Emotionally Cold?

LegacyUser

I have been told by many people that I never show emotion for anything or anyone.I always just dismissed such accusations. That was untill my OH tore into me in a major way last week for not going to a removal service for a family member who died.When I was asked why i didnt go I told my Oh that it was the family memeber who died wasnt very close to me and that It really didnt mean anything that they died.Well to say my OH spit chips was to put it mildly.

Now,I have been told to get my self sorted and to start acting like a normal person,but my point is that how am I supposed to do that. Im cant pretend that stuff matters to me,or should I?My OH knows that all that I really care about is her and my kids.

JDLK

I reckon its normal enough. I mean I have loads of cousins, aunties, uncles etc that I havent seen in years- Ive nothing against them but if they died I wouldnt be too cut up about it- I hardly know them

Unless its your ma you're talking about-if it is then I think you may have issues

wasper

If you can't feel anything for the deceased then no one can make you feel sick in the head. Just becausre you don't join others pretending to be sorrow, it doesn't mean you are cold fish. You were honest & she didn't like it. That's her problem.
I would just ignore it. You must be a caring person otherwise you wouldn't have had a GF. So just relax.

Boston

Jesus all that fake bull**** about feeling sorry someone you barely knew and probably didn't like, died. Your OH needs a dose of cop the fuk on.

Ishindar

going to a family members removal is not just about the person who died its also about supporting those left behind. not supporting your family at a time like this is cold...

Boston

Ishindar wrote: »

going to a family members removal is not just about the person who died its also about supporting those left behind. not supporting your family at a time like this is cold...

Walking up to some cousin you've met maybe a half dozen times and saying "I feel sorry for your loss" when you feel nothing, isn't support. Maybe its just me but false sympathy is the most stomach turning thing I can imagine. I've more respect for someone who honestly didn't care not turning up for the free booze.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Don't think the funeral is the issue here. FTR - your OH was a bit insensitive in the way she reacted. It's a bit narrow-minded to assume that you SHOULD react the same way everyone else does to specific incidents.

Now, the issue.
You've been told by MANY PEOPLE that you're cold. Not just one. I used to get that - I put it down to thinking too much and not communicating with emotions. Meditation helped me, because it bypasses the mind and connects with the inner self.

Might be an idea??

Mr Benevolent

As long as you don't take pleasure in hurting people I don't see a problem with not giving a ****e about people you don't know.

Edgedinblue

so not showing emotion is classed as not normal nowadays eh?! fook that! reminds me of an arguement iv had before, but anyway nevermind what your OH says, if your OH really knew you, they'd know that you deal with things differently or not at all.. cant change that..

hussey

Although you may not have known who had died, people need support when someone dies, when you show zero support you may come across as cold.

It doesn't mean it is fake.

dresden8

Double post

dresden8

It is now the fashion to be overcome with emotion every time the wind changes. People used to have the "stiff upper lip", to steal a phrase.

You just have to accept that nowadays you are in the wrong if you don't give people the show soap opera show they demand at traumatic events.

Fook it, it's not an excuse to get medicated off your t1ts or anything like that, it's just how you roll.

Can't help wondering if the OH is using this as an excuse to cover up other issues. Do you talk or are you on boards all the time? etc. etc.

nacho libre

If you had gone to the funeral and balled your eyes out or being effusive about the deceased that would have been fake. However, that is not really the issue.

Were you close to any of the people who were left behind? if so i can understand where your partner was coming from. we all have to do things we don't like in the adult world. Showing a bit of empathy and support for others by attending the funeral would have been the decent thing to do.

BroomBurner

If it was someone that wasn't really connected to you at all, then you weren't being a cold fish for not going to the funeral. I agree with other posters about your OH reacting badly, though maybe she saw that as the straw that broke the camels back if you think you are cold at times. On the other hand, if you were a simpering wreck, she would probably not be that into you. Men just can't win on the emotion thing, so just be yourself, you're obviously not that bad if you know to prioritise your GF and kids.

Karen_*

Who was the relative? Would give us a better idea as to why your OH was annoyed with you? Everything is not always about you and what you want to do. Sometimes we all have to do things and inconvenience ourselves to be a support to or show consideration for the people we DO care about.

Emotionally cold? probably not. Selfish maybe?

Nerin

People are weird with emotions. Everyone acts differently. (case and point,me ) death is also something that people see/react to differently. Its hard for people to understand,but really,its their problem,not yours,if they don't like your reactions.

vorbis

Only going on what is written, it sounds more like you were a bit selfish about it. As other posters mentioned, you go to removals and funerals to show support for the people left behind. And people DO appreciate it. I went to a funeral for a friend's mother last year. I'd only met his mother once I'd say. I was there along with other friends to show support for him. He wasn't expecting us to turn up but was very happy when we did.