I miss my dad

LegacyUser

my dad died on the 27th dec last yr and i miss him, im sorry i don't know what else to say,
please help

star-pants

I'm not really sure what to say OP - but I wanted to reply with *hugs*
It's a big loss losing someone so close and it's going to be tough for a long time, I've not lost a parent myself but I know how crushed I'd be if I did.

I've had close friends lose parents and I've seen how hard it can be - noone can ever replace him or say anything that will make the pain go away. Of course you'd miss him every single day - but you must also remember the times you had with him, treasure all those moments. He'll be in your head and heart forever and hopefully one day it won't sting as much to think of him, but you'll smile (bittersweet) when you recall things.

Not a lot of time has passed, and I don't know about the rest of your family but I'm sure if you guys support each other it'll help. It's not the nicest time of year for it to have happened and I know Christmas time will be extra hard, but I'm sure he's there in spirit keeping an eye on you.

I feel like a bit of a doofus saying this - because I know right now this all doesn't mean much because you just want your dad back right now. If I had the power I'd do it, but I can't. You have to learn to breathe each day - take things slow and as they come. I know your heart must ache when you think of him and you want to keep his memory as fresh and as close as possible. Your dad wouldn't want you to be too sad though, or to hold back on anything in your life.

I can't take the pain away - noone can, but it can ease slowly, and it's hard but you must have faith in that. Going out more / socialising may or may not help, it won't make you forget but it might ease your thoughts a little, a distraction, and spending time with your family - it won't be easy but ye can be strong for each other.

I know I'd miss one or both of my parents every single day of my life if I lost them, my heart really does go out to you. I wish I could do something more than waffle.
*hugs*

davyjose

I miss my Dad too, OP. I went to his grave last week for the first time in years. I was a bit of a mess - it was his ten year anniversary.

I guess these are just some of the things you have to go through in life. That's why you have to enjoy the good things too. I can't help you; you'll keep missing him, but it's better, I guess, than being numb to it (as I was for a while). Chin up, OP. I wish you well.

Duckjob

OP, I know how you feel. I lost my Dad to cancer a couple of years back and still miss him terribly.

I think everyone needs to find their own ways to come to terms with the loss. For me, myself and my family keep his memory alive by remembering him and laughing about the silly jokes and sayings we shared when he was around.

All the best,
D.

LegacyUser

And I miss my mum who died April 2007. I go to her grave and ache for her. It is the last thing at nigh and first thing in morning i think of. I sometimes feel the hosp killed her and would sue them but my father does not want to go there

i know how you feel op for i do not know what else to say either

ShawnRaven

Been there myself, knowing what it's like to lose a parent. All i can say is although it stings, but it is something that will get easier. You've just about made it past the first year. It took me around that long to come to terms.

It taught me more than anything to celebrate the life than mourn the death. Try giving that a go. The important is to stay strong, for you, and for your family.

Good luck.

rathbaner

I miss my dad wrote: »

my dad died on the 27th dec last yr and i miss him, im sorry i don't know what else to say,
please help

I am a dad. I often wonder how my kids will take it when I die. I love them very much and I know they love me. I would hate to think that they will be really upset after I'm gone - like you are now. I hope that they are not too sad and don't miss me too much. (But obviously I'd be pretty upset if they did not shed a few tears!!).

Kingsley Amis used to say about death: "The parents are going, the children are staying."

Both my parents are dead. My mum died just two years ago. I have three kids, the oldest is 12. It is a great comfort to me that I will go before they do. I am doing my best to bring up good kids with moral fibre and emotional strength. If I have done my job well they will miss me (:D). But I'm only doing this because I want them to have the strength to cope with life's many difficulties and still be true to themselves, live their lives to the full and be happy.

I'm sure your dad would want the same for you.

metrovelvet

Grief is a bi product of love... of course they will miss you.

My father died ten years ago. Of course the acuteness of it fades, but it can hit randomly, grief cannot be codified.

When this happens I try to do something to honour him, do something that he liked doing. Or remind myself of some of the better things he taught me. It makes me feel a little better.

I think when you have a significant loss around a holiday season there are so many triggers in the following years. I know for several years I couldn't look at a Christmas tree without cracking up.

ASIL1983

I havent lost a parent but my granda died in January and i was very close to him and miss him terribly every day. It helps me every day by speaking to him(in my head) before i go to sleep-it makes it feel like he is not too far away. Its so hard on you that he died at christmas, both my dads parents died at christmas-what helped him was really trying to throw himself into the spirit with my young brother. Its going to be hard on you at christmas-nothing will change that but try and remember your good christmas's together and maybe try something different-go to a relatives house or restaurant for dinner???-Just an idea- its what my family are doing this year. Lots of love and hugs to you xx

what2do

My dad will be dead 18 yrs this december and I think metrovelvet summed it up by saying "Of course the acuteness of it fades, but it can hit randomly, grief cannot be codified"

There is something particularly difficult about the first yr because you keep thinkin this time last yr he was here.

For me the first Christmas was weird - only a couple of wks later, a real sense of surrealness about this celebration in a time of sadness however whilst the loss never goes away it does get easier with time. The phrase "life goes on" is actually true in this situation no matter how hard to imagine.

jos28

My heart really goes out to you. My Dad died 4 years ago and I would sell my soul just to spend one more day with him. The first year after his death was the hardest time I have ever gone through. No-one understands how you feel, everyone seems to be getting on with life and everything is so unfair. Nobody loved him as much as you did, you hate everyone who still has a Dad etc etc. All of these thoughts are completely normal.
The pain is almost physical, you just ache to hug and kiss the one you've lost. Please believe me when I tell you that it does get easier.You are at a very difficult stage of your grief, you have his anniversary approaching and Christmas without him to get through. You will get through this. I found that once the first year was over that I reached a turning point. 1st birthday without him, 1st Fathers Day, 1st Christmas etc are all hurdles to be crossed and you will cross them. After the first year was over, the pain began to ease, I stopped crying everytime I thought of him. I stopped being angry with everything/everyone.
I made the decision after my Dad's 1st anniversary that I was going to try and be more positive. You don't have to remember your Dad with sadness, try and do something positive.
My Dad used to love seeing myself and my sister going off somewhere together. So now on his anniversary, instead of being morbid we go off into town, have lunch, do some shopping, have a drink together and have a nice time remembering him. On his birthday we go to his favourite restaurant and laugh about all the food he managed to eat.
Time has taught me that I was very lucky to have him as my Dad. I would love to have had more time with him but that was not to be. I would rather have had a short time with him than years with someone else.
I suppose what I am trying to say is be kind to yourself, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I know it sounds like a cliche but it will get easier, I promise.

Clare Bear

I can't imagine what it is like to lose a parent. I was at a funeral last Friday of a girl my age that lost her Dad suddenly. It was heart breaking. Even though I'm 27 and "grown up" and live away from home I would be absolutely lost without my parents so my heart goes out to you. Cherish the good times you had with him OP, talk to him, he'll always be with you in your heart. Take care x

LegacyUser

Oh my gosh that is awful to hear. I feel for you so much. I love my Dad the most in the world and would absolutely fall apart without him. Been thru an awful time recently and he called over with hot whiskey and I got locked and I told him that I worried about him dying&what would happen to me without him as he is my rock? I then recalled something he had said to me years ago walking thru town which actually upset me at the time but now is diamond that I have the memory...he said "I am here and I am always here even when I die", I get great solace in this and OP your Dad is the exact same. Much Love xxxx

Blogger50

I lost my mum six weeks ago and even though she had been ill for a long time and was only in her fifties it was still unexpected and very sudden. I still feel like my world has collapsed and I cannot describe the physical pain but reading your posts gives me hope. Thank you.

Dudess

My deepest condolences to all on this thread who have posted about their loss...

tbh

I miss my dad wrote: »

my dad died on the 27th dec last yr and i miss him, im sorry i don't know what else to say,
please help

Would it help you to write a letter to your dad? You could tell him everything that's happened in the last year, and how much you miss him. I'm very sorry for your loss.

LoanShark

My Dad died three and a half years ago, The whole feeling you get of having one of the biggest influences taken away from you in your life sucks!
Dad was really sick for about five years,He had heart problems and maybe for the last seven years of his life he really started to deteriorate; not having the strength to do the simplest things,But his mind was still very active and we became really close,we were always close,but we became closer over the time, I miss that part of my life.
I never really became annoyed with other people as others have wrote, I Just accepted it that it was his time and that maybe God had a better plan for Dad...
Unfortunately, Your happiest time in life will also become your saddest, I got engaged last week and althought mam and my family were over the moon for us, I still had ache in my heart just to hear what he would say.. He knew my Girlfriend and was very fond of her and she was very fond of him, So there was never a question of accepting, But It was just to hear what he would say..We went out to his grave and we stood and talked to him then she waved her hand saying "Look at what I got" In my mind I could see him smiling..
I found my strength in my friends,One in particular whos parents were killed in a car accident when he was just 12.. Coming onto this site is also a bit like talking to your friends and people in here give some great advice.
When People ask my mum how she is, She always says"I have my good days and I have my bad days" And that is how it goes..But time does help the pain in your heart will nevr disapear,but it will get easier..

Lawless_Samurai

I feel for you OP and all who have posted on this forum about the loss of a loved one. The loss of a parent is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. I lost my Mam through a long term illness last year. It was heartbreaking and something you can never prepare yourself for. However I do count myself a very lucky person to have the parents I have.


My Dad was so amazing in caring for my Mam for three years. I learned so much from him in those years then in all my years leading up to that point. My Mam too had so much to be bitter about when Her life was restricted in such a dramatic fashion. Instead she just wanted to spend the time She had with Her family and watch "Her lads" grow into men as she put it. Some of my friends I know have a bad or no relationship with their parents and that makes me so sad. It makes me feel lucky at the same time when I think of the dad I have and the Mam I had.

Some days the hurt is too much to bear but when I can I think and remember my Mam in positives ways. Ways that make me smile and remember the good times. People used to say to me how unlucky I was to have lost my Mam so young. I always replied I feel like one of the lucky ones to have had the Mam I had

Dunno if that helps anyone but its always nice to share

HouseHippo

My mum died September of last year.
My dad and brother have also passed away.
I know it seems very difficult now.You have a hole which can't be filled, you feel as though something is missing.
But I promise it gets easier with time, you learn to deal with it.The grief is still fresh.

And remember just because your dad isn't there physically doesn't mean he isn't watching down on you.Try talking to him about how you feel, he may not reply but that doesn't mean he isn't listening

castle

I think is natural for you to miss and remember him,if you did not miss him then you might have issues of not accepting his death.You don't want to forget someone who meant so much to you. A girlfriend of mine listens to a song on utube called Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlise once in a while when she misses her Dad.She says it really helps her even though she cry's loads when she listens to the song but she says it comforts her. It is ok to miss him but you need to live for him as he would want you to do.Sleep with the Angels

Mr. Incognito

My dad died Jan 15th this year after a short battle with Prostate Cancer.

The bugger was given three months and didn't tell us as he didn't want us to worry.

Anyway- grief is a strange one- you think you're doing fine and then wham!,

but you do learn to cope- like you I posted here and found comfort in that.

I sat down about 6 months after he died and wrote him a letter, not about what he was like, but just what my memories and stories were of him, more for myself than for anything else to try and tease out my feelings and write some lines for myself. It was very hard and emotional but it did help.

In the end I posted it on a family website we have and I think it was a great way to communiicate our grief as people tend to have it bottled up and just want to get on with things initially and it's only 6 months or a year later that you actually start dealing with it and not brushing it under the carpet.

pm me if you want a copy of the letter, it might help.

00_katie_00

I cant imagine what would happen if i lost my Father, Mother & brother like you did in such a small space of time but i suppose everyone has ways to greive Hippo, you need to find a way to let it all out. Like listening to music that will remind you or provoke emotion from you... while looking at photos.. dont be afraid to feel.. its what separates us from animals.. the fact that we can feel so deeply for one another... embrace that.

LegacyUser

I lost my dad when I was 17, I'm 34 now and I still miss him so much its unreal. Am reading this post with my 3 year old on my knee and I tell her so often I love her. I think that is real important, for her and me.

bettiedaviseyes

I lost my dad in August this year and it sucks to be honest. Im not going to say that I feel any better recently, but you think you are ok and then you arent.
I have to say since it wanst expected but it is the worst feeling in the world. I really dont how to handle it cos never lost anyone this close before, but myself and my family just pulled together. Still cry for the most stupid things like when I hear that reminds me of him or see something that he made.

I miss my dad too

overexcitedaj

My Dad died 5 years ago on the 28th and i know exactly how you feel.I was 14 then and to be honest i am still not over it myself and around this time i can get emotional. The best advise i can give you is just relax and talk with loved ones about the whole situation.I don't know why but it helps so much. Also think about the good times that you did spend with him. Brings a nice sense of warmth in hard times. My deepest condolences to the OP and to anyone on here who has also lost a loved one

otwb

Am sitting here with tears running down my face. Lost my Dad late last year - the worst times are when you do something for the first time that you know he would have loved or that you used to do together. But I figure that its ok to miss him, and you wouldn't be in a position to appreciate everything in life if your Dad hadn't been there in the first place.

I regret that if I get married he won't be there to give me away, and my children will never get to meet their grandad. But they will be told about him, lots. All you can do is to talk to your family about your Dad and live your life in a way that you hope would make him proud.

LegacyUser

hi there poster, i lost my dad ten years ago and it still hurts like hell some days, but believe me you will have days too where you can smile at the memories. It takes a lot of time and alot of hurt and anger, there are still times i feel as if we lost him just yesterday its all so fresh in my head, and always on the verge of tears. But i know all this is normal, you loved your dad he loved you, its not like you can close a book and forget it existed. You will always have sad days but sometime soon you will start to think of the happy times. I still talk to my dad every day, in my head or in my thoughts, i wonder what he would think of my life now, but i know he is there when i need him. Just know that all that you are feeling is normal its going to hurt its going to hurt like hell for a long long time. But something will lift your sorrow someday soon, you will think of a happy time when you were younger something that he said or you said or a hug or holding his hand, how strong he was, you will get to live with the grief its not ever going to stop hurting but you will be able to live with it is what i want to tell you.

She Devil

Hey OP, i am so sorry for you, it must hurt so bad, don't forget to talk about your dad it will help with the sense of loss and horrible pain.
Hugs for you xxx

Blogger50

Hey everyone, as i said in previous post I lost my mam six weeks ago. She was a wonderful mother and the love of my life. Thankfully I told her that quite regularly! She was such a strong person who suffered so much and at the moment I am going through the angry and bitter stage. Its so true that one minute you are coping and the next its meltdown.

I just wanted to say that reading all the responses has been helpful to me in that I now realise I am not alone. Of course its natural to feel like you are but for some reason its comforting to hear all of your experiences and advice. Hippo I cant imagine what you are going through and I am so sorry for your huge loss.

To the OP, writing a letter to your Dad is a brilliant idea and something I intend doing myself at some stage. I find it also helps to talk to them and I always say Good Morning and Good Night to my mam. I hope you are doing okay and all of the wonderful considerate replies from all the other posters have helped you in some way as much as they have helped me.