Depressed Friend

emy-87

Hi, fairly new here, so...

My friend has been depressed for the past year. She has totally lost interest in things that she loved before, like music and cinema. She has lost all confidence in herself, and her abilities. She has told me she would like to just end everything. What can I do? She went to the Doctor about a year ago ago when she started to feel like this but there was very little change. I know she puts on a mask that she is ok but shes not, every now and again it slips. I dont know what to do, She is an amazing person and she wont listen to me when I say it. I told her to go back to the Doctor but I dont know if she will. Has anyone else been in this situation?

Any thoughts or advice please?

redfacedbear

emy-87 wrote: »

She has told me she would like to just end everything.

This raises a big red flag for me. I would say that you need to act urgently. However, as a friend there is only so much you can do - particularly if your friend isn't willing or able to help herself.

Do you have any contact with her parents or siblings? I think you have to tell them how bad you think things are.

If she wont go to a Doctor on her own, bring her. Are you aware what sort of reputation her GP has? If you know of a good GP in your area bring her to that one.

Sorry I can't be of more help - perhaps the Samaritans could give you some more guidance. Another suggestion would be Aware - a Mental Health Charity.

Good luck.

Handsome Bob

emy-87 wrote: »

Hi, fairly new here, so...

My friend has been depressed for the past year. She has totally lost interest in things that she loved before, like music and cinema. She has lost all confidence in herself, and her abilities. She has told me she would like to just end everything. What can I do? She went to the Doctor about a year ago ago when she started to feel like this but there was very little change. I know she puts on a mask that she is ok but shes not, every now and again it slips. I dont know what to do, She is an amazing person and she wont listen to me when I say it. I told her to go back to the Doctor but I dont know if she will. Has anyone else been in this situation?

Any thoughts or advice please?

It's a very very delicate situation and making the right move is very difficult. From my own personal experience of people suffering from depression and/or suicidal thoughts, informing the family is sometimes a bad move. If she is the youngest/ has a big family and all of a sudden all her siblings know that she is in this place, then she could feel stigmatised and lower than them. It wouldn't even be an issue of her siblings making her feel that way, it would just happen.

On the other hand, forcing the issue is sometimes the only way to breach the subject. Hearing you talk of people dropping their mask reminds me of situations that I have dealt with myself; that they only melt when they are in a weakened position such as being drunk and they then pretend that they didn't have a meltdown the next morning when sober. If you think you're friend can handle an "intervention" then by all means go down that road (BUT just by you and her best friends, don't involve her family if my previous example applys to your friend). Simply air your concern and then let her talk, don't interupt her frequently just let her say everything she wants to say.

Unfortunately however if all of this fails to work you'll have to approach the family, but maybe just one parent such as the mother or father. Last thing she needs if she has a big family is the whole lot of them getting in her face.

Good luck.

redfacedbear

LZ5by5 wrote: »

It's a very very delicate situation and making the right move is very difficult. From my own personal experience of people suffering from depression and/or suicidal thoughts, informing the family is sometimes a bad move. If she is the youngest/ has a big family and all of a sudden all her siblings know that she is in this place, then she could feel stigmatised and lower than them. It wouldn't even be an issue of her siblings making her feel that way, it would just happen.

On the other hand, forcing the issue is sometimes the only way to breach the subject. Hearing you talk of people dropping their mask reminds me of situations that I have dealt with myself; that they only melt when they are in a weakened position such as being drunk and they then pretend that they didn't have a meltdown the next morning when sober. If you think you're friend can handle an "intervention" then by all means go down that road (BUT just by you and her best friends, don't involve her family if my previous example applys to your friend). Simply air your concern and then let her talk, don't interupt her frequently just let her say everything she wants to say.

Unfortunately however if all of this fails to work you'll have to approach the family, but maybe just one parent such as the mother or father. Last thing she needs if she has a big family is the whole lot of them getting in her face.

Good luck.

I disagree.

Your friend has confided in you that she has/had suicidal thoughts. From your username I assume you are in or around 21. It's an awful lot to deal with on your own at your age (I certainly wouldn't have had the wherewithall to do it).

No matter what course of action you decide to take your friend might not see it as being in her best interests but depression makes it very hard to see things clearly and you can only hope that when she comes out the other end she will.

Her family need to know how serious you think the situation is. Of course, I'm not suggesting a large scale intervention where you out her in front of all her friends and family as a suicidal depressive. But her parents need to (and no doubt would want to) know how worried you are about her. If you can't make contact with her parents perhaps there is somebody else you can confide in - an elder sibling (hers or yours), other friends or the Samaritans.

Just don't try to go it alone and don't delay.

Handsome Bob

redfacedbear wrote: »

I disagree.

Your friend has confided in you that she has/had suicidal thoughts. From your username I assume you are in or around 21. It's an awful lot to deal with on your own at your age (I certainly wouldn't have had the wherewithall to do it).

No matter what course of action you decide to take your friend might not see it as being in her best interests but depression makes it very hard to see things clearly and you can only hope that when she comes out the other end she will.

Her family need to know how serious you think the situation is. Of course, I'm not suggesting a large scale intervention where you out her in front of all her friends and family as a suicidal depressive. But her parents need to (and no doubt would want to) know how worried you are about her. If you can't make contact with her parents perhaps there is somebody else you can confide in - an elder sibling (hers or yours), other friends or the Samaritans.

Just don't try to go it alone and don't delay.

You can't apply the same strategy to every situation. For some people, the last thing they would want to happen is their parents, brothers or sisters finding out about their depression. Some people don't live in homes were it's all happy families where depression of a family member will be dealt with delicately and appropiately. From my own experience, I know it would have driven my friend deeper into himself had I on instinct told his father. We, and by that I mean his closest friends, took it upon ourselves to help him through it. We persuaded him to get help. Had we not of approached in that manner then I can't bear to think where he'd be today.

But as I said, one can't apply the same strategy to every situation. That strategy worked for my mate. If the OP thinks approaching the parents is a safe option, then by all means she should.

mairtinomarta

I think it might help to let her know that everyone feels bad sometimes. It may be that she feels it more than most, or it affects her more. She can try to do more positive things that make her feel good, natural is best I think. For example, taking up a physical activity, such as running or swimming can have a positive effect on one's mind. For me personally, I do not like the option of taking medications to help improve / alter moods, but maybe that is neccessary in some situations, but that would be up to an individual and their GP.

My best advice is to try and get her to focus on the positives and if they are not there, to go and find / create them. Let us know how she is getting on.

Try the running / swimming thing, it really works.

Phlann

LZ5by5 wrote: »

First of all, don't patronise me.

Look at the OP's username.

Handsome Bob

Phlann wrote: »

Look at the OP's username.

:oBy quoting me I thought he was directing that at me. Apologies.