Over sensitive or not?

anniehoo

Not the most desperate of PIs but im normally over in AH and know ill get a better response here!;)

Ok..long story short and all that. I met one of my best friends lets call her Jane in college nearly 12 years ago and we've gotten on great ever since. So, we've gone through the usual things in our 20s (both late 20s now) -boyfriends,breakups, finishing college,starting work,nights out etc etc.

She got married about 3 years ago and now has a gorgeous little baby. Im still single and out every weekend, taking up hobbies and taking trips away frequently. Lately, id say over the last year or so ive noticed little comments shes been saying regarding what i get up to. Ive recently decided i wanted to start taking piano lessons and when i told her, her response was "god you really are desperate for something to do with your time". This was said earlier on this week..and its still bugging me as ye can tell! Another comment recently was ive been drinking too much on nights out (no more than anyone else in my group as far as i can see). A sister of hers did her back in last year and was bed bound for months and her response was "well it has to be hard when she has nothing to get up for" as in ,well as shes single and no boyfriend or kids well whats the point.

Now, granted its bothering me that im still single so i know i probably am totally over reacting and being too sensitive. But, im starting to feel that if my life is one big "time filling" exercise to her, as ive no children or bf to spend time with at the moment then im going to start telling her less and less of what im getting up to. I love her to bits and certainly dont want to lose her as a friend so what do yas think? Shes bein too catty or im being too sensitive. Cheers;)

rvd156

Your not been sensitive....

The fact and the matter of it all is that she is jealous of your life.....

She is married and tied down with huge responsibilities while you still get to enjoy your life by going out and such....I'm not saying she has a crap life because she is married and has a kid but she might just be missing her old lifestyle...

Try and get her out once a week or something and show her that she can still enjoy herself....

I really feel she is just bitter of your style of life compared to her's....

Zulu

You are being over sensitive.
She has no free time, so having free time registers more to her. She makes a comment. You see a dig.

Then again, maybe she is a totally underhanded bitch who is constantly making suble digs to your sensitivities, in an attempt to destroy your self worth and confidence.

She's your friend, so only you really know which of the above is true.

Handsome Bob

anniehoo wrote: »

Not the most desperate of PIs but im normally over in AH and know ill get a better response here!;)

Ok..long story short and all that. I met one of my best friends lets call her Jane in college nearly 12 years ago and we've gotten on great ever since. So, we've gone through the usual things in our 20s (both late 20s now) -boyfriends,breakups, finishing college,starting work,nights out etc etc.

She got married about 3 years ago and now has a gorgeous little baby. Im still single and out every weekend, taking up hobbies and taking trips away frequently. Lately, id say over the last year or so ive noticed little comments shes been saying regarding what i get up to. Ive recently decided i wanted to start taking piano lessons and when i told her, her response was "god you really are desperate for something to do with your time". This was said earlier on this week..and its still bugging me as ye can tell! Another comment recently was ive been drinking too much on nights out (no more than anyone else in my group as far as i can see). A sister of hers did her back in last year and was bed bound for months and her response was "well it has to be hard when she has nothing to get up for" as in ,well as shes single and no boyfriend or kids well whats the point.

Now, granted its bothering me that im still single so i know i probably am totally over reacting and being too sensitive. But, im starting to feel that if my life is one big "time filling" exercise to her, as ive no children or bf to spend time with at the moment then im going to start telling her less and less of what im getting up to. I love her to bits and certainly dont want to lose her as a friend so what do yas think? Shes bein too catty or im being too sensitive. Cheers;)

I wouldn't see a risk to the friendship in sitting her down and just telling her what you told us. Plus she might be genuinely worried for you. You say that you're not drinking heavily but sometimes people don't realise how much they are consuming. I have a mate who is a demon for the gargle and always causes friction but he thinks he's just doing what every other lad does. Just get you're issue with you're friend out in the open.

anniehoo

rvd156 wrote: »

Your not been sensitive....

Zulu wrote: »

You are being over sensitive.

Hmmm...!

It could be a mixture of what yee both said. Im single and look at her life and think its great, she may look at mine and wish she had more free time. The thing is i genuinely am delighted for her and what she has acheived. But i wouldnt under any circumstances make a comment about her lack of free time to socialise etc. Like if i had said to her "oh you must be getting desperate being stuck at home every evening". Ye just dont say things like that.
I think the term "desperate" just hit a raw nerve with me. Id hate to think any of my friends would pity me or feel sorry for me as im not married yet etc. I love my life but dont want to be hearing pass remarkable comments that are not supportive to me.

anniehoo

LZ5by5 wrote: »

IYou say that you're not drinking heavily but sometimes people don't realise how much they are consuming.

My other friends like to have a few drinks on the weekend...very late nights and generally always good fun. I dunno if its more or less than anyone elses drinking standards but it would be a lot more than my other friend who may just have 2 or 3 glasses of wine on a night out.

Ah..different strokes and all that just hoping our lifestyles dont pull us in different directions. And yes..i will definitely say it to her when i see her next just thought id get opinons here first

Handsome Bob

anniehoo wrote: »

My other friends like to have a few drinks on the weekend...very late nights and generally always good fun. I dunno if its more or less than anyone elses drinking standards but it would be a lot more than my other friend who may just have 2 or 3 glasses of wine on a night out.

Ah..different strokes and all that just hoping our lifestyles dont pull us in different directions. And yes..i will definitely say it to her when i see her next just thought id get opinons here first

Look at this way; are you a nuisance to your mates when you're drunk and relatively speaking do you behave while drunk (I know that sounds like a contradiction:pac:)? If not then your friend has no right to comment on your drinking habits and could be indeed jealous.

Zulu

anniehoo wrote: »

I love my life but dont want to be hearing pass remarkable comments that are not supportive to me.

I believe you'll be truly happy when you don't care what others think. Focus on yourself, not other peoples opinions of you. They are human and will inevitably make mistakes.

Ignore her.

Best of luck.

Colonel_McCoy

In a similar situation..............group of us are friends from school (late 20`s early 30s), one of us got married about 18 months ago and over the last year he makes similar comments about people in the group who are not there in person.
We just put it down to him being smug and believing his life is far superior to everybody else. We have all got the following "guys get married soon or you will be old and lonely" "such and such only has weekends on the beer ot look forward to" etc etc Best thing to do is ignore the comments.

mbren

I guess it all comes down to what people want to do with their lives...she chose to get married and have a child while you chose a differerent route and it seems she may be a little jealous.

I'd just tell her to lay off the sly remarks and to let you get on with what your doing. Alot of girls as far as I can see become like that when they take on big responsibilities like marriage kids etc.

Try not to worry about it op and go out and enjoy the time while you can!

MagicMarker

anniehoo wrote: »

Im single and look at her life and think its great, she may look at mine and wish she had more free time

Ooooorrr.... maybe, just maybe, she's really happy with her life, her husband and her beautiful little girl and thinks that spending your time out on the piss every weekend while you're nearing 30 to be a tad juvenile? Believe it or not, some people outgrow that kind of thing.

You're being over sensitive.

Then again, an insult is only an insult if it's true in the mind of the one being insulted.

SpookyDoll

Ooooorrr.... maybe, just maybe, she's really happy with her life, her husband and her beautiful little girl and thinks that spending your time out on the piss every weekend while you're nearing 30 to be a tad juvenile? Believe it or not, some people outgrow that kind of thing.

Well, thats a very judgemental attitude on the friends behalf, if indeed she does think that way. Having kids is great but its not the be-all and end-all.

Everyone should respect everyone elses way of life. OP is not harming anyone just because she doesnt have kids. Your woman is bang out of line with her remarks.

It cuts both ways, what if OP started dropping cutting, judgemental comments to the friend. I doubt she would take it on the chin.

For example, comments to the effect of:

"God, I'd hate to think my life amounted to nothing more than wiping dribble and snot and talking about Barney all day long"

See what I mean, horrible, doesnt sound so nice when the tables are turned.

There are positive and negative sides to every way of life and its not up to anyone to judge anyone else or pass hurtful remarks for whatever reason.

Bringing up children is a wonderful endeavour but it certainly is not the only road to travel in life, that should be respected.

The friend is being catty I think as she is jealous and resentful to a certain degree.

anniehoo

MagicMarker wrote: »

Ooooorrr.... maybe, just maybe, she's really happy with her life, her husband and her beautiful little girl

She seems perfectly happy with her lot and im happy for her, she hasnt said anything to the contrary. But everyone "settles down" in their own time, its just not my time yet and i dont want to be made feel inferior for it.

wrote:

thinks that spending your time out on the piss every weekend while you're nearing 30 to be a tad juvenile? Believe it or not, some people outgrow that kind of thing.

Id rather have a fun active social life on the weekends than not. Ive a large group of friends so theres always something to be out celebrating.Only a good thing as far as i can see. Juvenile? Dont think so! Im 29 ..hardly over the hill.

wrote:

You're being over sensitive.

Then again, an insult is only an insult if it's true in the mind of the one being insulted.

Cool..only asking peoples opinions. Getting bit of a mixed bag here.

Millie

I would be horrified and deeply offended if my friend said things like that to me.
It's insulting, catty and below the belt in my opinion.
She seems to be belittling your life and judging you against her lilfe which consists of a husband and a child.
How smug.

AngryBadger

Hmm...well from what you've told us...it depends on the context of the remarks and the woman herself. I've known people who would make comments like that but would mean nothing by them, they'd just think it was fine.

Personally though if someone was making comments like that to me I'd stop having anything to do with them. It's up to you to decide what makes you happy in your life and if she can't deal with that that's her problem.

Unlike MagicMarker I don't think that enjoying good nights out constitutes a lack of maturity. if you've got no kids, and no serious commitments why in the hell wouldn't you be out every weekend living it up?

anniehoo

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Look at this way; are you a nuisance to your mates when you're drunk and relatively speaking do you behave while drunk (I know that sounds like a contradiction:pac:)? If not then your friend has no right to comment on your drinking habits and could be indeed jealous.

Well none of my other friends have said anything negative,on the contrary i jsut get a bit lively etc and love dancing and have been told im good fun to go out with.

anniehoo

AngryBadger wrote: »

and no serious commitments why in the hell wouldn't you be out every weekend living it up?

Exactly! I have a fulltime job;part time job and a mortgage (work hard play hard kinda thing) so im far from immature in my opinion...probably just a bit too bothered by what other people think thats all!

Redpunto

Sounds like she said it without thinking it would hurt your feelings,, think you are being a bit sensitive,

Did you say anything back at the time? If youd told her to stick her comment where the sun dont shine then you wouldnt be feeling like this. Next time she says something that offends you, tell her, if any friend of mine said anything to offend I would tell them to Fe*k off (in a nice way of course):D

tatt chic

next time she says something about being desperate for something to fill your time with, say" well i want to do/learn as much as i can before i settle down with husband and kids, because when that happens its hard to make time for anything"
that should shut her up and in a nice way too.

maybe she was being a little catty but i wouldn't worry about it!

redfacedbear

Speaking as a father, I would seriously doubt that she is jealous of your lifestyle. Parenthood is such a life-altering, fulfilling, attitude-changing thing that it is very easy to look back on your previous life and think "I'm so glad I'm not there anymore".

The trick is to keep that opinion from your single friends

Seriously, I think your friend has tipped from contentedness to smugness and I would see no problem in you pulling her up on it if she says something again. It doesn't need to be confrontational - maybe a smart-arse comment slagging her change in attitude (said half in jest but fully in earnest as the saying goes) might be enough.

davyjose

Zulu wrote: »

She makes a comment. You see a dig.

"God you really are desperate to do something with your time"
Zulu, that's a dig. No two ways about it.

anniehoo

Redpunto wrote: »

Did you say anything back at the time?

I kinda just paused and went "errr...its called havin a hobby, whats wrong with that" , literally they were the exact words both of us said. I carried on the conversation for a few more minutes and then said i had to go. It had p*ssed me off no end and couldnt chit chat any longer!

seahorse

anniehoo wrote: »

I kinda just paused and went "errr...its called havin a hobby, whats wrong with that" , literally they were the exact words both of us said. I carried on the conversation for a few more minutes and then said i had to go. It had p*ssed me off no end and couldnt chit chat any longer!

She's jealous anniehoo - no two ways about it and end of story. Isn't it gas how adept some people are at putting their own jealousies on display?!

LegacyUser

You didn't say what age you were?

I think you may be over reacting tbh. And you have got yourself all hot and bothered about it. Plus the fact that posters are jumping on bandwagons doesn't help!

Why do you care what she thinks? Why do you care what she thinks of her sister?

Just pass off those comments and continue with what you are doing. You don't need someone else's approval to live your life as you want to. If you are having fun and enjoying yourself it shouldn't matter what anyone is saying.

Go forth and enjoy and don't over think things. But the fact that you are annoyed shows that she has hit a nerve which means you have to address that and realise that you lead a fantastic and interesting life. Try internet dating if you are bewildered by the club/pub scene. Problem solved. :-)

Zulu

davyjose wrote: »

"God you really are desperate to do something with your time"
Zulu, that's a dig. No two ways about it.

Maybe she suggesting that the piano is a bit crap; she assoicates it with her childhood, and children learning it. Maybe, just maybe, she having a bit of crack with her mate, and not trying to insult her.

It's only a dig if you see it that way.