Spurs Jokes

meditraitor · 24-10-2008 10:28am #1

26 Spurs jokes - what more could anyone want* ....

1, I met this really kinky girl last night. 'Humiliate me,' she said
... So
I bought her a Tottenham shirt

2, Haringey council has blocked Tottenham's plans to build a new ground on
Northumberland Park. A town hall source said: "We don't mind having a
funfair there once a year, but a circus every fortnight is a bit much."

3, "I was playing Scrabble and had enough letters to make 'Tottenham
Hotspur
Football Club'. I was gutted when I found out it was only worth two
points."

4, Tesco are releasing new Oxo cubes in Spurs colours. Customers are told to
look out for laughing stocks.

5, A young boy goes to social services and tells them he has nowhere to
live. "What about your parents?" asks the social worker. "No,
they beat me,"
says the boy. "What about your grandparents?" says the social worker.
"No,
they beat me even harder!" says the boy. "Well ...
where do you want to stay then?" replies the social worker.
"Tottenham," says the boy. "They don't beat anyone.

6, What do a toothpick and Tottenham have in common? They both have two
points

7, Juande Ramos, shortly after another training session, comments to the
head groundsman at White Hart Lane how impressive the pitch is looking.
"It
ought to," replies the groundsman. "We put 70 million quid's
worth of manure
on it every week."

8, I just went down to the newsagents and bought Tottenham Hotspur magazine.
Thank goodness they had porn mags to hide it in.

9, What does a Spurs fan do after he sees his team win? Turns off the Xbox

10, After leaving San Siro, Jose Mourinho was asked if he was going to help
Spurs get out of their slump. He turned around and said, "No way, I
ain't
that special".

11, Apparently the entire Tottenham squad have been busy honing their skills
playing the computer game Championship Manager. Sadly it seems Juande
misunderstood and thinks they want to play for a Championship manager.

12, Contrary to what you may think, Spurs are the strongest team in the
league at the moment. Sure, aren't they holding everyone else up?

13, What do the Premier League and a cowboy have in common? They both have
spurs at their feet.

14, A man was found dead floating in the Thames, wearing a blond wig, full
make-up, bra, knickers, suspenders and a Spurs shirt. Before informing the
next of kin the police removed the Spurs shirt to save the family
embarrassment.

15, What would an improved version of Spurs be called? Newcastle United.

16, Did you hear that Juande Ramos was clocked doing 169mph on the M1 coming
back from Stoke? Apparently he was just so desperate for three points.

17, A man is sitting in a pub with his Jack Russell dog one Sunday
afternoon. The football results are coming up on the television in the
corner: "Stoke City 2, Tottenham Hotspur 1," reads the announcer.
Suddenly the Jack Russell jumps up and shouts out, "Oh, no, not
again." The
shocked landlord says, "That's amazing. Why did he say that when it
was
announced that Tottenham lost?" "Because he's a Spurs
supporter," the dog's
owner replies. The landlord then asks what the dog says when Tottenham win a
match, to which the man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him
six
months."

18, When a groggy Vedran Corluka regained consciousness in the ambulance
leaving the Britannia Stadium on Sunday he asked medical staff who he was.
On being told he played football for Tottenham Hotspur he lapsed into a
coma.

19, All trains through White Hart Lane have been cancelled due to a massive
points failure.

20, What does THFC stand for? Tottenham Heading For the Championship.

21, A little boy gets £10 for his birthday and rushes down to the sports
shop to buy the new football he has been desperate for. He gives the ball to
the shopkeeper, who says, "Sorry, son, this ball is £20. You only have
£10".
The boy says, "OK, if you blindfold me and I can guess the name of the
club
on any ball, will you give it to me for £10?" He agrees and gives the boy
an
Arsenal ball. "I can hear cannons blasting, so it's an Arsenal
ball." Next
he gives him a Millwall ball:
"I hear lions, so it's Millwall." Amazed, the shopkeeper says,
"Get this and
you can have it for nothing." The boy listens and says Spurs.
The man asks if he's heard a cockerel. "No," says the boy.
"It's going
down."

22, What's the difference between Bigfoot and the Spurs defence?
Bigfoot has been spotted several times.

23, Spurs have been forced to rename their ground "White Lane"
because their
"Hart" was surgically removed when Berbatov and Keane were sold.

24, Coming up to panto season, Ramos is looking for a part in Cinderella. It
is said that he is going for the part of the pumpkin, in the hope that it
will turn into a coach.

25, The groundstaff at White Hart Lane have laid paper on the pitch for the
next home game. Jaunde Ramos has enquired as to why they have done so, to
which the groundsman replied, ''Because Spurs look good on
paper''

26, David Bentley is ill, so Ramos offers to go shopping for him.
While in the local supermarket, he bumps into Arsene Wenger.
"Hey Juande, what in god's name are you doing here?"
"I'm getting a bag of potatoes for David Bentley"
"Sounds like a fair swap to me!"