Great guy but no sex yet

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm looking for an honest opinion on this:

I met a guy a few weeks ago, and we have been on a few dates since. all is going very well, we really get on. He mentioned at dinner last weekend that he thinks that the physical side of a relationship is very special and shouldn't be rushed into.

Anyway, we slept in the same bed last night for the first time. Both of us had some drink taken, Initially I was clothed, but he then removed these. There was a lot of kissing, heavy petting etc, and he was very aroused, as was I, but sex didnt take place at all. I find this quite strange, as men usually have their eyes on the prize from the off, and I found it almost bizarre that he resisted, given the situation we were in.....ie both naked, very turned on, and a bit pished.

Is he simply being a gentleman or what? I did ask him this morning if it would happen anytime soon, and he said yes, but not just yet. Last night was date 6.

Anybody care to shed any light?? I find the whole scenario very strange!!

Wibbs

I suppose the obvious answer is don't knock it, given many guys would be trying to get the leg over as soon as... It sounds like he's serious about taking this further so go with the flow for the moment.

AngryBadger

Hmmmmm....are you two sexually active in other ways, I mean do you fool around and whatnot?

I do find it a little usual that after 6 dates you haven't had sex, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Fair dews to him for wanting to make sure the time is right and all, but if you want to sleep with him then unless there's some other issue the time is now (at least in my view).

To clarify, if the two of you are attracted to each other, and obviously ye get along well if ye've been on 6 dates, then what's he waiting for?

Obviously, it does strike me as highly unusual that any guy would want to wait after this many dates, and saying that I'm not a guy who would pressure someone into sex, or expect it on a first date, but 6 dates is a good few, plenty of time (in my view), to decide you're comfortable (or not) with someone and want to sleep with them.

Phlann

Is maith an t-anlann an t-ocras

[Jackass]

The man's a genius.

That's your problem.

Don't worry about it, it will cum. By holding off, the intensity and bar is being raised, plus he's taking the sex ball into his court. You'll just have to live like a man for a little while and wait for a green light to be able to get some. It's sh*t isn't it!! Now you know how we feel ALL THE TIME!!!

Nevyn

Posts in this forum are to be in english only please and not pidgin versions of other languages.

P0lygon Wind0w

I'd say he's a virgin

Oryx

Im confuzzled too. If you are going to get to the point where you are naked in bed, aroused and groping, why is this so intimately different from actually having sex? Is there an invisible line I never heard of which divides "we are really intimate" from "we are not being intimate" in this situation? Because in my mind the full sexual act is part of sex and intimacy, but not the ultimate prize. I cant see saving it as making it more special if you are going to get naked anyway. Unless youre a virgin, but even so the question mark over it remains for me. Sex is the beginning to the end, not just the humping part. And if Im naked in bed with someone, not continuing to whatever point is fulfilling for both, would just frustrate and puzzle me.

Anyhoo. If I were you Id query him on it, tell him how puzzled it has you.

LegacyUser

Well, I suppose its 5 dates technically, though the first night we met we spent the evening talking to each other!!

To answer your questions. Yes I do think he is quite serious about this; he's very proactive about the whole thing, organising dates etc. Treats me exceptionally well, always lovely compliments, very tender and sweet, into hugs, hands, kissing etc.(not in an overboard way; in a nice way)

Last night was the first time we fooled around etc......it was his first time at my house. We pretty much did everything bar full sex, he resisted this,despite us both being extremely(and visibly!)aroused, and naked(obviously!). He has said it will happen, but not just yet.

I know its no bad thing, but its at the stage now where I'm really wondering whats the deal; I've never encountered this before!!! and I don't want to make a huge deal about it; otherwise he'll think I'm some sort of nympho!!! I guess im just curious as to why he isnt 'going there', maybe its just his good manners, it could be another reason, and thats what worries me!!

Zombrex

abitconfuzzled wrote: »

Is he simply being a gentleman or what? I did ask him this morning if it would happen anytime soon, and he said yes, but not just yet. Last night was date 6.

Anybody care to shed any light?? I find the whole scenario very strange!!

meh, could be lots of reasons. He might want you to be both STD tested before actually going all the way (not a bad idea in this diseases ravished days)

he could just want to wait, not all guys have their "eye on the prize" .. he may prefer to get to know someone well before actually having sex.

or he may, as someone else said, simply be getting you to the point when you are begging for it :pac:

either way I wouldn't sweet it, but you can always talk to him about it.

Zombrex

abitconfuzzled wrote: »

I know its no bad thing, but its at the stage now where I'm really wondering whats the deal; I've never encountered this before!!! and I don't want to make a huge deal about it; otherwise he'll think I'm some sort of nympho!!! I guess im just curious as to why he isnt 'going there', maybe its just his good manners, it could be another reason, and thats what worries me!!

did you "go there" and he turned you down, or are you just waiting for him?

Orizio

He sounds like either a gentleman that doesn't want to offend you by coming on too strong, or else someone with not much sexual experience who wants you to lead the way. Or else a bit of both.

Either way, your best off asking him what the situation is. No man is going to dump his girlfriend because she wants to get into bed too quickly...:p

LegacyUser

Just read some more of the replies.

Jackass, I know what you are saying; I feel like the roles have been reversed here!!

I have made it clear that i like him, and am into him and want to be with him. He is well aware of this.

And as for being a virgin, he is in his late thirties, and nothing else about him indicates that he is inexperienced; so I doubt it!!

Wibbs

Wicknight wrote: »

he could just want to wait, not all guys have their "eye on the prize" .. he may prefer to get to know someone well before actually having sex.

+1

Phlann

Thaedydal wrote: »

Posts in this forum are to be in english only please and not pigin versions of other languages.

:rolleyes:

Very well. Hunger is the best sauce, OP. Just go with the flow for now.

PS Thaedydal - please investigate the meaning (and indeed correct spelling) of 'pigin'. The phrase as I wrote it is perfectly acceptable.

Oryx

He sounds unusually gentlemanly and traditional.

Some ideas:

• He may think women are the submissive sex, and 'give' their bodies to the man, so he is holding back out of some kind of respect for you.
• Or he may view sex as something where the ultimate pleasure you get will be stronger the more you have abstained.
• Or that making love to a woman is something precious that is at its very best the first time you taste it.
• Or he is trying to frustrate the two of you into a messy puddle of hormones before you do it, so its totally mindblowing.
• He may have a problem with or fear of sex, or a fear (as mentioned) of stds.

I dont know. All of the first ideas are ill thought out or dont really work in my experience. And the last you would have to tease out with him if this goes on. The getting to know you thing doesnt fit for me. Hes perfectly happy to get you nekkid.

Boston

Why didn't you initiate sex?

Phlann

Oryx wrote: »

He sounds unusually gentlemanly and traditional.

That he does.

Exactly the sort of guy that many women come on here lamenting the absence of in their lives.

Why not just take his explanation at face value? He was comfortable getting nekkid with you, so he's probably not suffering any insecurities about his body. Since he's a bit older it's unlikely he's particularly inexperienced and worried about his performance. And even if he is he'll probably get comfortable soon enough.

Chill the beans, lady.

LegacyUser

Oryxx, great advice, thank you. He really did want my clothes off, he removed them himself!! He was very keen to stay over also.

As for me initiating sex, well, we were sort of en route to the full sex bit, i mean, we were writhing around naked in my bed, and engaged in 'stuff', but he made it clear that full sex was not going to happen; but it will happen!!

Maybe it is just good manners; hard when you want somebody though!!

elgransenor

Hey guys,there is a prize?

Oryx

Phlann wrote: »

Exactly the sort of guy that many women come on here lamenting the absence of in their lives.

I sympathise with the OP though. A man like that would have me chewing on my knuckles in frustration.

[Jackass]

Oryx wrote: »

I sympathise with the OP though. A man like that would have me chewing on my knuckles in frustration.

drink?

Wibbs

elgransenor and jackass stay on topic and read the charter please

Phlann

Oryx wrote: »

I sympathise with the OP though. A man like that would have me chewing on my knuckles in frustration.

haha. Yeah, I know that feeling all too well.

6 dates isn't that long though, girls have tortured me for far longer than that :mad:

LegacyUser

Phlann, I hear ya!!

It IS unusually gentlemanly; I've never encountered a situation like this before. Thats why I'm a bit spooked by it.

Hell, maybe the deed will be done by the end of the weekend.....heres hoping...

Orizio

abitconfuzzled wrote: »

maybe the deed will be done by the end of the weekend

OP your just bowling me over with your sheer enthusaism...:p

punchdrunk

having had past experience of being the "over eager clingy guy"
in my teens ,you know what i mean
the bloke who'd jump at the mere mention of a bit of action and play his hand way too early,and give up the game before it's even started!

i gotta say Kudos to this guy,seems like he knows what he's up to...

LegacyUser

......in my opinion, Performance Anxiety.

I've done that with many gfs.... back home, lots of intimate stuff but when it came to penetration I;d defer it for as long as possible cos I was fearful that I'd lose my erection.

I would say "I don't sleep with someone that quickly" (which they were always happy about) for the first few nights... then I'd just put off penetration for as long as possible.

Frustrating for the girl obviously...... but I never knew how to broach it.

You could wait for him to broach the subject but best to bring it up earlier than later as it'll just go on and on until it has been discussed.. if I was you, I'd bring it up in the morning, while lying in bed, maybe on a Saturday so you've the day to spend in bed together and talk it out.

Otherwise, your frustration will continue and he'll feel bad too.

Or maybe he's just a gentleman.

LegacyUser

LOL at Orizio!!! I am enthusiastic; but I'm chewing furniture at this stage!!!

I really hope its mere gentlemanliness on his part, but even if it is down to a larger issue, I'm more than happy to work through it with him. Hes a gem of a man otherwise so I reckon it'd be worth it!!

So right now I'm very nervous but very excited, and I am hoping that the whole thing will be mind blowing because of the wait. But also I'm worried it may not be; but hey, we'll work through it if needs be.

Tonight looks like it could be the night.

Wish me luck!!!!

Karen_*

Oh best of luck OP. I don't think you need worry though, I reckon he's mad about you and is just trying to be a gent. Lucky you!:D

kraggy

hearyeehearyee wrote: »

......in my opinion, Performance Anxiety.

I've done that with many gfs.... back home, lots of intimate stuff but when it came to penetration I;d defer it for as long as possible cos I was fearful that I'd lose my erection.

I would say "I don't sleep with someone that quickly" (which they were always happy about) for the first few nights... then I'd just put off penetration for as long as possible.

Frustrating for the girl obviously...... but I never knew how to broach it.

You could wait for him to broach the subject but best to bring it up earlier than later as it'll just go on and on until it has been discussed.. if I was you, I'd bring it up in the morning, while lying in bed, maybe on a Saturday so you've the day to spend in bed together and talk it out.

Otherwise, your frustration will continue and he'll feel bad too.

Or maybe he's just a gentleman.

Eh maybe he genuinely wants things to go further with the Op and is holding off because of that.

What's so wrong with that?

I've learned recently that it creates a better foundation in the relationship and things are stronger and better in the long run.

What is with the world today that a guy holding off for a few more dates because he likes the girl is considered strange?

Orizio

kraggy wrote: »

Eh maybe he genuinely wants things to go further with the Op and is holding off because of that.

What's so wrong with that?

I've learned recently that it creates a better foundation in the relationship and things are stronger and better in the long run.

What is with the world today that a guy holding off for a few more dates because he likes the girl is considered strange?

I know, I know...try it on to too quickly and your a perv, lay off and its considered 'strange'. File this thread under 'why women are crazy' and move on methinks...:p

Teddi

well for me I think its extremely special and I would take my time aswell..

not all men have sex as their number one priority...

Im not the type for one nights stands....turned down many with eyebrows raised from friends..but they understand its special to me..

I like to have a connection with the person...and know that it means something to both of us.....

thats just me though

G86

Ah now OP I think he sounds like a great guy, he's just taking his time and obviously likes you alot Six dates is nothing, and sure he's only stayed over the once, maybe he wants to see if its going somewhere before ye go the whole hog, y'know?

I think its a bit mad to get worried about no sex after only 6 dates - but thats just my opinion...

Karen_*

I'd agree with you G86. I think meeting someone six times and having sex is a bit quick. Each to their own and all that but it is far too soon in my opinion to be wondering is there something wrong with the guy.

LegacyUser

I'm just surprised that a lot of posters think it acceptable to 'put out' within six dates. Perhaps sexual activity has accelerated since I got married but think it alll sounds a bit rushed. Surely waiting has its pleasures too? Have we become like rabbits?!

Orizio

Unregistered wrote: »

I'm just surprised that a lot of posters think it acceptable to 'put out' within six dates. Perhaps sexual activity has accelerated since I got married but think it alll sounds a bit rushed. Surely waiting has its pleasures too? Have we become like rabbits?!

Well hell, maybe what is 'acceptable' sexually time-wise is completely down to what the OP and her boyfriend think?

Bonzo1970

It's no wonder STDs spread so quickly today with the amount of promiscuity-six dates! Not saying either party has an SDI, but seriously its a bit quick. The fact that the girl would be worried that they did not have sex on the sixth date is also worrying.

Its time people said whats wrong is wrong and that's wrong. And before the immoral majority jump in-I just met a 17 yr old who is now a father. Sexual morality would want to tighten up. Western society is going down the Toilet.There is a syphilis epidemic in Dublin at the moment. Cop on:) Relativity applied to morality ,is creating a cess pit of a society.

Kinetic^

Bonzo1970 wrote: »

It's no wonder STDs spread so quickly today with the amount of promiscuity-six dates! Not saying either party has an SDI, but seriously its a bit quick. The fact that the girl would be worried that they did not have sex on the sixth date is also worrying.

Its time people said whats wrong is wrong and that's wrong. And before the immoral majority jump in-I just met a 17 yr old who is now a father. Sexual morality would want to tighten up. Western society is going down the Toilet.There is a syphilis epidemic in Dublin at the moment. Cop on:) Relativity applied to morality ,is creating a cess pit of a society.

Having sex on the 1st or 50th date doesn't matter. As long as people use protection they will be fine.

coolmoose

Bonzo1970 wrote: »

Its time people said whats wrong is wrong and that's wrong.

In your opinion it's wrong, everyone had different moral values and thus it is up to the person themselves to decide what is wrong and what is not.

@ OP, go with the flow, it will happen when it's meant to...especially considering he has said that it will... lucky girl!

nomorebadtown

this guy is clearly a genius.

he is holding off giving the OP some sweet honey and has reduced her to a simmering mass of frustration, gnawing on the furniture. they were pissed, nekkid in bed, her wriggling and gagging for it and him with all horns blazing...and yet he denied her. pure and simple genius.

thats my problem, i'm a total slut, i will take a leaf out of this guys book in the future.

Dont worry OP, sounds like you've landed yourself an expert pu**y-tease, you'll get it soon enough, hope everything works out.

Bonzo1970

coolmoose wrote: »

In your opinion it's wrong, everyone had different moral values and thus it is up to the person themselves to decide what is wrong and what is not.

@ OP, go with the flow, it will happen when it's meant to...especially considering he has said that it will... lucky girl!

There is wrong and right. Its this nonsense that morality can be relative. Sleeping with someone after a few dates is wrong-pure and simple. We have young girls (under 16) giving BJs in teenage discos-that's where it all leads. Can you imagine this girl explaining sexual morality to her daughter? To say its my individual decision and it does not affect/influence anybody else is nonsense. No man or woman is a moral Island.
Anyway-I will go off and bask in self righteousness.:cool:

Bottle_of_Smoke

Bonzo1970 wrote: »

There is wrong and right. Its this nonsense that morality can be relative. Sleeping with someone after a few dates is wrong-pure and simple.

Exactly how is it wrong? Like from religious point of view it is, but in what other way as you haven't stated it's to do with religion?

sunnyside

gavinjc wrote: »

I'd say he's a virgin

Possible, as is the performance anxiety suggestion. I think someone sexually experienced wouldn't be waiting so long.

Bonzo1970 wrote: »

. Sleeping with someone after a few dates is wrong-pure and simple. :

No it's not. What's wrong with consenting adults enjoying themselves

KlodaX

Maybe he is practicing tantric sex.

To the OP.. I think you should enjoy this and not be worried. Take the ball(s) back into your court. If (and when) the time is right for him ... hold back... its not right for you

This can go on for quite some time and be very intense... then eventually when neither party can take it any more .. that will be the right time.

Wibbs

OK folks lets keep the moral implications for our society noise at a minimum. Actually none at all. Get thee to humanities or the many religious fora if that's your bag. Thanks

Katgurl

OP, I am seriously jealous. He sounds like my ex & he was a gem. At first I couldn't get my head around the whole waiting malarky but I went along with it. It was probably the first time in my adult life i'd waited to get to know someone properly not ran the two operations (getting to know him sexually & getting to know him personally) simultaneously. Now i can't believe how I used to behave getting down to the deed immediately while figurign out whether i liked him or not. when it happened with my ex it was amazing, really amazing & so much more rewarding.

Sadly we broke up for other reasons but I can tell you I miss him & on this subject - he was definitely right.

best of luck with yer fella, he sounds a dote.

LegacyUser

Hey folks, OP here, just an update.

We had a great night sunday and the 'deed' was done. It was amazing, he was amazing etc etc etc.

Turns out he was just being a gentleman after all and I had no reason to worry.

Anyway, thanks for all the advice everybody!!!