Did he cheat when we were together?

35notout

My BF and I have recently (4 weeks) split after being with each other for nearly 4 years. We shared a house together etc.

He moved out 4 weeks ago for, as we were not getting on that well -he was never there really (wroking, training or some other excuse), and I was going through a bad time myself (sick mother) so we grew apart.

He now has another woman, and has been sleeping with her for a couple of weeks (he moved into a mutual friends house)

He says he never cheated on me - yet how come he's with someone so quickly? Bearing in mind he works a lot and was never home to me!!

He denies he did, but I don;t believe him - what do you think?

star-pants

Hey OP - I know it must hurt that he's moved on so quick but noone except him can tell you if he cheated or not.
If you say ye had grown apart, he may have become friends with this lady, and when ye separated they started dating?

It's horrible to have someone move on so quick, you guys had been together a long time I know, but if ye have gone your separate ways - worrying if he'd been with this girl before ye separated isn't going to help your head any.

I'd feel the same, it's really soon etc but everyones different I guess - and if ye'd grown apart, it means feelings had lessened a good while ago, thus making it easier to be interested in someone else perhaps.

I'm sorry if I'm not much help - but I just don't think you'll find the answer you want here hun.

redfacedbear

It's hard to say.

It sounds like he was emotionally disengaged from your relationship long before you split up so it is entirely possible that he was able to move on very quickly once he was a free agent again.

Or another possibility: Seeing as he was half-way out the door before the split it is also entirely possible that he had somebody else lined up to go to. Whether that lining-up process involved any cheating (actual physical cheating or emotional cheating) is again impossible to say.

Besides, I would suggest that it is all moot anyway. You've broken up and you should really focus on getting over the relationship rather than torturing yourself with wondering how he has moved on so quickly.

monkeytronics

He may have or he may not have.

It could be the case that he has built up a friendship with this other person and now being single he can engage in sexual behaviour.

It is quite likely that he was leaning towards sexual feelings with this person during your relationship. But he may not have actually cheated. Whether you see a difference in the two things is up to you.

Going by the info provided we cannot say if he cheated.!

Marksie

35notout wrote: »

He denies he did, but I don;t believe him - what do you think?

In real terms does it matter?

What are you hoping to achieve by pondering this? Apart from a class A migraine and wrecking your own head, would it help you to move on faster, or ease the hurt?

You are hurting yes, and he "seems" to have moved on very quickly.

That answer is he may or he may have not, he may even have not but it was something that was building and he ended it with you before he did physically cheat.
If you do not believe him thats your perogative, but the best way of moving on is by living your life well and not by looking back and wondering.

Allah Hu Akbar

35notout wrote: »

My BF and I have recently (4 weeks) split after being with each other for nearly 4 years. We shared a house together etc.

He moved out 4 weeks ago for, as we were not getting on that well -he was never there really (wroking, training or some other excuse), and I was going through a bad time myself (sick mother) so we grew apart.

He now has another woman, and has been sleeping with her for a couple of weeks (he moved into a mutual friends house)

He says he never cheated on me - yet how come he's with someone so quickly? Bearing in mind he works a lot and was never home to me!!

He denies he did, but I don;t believe him - what do you think?

To be honest I think he was getting good training lessons.....

Oryx

No one here can tell you. And all you are doing by asking the question is picking at a wound. It doesnt matter if he did cheat or not, youve split, so your vengeance at him for cheating would be wasted energy anyway.

Its easy for me to say, but move on. At least you know that his heart wasnt in your relationship and your breakup was the right thing.

LegacyUser

Well you already know that we haven't a clue if he did or he didn't. So reading between the lines, it sounds like what you're really asking us is "does the fact he has another woman mean it's definitely over?"

When he moved out how did ye leave things? Were you by any chance under the impression that ye would try to work things out and he'd be back? Whereas he has evidently taken it that ye've definitively broken up and he's free to do his own thing. It sounds to me like that is why you're upset at the moment.

So the question is what do you want from him at the moment? We don't know the wrongs and rights of what caused ye to break up but if you were having any thoughts of saving the relationship or getting back together, you'd need to talk to him soon. He might even have got it out of his system being with someone else while broken up. But if you don't want him back, well, you've nothing to complain about in terms of him doing his own thing now.

Wibbs

Allah Hu Akbar infracted. Read the charter. People do not come here to be insulted. Any more of that and you will be banned.

Allah Hu Akbar

How am I insulting her?

She comes on the web asking opinions, I'm just giving her mine.

She has already said he was always off doing something so IMO he was cheating on her. I know all of ye want to make her feel better but the truth is the guy sounds like a user.

Maybe you're better off without him, no offense but if he was with another girl so quick I think there was something going on.

Wibbs

As a one liner without your subsequent explanation it comes across as flippant and hardly useful to the OP. Simple as. If you have an issue, then fair enough, but no more on thread clutter(as laid out i the charter) take to PM or the helpdesk.

35notout

Thanks for the replies guys. They really have helped. You're right, what does it matter if he did or didn't? He's made his choice I suppose and I need to get on with it (easier said than done, but I'll get there)

He hasn't moved his stuff out, so I think if I bag it and leave it out of sight, that would be a good start.

I really needed you guys to tell me what you did - sometimes a strangers advice is the advice you listen to rather than someone close.

It doesn't matter if he did or didn't - I can't let it wreck my head, and thats what I'm doing.

Deep breaths and onwards I suppose

Curvy Vixen

35notout wrote: »

He hasn't moved his stuff out, so I think if I bag it and leave it out of sight, that would be a good start.

Just a P.S. on this...if you are serious about ending this relationship you need to get his stuff out of the house, not just out of sight. He almost has a foot in both camps storing his stuff at yours and living/sleeping elsewhere.

Pack it up nicely and contact him and offer to drop it off to him or maybe at his parents/friends house.

Then you can get on with your life with no distractions...

John Mason

yeah, he probably he, he might not have actually buried the rabbit and but there was other stuff going on. he was waiting to get you out of the way, so he could shack up with the new one.

Also the reason he hasnt moved the stuff out of your house is because he is waiting to see how things go with the new girl, if it doesnt work out he will be able to back in with you, with minmum hassle

Karen_*

35notout wrote: »

Deep breaths and onwards I suppose

Exactly.

Please don't wreck your head with wondering because you still won't know. And assumption is the mother of all f*ck ups too. Concentrate on yourself and how you're doing.

marti101

Get his stuff out and spend time on yourself,do all the things you were never able to do.Also go out with friends and enjoy yourself because hes certainly not worried about you so go out have a god time and heal.

35notout

cheers guys!

Bin liners will be my new best friend (for his stuff)

Oryx

35notout wrote: »

cheers guys!

Bin liners will be my new best friend (for his stuff)

And resist the temptation to be rough with the breakables.:D

Good on ya for moving on. Onwards and upwards!!

SarahJ

A similar thing happened to me beofre, and I spent a lot of my time asking myself, 'did he do this?' and replaying things. But at the end of the day, its over, so you have to move on (to someone way better!) and forget the 'did he, didn't he'. That fact is, you will probably never find out for sure, and if you ask him, chances are he's gona lie!

35notout

SarahJ wrote: »

A similar thing happened to me beofre, and I spent a lot of my time asking myself, 'did he do this?' and replaying things. But at the end of the day, its over, so you have to move on (to someone way better!) and forget the 'did he, didn't he'. That fact is, you will probably never find out for sure, and if you ask him, chances are he's gona lie!

That's the truth! I'll get the money he owes me, and get his stuff out of my house, and its a new month on Saturday - new month new outlook!

Guys, thanks a million for all this

John Mason

35notout wrote: »

That's the truth! I'll get the money he owes me, and get his stuff out of my house, and its a new month on Saturday - new month new outlook!

Guys, thanks a million for all this

Probably best to get a new lock for the door as well

LegacyUser

He was probably boning her alright.
But sure then again - some girls would sleep with the
dogs in the street.