I'm not angry anymore, just sad

JohnGalt

Hello, I am just wondering have any of you felt like this before and if so, how did you manage to get yourself back on track.

I am just gone twenty. I am ugly and fat. I have never really achieve anything note worthy. It feels like I have just woken up after sleeping for ten years, and during that time everybody else has moved on and become somebody worthwhile, while I have stayed stuck in one place. I have never really known a girl outside my family, let alone been in any sort of relationship. It just seems to me that I am a complete waste of space, time and anything else I occupy. I am socially inept, and have very few friends. I used to be angry at myself for being so worthless, and I would try to break the cycle and do something different, I took up Jujitsu, but I failed miserably at that and it made me feel even worse. Every time I tried something it just made me feel bad, and now I have given up. I realise that the reason why I was in that position to begin with is because I am worthless, and taking up some stupid class can't change that. I feel so bad every single morning when I wake up, I just want to stay in bed and forget that there is a world outside those curtains

fits

Oh you sound very down... depressed even.

Twenty is still very young, I would have considered myself to be far from mature at that age. I think you should realise that the way you're thinking right now is not going to get you out of that rut. You need to start doing things that make you feel better about yourself and recognise that thinking the way you do is no way to lead a life. Life can be so great!

Dont worry about a relationship for now. A lot of people start on that a bit later than some (myself included). Just work on yourself and making yourself happy (by doing things you like to do) for now.

Wibbs

First off, sometimes we all need help if things are borked in our lives. Your jacks breaks, you call a plumber, your car goes south you call a mechanic, if you get lost you consult a GPS or ring someone and look for directions. You get the heavyhanded gist anyway.... If you feel you can't figure a way out of being lost then maybe try a professional. they'll have a map that will help you to walk yourself out of being lost.

OK this may not seem like much help, but.... you're 20 right? Now look at a guy who we'll say is 60 and has achieved a lot in life. Maybe became very wealthy etc. Now I would put good money that he would love to be you and 20 again. Would likely give all his money away if he could. Why? Because you have so much ahead of you.

Sounds all new agey with a side order of bullshít and of course it may not feel like that at the moment but trust me you have. Now some of it will be painful shíte, but some of it will be really amazing and of course a lot of it will be everyday crap too. Personally I sometimes welcome the boredom.

The point is it's all ahead of you. So no matter how you feel about yourself now, if your 60 year old self could come back in time to meet you now, he would tell you the same. He would also tell you to savour and learn from every moment of it, including the crap now. The one thing in life we can be sure of is change an change will come and what you do with those changes and how you build the guy you're meant to be is up to you(with help if you need it).

You're not adrift as much as you think and you're not as worthless as you think not by a long shot. Next time you look in the oul mirror remember that the bloke looking back is the most powerful thing in your life. No one or nothing comes close and can make you feel better but you. That seems like a pain in the árse, but the opposite is also true, no one can make you feel bad but you either. You're so free to be the person you want to be. You just don't get that you have that power yet. You have it though. More than anyone else on this earth. That's pretty damn cool.

LegacyUser

I too was in the same position as you 2 years ago and im only 15, No friends whatsoever(Nobody at all) and could not even talk to a girl for more than 5 seconds before not being able to say anything and just ending the conversation. I was fat, slow and tbh looked horrible(Feeling depressed makes you look unattractive no matter what your facial features are).

2 years ahead now and I've made a few friends (Not good friends but still), still cant talk to girls that well but am getting better and you will not believe how losing weight can help you man, think about it, you lose weight by setting yourself a strict calorie limit and buy yourself a set of dumbbells and exercise your arms and torso and within 1 year you will look great. When i lost weight and went from 110kg all the way down to my now 80kg it started up a whole load of conversations with people i would normally not of been able to talk to and now because of that and their positive talk to me i am now far more confident and less depressed than 2 years ago.

You wont feel ugly if your confident and happy, it shows in your face, if your sad depressed and energiless nobody will talk to you but if you force yourself to be happy and full of energy you will get loads of people and girls talking to you.

Taking up jujitsu or in fact any martial arts is pointless unless you put the effort into it, if you go in their expecting to be great in 1 class you will fail miserably. You need to start exercising and improving your physique such as stamina and strength.

Remember

confidence and energy = happiness


hope i helped

Wibbs

Phlann stay on topic please.

JohnGalt

yeah wrote: »

I too was in the same position as you 2 years ago and im only 15, No friends whatsoever(Nobody at all) and could not even talk to a girl for more than 5 seconds before not being able to say anything and just ending the conversation. I was fat, slow and tbh looked horrible(Feeling depressed makes you look unattractive no matter what your facial features are).

2 years ahead now and I've made a few friends (Not good friends but still), still cant talk to girls that well but am getting better and you will not believe how losing weight can help you man, think about it, you lose weight by setting yourself a strict calorie limit and buy yourself a set of dumbbells and exercise your arms and torso and within 1 year you will look great. When i lost weight and went from 110kg all the way down to my now 80kg it started up a whole load of conversations with people i would normally not of been able to talk to and now because of that and their positive talk to me i am now far more confident and less depressed than 2 years ago.

You wont feel ugly if your confident and happy, it shows in your face, if your sad depressed and energiless nobody will talk to you but if you force yourself to be happy and full of energy you will get loads of people and girls talking to you.

Taking up jujitsu or in fact any martial arts is pointless unless you put the effort into it, if you go in their expecting to be great in 1 class you will fail miserably. You need to start exercising and improving your physique such as stamina and strength.

Remember

confidence and energy = happiness


hope i helped

I keep going on diets but I always fail, I even sent away for a diet plan I read about on the internet but it didn't work. I am 22 stone and just under 6 foot. I know I am really overweight for my height. I was always heavy but I really started putting on weight during the leaving cert. I was under a lot of pressure and I think I started eating a lot to try and take my mind off it. When I got my results I was so depressed that I think I just kept eating because I had gotten used to it My Dad died last year and I really haven't goteen over it, I still eat a lot and now I am 22 stone. I feel terrible about myself I am so weak I can't do anything right

G86

Hi OP.

Everyone gets down sometimes, but it sounds like maybe you need a bit of help to fix the way you're feeling right now, have you thought about going to see a doctor? There are alot of things varying from medication to counselling that might help you.

With regards to your weight, I'm guessing its down to comfort eating, and its probably not making you feel any better about yourself. But the thing is, we all do it, you have a bad day and you head to the fridge, grab a duvet and plonk yourslef down in front of the tv. Its just that you've got into a pattern of doing it constantly thats all, its not your fault, its just a way of dealing with how you're feeling. Losing weight can be done, you just need a bit of motivation thats all. 22 stone isn't healthy, I won't lie and patronise you over that, but at the same time it isn't the end of the world and you have the power to change it. Start of slow and build up your confidence, if you're too self conscious to hit the gym then start of by going for walks everyday. Maybe do a mile tomorrow, and go up to 2 miles next week - set yourself goals. Take all the 'nice' food (choc, crisps, ice cream) out of your house to rid the temptation - comfort eating doesn't have the same appeal when its a salad you're tucking into It will take a while but your appetite will start to change, you'll start to want to opt for the healthier option instead of thinking you have to, you'll start to lose weight and as that happens you'll take more pride in your health and appearance.

Its all about baby steps, once you're feeling a bit more confident you can do other things like join a sports club, maybe even take up running sure? Its also a great way of meeting new friends and will help you broaden your social circle

The main thing you need to do first though is speak to someone about how you're feeling, perhaps a counsellor or doctor who can advise you on the best way to go about feeling happier about yourself again. Losing weight alone won't make you happy, you need to sort out the other things that are getting you down too.

I hope this helps, like I said, everyone has down days, but if yours aren't going away then theres no shame in asking for some help.x

JohnGalt

G86 wrote: »

Hi OP.

Everyone gets down sometimes, but it sounds like maybe you need a bit of help to fix the way you're feeling right now, have you thought about going to see a doctor? There are alot of things varying from medication to counselling that might help you.

With regards to your weight, I'm guessing its down to comfort eating, and its probably not making you feel any better about yourself. But the thing is, we all do it, you have a bad day and you head to the fridge, grab a duvet and plonk yourslef down in front of the tv. Its just that you've got into a pattern of doing it constantly thats all, its not your fault, its just a way of dealing with how you're feeling. Losing weight can be done, you just need a bit of motivation thats all. 22 stone isn't healthy, I won't lie and patronise you over that, but at the same time it isn't the end of the world and you have the power to change it. Start of slow and build up your confidence, if you're too self conscious to hit the gym then start of by going for walks everyday. Maybe do a mile tomorrow, and go up to 2 miles next week - set yourself goals. Take all the 'nice' food (choc, crisps, ice cream) out of your house to rid the temptation - comfort eating doesn't have the same appeal when its a salad you're tucking into It will take a while but your appetite will start to change, you'll start to want to opt for the healthier option instead of thinking you have to, you'll start to lose weight and as that happens you'll take more pride in your health and appearance.

Its all about baby steps, once you're feeling a bit more confident you can do other things like join a sports club, maybe even take up running sure? Its also a great way of meeting new friends and will help you broaden your social circle

The main thing you need to do first though is speak to someone about how you're feeling, perhaps a counsellor or doctor who can advise you on the best way to go about feeling happier about yourself again. Losing weight alone won't make you happy, you need to sort out the other things that are getting you down too.

I hope this helps, like I said, everyone has down days, but if yours aren't going away then theres no shame in asking for some help.x

Hi thanks for going to so much effort for the post. I think your right about me comfort eating. I always eat when I feel really bad about myself or when I miss my Dad. Do you think I need a doctor. I dont know what I would say to a doctor it is hard enough to even right this here anonymously. What can a doctor do for me do you think

G86

Well yes, I do think it would help. One of my best friends was really down for a while and no matter what I said it didn't seem to help, but she went and had a chat with her doctor about it and turned out she needed anti depressents. I can't believe the turnaround in her since she's been taking them. That said, you need to talk to a professional to work out the root of the problem, everyones different.

It will be ok though, you're only 20, you have so much ahead of you, and by posting here you've moved one step in the right direction.

LegacyUser

G86 wrote: »

Well yes, I do think it would help. One of my best friends was really down for a while and no matter what I said it didn't seem to help, but she went and had a chat with her doctor about it and turned out she needed anti depressents. I can't believe the turnaround in her since she's been taking them. That said, you need to talk to a professional to work out the root of the problem, everyones different.

It will be ok though, you're only 20, you have so much ahead of you, and by posting here you've moved one step in the right direction.

You wonder why she's happy?

Whatever you do OP, don't start taking pills. That won't solve anything. Get yourself back into shape at a managable pace, and then go from there. Get your confidence back doing things you can achieve right now, and don't expect miracles to happen. You need to get out of this failure mindset, build yourself up slowly and don't expect to become a ju jitsu master immediately.

G86

Unregistered wrote: »

You wonder why she's happy?

Whatever you do OP, don't start taking pills. That won't solve anything. Get yourself back into shape at a managable pace, and then go from there. Get your confidence back doing things you can achieve right now, and don't expect miracles to happen. You need to get out of this failure mindset, build yourself up slowly and don't expect to become a ju jitsu master immediately.

I'm just saying whats worked for her, and showing the OP he has options, be it counselling or medication or both - to help him feel a bit better about things. Sometimes its not that easy to just snap out of it so to speak, sometimes people can't do it on their own, and sometimes they have to ask for help.

af_thefragile

Man 20 is still really young. You've got a long long way to go. Don't give up yet! You've got all the time in the world to chase down the life you've always wanted.

Did you ever try to figure out why exactly was it that you were failing at the stuff you were doing? It could very possible be that you weren't motivated or dedicated enough to the task. Most things in life have a very steep curve. It takes a lot of hardwork to become good at something and the most important thing to be able to get there is to be able to persevere and stick with it. Its not easy. But its worth it.

I feel you've just lost motivation. You've lost out on the juice from your life cuz you've been riding on this downward spiral for wayy too long.
I was/am somewhere along your lines too. I also ended up getting myself caught in a rut. But now i'm managing to get myself out of it. I made a thread about it if you'ld like to read it. It could maybe inspire you to start making things happen.
Here it is: http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055401859

Maybe it might help you.
The main point of it is that change doesn't happen by just sitting on your ass and waiting for it to happen while loathing about your life. Thats just a recipe for disaster!
Change happens by movement. By taking actions. Not just lousy actions but MASSIVE actions. Thats what brings about the change you're craving for. Like the guy in my thread mentioned. It doesn't happen in small steps but leaps of faith. You've just gotta trust yourself and take the leap!!
Look, right now you've got nothing to lose, so why not give it your everything and take that massive jump. See the results. And trust me, when you take big enough steps, you will get results.
Remember failure is only when you make a mistake and don't get anything out of it. When you make a mistake and learn from it, you gain knowledge and thats not failure. Its a pathway to success.

So i'm gonna wrap this up by saying, get off your fat ass and MOVE!!!!
Make the change!! Take action!!
And don't just take some lousy action, but take a MASSIVE action and make sure you pull through it, whatever it is you've decided to do!!

Good Luck!!

LegacyUser

Dude,
first things first, the way you are feeling is understandable - Christ, your Dad died - thats really harsh for anyone.
Its ok to be like this for a while. Its like the brain and body's way of dealing with stress...an almost total shutdown.
HOWEVER - you do at some point need to pull yourself out of it. How you go about this is up to you.

I myself went through something similar - there was a "fog" in my head that I couldn't clear, and it was weighing me down. Thats the only way I can describe it. I spoke to my GP -described how I was feeling, he came up with a plan!!! 2 years later I think it was the best thing I ever did....speaking with a counsellor relieved a total burden.

If you feel you can't speak about it to your GP, how about you just print off your original post and show what you've written to him/her. They'll know how to proceed.

I'm not saying you need medication/counselling/kick in the arse. However, you do need to tell someone you can trust...someone who can keep your business private.

You're not feeling well - go to a doctor. Don't suffer in silence.

Tom.

Miacc

Hi OP.
You've had a lot to deal with. I think you're great to be doing this - you'll get there. it is all about baby steps, and taking it one step at a time. Keep your goal in mind. A doctor may be able to help with a proper weight plan.
It may help to talk to someone about keeping on track, for some support, maybe a good counsellor or coach but make sure you get a good one.
Its always hard to address the things that get us down the most, so I understand you feeling that even writing this anonymously is difficult, but you've nothing to be ashamed of, and if somebody makes you feel you do, it's not your problem. ok? .
I can tell from your post that you're not socially inept. - it's your confidence you need to build, self-acceptance, start here with yourself and you will be able to make the changes in yourself that you want. Just remember things are always changing (and that's a good thing), you may gain something from this experience even though it's painful now - be patient with yourself and know that you can do it. Good Luck.

JohnGalt

Thanks for all your help. I think I might try going to a doctor to see if I need help. I was looking on the internet and I haven't even heard of clinical depression before. I thought depression was just being sad bit it looks like it could be more. I think I will try to lose some weight again too, as some of you guys suggesting. Thanks for all the help

jellie

you sound like your weight is a big issue for feeling so down.

if this is the case, then losing some would probably help your self esteem & confidence. this can be hard to do on your own. have you ever thought about weight watchers? its easy to follow & it helps to take it week by week. There are some men who go to the normal classes, but i think theres men only classes too if youd prefer (website doesnt seem to be working at the moment but check it for the class times & locations). have a look at the success stories, it CAN be done

Messed Up Mind

JohnGalt wrote: »

Hello, I am just wondering have any of you felt like this before and if so, how did you manage to get yourself back on track.

I am just gone twenty. I am ugly and fat. I have never really achieve anything note worthy. It feels like I have just woken up after sleeping for ten years, and during that time everybody else has moved on and become somebody worthwhile, while I have stayed stuck in one place. I have never really known a girl outside my family, let alone been in any sort of relationship. It just seems to me that I am a complete waste of space, time and anything else I occupy. I am socially inept, and have very few friends. I used to be angry at myself for being so worthless, and I would try to break the cycle and do something different, I took up Jujitsu, but I failed miserably at that and it made me feel even worse. Every time I tried something it just made me feel bad, and now I have given up. I realise that the reason why I was in that position to begin with is because I am worthless, and taking up some stupid class can't change that. I feel so bad every single morning when I wake up, I just want to stay in bed and forget that there is a world outside those curtains

Hi OP

I'd firstly just like to give my condolences for the passing of your father.

I used to be in a similar situation as you. I was hiding from the world since I was 13. I didn't like to meet new people, go to the shops, anything that involved people looking at me. I took months off from college only going in to hand work in. I tried everything to stop this hiding but nothing worked. I went to my GP eventually when I was 18 to discuss it. After 2 attempts at discussing my situation with my GP he finally gave me a referral letter to my local mental health clinic. I was offered meds, and counselling. I decided not to take the meds preferring to see what would happen with counselling. It was the best decision I could have ever made. Two years since I finished going to counselling, I am a much happier person. I've chosen not to hide any more. It's really had a positive effect on my life. Unfortunately, the referral to the clinic could take a while so if your church or anything offers a counselling service (these aren't usually 'God will help you' kind of jobs - they're generally non judgemental, and just want to help you) you should go to them and talk. I think you just need someone to talk to and once you do talk, the weight of the world will fall off your shoulders and you'll feel so much better. Believe me. Posting on boards is the first step.