Sexual etiquette

LegacyUser

Hi,

Sorry if this seems a bit facetious or a joke. It's something I've been wondering about.

I've been seeing a girl for a while. A bit of a slow starter but in my 20s.

We haven't had sex yet. She's been with one or two people before but only long term relationships and she looks after herself i.e. has no diseases.

She's on the pill for medical reasons.

I'm not getting ahead of myself now but there probably will come a stage when we do sleep together. We haven't discussed it.

I know that if and when it does happen I should probably wear a condom, but as she's on the pill I might not. I don't know. We'll probably sort that out.Even if we do, eventually we'll end up chancing it at some stage if she's still on the pill.

My question is is it bad "etiquette" (for want of a better word) to actually ejaculate inside the girl. Whatever about other reasons, is it seen as bad if I do or if I don't or does it depend on the girl.

And I'm not talking about pulling out and sticking it in her face or anything. If I feel myself about to come, should I pull out and probably end up getting it on her stomach or all over the sheets? I'm not trying to be a wannabe porn star here. Or should I just stay "where I am" and let nature do what nature is intended to do. And if I do that, is it ok to just stay there for a few minutes or should I be out of there straight away.

It's not really something that I'd know how to bring up if the situation did arise.

Thanks for any serious replies

kizzyr

Use a condom use a condom use a condom. Contracting HIV or Hepatitis, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia is not worth it.
Afterward when / if you've been together and have developed a relationship you'll both sort out what works for you two. To be honest if I was with a guy for the first time and he came all over my stomach I'm hardly going to think "my what a well mannered guy".

LegacyUser

OP here again

You see that's what I was guessing. I'd guessed it wouldn't be taken too well if I did that. But I just didn't know if it'd be also taken badly if I "stayed in there". That's sorta what I'm asking.

To be honest, I haven't talked to her about her past history but she definitely isn't a girl to sleep around but she has had one longish term boyfriend ~1-2 yrs and another 1 of a few months. I don't even know if she's slept with them. I never asked her. I presume that she did with the longer fella though. She's a very reserved person and definitely not the type of girl who'd sleep with a fella after only a week or two.

I don't carry condoms. I used to just in case but got fed up doing it because I never had any use for them. I don't want to start carrying them now in case it looks like I'm expecting anything immediately. I'm not. I know it's probably a stupid attitude but I don't want her to think I'm taking anything for granted. She know's I've never been with anyone before so the only reason that I'd have them is if I was presuming that it's gonna happen soon. I don't want her to think that I think she's a slut or anything. It's the opposite in fact. I know I should wear one if anything happens but I'm asking what's the best thing to do if I don't?

I'd prefer to take it in stages. It's just something that I'd wondered about. If the situation/opportunity arose though, I don't know how long my "take it in stages" strategy would last.... I honestly don't think I could resist...... I was sorta seeing a girl before and the opportunity did arise and I didn't take it. I thought sure it'd come around again.....it never did.... and I think that other girl was less than impressed that I didn't and sorta lost interest in me after that. A totally different type of girl though to this one.

RuthyB

For god sake use a condom!

Fair enough she might be 'clean' but just because she's on the pill doesn't mean she cant get pregnant. The chances of her getting pregnant while she's on the pill (presuming she is taking it correctly) are small - but is it really worth the risk?

MagicMarker

RuthyB wrote: »

but is it really worth the risk?

Well worth the risk imo:D

OP, has she been tested?

qz

Just come in the condom and you'll have hit two birds with one stone. And another bird with your willy. :pac:

SeekUp

kizzyr wrote: »

Use a condom use a condom use a condom.

*ahem*

Use a condom use a condom use a condom

Not only are you being safe, but you don't have to worry about pulling out and spewing all over her stomach - or wetting the sheets!

It's win-win!

Boston

Thats a huge amount of responsibility to put on her. Before deciding to have unprotected sex with someone you should discuss all the risks and get tested together. If you're not at least that mature you shouldn't be having sex in any form.

As for etiquette, that will be up to yourself and herself to agree.

kizzyr wrote: »

To be honest if I was with a guy for the first time and he came all over my stomach I'm hardly going to think "my what a well mannered guy".

By the same token many people wouldn't care, they'd even enjoy it.

Redpunto

WEAR A CONDOM, thankyou:)

owenmakken

If you dont want to use a condom then dont.

Its a personal choice at the end of the day-

As for ejaculating inside her - it is part of having sex which you would be having so ye go for it

Nevyn

Talk to her about it but unless you both have been recently cleared for hiv and sti you are better off wearing a condom.

Bonzo1970

Use a condom. You can still get pregnant on the pill.Discuss the issue of sex with her but try to avoid setting a date for it.Just agree you are ready or not and then let it happen naturally.

LegacyUser

Op here again

Thanks for all the replies. I'd pretty much expected a good few people just to lecture me to use the condom.

As regards being tested, it's not something I've ever asked her. We have been together about 6-8 months which is a long time (from what other threads here say) to be going out and not having actually had sex yet. I'm not rushing anything. She's definitely not a girl to sleep around. I know that she'd only have had to be with one person before to have caught everything and anything. It'd just be a smaller chance than with your average girl if you know what I mean.

Personally I've been tested. Even though I have never been sexually active. I was in at the doctors over the summer over a bit of "uncomfortableness". Doctor said it was most likely a harmless tiny cist but could also be a symptom of chlymadia (sorry about spelling if it's incorrect)..... I was too embarassed to explain that it couldn't be so I just went and got a full screening done. I also thought it'd be good to get a definitive check anyway. So I'm "clean". I really like this girl and I wouldn't like to give her anything. (And I know someone will point out that if I did catch something from her I could then pass it on to someone else). I'm just thinking of her at the minute.

I'm sure that some of the posters here telling me to alway use a condom have had "risky" sex at least once in their lives or else have had no-condom sex with a longish partner whom they didn't insist on getting checked out first!

How would a girl take it if I said "Sorry darling, we're not doing anything til you get checked out".... I'd be insinuating that she was dirty. Fair enough if it was your average girl who has had probably 5 different partners including one or two one-night stands (or very short relationships).

I'll try to find out what she wants too obviously.

And I don't see how I'm putting a lot of responsibility on her. I never said I wouldn't or didn't want to use a condom. I just asked what would be the best thing to do if the situation did arise. It might turn out that she doesn't want me to use one!

The thread was started not to ask whether or not I should use a condom but what to do if I didn't! As regards the pregnancy issue, there's no such thing as 100% safe but I'm guessing that withdrawal combined with the pill is up there with any other method (apart from wearing a condom+pill or total abstinance!). So I guess my question could have been phrased as "should I pull out early even if she's on the pill". As regards Stis etc, (even though I've been checked and am clean) I've read that there is a much greater risk of passing on some sti if semen is left inside so I thought that maybe a girl wouldn't like it if I did. I also considered that it might be a bit demeaning though if I did pull out and end up spunking all over her.

Thanks for all of your replies though. I have to log off now. I won't be contributing any further. Thanks again.

Stench Blossoms

I think its gas that you haven't even had sex with the girl yet or discussed it and your thinking about blowing your load inside her?

I hope to god she's not as stupid as you and insists your wear a condom.

anonymous_joe

Obviously use a condom as much as you can, etc.

If you're going to contemplate going unprotected, make sure both of you are healthy and don't have any STD's. From the sounds of it you don't.

If I didn't know a girl well I'd insist on a jonny for my sake, let alone hers. If it's a long term relationship, I recommend you bite the bullet and talk about it. You might find you prefer sex with or without the condom. As for the moment of climax and the venue for want of a better phrase, what do you want to do, and what does she want you to do? Talk these things over when the time comes to it.

A Primal Nut

The reason its impossible to give advice in the event you don't use a condom is because anyone who is worried about this stuff wears one. If your not worried enough to use one then you may as well come inside her - but do what you think is right in the situation. Stop worrying about sexual etiquette - if she's not responsible enough to allow you wear a condom shes not gonna be worried about whether you come inside her.

I really don't see the problem - stop worrying about what she wants all the time and think of yourself. You know you should wear a condom, therefore insist that you do. Think of the ramifications of getting an std or getting her pregnant - obviously thats not something you want. If she refuses, then don't have sex with her - simple as that. I find it unlikely that she would do it without a condom anyway.

As for the question of carrying them around with you - i find it unlikely any woman in the 21st century is gonna think you think shes a slut because you carry a condom. The only way she'll be offended is if shes a strict born again christian or something, in which case sex before marriage is out anyway. Just have them at all times in your room or wherever your likely to do it. Given that you've left it so long without having sex, I'd imagine its something that you will talk about before doing, in which case buying condoms is logical. It doesn't sound from your posts like its going to spontaneously happen some night.

Seriously, think of yourself as well as her - you sound like a doormat in these posts.

Jack B. Badd

OP, you're talking a lot about what she wants and what she would like but what do you want of a sexual experience? Or have you not got beyond "i want sex, doesn't really matter if I have much say in how it happens or not..."?
It's all very well to be considerate to your lover but some consideration of your own wants (and your health) is a good thing too.

AngryBadger

OP you're all over the shop here. You don't want to use a condom because she's on the pill. But you don't want to be "rude", in spite of the fact that you have no idea if she's carrying something or not. Even if you were going to use a condom you don't carry any on you because you don't want her to think you're being presumptious? And finally, you may never wind up sleeping with this girl, and the effort you're obviously putting into thinking about this is VERY likely to overflow into your interaction with her.

Use a condom. The pill is not 100 % safe even if you frimly believe you're magically not going to contract anything she may have, there is still the possibility you could get her pregnant.

wasper

AngryBadger wrote: »

OP you're all over the shop here. You don't want to use a condom because she's on the pill. But you don't want to be "rude", in spite of the fact that you have no idea if she's carrying something or not. Even if you were going to use a condom you don't carry any on you because you don't want her to think you're being presumptious? And finally, you may never wind up sleeping with this girl, and the effort you're obviously putting into thinking about this is VERY likely to overflow into your interactiosn with her.

Use a condom. The pill is not 100 % safe even if you frimly believe you're magically not going to contract anything she may have, there is still the possibility you could get her pregnant.

Sounds like a Woody Allen film.

Wibbs

wasper stay on topic and read the charter. Easiest way to look at this is if it's not adding in some way to the thread then resist the temptation to post.

LegacyUser

orla wrote: »

I think its gas that you haven't even had sex with the girl yet or discussed it and your thinking about blowing your load inside her?

I hope to god she's not as stupid as you and insists your wear a condom.

I wonder when would be a good time for him to think about it then? The day after the deed? two weeks later? :-). I'd wonder how many people actually discuss the deed before the first time. Not too many I'd say if people were honest. At least not in any great detail.

I don't know why it would make her stupid if he has tested free of Std's. As regards pregnancy, the pill has a lower failure rate than condoms. It might make him foolish if she hadn't been tested.

If used properly, the pill is more effective. Have you ever had sex without using a condom Orla? Any sort, even oral. Even with a long term partner? Then you took a risk regarding Std's. Again, the OP has stated that he has been tested and has nothing. There's nothing for her to catch. She wouldn't be the foolish one.

Have you ever had sex using just a condom? If so then you took more of a risk in relation to pregnancy than the girl that you'd call stupid!

Let him/her without sin cast the first stone ;-)

And OP, when people say that you are a doormat etc., reading between the lines they are saying that you shouldn't be waiting so long. That you should be more persuasive and pushy. Maybe they'd suggest dumping the one who's making you wait, getting your arse up to Dublin and pulling some little slapper in Coppers for a one-nighter. It'll be ok of course if you wear a johnnie. And maybe even learn how to be a bastard to women so that they'll respect you more and then come crying here complaining why all men are bastards. Tell them whatever it takes to get into their pants and then leg it out the door as soon as.

Don't mind them. You do what's right for you. It's your life/body. The only way to be 100% safe is to never do anything. Anyone who says that should just go and join the monks/nuns.

Personally, and I'd say it holds for most of the blokes here, if they had a choice they'd choose not to wear a condom! That's being honest. Once they thought she wasn't going to be carrying anything. The majority would take the chance. Some wouldn't but most would. That's why most people in long term relationships use the pill and not condoms.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Your come will dribble out of her if she's walking around afterward which she might not want. I'd pull out. Maybe come on her leg/belly or if you think that would annoy her do it on the sheets.

There's no definite answer here and you know your girlfriend best.

For first time without a condom I'd say safest bet would be pull out and do it on sheets but i can't see it as being breaking up material anyway.

bigpinkelephant

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

For first time without a condom I'd say safest bet would be pull out.

Oh my God..I hope you're joking.

The withdrawal method is from the stone age and doesn't work.

Nevyn

Talk to her about it before you have sex, really it's not that hard of a conversation to have.

Nevyn

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Your come will dribble out of her if she's walking around afterward which she might not want.

Which is why most women will go to the toilet after having sex to urinate which can help prevent thrush and other things and also to clean up, really it's part of the fact of having sex and if you are put of or upset by the stickiness and bodily fluids then don't have sex and if you can't have a grown up discussion about it with your partner then again are you mature enough to be having sex ?

owenmakken

bigpinkelephant wrote: »

Oh my God..I hope you're joking.

The withdrawal method is from the stone age and doesn't work.

Shes on the PILL! didnt you read it, thats the contraceptive method their using, not pulling out.

Phototoxin

Or should I just stay "where I am" and let nature do what nature is intended to do.

if you're worried about natures intentions then why is she on the pill and why are you talking about condoms? I wouldn't be too worried about 'nature' and such if I was having sex with a girl on the pill!

For god sake use a condom!

Fair enough she might be 'clean' but just because she's on the pill doesn't mean she cant get pregnant. The chances of her getting pregnant while she's on the pill (presuming she is taking it correctly) are small - but is it really worth the risk?

You can still get pregnant on the pill.

Use a condom. The pill is not 100 % safe even if you frimly believe you're magically not going to contract anything she may have, there is still the possibility you could get her pregnant.

You can still get pregnant if he's wearing a johnny & they dont protect against all stis either.

The pill is more effective than a condom in practise so I dont see the logical argument for using both or the condom for safety.

The real answer is to discuss it and talk about it. And if its embarassing or you both dont feel comfortable then you probably shoudln't be having sex

Bottle_of_Smoke

bigpinkelephant wrote: »

Oh my God..I hope you're joking.

The withdrawal method is from the stone age and doesn't work.

Read the thread before you get your knickers in a twist. Girl's on the pill. And the pill is more effective than condoms.

Boston

More effective at protecting you against unwanted pregnancy provided it is used correctly. You can't just say condoms are more effective full stop. That type of statement is just lazy and ignorant. Additionally it is far easier to consistently use a condom correctly then is to consistently use the pill correctly.

Canis Lupus

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi,

Sorry if this seems a bit facetious or a joke. It's something I've been wondering about.

I've been seeing a girl for a while. A bit of a slow starter but in my 20s.

We haven't had sex yet. She's been with one or two people before but only long term relationships and she looks after herself i.e. has no diseases.

She's on the pill for medical reasons.

I'm not getting ahead of myself now but there probably will come a stage when we do sleep together. We haven't discussed it.

I know that if and when it does happen I should probably wear a condom, but as she's on the pill I might not. I don't know. We'll probably sort that out.Even if we do, eventually we'll end up chancing it at some stage if she's still on the pill.

My question is is it bad "etiquette" (for want of a better word) to actually ejaculate inside the girl. Whatever about other reasons, is it seen as bad if I do or if I don't or does it depend on the girl.

And I'm not talking about pulling out and sticking it in her face or anything. If I feel myself about to come, should I pull out and probably end up getting it on her stomach or all over the sheets? I'm not trying to be a wannabe porn star here. Or should I just stay "where I am" and let nature do what nature is intended to do. And if I do that, is it ok to just stay there for a few minutes or should I be out of there straight away.

It's not really something that I'd know how to bring up if the situation did arise.

Thanks for any serious replies

Some strange semi off tangentness in this thread.

1: Before you have sex for the first time the topic will come up before the deed about whether one or the other is riddled with horrific willy melting diseases. You've two choices, if she says she's clean then you take her at her word or alternatively you don't and suggest a fun date to the docs so you can reassure each other. It shouldn't be a big deal one way or the other.

2: If she's on the pill and doing it right chances are she won't get pregnant. She still might (I know I know, contain your shock, to increase effectiveness use a condom) but you've also got a percentage chance of being knocked over by a car tomorrow. If condom wearing is purely for STI reasons then see above, if not it's a choice thing and she could possibly suggest one anyway you never really know. If you're new to sex a condom might even be a good idea as it can help you last longer.

3: Sex with a condom then you cum in it and after the deed you whisk it away to magical places unknown (nearby bin, under the bed , toilet). If you go without a condom then you cum inside her (This may change later on occasion as you get to know each other and how much alcohol has been drunk blah blah blah). What happens next is dependant but you can lie there a moment and say cutie wutie things to one another or hop out, it's no biggy. She'll pop to the loo shortly afterwards to do lady stuff and be back in a jiffy for hugs unless you're already snoring at this stage.

Hope that clarifies your questions.

Nevyn

Do not flush condoms, please dispose of them correctly.

[Jackass]

While we're talking "etiquette" here, I'd suggest you ALWAYS strap up regardless of pill or otherwise. If you decide down the line that you want to go bare back then fair play, but that would be more of a concious decision I reckon.

But I wouldn't just lash it in, blow my load then see what expression on her face is after to see if it was a good idea. Contraception will come up in conversation eventually - just concentrate on getting the ball rolling with the actual sex for now.

Also about "leaving it in", I always see it the same as excercise - you start slow, you build it up - you "peak" - then you slow it down again and gradually finish. A bit like a warm down. Generally a one stop in and out doesn't go down too well - she's not a quickfit.

Anyway, best of luck with it.

LegacyUser

You have been going out for 6 - 8 months. That is long enough to be comfortable with each other to have an open discussion about sex.

At the moment, there is no problem as you are not having intercourse.

When you both feel the time is getting close, why don't you both sit down and discuss going for a joint STD screening. Sexual health is an extremely important issue in today's society and in is every bit as important as receiving regular check ups etc... It doesn't have to be a situation where you label somebody or look down on somebody for their previous sexual activities. Instead it should be an in built protocol in relationships especially new ones. In other countries, especially the U.S. people don't think twice about being tested.

Both of you go, get tested and if everything is negative and you both remain faithful then you won't have any worries and you can cum wherever you like. Yes, pregnancy is still an issue but the majority of people know what to expect, know their options, know the preventative measures etc... with pregnancy. However, this country is still very much in the dark regarding STDs. Believe me, you don't want HIV. nobody is ever clean unless you see their negative result. Please err with caution and look after yourself.

all_smilz

use a condom. carry it with you everywhere. if she ever sees them u can explain why. and if ye cant talk about sex then ye will never do it. Maybe a text could broach the subject and leave it open enough for you to explore with her in person. If ye cant talk it will NEVER last.

shellyboo

Ok, so the girl you're going to sleep with 'doesn't sleep around' so therefore you think she's clean. A dubious theory, but we'll go with it nonetheless. What about the people she DID sleep with? Do you know them? Are they clean? What about the people that THOSE people have slept with? Know them too? Are they clean? And so on, and so on. You do not know where your partner has been, where her previous partners have been, where their previous partners have been. There is no way to be sure.

So even though you seem to think it's 'rude' to assume that she may not be clean, you're taking a huge risk by handing over the care of your sexual health to someone else. It doesn't matter if you've slept with two people or two hundred, ONE instance of unprotected sex leaves you vulnerable to STIs. The only time it's safe is if you have BOTH been tested. Have a look at some STI symptoms online, read up on their consequences, and then decide which you'd rather - open, weeping sores on your genitalia, or some mild social embarrasment when you insist on being safe and responsible in order to protect yourself AND your girlfriend.


Personally, if anyone ever tried to sleep with me without a condom I would be out of there - and I'm on the pill. I would be furtherly worried if she LET you have sex with her without a condom, that would imply to me that she thinks it's ok. Huge warning bells for me.

Basically what I'm saying is, use a condom use a condom use a condom use a condom... ad infinitum.