I think I fancy my boyfriends friend

LegacyUser

So yes, i met this friend of my boyfriends briefly a few times and i cant stop thinking about him. I keep thinking fantasy-land thoughts like we would be better together than me and my boyfriend and id get on better with him etc etc..
Things with my boyfriend have been rocky for a while now, we have rows a lot, when ever we try to talk about things he explodes and says im giving out or being negative when i just ask him questions or try to tell him how i feel.
He makes me feel like he never wants to see me even when he does i feel its always me that organises it. He wont talk to me on the phone and on the occassions he does he gets mad just because he has to speak and says negative things and i get upset and then instead of trying to help matters he just wants to end the conversation.
I dont know if these feelings for his friend are just because were having a bad patch but maybe they are?
I dont know what to do about it!!!
If i break up with my boyfriend over it i really will be devestated i honestly do love him, i just dont know if he loves me and i think maybe thats why my feelings are straying.
Ive tried telling him that id like us to do more together and talk more when we dont see each other but nothing seems to change.
What should i do about his friend?
Are these just stupid thoughts and ideas because things arent going well in my relationship or should i do something about them?
Help!!!

Carrigart Exile

PleaseAdvise wrote: »

So yes, i met this friend of my boyfriends briefly a few times and i cant stop thinking about him. I keep thinking fantasy-land thoughts like we would be better together than me and my boyfriend and id get on better with him etc etc..
Things with my boyfriend have been rocky for a while now, we have rows a lot, when ever we try to talk about things he explodes and says im giving out or being negative when i just ask him questions or try to tell him how i feel.
He makes me feel like he never wants to see me even when he does i feel its always me that organises it. He wont talk to me on the phone and on the occassions he does he gets mad just because he has to speak and says negative things and i get upset and then instead of trying to help matters he just wants to end the conversation.
I dont know if these feelings for his friend are just because were having a bad patch but maybe they are?
I dont know what to do about it!!!
If i break up with my boyfriend over it i really will be devestated i honestly do love him, i just dont know if he loves me and i think maybe thats why my feelings are straying.
Ive tried telling him that id like us to do more together and talk more when we dont see each other but nothing seems to change.
What should i do about his friend?
Are these just stupid thoughts and ideas because things arent going well in my relationship or should i do something about them?
Help!!!

why not have a week where you do not phone him (or his friend) or speak to them. See how you and he feel after that

MagicMarker

Some people just don't like talking on the phone, i certainly don't.

Redpunto

Youd really need to sort out whether you want to stay with your boyfriend or not, could be that you know in your heart that youre not right for one another so any other relationship would have to be better than the one in you're at the minute.

Placebo

who the **** said his mate is gonna get with you?
some girls !! :mad::rolleyes:

dreamer_ire

Placebo wrote: »

who the **** said his mate is gonna get with you?
some girls !! :mad::rolleyes:

She didn't say she wanted to be with this other guy... she is questioning her relationship with her bf and is wondering whether her thinking about this other guy is as a result of a flawed relationship or if it's causing the problems in their relationship.

LegacyUser

The previous post is correct, i dont think his mate would get with me im just worried that im having these feelings at all and hoping its just because of the bad time im going through with my boyfriend. Just not sure what to do about it but i think from the advice above i might see if a trial break up is best that way if my boyfriend comes back ill know he's with me because he wants to be and if he's happier without me ill know it wasn't meant to be.

pretty-in-pink

PleaseAdvise wrote: »

So yes, i met this friend of my boyfriends briefly a few times and i cant stop thinking about him. I keep thinking fantasy-land thoughts like we would be better together than me and my boyfriend and id get on better with him etc etc..
Things with my boyfriend have been rocky for a while now, we have rows a lot, when ever we try to talk about things he explodes and says im giving out or being negative when i just ask him questions or try to tell him how i feel.
He makes me feel like he never wants to see me even when he does i feel its always me that organises it. He wont talk to me on the phone and on the occassions he does he gets mad just because he has to speak and says negative things and i get upset and then instead of trying to help matters he just wants to end the conversation.
I dont know if these feelings for his friend are just because were having a bad patch but maybe they are?
I dont know what to do about it!!!
If i break up with my boyfriend over it i really will be devestated i honestly do love him, i just dont know if he loves me and i think maybe thats why my feelings are straying.
Ive tried telling him that id like us to do more together and talk more when we dont see each other but nothing seems to change.
What should i do about his friend?
Are these just stupid thoughts and ideas because things arent going well in my relationship or should i do something about them?
Help!!!

More then likely, they are just thoughts that are coming into your head because you and your boyfriend are not getting on. I would focus on that issue tbh, is it a temporary thing, or is it a "this is gona break us up" thing? Not knowing the full situation, its hard for anyone to tell you that you're in teh wrong relationship etc. It sounds like you are in a lot of emotional pain, and its natural to look for a distraction. You can't know if you'd fancy his friend if you met him without your boyfriend being part of the equation.

Whatever you do decide to do (and I would think long and hard about this if I were you), you can never mess around or hook up with his friend. No gy is going to date his friends ex. Now plenty will give their friends ex (or current girl friend) a seeing too alright....but thats totally different. Take a step back, and stand by whatever choice you make.
Best of luck!

Placebo wrote: »

who the **** said his mate is gonna get with you?
some girls !! :mad::rolleyes:

Easy tiger, she never even suggested that his mate might like her.........just said she likes him. Very different.

LegacyUser

why dont you talk to your boyfriend, either tell him that you should have a trial break up for 2 weeks or just tell him that with all this fighting etc you feel your attention swaying away from the relationship

qt9ukbg60ivjrn

PleaseAdvise wrote: »

but i think from the advice above i might see if a trial break up is best that way if my boyfriend comes back ill know he's with me because he wants to be and if he's happier without me ill know it wasn't meant to be.

going on a trial break up up is an exercise in uselessness

I've never heard of anyone not wanting to get back with someone when they go on a trial break, maybe there is a momentary elated feeling that you are glad that you are apart but this probably last a short amount of time, and inevitably the person will feel sad again and lonely and will want to fill this gap so when it comes to the "discussion" after the trial both parties will say "i missed you so much" blah blah

and of course you missed each other, its only natural cause you've been close for however long

For example, if i was going out with a girl for a year and it was going badly and i knew that i should end it, and we go on a trial, of course i'll be lonely and these feelings could override common sense so i decide to get back with her, and for a while its grand again but then it slumps back down into what it was like before the trial

goign on trial is a waste of time, have a discussion and say to him that he is beign an ass and that it is a pointless relationship for both of you if you are both not happy, who the hell wants to be in a ****ty relationship, he seems to be pissed off as are you so why continue like this (don't offer him an ultimatum - if my girlfriend offered me one i'd blow up in her face, its the one guarenteed thing to get someone pissed off)

Irishcrx

You say it in a way that you'll dump your bf and fall into his mates arms, if his mate is a half decent bloke he won't go near a mates ex anyway I know I wouldn't. So I would focus on yuor relationship or ending it for the right reasons not cause your day dreaming about your bf's mate.

LegacyUser

I have already said to my boyfriend that the things he says and the sh*t going on between us is going to push me away and i will start drifting, he says yes yes ok ok but nothing changes.
I know this guy would never consider me because im a mates ex but how can i stop thinking about him like this its driving me mad..

james123

Maybe its just to late for the two of you.
Do you think its time to break up for good if it gone past the line as such on the other hand i have known trials to work makes feelings stronger

LegacyUser

Maybe we are at the end of the road but im not willing to give up until i know there is no chance left that we can salvage things.
I just need to know how i can stop having feelings for this other guy because i feel like they are getting out of hand like i want to talk to him all the time and i want to see him and all the rest. Its pointless but i cant seem to forget about him. How do i do it?

james123

you know how they say never meet your heros...
why dont you meet up with him go for a drink alone or something get it out of your system

MugMugs

Dump them both and move on.

BF is a flute and his mate is a moral No Go

Move on and Move up