Not living life as it should be lived

LegacyUser

I've often read advice here that I never looked for, and admired the ability of certain people to give solid help to people they have never even met. Today I'm looking for some of that.

I have a great life; fantastic partner, good health, a good job, some good friends, my own home etc. In the past year or so I've achieved a lot in terms of lining these things up to make a life that on paper looks good. The advice I need though goes beyond that. I don't feel like I'm living my life at all. I'm energyless, and lazy. Where I once had the motivation to do as much as I could fit into the day, now all I do is sleep, work, and eat. My work doesn't interfere with life, in that Im not saying I need to reduce the hours I do. I love my job and I have the free time I need. I just don't use it anymore.

I see myself getting less fit and active, due to lack of motivation, and lack of effort. Its like watching myself sometimes and thinking 'hey.. you're at it again! Do something! Go outside, tidy the garden, anything! Yet the other me never responds.
I know I have things very good, and I am the luckiest person alive. I just feel so guilty for not using these things to feel like I'm achieving the little things in life.. the car washer, garden doer, book reader, socialiser.

Laziness and lack of motivation is seeping into my core and I keep putting a line in the sand that this ends now. It doesn't seem to spark me into action though. I spend my time bored and lazy. I have all the great intentions in the world yet I spend most of my time watching for a new post on boards, or watching re-runs of programmes I've already seen. I feel like my social circle is smaller by the day and that scares me.

I want to go back to basics and eat properly, live actively, and spend my money wisely. I just can't seem to make me do it. Its a selfish way to be because I see people with less luck or good things in life, using their lives better. I look at them in stupid jealousy and think, I wish I could do that. Its ridiculous. I have control of all of this, and yet I feel like I don't.

I'm not sure what advice I'm after to be honest.. Maybe just typing this out will help. I need to stop sitting there watching the best days of my life pass by. I need to eat well, sleep well, cycle well, run, walk, read, talk, dig, clean, tidy. I just need to make myself do it. Today is a line in the sand, I just hope its a deeper one than the one before.

Thanks for reading. Maybe someone who has reached a point where they need to kick themselves in the behind and use their life well, and who has achieved that might give me some inspiration.

Time out

Hey, maybe you are being too harsh on yourself. Looks like you have achieved a lot - house, partner, job YOU ENJOY. Dont underestimate the job enjoyment part - its great to have a good work life.
I reckon sometimes a person just needs a time to chill and do nothing. Now if you have been this way for the last five years then maybe you need to change things but if its just a few months just enjoy it and enjoy what you have achieved.
Maybe think about some long term targets eg doing marathon next october, doing college course etc. , the type of things once you do them no one can take them away from you!

barbiegirl

As I sit on the sofa, eating monkey nuts, watching telly and surfing when I should be lighting the fire, cleaning the house and starting dinner The only way I can get motivated is to write a list of what needs doing, allocating a day/time and then I do it. Also for fitness doing something with others like a team event works best as I feel I'm letting others down if I don't attend.
Go easy on yourself though. Sometimes you need to chill.Now I will move my ass and clean up a bit :-)

Oryx

Your post could be summed up by the words "Is this it?" Youve got it all and hang on, is this all life is about? Yes, you have everything you could want, and maybe thats the problem. You have no challenge. No ambition to reach for, and no incentive. Everything is rosy, but everything is dull.

You are stuck in a rut, and you need something to light a fire under you and inspire you again. So its time for something new. I cant tell you what that is, because I dont know you. But whatever it is, it needs to push you out of your comfort zone and be scary. Whether its a new skill, a sport challenge for charity, learning to tap dance, a parachute jump. I dont know. All I do know is do something that makes you nervous, something your not sure you CAN do. Do something that you can look towards and work for.

Im not talking rubbish here, Im speaking from experience. Ive spent the last few years pushing myself to do things I never dreamt I could. Depression and laziness cannot exist where you also feel butterflies and nervous excitement. So please, try it.:)

LegacyUser

Read "A New Earth" written by Eckhart Tolle

Curvy Vixen

Maybe you need something to add some va-va-voom to your life?

You sound like you thrive on challenges..you mention your home, your job etc. all of which you worked hard to 'line up'. And now I'd say it's a bit of 'what next?'

Is there something that you would like to do that would challenge you either mentally or physically? Whether it be parachute jumping or vegetable growing we all have something that turns us on.

That way there will be more inclination to get off the sofa and do something more than just your internal nagging voice...it'll be something you want to do rather than feel you have to do.

But you know what? Sitting on the sofa and chilling is actually doing something too..... and we all need some 'down' time so make sure to incorporate that in your life instead of berating yourself for what you aren't doing.

AARRRGH

Everyone goes through phases of not really living their life, so don't be too hard on yourself. The important thing is to not let that become the new you, and it looks like you're trying to prevent that, so well done.

The lounging around and poor diet are definitely going to make things worse. It's actually really easy to eat healthily - snack on tins of tuna and bananas instead of chocolate, and cut out processed food. Cous cous, chicken breasts and veg takes as long to cook as a frozen pizza.

If possible try to give up alcohol. I quit alcohol a while ago and the difference is huge - in particular I noticed my cravings for coffee + chocolate were linked to my hangovers, and drinking coffee made me want to drink alcohol, so it was a vicious circle! Cutting out alcohol has meant I no longer drink coffee or eat junk and the physical and mental changes are pretty good!

So get your diet in order first.

If you can afford it, why not book yourself into a 5 day health spa or something like that? You'll come back feeling great + motivated to continue a new healthy lifestyle.

silvine

1)Stop procrastinating.

2) There's nothing wrong with chocolate. It's a treat

3) There's nothing wrong with beer. It's a great social lubricant

4) Everyone needs to eat well, sleep well, run well etc etc but I'm sure most people would say they fall a little short of their aspirations at times

5) The internet/tv is a time sink but they are also very entertaining tools. And your now waiting for a post to help so I'd hardly call that a waste of time

AARRRGH

@ ---^

The OP is unhappy with his unhealthy lifestyle and wants a change. You have to read my post in the context of this thread.

LegacyUser

I hear ya.

Firstly, life can be boring, that's a given.

Some things we don't do, because we don't actually want to do them. I never liked gardening and so I put that off for as long as possible. In winter, I'm less likely to go for long walks.

There's a great chapter in "The Feeling Good Handbook" By Dr. David Burns which shows why we procrastinate and how we can change our behaviour/motivation. Well worth the money. Even "Awaken The Giant Within" by Anthony Robbins has some good things about what you want out of life. Don't worry about his pic on the front and some of the corny stories....

Maybe your weeks are too samey.... and you've nothing much to look forward to. You work, you meet the same people, you go to the same places.

Have you thought about getting rid of your tv? I live without one and although I am online more often, I also read a lot more and am more likely to go out more even just to meet a friend for a chat.

When I used to work 9 - 5, I would sleep on the bus in and then on the bus home and then on the sofa in front of the box and my life was pointless.... I realised that that life wasn't for me. I could never be motivated to do work as I never really wanted to become manager or director, I only ever wanted to work for me.

What are your priorities in life? What are you working towards? What drove you to get to where you are now?

DeiseChick87

i can totally see where ur coming from. You see things you should/want to be doing, but u'll just watch one more programme before you do it or you'll do it after you check for new posts on boards. Think we've all been there at some stage, but the longer you keep doing it the harder it will be to break the habit. It almost leaves you feeling guilty that ur not doing something & its the guilt thats making you feel like crap.
Maybe you could start off with one thing and gradually build up to what u should/want to be doing. Lets face it, we should all eat better, exercise more, do up the garden, wash the car , the list is endless. But were not going to wake up tomorrow and start all these together, its expecting too much from yourself. Do one thing at a time. Personally when i tell myself "i should" be doing this, that or the other ...it just doesnt happen, because ive made it negative before i get a chance to do it.

You have to remember though, you've accomplished ALOT in all area's of ur life! Good for you its good to take time out for yourself aswel. Set aside some "me time" & do things you enjoy not necessarly exercising or doing nothing. Like simple things ,go get your hair done, go to the cinema wit friends, basically anything that makes u feel good about you...because you deserve to feel good. You've done loads with you life, ur highly sucessful & u deserve to relax as much as the next person, poss more:) dont be so hard on urself either!!

hope some of that helps xxx

LegacyUser

Thanks a lot for all the advice. I think maybe I have come to a point where I need to have little goals each day for things that need doing, and try to get some of them done. I think I need to feel like I'm achieving the little things as well as the big things.

I worked hard over the past few years to stablise my life and give myself a career and a life that I can and should be proud of. Maybe I need to ease up on myself and enjoy the smaller things in life too. Maybe I was so focussed on getting the big goals achieved that now I need to set goals again. I'm not about to do anything too longterm because I'm tired of that a little. I went back to college part time and it took a long time to finish what I'd started.

Posting has made me think about my daily routine and I think that I spend too much time doing nothing in particular. I need to fill that time with purposeful things, like going for a run, or tidying the thing that needed tidying all week etc.

Thanks again. I'll keep you posted.

By the way.. Going out to get my hair done only takes minutes.. I should do that! As a bloke who's not gifted in the hair department, thats an easy start

LegacyUser

NeedsAdvice wrote: »

I see myself getting less fit and active, due to lack of motivation, and lack of effort. Its like watching myself sometimes and thinking 'hey.. you're at it again! Do something! Go outside, tidy the garden, anything! Yet the other me never responds.
I know I have things very good, and I am the luckiest person alive. I just feel so guilty for not using these things to feel like I'm achieving the little things in life.. the car washer, garden doer, book reader, socialiser.

Laziness and lack of motivation is seeping into my core and I keep putting a line in the sand that this ends now. It doesn't seem to spark me into action though. I spend my time bored and lazy. I have all the great intentions in the world yet I spend most of my time watching for a new post on boards, or watching re-runs of programmes I've already seen. I feel like my social circle is smaller by the day and that scares me.

I want to go back to basics and eat properly, live actively, and spend my money wisely. I just can't seem to make me do it. Its a selfish way to be because I see people with less luck or good things in life, using their lives better. I look at them in stupid jealousy and think, I wish I could do that. Its ridiculous. I have control of all of this, and yet I feel like I don't.

I'm not sure what advice I'm after to be honest.. Maybe just typing this out will help. I need to stop sitting there watching the best days of my life pass by. I need to eat well, sleep well, cycle well, run, walk, read, talk, dig, clean, tidy. I just need to make myself do it. Today is a line in the sand, I just hope its a deeper one than the one before.

Thanks for reading. Maybe someone who has reached a point where they need to kick themselves in the behind and use their life well, and who has achieved that might give me some inspiration.

As has been mentioned all ready it does seem you're being a little too hard on yourself.

The first thing I would do is stop looking at other people, your not them, no matter what you do in life there will be someone else doing more, someone that has less doing more someone with less enjoying it more if you look around I'm sure will see people with a lot more than you doing less, they're all individuals living their own lives forget about them and stay focused on your own.

You don't _need_ to do anything.

If you feel you need to change something in your diet for your overall health/well being take a look at what your currently eating and make very small changes to it.

Not eating fish? add it to your meals once a week. not getting out and walking? go for a short 15 minitue stroll in the park feed the ducks look at the flowers and enjoy the stroll, don't mark it off as something you HAVE to do.

Don't start making all these big plans to change your whole life around wishing your life away, start with small enjoyable steps, maybe try a new sport you never done before become a child again where you can learn new things make mistakes and just enjoy doing it for the sake of an enjoyment and not as some chore that has to be done to make your life have some sort of meaning.

The only thing you have to do in this life is live. moaning about what your not doing or whining that someone else is doing it better will just make you feel guilty make you not want to get out and do it and cause yourself needless stress.

Relax, small steps and smile....

sounds like new age hippy bullsh|t but it's that simple really, don't try and complicate it.