Emotionless?

LegacyUser

maybe a weird one, but here goes...im a 19 year old male and am actually a pretty happy guy-everythins goin well-course wise, socially etc.
i know this is nothing compared to most people problems,but me and my ma were talkin about my younger brother who went to college abroad.havent seen him in 3 months or so.my ma was going on about how much she misses him, and i realised that i didnt at all. I barely even noticed he was gone.
this got me thinking. about two years ago, i lost a friend in an accident. sure i was sad for a while, but quickly and easily got over it and that was that-hardly think about it now.same with two long-term (ish) girlfriends, once broken up (and they dumped me), got over it very quickly (in space of days) and never even give it a second thought.

but anyway, my mam was shocked that i didnt miss my brother and asked would i miss her if i never saw her again.my friends all joked that i was emotionally dead, i have NEVER cried out of sadness or despair (and i've been to quite a few funerals). Now im thinkin im a bit of a freak...i dont know if i'd miss my ma...and i do feel a little guilty.

Dont get me wrong, i love all my friends and family and would do anything for them, i just feel i wouldnt miss them if they were gone and feel a bit bad about it.

sorry, probly a silly post, but cheers for reading.

star-pants

I'm sure others who've read this aren't quite sure how to respond either, but I figured I'd try.

Not everyone cries at funerals etc, some people are wired differently/ react to things differently. The only time I cried at my nannys funeral was when I was reading out a poem on behalf of my granda and I felt sad for him.
You don't miss your brother that much - tisn't really a big deal. My sister's been in Rome for over 3 years now, and I don't particularly miss her. Yeah it's grand when I get to see her but I'm not 'missing her' most of the year. We just don't have that kind of bond.

I'd say you would miss your family and friends if they were gone (god forbid) so don't feel guilty. You're probably only considering reasonable possibility of being away from them (in your head) therefore it doesn't really register.

You mentioned your friends said you emotionally dead... do you feel other things? happiness and other such feelings? or is it just the sad stuff you don't feel?

Dwn Wth Vwls

Everybody has different levels of emotion, I don't think it's anything to worry about. I don't think what you described is particularly unusual either, a lot of people are a bit "out of sight, out of mind".

Usually the only problem with people being emotionless is if they're bottling it all up inside and incapable of letting it out. The people who feel emotions but can't talk about them or share them with people who need to know. As long as you're happy and open and honest you're fine, it's just the way you are.

thepensioner

OK so it’s a little disconcerting discovering you don’t seem to feel the same way others do but, let’s be honest, does it really matter. I’m not trying to be cruel, simply point out that you don’t seem unduly worried by this, merely curious.

Different people feel in different ways & perhaps some not at all! From my reading of your post you definitely don’t lack empathy. You’re aware of how your reactions are affecting others. Perhaps this is more important that “real” feelings.

Strange as its sounds, so what if you are emotionless. Some might see it as a flaw while others an amazing gift. So long as you are happy and aware of how your emotions (or even lack of) affect others then I wouldn’t worry about it.

metrovelvet

It seems like there is only one emotion that you are pointing out here and that is longing. You seem to be pretty able to handle absences that's all. Are there other emotions that you don't feel?

af_thefragile

Well, i think some people just don't feel as much emotion as others and it could be a good thing or a bad thing.

Like I myself feel pretty damn emotionless at times. I found out about this guy i knew who got killed and i barely felt anything (apart from a little weirdness). I also remember when my grandfather died, i was only like 8 or something, but i didn't feel a single bit of remorse.

But then also i was an absolute wreck after my break up for a long time and i think as i went deeper into my whole music/artist persona, i became more and more emotions as i had started to harness emotions to aid creativity. I don't know how good that is!



So i think it also depends on what you do. Like if you're not into arts, music or something that requires creativity and stirring up of emotions, you might not be as emotional a person cuz you don't deal or tap into your emotions as regularly and the emotions kinda die out over time. I think.

Well, i can't say cuz the opposite was the case with me. The more i got involved with my music and songwriting, the more frequently i had to tap into my emotions, i kept stirring them up in search of the deeper, more complex emotions, most were destructive, but the more i dig deeper into them, the more emotional a person i became myself. Though i can't say what came first. The music or the emotions!!!
I still have my cold spells though.

And i'm sorry if my post comes off a little pointless.
But i was just trying to sorta figure out the relationship between having to use your emotions and living the mechanical life.
Its our emotions that differentiate us humans from animals. We're not as mechanical as we're driven more strongly by our emotions than our "mechanical" instincts.

LegacyUser

yeah, i feel happiness and all that, but i have been described at getting very upset at small little things, but not really giving a rats about big things that would really upset someone.

i know its a difficult one to reply to, cheers for the replies!

p.s. funny you should mention music...ive been playing and writing from a young age, and paint quite alot too!

i am a happy guy-when with the girlfriends i mentioned before, i really loved them, within a week of breaking up, it was like i had never even met them! i suprised even myself-it was in these emotional situations my friends have called me emotionall dead- cos these guys became different men when they're dumped!

af_thefragile

Well, i think as long as you can feel and enjoy all the positive/good emotions like happiness, love, excitement etc. you should be fine and not really bother about getting yourself too worked up over stuff like break ups.

Take it as a good thing that you don't end up ruining a good chunk of your life over a stupid break up (like i did). I'ld really love to be like you to be able to get over such situations in a matter of days.

So stop beating over yourself and enjoy life!!