Would this annoy you girls?

LegacyUser

Hey,

I went on a first date last night with a guy and as we were chatting the guy eyed up quite a few girls passing by, he was nice but this really irritated me.....he wanted to meet up again but I just wasnt that bothered really.........am I being unreasonable? I didnt eye up guys going by wasnt interested.

metrovelvet

I think that is very rude. It's like picking your nose on a first date or showing up without your shirt ironed. Disrespectful.

MagicMarker

metrovelvet wrote: »

I think that is very rude. It's like picking your nose on a first date or showing up without your shirt ironed. Disrespectful.

I never iron my shirts unless they're well beyond acceptable levels of creasynessss.... If a girl thought that was 'disrespectful' then they are not worthy of my time tbh.

OP, really depends on your perception of ''eyeing up'' really, somehow i doubt he was going out of his way to check out a girls ass, or was he? Was it a case of women passing the table or something that would catch his eye? Because i do that all the time, doesn't matter if it's a man or a women, i'm just an observant person.

star-pants

It's sort of dependent on context really...
As magicmarker said - was it just general people going by, and a glance, cuz I do that sometimes myself. Or was it 'hot girl passing and his eyes were totally on her'/not a quick glance?

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies. For me if I am chatting to someone I realise that there are people passing by but I continue to focus on the person opposite me to whom I am talking, I dont have to look at each person passing by if you know what I mean. Yes it wasnt just a case of him glancing, he was looking the women up and down while they passed. I did find it quite rude, because I could do the same but have respect for someone when they are speaking to me....

star-pants

ok, well if I was on a first date, and a guy was looking other girls up and down I wouldn't be overly impressed either. I glance at people and I don't mind if the guy I'm seeing does the same but on a first date you'd think most of his focus would be on you.

It's up to yourself if you're interested, other than that flaw - did you like him? did ye get on well? It could have been random/nervous etc from him. Maybe a second date would show you?

LegacyUser

Thanks again for your replies. Well I did like him to a certain extent we got on well, but apart from the eyeing up and that he did talk about himself quite a lot and I felt I was a bit of a counsellor for the night............so I will have to have a think about it.....

star-pants

star-pants wrote: »

It's up to yourself if you're interested, other than that flaw - did you like him? did ye get on well? It could have been random/nervous etc from him. Maybe a second date would show you?

Nail on the head.
Red blooded males will look at other girls.Some are better at disguising it than others.
It could be that the guy is just bad at disguising it or just nervous and couldn't keep focusing on you so what better than to looking at other people to break the gaze.
On a general point-personally speaking,I'd prefer to be focussing 60% + of the time on my date if it's date one-Indeed it might be 90% depending... I wouldn't avoid looking at the rest of the totty though

OP-I'd imagine that you aren't really interested in the bloke if this bothers you so much that you don't want to try the guy for date 2 or 3-Ergo you are doing the right thing by moving on.

spinandscribble

if i knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was oogling other women i wouldn't be pleased.
i wouldn't eye up other guys on a date, its disrespectful. and come on, if it was THAT noticeable he must have been doing it alot.

Duckjob

The main factor here is the type of look not the frequency.

If we are just talking momentary glances then you're probably overreacting. However, if we're talking wide-eyed, neck-swivelling sleaze-cams of passing wimmins then I'd say you're right to be p**sed.

Carrigart Exile

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey,

I went on a first date last night with a guy and as we were chatting the guy eyed up quite a few girls passing by, he was nice but this really irritated me.....he wanted to meet up again but I just wasnt that bothered really.........am I being unreasonable? I didnt eye up guys going by wasnt interested.

You are on a first date and already the guy is banned from looking at people as they pass by. Please do not meet up with him again, let him have his lucky escape.

Karen_*

I don't think there's a single woman on the face of the earth who wouldn't mind a man eyeing up women on their first date. It was enough for you to be very aware of it. Let him have his lucky escape from you so!;) And good luck to him on what will be an endless quest to find someone who doesn't mind. He could have waited a week at least:D

af_thefragile

I'm not a girl but i'ld say its definitely very rude and disrespectful.
But i won't call if off yet. Maybe give it a 2nd shot to see if he still continues on with checking other girls while he's with you.
Like a lot of guys do it very naturally but there's also something called respect that they need to care for...

Its all upto you, if you feel comfortable with him or not. A lot of guys do that. But many do give their date their full attention. I know i'ld give her the full attention.
Though maybe if there's some really hot chick, i might check her out maybe once (trust me, every guy will check her out!! Most will be very subtle so you won't notice and think they're still giving you their 100% attention), but that doesn't mean i'm not interested in you or i don't respect you. Its just the case of there's a good site and it shall be checked out!!
But that'ld just be once or something. If she's really worth checking out... If yer man is checking out every other girl that walks by in the room, then thats a little disrespectful.

And wow, i sounded quite...

Rosita

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

You are on a first date and already the guy is banned from looking at people as they pass by. Please do not meet up with him again, let him have his lucky escape.

But you see he's not banned from looking at people as they pass by. He had his own free will and did it anyway.

I have to laugh when topics are posted here they way people try to analyse things to the nth degree in order to excuse behaviour even thoughg they were not there!

The fact that the OP felt the need to post here suggests that he was looking, not with a vague anthropological curiousity, but maybe in a specific 'boy about town' manner. It seems reasonable to wonder at his inability to avoid this on a first date when you'd expect he'd have at least the initial natural interest in his date.

LegacyUser

hey OP
Ok first off i think it is a bit rude to do this on the first date. however my bf eyes up girls alot of the time, i have to say i find it funny and alot of the time il even point out girls to him, if a good looking man passed me by id also eye him up. the thing is i trust him a 100% and have no need to worry, its only natural to look at someone goodlooking. and any lad would be lying if he said he never eyes up another girl when on a date with someone or going out with someone. maybe he wanted to keep you on your toes, but personally speaking i would be offended on the first date as you dont really know him, his attention should be focused on you and you only. if you happen to go on another date with him and the same thing happens you should say something like........wow yeah shes good looking, you should go for it.....or.....i think i might be wasting my time here as you seem more interested the girls walking by

LegacyUser

I wouldn't like it if I was on a first date with a guy and he was checking out other women throughout the date. Its normal for your eye to rest on other people of course but if he is obviouisly checking out other women, this gives off the wrong signals in that situation. Body language can tell you a lot about a persons state of mind, and if his body language is implying that he is interested in any good looking woman that walks by, then its not exactly telling his date that he only has eyes for her.
Its down to what each party is expecting I guess - maybe he is just out for a no strings casual date and the girl is actually looking for a boyfriend. I know if I was just interested in a one night stand I wouldn't mind too much if he was looking around. But if I liked him enough to want to have relationship with him I'd want him to like me enough to give me his full attention for the date.

MagicMarker

Rosita wrote: »

I have to laugh when topics are posted here they way people try to analyse things to the nth degree in order to excuse behaviour even thoughg they were not there!

I also have to laugh at how people take the word of an OP as gospel, when they weren't there either. I'm not saying that anyone is lying, but people perceive many things in many different ways, and for us to tell the OP to just forget about the guy is kind of like convicting a alleged criminal on one viewpoint. It's just not viable, we'd need the other side of the story to REALLY know what happened, which isn't going to happen, so speculation is sometimes needed just to balance things out.

Personally, i know if in a busy environment, i will look at people walking by, i may even look them ''up and down'', it doesn't necessarily mean i'm checking them out, maybe that i'm just curious. I certainly wouldn't intentionally check anyone out when on a date, but i'd hate to think the girl wouldn't see me again because someone caught my attention.

John Mason

doesnt bother me in the slightest.

the second or third i was on with my OH, we were in pradava and you know how you can see down the girls tops from the balcony.

we both spent the night looking down girls tops, its part of life

LegacyUser

If it was obviously ogling it is very rude But just a quick glance I wouldn't hold it against him. I think men sometimes can't control it...

I went on a first date the other night and a woman in a very revealing outfit walked by...both of us very obviously looked, there was nothing else to do but laugh about it.

metrovelvet

[QUOTE=MagicMarker;57711591

Personally, i know if in a busy environment, i will look at people walking by, i may even look them ''up and down'', it doesn't necessarily mean i'm checking them out, maybe that i'm just curious. I certainly wouldn't intentionally check anyone out when on a date, but i'd hate to think the girl wouldn't see me again because someone caught my attention.[/QUOTE]

True, but either way it tells the other person that you are not fully present to them, that you arent focusing on them, and on a first date that is just damned rude.

Wibbs

I'd fall back on that good standby, manners. On the basis that an action of mine would cause discomfort to the person around me, I would curtail that action. General looking around? fine. Ogling? Pretty thick. Now if they were the type that is hair trigger twitchy, looking for offence because of their own issues I would still act the same, just a second meeting wouldn't be on the cards.

Redpunto

Personally I'd find it disrespectful and hes obviously not a gentleman, 'ppose some people are bothered by it and others not, its a personal thing, if it does bother ya, its ok to feel pissed off and not to ring again.

I find the whole "men cant control it" is a whole load of b*llix.

Rosita

MagicMarker wrote: »

I also have to laugh at how people take the word of an OP as gospel, when they weren't there either. I'm not saying that anyone is lying, but people perceive many things in many different ways, and for us to tell the OP to just forget about the guy is kind of like convicting a alleged criminal on one viewpoint. It's just not viable, we'd need the other side of the story to REALLY know what happened, which isn't going to happen, so speculation is sometimes needed just to balance things out.

Personally, i know if in a busy environment, i will look at people walking by, i may even look them ''up and down'', it doesn't necessarily mean i'm checking them out, maybe that i'm just curious. I certainly wouldn't intentionally check anyone out when on a date, but i'd hate to think the girl wouldn't see me again because someone caught my attention.

Your mirth is misguided. This is a discussion board where one necessarily subjective and attenuated point of view was presented, and we were asked if, on the face of it, it seemed reasonable. It is not a question of taking the OP's word as "gospel" in an objective sense. It is their point of view and that is implicit in any report of a situation by any poster. There is no objective truth in the matter - even to a neutral observer - merely a point of view.

Even if we had the other side of the story we would not "REALLY know" what happened. We would merely have another necessarily subjective and attenuated point of view presented.

People come here to canvass opinions. It's not a court of law for God's sake. And if it was I am not sure you telling us what you would do in your imagined scenarios would be admissable evidence.

Macha

OP, the fact that he's male is neither here nor there. Women enjoy looking at a good looking guy, just as much as any guy enjoys looking at a good looking girl. The difference is some guys think it's acceptable for them to do it. I enjoy checking out a hot guy when my boyfriend isn't around but I have the decency to reign it in when he is around.

My boyfriend is Spanish and he did it quite a few times when we started going out. One night he was really taking the p1ss and I had it out with him - he didn't even realise he was doing it and after we talked, I realised it was a cultural thing for him. He understood how disrespectful it was to me and stopped doing it and it's all good

So my advice would be not to let it stand in the way of a 2nd date. Sometimes guys are so used to doing it, they don't even realise they are doing it. If it keeps happening afterwards and you think you want to get a bit more serious with him, then talk to him about it.

Oryx

Havent read all replies so apologies if this has been said.

Its not rude to check out others. We all like pretty things. What is rude is not giving the person you are with your full attention when they are with you, and talking to you. Esp if youre just getting to know each other. Its an insecure time, and its not nice to feel you are secondary to other things going on in the room. It really makes it hard to have a rapport with someone like that. Its not like picking your nose, more like reading the paper when someones talking to you. It has an air of you not being important enough.

The checking out thing is a non issue, at worst its an idle habit. Hell, I do it. Im a letch and proud. But I dont do it if the person with me should have my full attention. If you dont like it, the only way to deal with it is join in, give your opinion on the lookee. A man is not a horse and should not be made to wear blinkers.

Dave!

Meh, it's up to you really, we can't make a judgement on what his motives were when he looked at other people as we were not there. You kind of have to witness it to be able to make a call on it, and even then you can totally misread the situation.

Could be the case that he's not as interested in listening to you as you'd like (and he's meeting up again in the hope of getting a shag)
Or maybe as someone mentioned, he's just observant/a people-watcher, and had a glance at alot of people. You probably only took notice/offense when it was another woman he was looking at.

Hard to say really.

Carrigart Exile

Rosita wrote: »

But you see he's not banned from looking at people as they pass by. He had his own free will and did it anyway.

I have to laugh when topics are posted here they way people try to analyse things to the nth degree in order to excuse behaviour even thoughg they were not there!

The fact that the OP felt the need to post here suggests that he was looking, not with a vague anthropological curiousity, but maybe in a specific 'boy about town' manner. It seems reasonable to wonder at his inability to avoid this on a first date when you'd expect he'd have at least the initial natural interest in his date.

you just analysed and assumed after ticking me off, unbelievable

Wibbs

Carrigart Exile please keep on topic. Maybe take it to PM. Thanks

SarahSassy

MagicMarker wrote: »

I also have to laugh at how people take the word of an OP as gospel, when they weren't there either.

But sure the Boards would not exist if we didnt do this.... Your comment doesnt make sense in the context of this forum. Of course we are taking OP's word. OP posted the details and experienced the situation we are being asked to comment on...

Alice1

OP, it is rude, rude, rude. I certainly wouldn't like it. It is basic good manners to give your attention to somebody who is in conversation with you. Looking around implies disinterest.