Has anyone ever made a move on a good friend?

needhelpguy

So I'm in a situation now where I know a girl really well the last two years and we're good friends. She is always giving mixed signals.

I'm wary of making a move because rejection could ruin our friendship and make the group-based activities we do together very awkward. Even if we did go out, when we brake up it would be even more difficult.

But I'd like to know if anyone else here has made a move on a close friend and how did it turn out?

Hogzy

Its a real hit or a miss situation. i tried it before and got shot down, from then on it was just plain awkward even though we didnt get together.

If its been 2 years then your probably in the friend zone. If you really like her friendship then going for this wouldnt really be worth the risk. Again this is just my perspective. if it was me id steer well clear but i dont know you or this girl so...

A womens view on this would be golden!!!!

Monkey61

Eek tricky one. To be honest this is hit and miss. What kind of mixed signals are you getting OP? It is always as well to bear in mind that girls can often act slightly flirtatiously around their male friends if they are comfortable around them and don't mean anything by it.

Is there anyone else in the group that is close to this girl that might be able to give you an idea of whether she is into you or not?

It may just come down to whether you can be happy enough being good friends forever or if you feel you have to go for it. If you thought you were madly in love with her and being around her all the time was just torturing you then I would say go for it. But if you are just mildly interested and could as easily see yourself liking someone else then maybe it's just best to let it go.

coolmoose

made a move on a good friend of mine last year (4 years plus). same story, mixed signals. after talking about it on a few occassions, eventually just kissed her one night, she kissed me back, she suggested we go on a date away from the rest of the group. so we did, went on two dates, had great time, kissed, laughed etc. and she then decided we'd be better as friends one day.

didn't make things awkward or anything between us, depends on how much you expect out of it i suppose. she's still giving mixed signals though...will never understand women! :pac:

my advice...if you really like her just go for it, it may not work out, but hey carpe diem and all that!

af_thefragile

Both the girlfriends i had were initially just good friends... But i didn't make any move, it just sorta happened like we were "meant to be"...!

I say its not gonna happen until there's some level of attraction from her side to. If there's none then you'll get that "I don't wanna ruin our friendship" or "you're a really good friend and i'ld like to just keep it that way" crap from her.

So first make sure she's got something for you too and then make your move.

Zillah

In my experience there's no such thing as mixed signals. If someone really likes you, you'll be able to tell unless they're deliberately hiding it, and hiding it well. From what I've experienced "mixed signals" is usually just an infatuated person desperately interpreting normal behaviour as reciprocation (I've been the infatuated person, trust me).

Before you do anything I'd reccomend you try to sit back and really think about what "signals" she's given you, and if they really are a sign that she likes you or might they actually be quite normal.

Also, as for awkwardness if she says no or you get together and break up; it really depends on the person. I asked out a friend and they said no thank you and we moved on, no complications, but I knew that was likely so I went for it.

You can always pull that age old teenage trick of asking her best friend what she thinks.

alexiadexia

Go for it!!! If you are close enough and it doesn't work out you could be ok & still be friends!! I'm with my bf 2 yrs now & we were best buds beforehand. Every situations different tho...

Malari

Zillah wrote: »

In my experience there's no such thing as mixed signals. If someone really likes you, you'll be able to tell unless they're deliberately hiding it, and hiding it well. From what I've experienced "mixed signals" is usually just an infatuated person desperately interpreting normal behaviour as reciprocation (I've been the infatuated person, trust me).

Before you do anything I'd reccomend you try to sit back and really think about what "signals" she's given you, and if they really are a sign that she likes you or might they actually be quite normal.

Also, as for awkwardness if she says no or you get together and break up; it really depends on the person. I asked out a friend and they said no thank you and we moved on, no complications, but I knew that was likely so I went for it.

You can always pull that age old teenage trick of asking her best friend what she thinks.

Yes, I'm afraid I have been on the receiving end of a "move" twice in my life. Both were very good friends, we were extremely close, but there was NO attraction at all on my part.

The first guy accepted when I told him but then whenever we settled back into our old friendship he started misreading signs again and made another move. This must have happened about 3 or 4 times and we don't speak anymore now. I just never felt comfortable around him again.

The other guy just wouldn't take no for an answer and turned into a right manipulative backstard, lying to my friends about things I was supposed to have said about them, etc.

I would suggest not saying anything directly, but maybe talking about guys she likes, etc. If she feels the same way towards you she will then have ample opportunity to say something.

Wagon

Impossable to tell im afraid. In my experience though, your probably in the aul friend zone. Most lads usually are. You could be a nice bloke, a gentleman, someone she can trust, a comedian, an advisor and a shoulder to cry on and she'd feckin think of you as her big brother :rolleyes:

Nothing can change the way we think so it's nobody's fault. You have a few options anyway:

1) Getting mixed signals and your pretty curious to see how it would go ofr what's going on? Yeah go on, may as well ask.

2) Mad about her and your head is wrecked thinking about it? Yes, definately ask. Even if she say's no, it's just nice to clear your mind and know not to waste much time on it.

3) Don't really care either way and are afraid of risking the friendship? If your sure you want to be "just friends" then there's no point in asking.

So it's up you you boss.

tannytantans

My boyfriend and i were best friends for almost 3 years before we started going out and we've been together 2 years now We'd always flirted with eachother and one night just kissed drunkenly!!!

I know people eho it has backfired for though. Do the two of you flirt a lot?Does she ever seem jealous if you're with other girls?

It's hard to know!I say ask her out casually to the cinema or for a few drinks on your own - if she says no you can always try to laugh it off......

irish_boy90

Last time i tried that was about 3 days ago :rolleyes:
got told she taught of me as a friend, she didn't want a relationship etc. Ya know the usual stuff. if you like her i say you might as well try. if it may make things weird so what? better than doing nothing as i did once before and spent a lot of time pondering over something that wasn't there.:o

Galvasean

I was in a similar situation once (didn't work ). Luckily we are still good pals and she doesn't hold it against me.
If your friendship is that good she's not going to let it end over something like that. If she does, maybe she's not THAT great a friend.

tinabyrne5

Guilty as charged!!!
Yes made a move on a good friend of mine, like yourself was afraid of rejection and messing up our friendship and like yourself was getting mixed signals.
I plucked up the courage one day and told him.
I was terrified but was delighted to hear he felt the same way.
We are now 10 years happily married and would not change a thing.

needhelpguy

Thanks for the replies. I notice that all the successfull posters in this thread are all girls...go figure Not many guys would turn down a girl asking them out/telling them how they feel.

I think I'll leave it tbh. Getting involved would just complicate things. It's not like I want to marry her or anything.

eroo

needhelpguy wrote: »

Even if we did go out, when we brake up it would be even more difficult.

If that is your attitude mate, best leave it imo.

LegacyUser

i think you should tell her. im in the situation at the moment that I really like my friend. Im giving him mixed signals because I dont know how to act around him, I want to still come across as his friend but at the same time want to flirt my little cotton socks off with him. I wish I could be brave enough to tell him! dont give up, please do tell her, you never know, it might be me!

LegacyUser

hi just reading through this thread thought id share my experience from the girl's perspective... me and a guy were friends for 5 yrs. Got on great. Had the feeling he thought i was good-looking but never thought he actually fancied , like really liked me. So one night recently we were out. Both of us had a few drinks and we end up getting together. (not sex or anything, just kissing for the night holding hands etc).

Then the next morning he texts me expecting us to get into a relationship and taking the kiss way too seriously. I only wanted a bit of fun. Turns guy was in love with me for years.But the physical attraction wasnt there on my side, i just wanted to be friends but he found it too hard not being together and just friends.

Now he hates me, we dont talk. He's done some really nasty things for revenge for "what ive done to him". So ask her friend definitely before u wreck a friendship because unless you're sure its gonna go well.
DONT DO IT!

Red Alert

You mightn't get a straight answer either, because I didn't. She said she was 'confused'. We kissed on a night out, and to be perfectly honest she initiated it as much as I did. Then a few days later she decides again that she's confused and that we should 'at the moment keep things the way they are'. The friend story checks out too, as she told a mutual friend of ours that she really likes me. Now I'm the confused one.

Rabies

I've done it more than once.

Been with a good friend of mine in college. We went out for about 6 months. That ended. We never spoke again. Regret it.

When I went back to college a couple of years later I was with a friend again. We were getting on like a house on fire for a while. People could see the attraction. We hooked, didn't sleep together. That was it, still good friends. Hasn't changed a thing.

Now I'm seeing a girl I was working with for a year before we started going out. We flirted around but never did anything. We both went out to a staff party, even though I knew she liked me, I slept with someone else that night. Didn't know if I should do the whole getting with a friend again. She was annoyed and did the same thing as me. We chatted the next day about what happened. We're going out over a year now and are planning on moving in together in a couple of months. Couldn't be happier.

So what I'm saying is, its ok to be with a friend if you don't take it too far before it ends and can still keep the friendship. You have to risk it, to gain it.

needhelpguy

Unregistered wrote: »

i think you should tell her. im in the situation at the moment that I really like my friend. Im giving him mixed signals because I dont know how to act around him, I want to still come across as his friend but at the same time want to flirt my little cotton socks off with him. I wish I could be brave enough to tell him! dont give up, please do tell her, you never know, it might be me!

Ah you want to flirt but do you want to go out with him?! That is the real question! (and knows maybe it is me?!)

Thanks for the replies, an interesting mix here, I'm still struggling with this one personally.

olazabal

I'm in the same position myself and feel such a coward that I have not yet said something. Of course if she was to feel likewise it could be such a brilliant thing for both of you, and for us in my case.

This seems to be a fairly major problem that arises on an almost weekly basis on the Board - it generally is guys that are posting, but girls too. Maybe we should just grasp the nettle - but if only it was that easy!

Wibbs

olazabal wrote: »

This seems to be a fairly major problem that arises on an almost weekly basis on the Board - it generally is guys that are posting, but girls too. Maybe we should just grasp the nettle - but if only it was that easy!

On the man side, I think it's because more and more men now compared to the past have women friends. Which is good, but all too often men don't know how to handle that. Personally, and I make no apologies for it, I could not be friends with a woman I fancied or had romantic feelings for. Simple as that. I don't see the point frankly. I have enough friends, both male and female where that layer of complication isn't there.

It wouldn't be friendship either. It would be me hanging around like a gobshíte hoping that one day she might see me as a romantic option. :rolleyes: That to me is pretty pathetic tbh. OK she may get the ego boost(most of the time they know you're into them) and the shoulder to cry on, but it's not doing her much good either.

I reckon because of more women "mates" men have forgotten how to be men. I do not mean some caveman idiot, I mean an emotionally balanced, sexual male who won't compromise himself for a quiet life or out of false hope. The fact is women prefer men. Even the caveman idiot is getting more women, more of the time than emotionally incontinent sensitive boy.

Basically, you're a hetrosexual male so act like it. In the vast majority of cases the woman doesn't put the man in friendzone, the man does.


For women who fancy a friend, I would say it's an equally hard one. I would also say that unless the guy is quite backward socially, the chances are high he doesn't fancy you. Tread carefully

kingtut

Stay well clear!! The disadvantages of ending up with a friend far outweigh the advantages!!!

Firstly if you get rejected it will be really awkward and she will never think the same way about you if she does reject you (by this I mean she will always think that you are checking her out or thinking about her as more than a friend).

Secondly it could make hanging around in your social group very awkard!!

My advice - find a non friend to be with!!! :eek:

Tigger

Wibbs wrote: »

On the man side, I think it's because more and more men now compared to the past have women friends. Which is good, but all too often men don't know how to handle that. Personally, and I make no apologies for it, I could not be friends with a woman I fancied or had romantic feelings for. Simple as that. I don't see the point frankly. I have enough friends, both male and female where that layer of complication isn't there.

It wouldn't be friendship either. It would be me hanging around like a gobshíte hoping that one day she might see me as a romantic option. :rolleyes: That to me is pretty pathetic tbh. OK she may get the ego boost(most of the time they know you're into them) and the shoulder to cry on, but it's not doing her much good either.

I reckon because of more women "mates" men have forgotten how to be men. I do not mean some caveman idiot, I mean an emotionally balanced, sexual male who won't compromise himself for a quiet life or out of false hope. The fact is women prefer men. Even the caveman idiot is getting more women, more of the time than emotionally incontinent sensitive boy.

Basically, you're a hetrosexual male so act like it. In the vast majority of cases the woman doesn't put the man in friendzone, the man does.


For women who fancy a friend, I would say it's an equally hard one. I would also say that unless the guy is quite backward socially, the chances are high he doesn't fancy you. Tread carefully

excellet post says exactly what i wanted to say yet without the spelling and gramitical errors

Malari

Wibbs wrote: »

On the man side, I think it's because more and more men now compared to the past have women friends. Which is good, but all too often men don't know how to handle that. Personally, and I make no apologies for it, I could not be friends with a woman I fancied or had romantic feelings for. Simple as that. I don't see the point frankly. I have enough friends, both male and female where that layer of complication isn't there.

It wouldn't be friendship either. It would be me hanging around like a gobshíte hoping that one day she might see me as a romantic option. :rolleyes: That to me is pretty pathetic tbh. OK she may get the ego boost(most of the time they know you're into them) and the shoulder to cry on, but it's not doing her much good either.

I reckon because of more women "mates" men have forgotten how to be men. I do not mean some caveman idiot, I mean an emotionally balanced, sexual male who won't compromise himself for a quiet life or out of false hope. The fact is women prefer men. Even the caveman idiot is getting more women, more of the time than emotionally incontinent sensitive boy.

Basically, you're a hetrosexual male so act like it. In the vast majority of cases the woman doesn't put the man in friendzone, the man does.


For women who fancy a friend, I would say it's an equally hard one. I would also say that unless the guy is quite backward socially, the chances are high he doesn't fancy you. Tread carefully

Great post...I wouldn't have put it so diplomatically, so didn't say anything

Wagon

needhelpguy wrote: »

Ah you want to flirt but do you want to go out with him?! That is the real question! (and knows maybe it is me?!)

Thanks for the replies, an interesting mix here, I'm still struggling with this one personally.

Well, why not ask her so? Seeing as how your still a little lost and thinking about it then bite the bullet and find out. Wibbs post is great, especially the bit about the bloke putting himself in the friend zone and not the lady in question. Get yourself out of that "friend zone", it's just a lonely corner given to the poor chap pining for her love. Real friends don't deserve to be in there mate. Ask her out for a drink some night adn these are the possible results:

- She likes you "as a friend".
Doesn't mean she looks at you as her ghey best friend or the shoulder to cry on (she can get a ghey lad to do that), just means she ain't attracted to you sunshine and that's nobody's fault.

- She likes you "in that way" She finds you attractive and wants to go out with you. Deadly.

- "Oh...em..."
She gets all awkward around you and avoids you. Bollocks to her, she can't handle a common situation like an adult. Not a friend I'd miss much to be honest.

napapa

ask her out mate, probably best if you have one or two drinks beforehand, worked for me. we knew each other over a year so it wasn't a serious friendship. but you'll never know if you don't ask... as chopper would say 'Harden the f*"k up!' she'll respect you either way for being honest.

kingtut

Do not ask her out. You will regret it big time.

Yakult

Im in the exact same situation as you OP. I've been crazy about my friend for the past 3 years since I've known her. I would give anything for a chance and have often thought about making a move, but I decided not to. If I lost her as a friend I would be more heart broken than I would be losing her as a gf. Not worth the risk by any means (imo).

Ron DMC

I've made moves on loads of friends over the years. It's grand.
I'd suggest the few drinks beforehand though, cos at least then if all doesn't go to plan you can blame the alcohol and remain friends.
There's a reason you're friends, and it's cos you both like each other, that's the basis of any good relationship, and the best relationships I've been in have started as friends.

Go for it, you only live once.

RugbyFanatic

needhelpguy wrote: »

So I'm in a situation now where I know a girl really well the last two years and we're good friends. She is always giving mixed signals.

I'm wary of making a move because rejection could ruin our friendship and make the group-based activities we do together very awkward. Even if we did go out, when we brake up it would be even more difficult.

But I'd like to know if anyone else here has made a move on a close friend and how did it turn out?

Trust me if she was into you sexually something would have happened by now. Generally any girls I was initially friendly with would eventually make a pass at me on a night out or something I usually ignore girls that I get to know well as theres plenty of girls I don't know that I can hook up with minus the drama but if a girl is really into you and you are ignoring the signals be it conciously or unconciously she will get frustrated and become more and more obvious until eventually she is sitting on your lap spelling it out for you! the fact that she hasn't in 2 years speaks volumes.

You are completely in the 'friend zone'

Wibbs

R_H_C_P wrote: »

Im in the exact same situation as you OP. I've been crazy about my friend for the past 3 years since I've known her. I would give anything for a chance and have often thought about making a move, but I decided not to. If I lost her as a friend I would be more heart broken than I would be losing her as a gf. Not worth the risk by any means (imo).

OK now people differ and such but that just goes over my head(at about the same altitude as the international space station). I'm caught between both a genuine admiration for your fortitude and a bafflement at your fortitude that I struggle to find words for.

Basically you're willing to be noble and loving with the only return being friendship? Now don't get me wrong, I value friendship very deeply. Real proper friendship. I've got friends going back before some here were a gleam in their mother's eye and they are damn good mates, male and female. Some may define meeting people in a group for a while and having a laugh as friendship and that's cool. It's also the type that can go from that to romantic attachment, simply because they're not actually in friendzone in the first place. "Acquaintancezone" at most. In that case the woman will still see you as a possible romantic/sexual option. In friendzone they won't as you have told them you're not.

Now if I decided out of the blue tomorrow that I was in love with one of those long term women mates of mine, I would have to tell them. No ifs buts or maybes. Now if they said nope, never gonna happen, I would walk away. I would walk away until those feelings went away and/or I felt that for someone else. Why? Because the friendship predicated on trust and mutual benefit would be borked. I would not trust many of their actions because of that new knowledge and they certainly would have issues knowing or suspecting that any advice or support I gave them may have other motives. That is not friendship.

Neither would it be friendship if I harboured those thoughts and didn't tell them. For exactly the same reason. There would be ulterior motives. With the best will in the world there would have to be.

The other aspect of this with men in friendzone especially, is IMHO the majority of cases the women know. They may claim not to, but ironically because I do have close women mates, I've seen it time and time again. They know. Even in the back of their head. Even if they don't admit it to themselves. Of course they do. The most plain jane out there has been hit on by more blokes before she hits 20 than most blokes have in their lives. They're used to it, they know the signs. So a guy being "subtle" looks like an elephant wearing a clown outfit in a church. It's fairly obvious. At which point you're being an ego crutch and you applied for the job. The women may like even love you as a mate, but you're considered kinda like one of the girls. They don't see you as a man.

The last reason is that I could simply not lower my expectations of life for the sake of another. I can love someone with a passion that may escape many, but in the end I love myself more. And rightly so. Sounds selfish? I don't think it is. 99% of the crap in relationships comes from people not respecting themselves and valuing themselves. Naturally as it is impossible to respect and value others if you don't start with you. Oh you may fake it for a while, but the cracks show. Every. Single. Time.

So my advice to friendzone guys is get out of it and get out of it fast. You're both stunting your emotional growth and neutering yourself in the process. Every time you're out mooning at her while another guy is getting what you "should be" getting, picture taking an imaginary knife to your danglies, cos that's what you're doing and so long as you do that you won't get her or a woman like her. She's right too. Whey would she be attracted to a man who harbours these emotions yet does bugger all about them?

End result? You may get "lucky" with someone down the line, but sooner or later it'll go south precisely because of that emotional stunting.

If you dig her, tell her. If it backfires, then back off and mark it up to experience. Move on and next time you feel that, let them know early on in the game. Yes you may get knocked back, but there will be times when you won't. Much healthier for you and the relationships you build in the future. End rant.

tolosenc

"Go big or go home."

That was the advice I was given whilst in the same perdicament.

If yous are that close, take her aside, sit her down and be honest about it, say you've been real worried about it for a while, because you didn't want to hurt your friendship, or worse her, but you feel it's better to have these things out in the open.

If she says no, take it like a man. Then say "friends?", and go back to the rest of your mates.

And talk to one of your mutual mates, preferably a bird - they tend to know how each other think down to a tee.

seanyleary

needhelpguy wrote: »

So I'm in a situation now where I know a girl really well the last two years and we're good friends. She is always giving mixed signals.

I'm wary of making a move because rejection could ruin our friendship and make the group-based activities we do together very awkward. Even if we did go out, when we brake up it would be even more difficult.

But I'd like to know if anyone else here has made a move on a close friend and how did it turn out?

beer and lots of it, then Try kissing her. I she kiss you back, result. if not blame the drink.
I have had this a few times and have found that expressing your feels with a nice chat can be very akward is she says no, and would strain the friendship.
where is you can just pass it off as drunk.

Always drink sensibly.

Now if I decided out of the blue tomorrow that I was in love with one of those long term women mates of mine, I would have to tell them. No ifs buts or maybes. Now if they said nope, never gonna happen, I would walk away. I would walk away until those feelings went away and/or I felt that for someone else. Why? Because the friendship predicated on trust and mutual benefit would be borked. I would not trust many of their actions because of that new knowledge and they certainly would have issues knowing or suspecting that any advice or support I gave them may have other motives. That is not friendship.

What do you mean by 'not trusting any of their actions' etc? Why would any trust be broken? Just curious because I have a good male friend who admitted he really, really likes me once on a night out. I have a boyfriend, he knows that, I told him a relationship was off the cards and that was that, back to normal. I thought about telling him we should just drop the friendship but that would be crap - we get along great, he's hilarious, we have a great laugh together with mutual friends. There hasn't really been much awkwardness, OK so I know he fancies me, but I knew that anyway before he said anything. It's not really a big deal. I wouldn't be asking for advice about my fella or anything, but I still consider him a good friend and I'd miss him if he decided he didn't ever want to see me again.

Wibbs

[quote=[Deleted User];57885566]What do you mean by 'not trusting any of their actions' etc? Why would any trust be broken? Just curious because I have a good male friend who admitted he really, really likes me once on a night out. I have a boyfriend, he knows that, I told him a relationship was off the cards and that was that, back to normal.[/QUOTE]For you.

I thought about telling him we should just drop the friendship but that would be crap - we get along great, he's hilarious, we have a great laugh together with mutual friends.

It would be crap for you

. There hasn't really been much awkwardness,

How do you know?

OK so I know he fancies me, but I knew that anyway before he said anything.

OK and that's the usual.

It's not really a big deal.

For you.

I wouldn't be asking for advice about my fella or anything, but I still consider him a good friend and I'd miss him if he decided he didn't ever want to see me again.

Again for you.

I know it may look like that, but I'm not trying to take the píss, but what about how he feels. i mean really feels. He likes you more than a mate. You know that, you knew that and he adds to your life and that's cool for you. What do you add to his? Just asking here.

What do I add to his? Good company, good laugh, fun, etc. Same as with any other mate. I'm not taking the p*ss either - if it's so awkward and horrible for him, he could just not see me anymore. We haven't known each other that long, and I told him I'd completely understand if he didn't want to be friends anymore. He could have easily ditched me. He has loads of mates, and he scores loads of girls on a regular basis. He likes me, a relationship isn't going to happen (I have a boyfriend, he doesn't want anything serious as he broke up with GF a few months back, and I definitely wouldn't want just a fling anyway...) so we're friends, like we were before. So what if he told me he likes me? As you said, it's usually bleeding obvious anyway - it didn't come as a surprise, and I actually had forgotten he even said it until I read this post.

So why does he still want to hang out with me if it's so awkward for him? (Serious question, you might be right but why?)

tolosenc

obl wrote: »

"Go big or go home."

That was the advice I was given whilst in the same perdicament.

If yous are that close, take her aside, sit her down and be honest about it, say you've been real worried about it for a while, because you didn't want to hurt your friendship, or worse her, but you feel it's better to have these things out in the open.

If she says no, take it like a man. Then say "friends?", and go back to the rest of your mates.

And talk to one of your mutual mates, preferably a bird - they tend to know how each other think down to a tee.

Should probably add that this is the plan for this weekend, and I'm bricking it. You ain't alone OP!

Yakult

Wibbs wrote: »

OK now people differ and such but that just goes over my head(at about the same altitude as the international space station). I'm caught between both a genuine admiration for your fortitude and a bafflement at your fortitude that I struggle to find words for.

Ya I get ya alright, but I have learned to throw those feelings away any time they pop into my head cos' I know nothing good will come out of it. like she has made it clear about the aul friend situation, so if its meant to be, it will be. maybe not now, maybe not ever. But Im not waiting for that call as such.

Dark Artist

Whether you decide to go for it or not, please promise me this: don't literally sit her down and start expressing your feelings for her, and asking questions, because I guarantee (REGARDLESS OF WHETHER SHE LIKES YOU OR NOT) that it's gonna freak her out, and you'll be up sh*t creek.

You can still go for it, but just be safer. Try turning up the flirtatiousness significantly on a night out, for example, and see if it's reciprocated. Suss her out. You'll figure it out this way if you've been imagining these signals or if they're there for real. Then wait for your moment and move in for the kill, deadly.

finbarrk

seanyleary wrote: »

beer and lots of it, then Try kissing her. I she kiss you back, result. if not blame the drink.
I have had this a few times and have found that expressing your feels with a nice chat can be very akward is she says no, and would strain the friendship.
where is you can just pass it off as drunk.

Always drink sensibly.

I would agree totally with this. Go for it when drunk and if rejected blame the drink and apologise and everything is back to the same way it was before and you know where you stand.

Casey ca

From a female prospective i say go for it, ive also been in this situation . i was mad about a friend for a long long time. I wasnt sure how he felt so i said nothing. He told me one night wen he was quite drunk that he had been mad about me too but at that stage he had started seeing someone else who wasnt too comfortable with us being friends. Needless to say i lost out on my chance and i also lost a good friend as she didnt like us being friends.

Ive also been on the other side of it where i had been friends with a guy for 3 years I enjoyed his company we had a great laugh together. I then discovered he wanted to be more than friends which he told me, i wasnt attracted to him in this way and told him so. We remained friends for a while after untill i met my current boyfriend and he turned nasty. He constantly made comments on my past (tings i told him in confidence) and my relationship and generally made fun of me at every chance he got and not in a way that u cud laugh off and get on wit it. Some of his comments really hurt.

Either way ive lost both friends, but who knows wat cuda have happend wit the first guy. But it obviously wasnt meant to be!

If you dont ask her ull never know!

Wibbs

[quote=[Deleted User];57886020]if it's so awkward and horrible for him, he could just not see me anymore.[/QUOTE]Usually they hang around hoping for more. Not healthy for them.

We haven't known each other that long

That has a bearing on it IMHO. He's more an extended acquaintance then a close friend kinda thing. In which case it's less of an issue.

So why does he still want to hang out with me if it's so awkward for him? (Serious question, you might be right but why?)

If he was a close friend and had deep feelings for you, he would hang around because of what I said before; hope. People are funny sometimes. They'll bang their head against a wall, sometimes for years and the longer it goes on the unhealthier it gets. I mean there are women and men in disastrous relationships that hang around. If it was bad for them they'd leave right? They don't though.

It does sound from your example that the feelings of friendship and/or romance aren't that deep yet so nipping it in the bud as you did early on is good.

I agree with Dark Artist too. The sit down is a bad plan. Up the flirtation and show her you're in to her. Don't tell her.

Tigger

Wibbs wrote: »

I know it may look like that, but I'm not trying to take the píss, but what about how he feels. i mean really feels. He likes you more than a mate. You know that, you knew that and he adds to your life and that's cool for you. What do you add to his? Just asking here.

years ago i was about 16 i had a friend who was a girl
she had a boyfriend but he aws a utter gobsheen so i tried not to let that bother me
i used to call round and hang in her house and watch videos smoke ciggs basically have a laugh and be 16

she wasn't the most obviously attractive girl and it took me a while to realise that i was starting to like her as more than a mate

so i realised i'd need to stop calling round as a mate and do some soul searching

anyway one day herself and the boyfriend told me to come over to the local pub for a chat sat me down and then she asked me straight out in front of him
"hey tigger jimmy here thinks you fancy me , tell him ya don't"

not i've always bveen honest with myself and with others take me or leave me but never call me a liar

so i got up finished me pint an said "nice talking to you gotta go and i'm not answering that sorry"

such a big deal was made i tells ya whole social group were laughing and shouting etc
but at l;east i was truthfull with me and with her and even with her fella

no point in hanging round pretending to be mates if its been something more
none at all

That has a bearing on it IMHO. He's more an extended acquaintance then a close friend kinda thing. In which case it's less of an issue.

Hmm, I'd say we are very good friends. He's a much closer friend than any of my college mates I've known for 5 years. It's just that as I haven't known him for that long, it's not like he's been secretly pining for me for years.

If he was a close friend and had deep feelings for you, he would hang around because of what I said before; hope. People are funny sometimes. They'll bang their head against a wall, sometimes for years and the longer it goes on the unhealthier it gets. I mean there are women and men in disastrous relationships that hang around. If it was bad for them they'd leave right? They don't though.

I hope that's not the case, but I suspect it might be now you say it. Agh. Most of the time it feels like we're good mates, but then the odd time I catch him looking at me way too long or touching my arm etc. I'm not sure what to think, as he certainly hooks up with other girls on a regular basis. Hmm.

LegacyUser

You should go for it. been in situation myself where good mate ended up becoming more than just a good mate, it was in the pipeline for years actually. in retrospect he had sort of made reference it a couple of times but i obviously didn't hear what was being said, if you get me. Even if it turned out I wasn't in to him (which i am), in my opinion, it was worth the potential embarresment on his part to try, I thought it took an admirable amount of balls to do what he did, after knoiwing each other as long as we have. My suggestion would be up the the flirtation stakes to an outrageous level, and where possible omit the sit down chat, because not to mention it having the potential to sound a bit stalker-ish, it takes out the fun of the chase for you both!!

Wibbs

[quote=[Deleted User];57899271]Hmm, I'd say we are very good friends. He's a much closer friend than any of my college mates I've known for 5 years. It's just that as I haven't known him for that long, it's not like he's been secretly pining for me for years. [/QUOTE]Which is a good thing. The longer it goes on the worse for him anyway. Ignore me on the mates thing. I have to know someone for at least a few years before I consider them good friends. Diff definitions.

I hope that's not the case, but I suspect it might be now you say it. Agh. Most of the time it feels like we're good mates, but then the odd time I catch him looking at me way too long or touching my arm etc. I'm not sure what to think, as he certainly hooks up with other girls on a regular basis. Hmm.

Yes but because you want just mates(and that's cool), your viewpoint is naturally different to his. Any observation you make will be from that viewpoint. Plus you don't want to lose him as a mate, so there's (naturally) a selfish reason too. I'm not saying you are overly selfish at all. The fact is we are all self centered. We look out for us and what we want. When that want matches those around us or near enough, then fine. It's when there's an imbalance problems arise.

As for him hooking up with others? That's no real indication about his feelings for you. They're likely just a bit of fun. I know a guy, who has benn mad about the same woman for years(not mates though) and he's gone through the female population like *ahem* through a goose.

Which is a good thing. The longer it goes on the worse for him anyway. Ignore me on the mates thing. I have to know someone for at least a few years before I consider them good friends. Diff definitions.

Sorry, don't agree at all. I've known loads of people for years and I still don't really KNOW them. I've a college mate I've been friends with for 5 years, been away on holiday with her, but there's loads about her I don't know. I don't know how many boyfriends she's had, I have no idea how her dad died, I don't know her opinion on most things. We meet up every 2-3 weeks now. I also have a group of newer friends I text every day and see at least once or twice a week - I definitely would consider a few of them closer friends than the first girl. I click with people or I don't, length of time isn't really important. I've been moving around every few years since I was a child, so I don't have a single 'lifelong' friend. Different strokes for different folks.

Red Alert

Unregistered wrote: »

My suggestion would be up the the flirtation stakes to an outrageous level, and where possible omit the sit down chat, because not to mention it having the potential to sound a bit stalker-ish, it takes out the fun of the chase for you both!!

I think in fact this could be the best option, because it's not exactly a normal topic to bring up in conversation. It worked once, partially worked another time, but the sit down chat never did. Go figure.

Lorrs33

I've done it...twice! The first friend turned me down, and I'll admit, things were awkward for a while because we had to see each other everyday. But we're still friends to this day.

I'm with the second guy now, known him for seven years, been with him for nearly two months. I did consider the risks, but in the end, you have to take a few!

Good luck xxx

LegacyUser

I was friends with my girlfriend for two years before anything happened. I always fancied her but never even thought about taking it any further because I didn't think she felt the same way. We went on holidays together for a week and got quite close, but we never even kissed. It was only when we got back to Ireland that she made a move on me, which was very surprising!

We've been together over 2 years now and it looks like we're both in it for the long haul.

The way I see it being friends with someone is the most important part of a relationship. Therefore if you're attracted to a friend and there's even an inkling that they're attracted to you, then it's worth going for. If the friendship is strong enough you should have no problem getting over a possible rejection. If it does work out it'll probably be the best relationship you can have, you already know each other well and it will all feel very natural.