Avoiding company

LegacyUser

I don't really have a problem or a question, I'm just wondering does anyone else do this.

Over the past few years I've stopped socializing more and more and have gotten to the point where I don't really want to be around people. I stay in my room reading and watching movies for the most part. I see the lads I live with now and again over breakfast and interact with people at work, but for the most part I'm in my own company. I was an only child with a single parent who worked all the time so Im used to my own company. I suppose I'm beginning to worry abit because the only way I talk to my dad is over skype and I found myself thinking I'll go invisible on skype and tell him my internet is down, that way I won't have to talk to him for a while. Basically I'm disconnecting everyone I know bit by bit. Making conversation seems like more effect than its worth. There are a few individuals I make a point of seeing once a year just to stay in contact, but thats it. I'm not sure if this is healthy.

Anyone out there do something similar?

Wibbs

OK mad theory alert. We all need a time out from people to do a bit of navel gazing and the length of time depends on the individual, but we are, like it or not a social animal. Now movies and interweb and reading will for a time bypass the logical part of the brain and appeal to the ancient bit of our mind. The ancient bit that evolved long before remote control interaction. So it'll work for a time as it feels like or replaces actual interaction in some ways. Kinda like watching soaps makes people feel part of a reality sorta thing. Sometimes it provides a bigger stimulus than reality too(soaps etc are a good example of that. **** for the soul if you pardon my French. IMHO it's a brave and strange new world at the moment and that 120,000 year old brain hasn't had time to catch up yet. Hence again IMHO the growth in social phobias etc.

Anyhoo, if I walked in and took your movies and TV and PC and books and left you with nada, how long would it be before you started to crave talking and interacting with your fellow man? Not very long I'd wager. Which kinda comes back to my original point about much of what is around us is a replacement for that(I see the irony of using one of those replacements to type this, though this one is at least interactive and random and there are people at the other end;):D).

So in my weird theory you can afford to socialise less simply because you hae those other outlets the social mind craves.

That's fine and dandy, but sooner or later that pseudo stimulation will work less and less and it's all to easy to become truly isolated and maybe go further into a spiral of isolation you don't need. Best not to stay in that.

Now it's not going to be easy at first and you will likely have to force yourself to interact. At first it's maybe going to be awkward and it will require effort. Look on it as your own personal experiment and see how you feel after more interaction bit by bit. If you find it more difficult down the line maybe a session or two with a counselor might be in order to get a better grasp on things.

Better counsel will likely come along though.

JDLK

Sounds pretty unhealthy to me

LegacyUser

I don't own a TV , but I do get your point.

I have tried, I went out for a night with the lads I live with... it was painfull, drunk stinky nightclub. They are lovely people but just seem to be a different species. I joined a club but too many people, it made me feel like a giant ball of rubber bands. Its just so much easier staying indoors.

Thats the feeling, its like a knot in my stomach. Whenever I'm asked out I make excuses.

Maybe it is a problem.

dudara

JDLK Helpful posts only please. Take the time to read the charter with regard to posting in this forum.

dudara

LegacyUser

OP i know you are feeling and i (kinda) feel the same. have felt myself become more and more isolated and distanced from everyone lately. i don't think its for the same reasons though. i seem to have become convinced that i don't belong, i feel like i have nobody, like i have no real friends, and that my family don't give a ****, and only want anything to do with me because they have to because they're family. but that there's no one who i truly mean anything to, that i'm way down the bottom of everyone's priority list and that no one really cares.

i know its probably not exactly the same, but i just couldn't be bothered with anyone. everything just feels so false somehow, and i just couldn't be bothered, and i don't see the point. so its much much easier to be on my own.

i had a family holiday abroad last month and by the time we were coming home, and for part of the holiday itself, i was feeling a bit suicidal (but i would never do anything about it) and a few days after i came back i started to see that this wasn't right. i went to a doctor who put me on anti depressants, and recommended i talk to someone.
and because of the possible depression etc i don't even know if what i was saying above about how i feel about the people in my life, i don't even know if its rational thinking.

and i do no its a different situation, and thats it not the same, but i just wanted you to know that u are not the only one in that kind of a situation. i can't really offer any advice atm sorry, but i do hope things work themselves out.

take care.

Krieg

As odd as it sounds, Im almost exactly the same as you describe OP, no regrets either. The thought that I may look back in 10-20 years and possibly regret my lifestyle has occurred to me and Im fine with it. I know a couple other people living the same way. Theres little doubt in my mind that this can be unhealthy both mentally and physically, I generally follow the motto of do what makes you happy.

I don't think this is how a PI reply is supposed to go... meh..

Anyway, your not alone OP

LegacyUser

As odd as it sounds, Im almost exactly the same as you describe OP, no regrets either. The thought that I may look back in 10-20 years and possibly regret my lifestyle has occurred to me and Im fine with it. I know a couple other people living the same way. Theres little doubt in my mind that this can be unhealthy both mentally and physically, I generally follow the motto of do what makes you happy.

I don't think this is how a PI reply is supposed to go... meh..

Anyway, your not alone OP

such a soothing post. I really feel much better.
Its just a lifestyle choice, I know its unhealthy... but for now its ok

Thanks.

LegacyUser

Heh, weird, I'm the same too

I get on well with anyone really, have zero issues with my lifestyle or who I am, but just seem to be leading a somewhat solitary life. You'd never think it to know me though.

I wouldn't mind spending more time with others, its just that alot of the people I meet and know are on very different wavelengths to myself and have divergent social scenes.

I know its unhealthy to go without social interaction, but I am careful in this regard and do keep in contact with people. Just nowhere near as much as I used to years ago.

And it doesn't seem to bother me that much.

I think the expression 'Alone, but never lonely' sums it up.

white apples

OP I can understand how you feel. I went through a phase of being like that myself, and I really think that the more time you spend alone, the more you will want to be alone and the longer you stay like that the harder it will be to bring yourself back into the real world.

You said that you went out with the lads from your house and didn't enjoy the drunk stinky nightclub...I can totally see where you're coming from, they seem like a different species...well, they're obviously not your type of ppl. Not that they're bad ppl but we click with some and with others it's more of an effort. I think you need to force yourself to interact with new people, there's a lot of interesting people out there just waiting to meet you and some of them could end up changing your life. I know it's hard initially but if you can find some sort of outlet that you really enjoy, through a hobby or a sport or something and just force yourself even for that one night a week or whatever to get out and meet new people. A lot of what you're feeling could be from boredom cos you've just had the same people in your life and they're giving you nothing so you're pulling away.

Dunno if all that makes sense, just my two cents worth.

Kevster

Jerrold,

I'm 25 now and have not socialised for around 4 years at this stage. People stress me out immensely. Don't get me wrong though: I can socialise to some extent in college but, once the day ends, I can't bear to be around anyone and just want to be alone. The same is true for the weekends. Please be aware that you do not have to live your life like the majority of people do.

Kevin

Mr Benevolent

I'm 25 now and have not socialised for around 4 years at this stage. People stress me out immensely. Don't get me wrong though: I can socialise to some extent in college but, once the day ends, I can't bear to be around anyone and just want to be alone. The same is true for the weekends.

Unless you're coming up with the new theory of evolution that sounds a tad extreme. I noticed myself becoming a bit more antisocial when I started on Boards (ok, my best friend went to Oz for a year and I don't live with my gf). Started going out more in the last few weeks and I had forgotten how much fun it could be. I do choose my friends carefully and don't drink more than 2 pints in a night, but it's been a real relief to get away from the computer and talk to real, live people.

No offence, boardsies

LegacyUser

It is a big issue in Japan although this may not describe what you mean.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

LegacyUser

bankhol wrote: »

It is a big issue in Japan although this may not describe what you mean.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

The artical is interesting. Its about how young Japanesse can't take the pressure their parents put on them growing up to be successfull so they lock themselves in their houses retreating from the world that scares them. *for those who don't fancy reading it*

I think its a nerd thing to be honest. I'm 27 studying medicine. In my head it makes sense to retreat, I'm more productive locked in my room. I find it amazing how many people said they feel similar.

To be honest its not a problem for me... except ... my mate had a baby 3 days ago and it has me thinking. I'd like to have a baby somewhere in the near future. I can't do this on my own, and retreating isn't helping me find anyone. I've been single for over 18 months and I really need to move on. In order to meet someone, aparently I need to socialise. Which is like pulling teeth.

Other than that its not a problem.