Am I just being a nag?

LegacyUser

He's been out drinking with his mates since half one... he turned his phone off and just left this morning saying he'd be back later... Got a phone call about an hour ago from a private number, it was himself, ringing just to say hello and to tell me that one of his friends just spilt a whole round (cue about 5 mins of hysterical laughter) he's obviously hammered, whatever, but when I asked him when he was coming home, all I could here was background noise and then he just said goodbye and hung up.

I know his brother could be among the gang he's with, I'm in a half mind to text the brother and ask him to get himself to ring me... All I want to know is when to expect his drunken arse home. Am I being a nag?

metrovelvet

They cant tell you when to expect his ass home because when people are that plastered they cant tell what time they will get home or how. If I were you Id switch my phone off and enjoy my evening without him.

Faith

He's a big boy, he can stay out until whenever he wants. Sure, it'd be nice if he told you when he'd be home, but he probably doesn't even know himself. Why do you need to know so badly?

Kiera

Yes. Yes you are. Leave the poor chap to enojy the bank holiday. He's with his brother and mates so i'm sure someone will send him home safe. Its only 8pm ffs.

Amazotheamazing

Go out and enjoy the evening yourself. Let him off to enjoy himself. Jeez, it's not that hard.

JDLK

Unless you've got a real reason to want to know what time he'll be home for then you're just nagging.

Why arent you out with your mates?

smares

I don't think you should text his brother that looks like your checking up on him,just let him have his night out and don't be worrying about it

DeiseChick87

awhh dont mind him hun! men huh?

hav a bath, light the fire & watch a dvd or something ...purely guilt free

dresden8

He will pay enough tomorrow.

Aidric

To answer your question, Yes. Leave the man alone to enjoy his session with the lads.

MagicMarker

Yup

Pol Pot

it depends.
Pol Pot certainly believes it's bad form to say "i'll be back" and not return - or return at 1am - paralytic.

So unless he said "i'm off to the boozer , gonna be pissed and late".
Pol Pot would destroy him * (if he was a she and in a relationship with Pol Pot)

Pol Pot would leave it for now and give him stick in the morning.


* for fear of mod banning, does not condone spousal beating.

Ciaran B

Unless he's off drinking the rent, yes you're being a nag. It's a Bank Holiday let him enjoy a session with his mates.

cudnt go out wit op. effort.

LegacyUser

General concensus seems to be yes, I am indeed a nag...

To answer qs: No he's not drinking rent, I'm at home cos I'm shaking off the last of a bad dose of bronchitis (antibiotics etc), and I dont need to know when he's home, but I just want to know he's gonna get home ok, like I dont mind if he decides to stay in one of the lads (cos its closer), just want to know what the story is... Is that alot to ask?

Dudess

Wondering what time you can expect him home is not nagging... and I feel strongly about nagging. I actually started a thread about it in the Ladies' Lounge recently.

Don't worry about him though. He's an adult.

bug

Unreg85 wrote: »

He's been out drinking with his mates since half one... he turned his phone off and just left this morning saying he'd be back later... Got a phone call about an hour ago from a private number, it was himself, ringing just to say hello and to tell me that one of his friends just spilt a whole round (cue about 5 mins of hysterical laughter) he's obviously hammered, whatever, but when I asked him when he was coming home, all I could here was background noise and then he just said goodbye and hung up.

I know his brother could be among the gang he's with, I'm in a half mind to text the brother and ask him to get himself to ring me... All I want to know is when to expect his drunken arse home. Am I being a nag?

Why do you care what time he is back at, just find a bed in the gaf where he won't disturb you coming in late.

Is there something else worrying you?

LegacyUser

I would feel the same if I was home sick and my boyfriend went out drinking. Yes, he may not be very sympathetic with you, but it's better not to tell him how you feel about that because then he'll tag you as "a nag".

If I were you I'd tried to calm down, think of something else and wait for the best moment to do exactly the same to him, and see how he feels like, maybe he realises.

Men don´t respond to words, they respond to actions

John Mason

OMG - a complete and utter nag. :eek:

leave him alone and let him get on with his night.:eek:

If i was out with my friends and he texted one of friends to get me to phone home, i wouldnt have a boyfriend anymore

marti101

Ah leave him alone and think of this as your night watch crap telly,order a takeaway have a bath.Dont nag and dont ask how his night has been if he doesnt come home,thatll worry hi more than if youve nagged him to death.

John Mason

marti101 wrote: »

Ah leave him alone and think of this as your night watch crap telly,order a takeaway have a bath.Dont nag and dont ask how his night has been if he doesnt come home,thatll worry hi more than if youve nagged him to death.

why would that worry him?

Mr. Incognito

just want to know what the story is... Is that alot to ask?

You KNOW what the story is- he's having a few beers with his mates.

If YOU were out with the girls and your bf rang your sister to ask "what's the story and when will you be home" you'd be morto.

Back off.

jim o doom

un reg wrote: »

I would feel the same if I was home sick and my boyfriend went out drinking. Yes, he may not be very sympathetic with you, but it's better not to tell him how you feel about that because then he'll tag you as "a nag".

If I were you I'd tried to calm down, think of something else and wait for the best moment to do exactly the same to him, and see how he feels like, maybe he realises.

Men don´t respond to words, they respond to actions

Yeah because the best things to do in these situations is to "punish" your supposed loved-one for some IMAGINED wrongdoing. That's super sound. You should also mentally torture children so they obey you; also sound.

Hrududu

I just love the fact that he rang to tell you his mate spilled a whole round, laughed for 5 minutes and hung up. I'd just let it go, no point ringing the brother.

marti101

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

why would that worry him?

Because he will think that she doesnt love him,im talking from experience nagging doesnt work.Better off not letting it bother youthen he wont do stuff to get a reaction

monkeytronics

I really hate that...

when I was younger, my mother would want to know what time I'd be home at etc...

you're not his mother are you. I couldn't handle going out with someone who needed to know precise things like that. I am all for common courtesy etc... but that is nagging plain and simple.

TBH, most of the time I go out I wouldn/t have a clue what time I'd be coming home at. Could be home before 12 if there wasn't much craic. or could be home at 6am - or sometime in between. The one thing I hate in a relationship is not being able to go out without providing a timeline of my expected plans. If you're like that, cop on, or he'll be gone.... eventually....

Dudess

Wo... there's a bit of bandwagon-jumping here... maybe folks should go easy on the "YES you're a nag! THERE! Bet you regret asking that question cuz everyone's saying YES to it!" approach.

A guy at a party the other night was telling us how his girlfriend often doesn't allow him out. At this particular party his phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing - over a period of hours. 4am? Still going. She was in bed and couldn't bring herself to sleep because it was so much more gratifying to keep harassing her boyfriend. He knew he was seriously in for it but decided he may as well enjoy himself. And the clincher? They don't even live together. At least the OP and her boyfriend do - or at least seem to have some sort of living together arrangement (even if just weekends).

Think about the OP's situation: boyfriend left in the morning saying he'd be back later - that seems like he was heading out for a walk, or to get the papers, or to get some food, or to meet a mate for an hour.
1.30 he's in the pub pissed. Fair enough. However she thought he'd be back sooner. She's in bed sick, bored, in need of company... is she really a "nag" simply for wondering what time he'll be home? She's also being really cautious about how she broaches this, even to the point of asking people on an internet forum. That doesn't scream "nag" to me.
The girl in my opening paragraph - THERE'S a nag. The OP doesn't even come close.

However, were you worried about him OP? Worrying is more well intentioned than nagging because at least it has the person's welfare at heart, whereas nagging is usually done... simply because the person CAN do it. However worrying is a bit annoying and mammy-ish... actually nana-ish. He's an adult. Don't be worrying about him.

However I've seen some pretty unbelievable nagging... I doubt those on this thread who consider the OP an extreme nag have ever witnessed real nagging tbh.

The Sweeper

Figure out why it's so important to you to know what's going on. Do you feel like he excludes you from that part of his life? Do you feel like he leaves you out and you're bored? Do you not have many friends? Do you feel a bit fragile because you've been sick and you wish he'd been the sort who'd say "I'm going to spend the bank holiday with you because you've been feeling crappy, so I'm staying home here to look after you"?

You're not a nag, you just have a communication problem with your OH.

Pub07

Dudess wrote: »

Wo... there's a bit of bandwagon-jumping here... maybe folks should go easy on the "YES you're a nag! THERE! Bet you regret asking that question cuz everyone's saying YES to it!" approach.

A guy at a party the other night was telling us how his girlfriend often doesn't allow him out. At this particular party his phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing - over a period of hours. 4am? Still going. She was in bed and couldn't bring herself to sleep because it was so much more gratifying to keep harassing her boyfriend. He knew he was seriously in for it but decided he may as well enjoy himself. And the clincher? They don't even live together. At least the OP and her boyfriend do - or at least seem to have some sort of living together arrangement (even if just weekends).

Think about the OP's situation: boyfriend left in the morning saying he'd be back later - that seems like he was heading out for a walk, or to get the papers, or to get some food, or to meet a mate for an hour.
1.30 he's in the pub pissed. Fair enough. However she thought he'd be back sooner. She's in bed sick, bored, in need of company... is she really a "nag" simply for wondering what time he'll be home? She's also being really cautious about how she broaches this, even to the point of asking people on an internet forum. That doesn't scream "nag" to me.
The girl in my opening paragraph - THERE'S a nag. The OP doesn't even come close.

The girl you described is an ultimate headwrecking nag, the OP isn't as bad but she's still nagging unnecessarily. Just because he's bored and 'in need of company' doesn't mean she should pester her boyfriend. My ex was like that, complete pain in the hole when i think back on it.

Dudess

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

Figure out why it's so important to you to know what's going on. Do you feel like he excludes you from that part of his life? Do you feel like he leaves you out and you're bored? Do you not have many friends? Do you feel a bit fragile because you've been sick and you wish he'd been the sort who'd say "I'm going to spend the bank holiday with you because you've been feeling crappy, so I'm staying home here to look after you"?

You're not a nag, you just have a communication problem with your OH.

Or, and I'm not being smart, she might just have been bored at that moment and dying for someone to talk to and presuming he wouldn't be too long since he said "I'll be back later"...

tbh

Dudess wrote: »

Or, and I'm not being smart, she might just have been bored at that moment and dying for someone to talk to and presuming he wouldn't be too long since he said "I'll be back later"...

mates? family? Best case she's a bored nag, worst case she's needy and clingy. Just make your own plans and expect him when you see him OP. Although I guess he's home by now

Dudess

I think if the OP's boyfriend actually headed out with the intention of going to the pub, it might be more akin to nagging, however he simply said "I'll be back later"... I really don't think a "cool, what time do you think you'll be back" when he phoned from the pub is unreasonable.

LegacyUser

Yes - you are indeed being a nag.

If I was your b/f and I was going out with my mates
for a few beers, I would make sure to turn my phone
off so that you couldn't be so annoying.

BTW - is he back yet ?
Maybe he looks for a new g/f that's not so clingy.

LegacyUser

Yup, you are. You know its gonna be late and he will be in a mess. Make him pay next day!

Dudess

Pepe_laPooh wrote: »

Maybe he looks for a new g/f that's not so clingy.

There really isn't any evidence to support the claim that she's clingy.

People seem to be delighting here in saying "yes you are a nag" when there's actually very little to support that assertion.

In fact she didn't even do anything that we know of... since when does thinking something but not actually doing it make you a nag?

Time out

Thats a very good point Dudess. No harm been worried about your OH or wondering when they come home. I suppose problems start when there are loads of phone calls even thought you know where he/she is and when they will be home.