Trusting my best friend

LegacyUser

As the title suggest I'm trust issues with my best friend. We are both 20 and have known each other from as far back as we can remember. Our families are also close which is the reason we know each other so well.

I never really thought about his loyalty until recently all though in hindsight there may well have been many signs which I chose to ignore because of our friendship. These primarily occurred a couple of years back when he had a girlfriend whom I got along with great and I still talk to occasionally. There relationship was also good never any problems.

While they were together which was while we were in sixth form (we did not go to the same school or sixth form.) Events occurred whereby people who I thought were friends turned out not to be although he was not at our sixth form his name was brought up because people new of him as he knew other people in our sixth form and it was bought up to say that we were responsible for the running of certain defamatory websites which were causing offence at the time amongst other things, none of which was true but I was still bullied by my peers for those crimes.

All this was in the past and I thought it was no longer of relevance however after thinking about things coupled with recent events have lead me to believe that I should not trust him. The most impact worthy being me telling him something in confidence which should not have been repeated, but was repeated by his father to my father. After questioning him on the point I felt satisfied that he was telling the truth in that he did not betray me however, there were only a handful of people who could have known the information I told him and even fewer who had a connection to his father thus logic points to him but he swears he did not and I trust that. There have been other situations that have occurred which have caused me to think this but that would increase the length of what looks like an already long post

However there is nothing concrete everything is merely circumstantial and could also be attributed to my own over analysis of situations and events which I do regularly but has never lead to anything so problematic. I am unable to speak to him about it because if he decided to lie to me then I would not know it. Despite the fact that I'm usually quite good at spotting when a person is lying, for some reason I am unable to spot when he lies.


I'm very sorry that the post is so long but this thing is really bugging me and I have no idea where this feeling of distrust is coming from, I trust my instincts without question because they have served me well primarily because they follow logic, however all logic points to him betraying me and my instincts are in complete contradiction to that.

Has anyone been in a similar situation to this and could anyone offer me advice on how to deal with this problem. Am I right in thinking the way I am. If more information is need please let me know and I will give as much detail as I can I am desperate to sort through this issue I'm having because it is effecting my thought track

BroomBurner

Ok, I'm not sure if I'm getting the whole picture, but basically you don't feel like you can trust your mate anymore?

I think some people probably find it very easy to tell the problems of others to third parties, they just don't see how it can hurt someone as it isn't their own private business. Maybe your friend is one of these.

In terms of advice, if it was me in your position, I would keep him as an acquaintance but not tell him private stuff. If you still have a laugh with him, then stays friendly. If not, then what's the point? Just because you've known someone a long time, doesn't mean you have to stay friends with them if they are prone to doing things that hurt you.

marti101

Or you could tell only him something and see if its said back if it you have your answer