And if you have savings. Book your trip going from South America to Oz, South East Asia is great but South America is at least 100 times better and more enriching experience. You can learn spanish in a school in South America and this will be allow you to converse with the locals and add a new dimension to your travelling experience.

Having said all of this. A guy I met from London and travelled with on and off over a good few months did manage to maintain a relationship with his gf for 9 months. His gf came to see him in New Zealand for a month, half way through, and they are still together. He was completely faithful and besotted with her and though he spent two hours aday on Skype I admired him greatly. So it is possible to maintain a relationship while travelling.

Be warned though temptation will spring from every corner. Hostels are a haven of beautiful, energetic, tanned and exotic fellow travellers and you may find it hard to resist the tempations!

LegacyUser

First of all thanks to eveyone for replying its all great advice and ive been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days. I think what I am going to do is to re-evaluate my situation after christmas. My friends that I mentioned previously are talking about going in march \ April so I will see where my head is at after christmas and if I still feel like going I will book with them.

Another thing that has been crossing my mind is what happens when you come back? Would I go into a constant state of depression with the weather,economy etc? Will I always have this urge to just pack up and leave? Will I ever come back?

@blinb
I know my OH wouldnt want to go travelling for more than a month, as she is a real home bird. I know travelling isnt all about back-packing and sleeping rough etc, but thats the part that I think I would really enjoy, not staying in nice hotels or apts. I would much prefer sleeping rough and meeting people in hostels etc. Another thing is that I think its something I would like to do on my own just to see where my head is at. I mean I might end up missing her like crazy after a few months and if I do well then I will probably pack up and come home.

@IrishRail
I could easily arrange a month or two off with my job and id say my GF would let me go on my own for a month or two, but I would be afraid that if I was enjoying myself too much that I just wouldnt come back and that would cause more hurt than if I went for a year.

@Dudara + Pigeon Reaper
I dont feel that the relationship has ran its course, I have considered travelling with my OH but as for the reasons mentioned above it just wouldnt work. Even when we go away for a two week holiday her idea of fun is lying on a sun bed all day wheras I like to go exploring. rent a car,scuba diving,day trip excursions etc, and in the past ive had to do these things on my own. In fact in the last year or two we have had to go away with other couples just to "keep me occupied" I have no problem with this whatsover, I just know that if I was away with her for a year it would really get to me.

@Glowing
If i sat down and had a chat with her she could probably be persuaded into going, but I would know in her heart that she would only be going for me. She would have no interest in travelling but would go with me to Iraq if it meant we would be together. And that in my opinion would be as selfish as to just go on my own. Oh and btw one of my hetrosexual mates brings a GHD everywhere!

@notregisdyet
Wow, fair play mate, would you possibly update us when you get back on where your head is at?

@Just back
Great story and advice...
1st of all I admire being able to go on your own but im afraid im just not that type of character, I know it would probably do me the world of good to go on my own but not in a million years would I be able for it.

How are you feeling now that you are back? Do you want to pack up and leave again? Do you want to get back with your ex or does she want to get back with you? Do you feel constantly depressed with this little messed up island of ours?