Recession - save money now!

Raiser

Well the Celtic Tiger fortune seems to have been stashed in a Swiss bank account in Zurich and Fianna Fail estimates that we're all going to have to live on €12.27 a week until 2017.......

- So how can you save money? Where are you haemorrhaging cash without even realising it???

Post your best tips here please.......Here's a few ideas to help get you started......

• Cut your own hair - all you need is a scissors [girls], electric clippers [men] and a degree of arm flexibility.
  
  
• Make your own clothes, just learn to knit and then from there wool costs fúckall - especially in colours that Grannies dislike - such a vivid maroon, prune coloured and lime green.
  
• Ditch your broadband and relocate your 56K modem - never stay on-line for more than 8-10 minutes for concrete savings and have far less chance of going blind.
  
• Save money on unnecessary foodstuffs. A healthy diet needs carbohydrates, protein, roughage and vitamins/minerals. Ergo a family box of bran-flakes mixed in a very large bowl with a catering tin of beans and a handful of multivitamin tablets served in tidy portions 3 times a day will have you fed on a shoestring.
  
• Switch off lights, heating and TV - candles are an excellent substitute for all three
  
• Stop wasting money on condoms, the coil, pill etc. The withdrawal method, monogamy and perhaps some diligent parenting are all that are required here.
  
• Brew your own beer, distill your own alcohol and make your own exotic wines.
  
• Ignore your friends and family - both are a constant drain on finances via presents, higher phone bills, invitations to expensive outings etc. Take the Hermit route.
  

jimmycrackcorm

don't wash for a week and announce that you found a wonderful new fragrance instead.

capedcrustacian

Living on €12.27 a week became second nature to me when I was in college, here I am, 5 years later, and still manage to scrape by on less than €20 a week, doesn't make mean I'm cheap, just means I have crap wages

Tip: (though I stole the idea from tv) instead of buying new clothes, swap clothes with friends and family

ScumLord

Don't pay tax, all Berties friends saved fortunes doing that.

Ruu_Old

Turn your clothes inside out, tell enquiring minds that it is a new fashion from Milan. See 'freebie list' in Bargain Alerts.

Ross_Mahon

-Sell items online that you don't use anymore
-Steal a bike and cycle to work/College
-Live off Tesco value food
-Take anything that is free
-Get rid of your children and pets, They cost money to run
-Rent unused rooms in your house

arybvtcw0eolkf

I'm selling a kidney

Gummy Panda

Become a pirate and raid the coastal areas of Ireland. It worked for the Vikings.

The Master

Mairt wrote: »

I'm selling a kidney

SOLD!

how much?

stovelid

Realize that I still have a job; the world has not ended, and continue to buy the same things as I did a year ago.

Turd Ferguson

I dont bother with paying rent anymore, I've moved into a 24 hour cafe. Sleeping at a table is uncomfortable at first but your spine adjusts to the position after a few months.

arybvtcw0eolkf

The Master wrote: »

SOLD!

how much?

Just bring me out on the piss :pac:

Oshare Bones

stovelid wrote: »

Realize that I still have a job; the world has not ended, and continue to buy the same things as I did a year ago.

Hey, don't spoil the fun for everyone else.

4zn76tysfajdxp

I'm gonna sell my body to medical science, when I die I'm gonna be livin' on easy street!

genericgoon

The broadband idea is silly. Buying online is cheaper and the time youll waste waiting for stuff to load would be ridiculous. Plus, the internet can be used watch TV programmes (bye bye tv license), porn (which saves on having to get a girlfriend. Think of the savings!) and for keeping in contact with people (no more having to waste money on silly phone calls and texts). Broadband= Investment! However, if your neighbours just so happen to have an unsecured wireless network.......:D

The Master

Mairt wrote: »

Just bring me out on the piss :pac:

At today's prices?

Not a chance there's a recession on you know!:pac:

Raiser

Tyson Gorgeous Purse wrote: »

I'm gonna sell my body to medical science, when I die I'm gonna be livin' on easy street!

There's lot of bits 'n pieces you could sell right now while still alive..... If you think about it logically then anything you have two of is instantly marketable.....

1 X Retina, Cornea, Lens.
1 X Kidney
1 X Lung
1 X Testicle

- Unfortunately my knowledge of the human anatomy is a bit sketchy in places - but I'm pretty certain you've a couple of Livers and if you're in a gambling mood I can make ya a very good offer on either your primary liver or the backup..... [PM sent]

Prof.Badass

Don't waste money going out, drink in a field. Don't actually buy alcohol. Steal it, make it yourself or even better, switch to sniffing glue.

Turn up to all sorts of random functions just for the "refreshments" and avoid paying for meals.

Ass

Steal everything.

Miguel_Sanchez

Eat everything with your fingers straight out of or off the box/container it came in. Save a fortune in overpriced washing up liquid.

Shave your head. Save a fortune in overpriced shampoo.

Go for a colonic a couple of times a week. Save a fortune in overpriced toilet paper.

Use a skateboard and industrial strength magnets on your hands to attach yourself to the back of the tram. Save a fortune in overpriced LUAS tickets.

Music can be listened to for free by standing around in shops all day. Save a fortune in overpriced I-Pods and cassette recordings.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

Miguel_Sanchez

The Scientist wrote: »

I pass this most evenings by The Lough in Cork...


Gotta hand it to him... Its clever. :pac:

If he's still got the sign up though it doesn't seem to have worked yet though.

Richie860504

If you need anything start a fight but get a beating to within an inch of your life. People will feel sorry for you and buy you stuff.

If your a woman, all you have to do is just cry. Men will desert you but your friends will give you chocolates and buy your drink for you.

Puddleduck

Use parts of your body to advertise, a permanent marker will do
Put water on your cornflakes, with the state of the pipes in the country your sure to be getting some kind of vitamins from it(poo/lead/etc)
Save on expensive telivision lisences and electricity by drawing your favorite programmes on a cardboard box, imagination is your friend.
Wear knickers inside out and the wrong way round, theres at least three days wear in them that way
Instead of buying your own perfumes stand behind one of the many women/men that have liberally doused themselves, after about 15 minutes some of it is sure to have worn off on you.
Save money on lunch by hanging around resturants and eateries, someones sure to order something they dont like eventually.
Eat pets
Eat friends that are no longer great friends
Make christmas/birthday/anniversary presents. Nothing says you care like pasta covered in glitter on cardboard.

kmick

When invited the pub bring 4 cans in your pocket. Buy the first pint and keep refilling the glass with the can. Then go back to the bar and say you just bought a pint and its warm. They will replace it for free for a proper draught pint.

Gummy Panda

Jeff_Lebowski wrote: »

Go for a colonic a couple of times a week. Save a fortune in overpriced toilet paper.
.

I'd prefer an experts opinion on this first.

Where's the Flutt?

DamoKen

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

don't wash for a week and announce that you found a wonderful new fragrance instead.

Raiser wrote:

Ignore your friends and family - both are a constant drain on finances via presents, higher phone bills, invitations to expensive outings etc. Take the Hermit route.

two birds with one stone, they should now ignore you. Added bonus of not appearing rude.

ScumLord

Raiser wrote: »

There's lot of bits 'n pieces you could sell right now while still alive..... If you think about it logically then anything you have two of is instantly marketable.....

1 X Retina, Cornea, Lens.
1 X Kidney
1 X Lung
1 X Testicle

- Unfortunately my knowledge of the human anatomy is a bit sketchy in places - but I'm pretty certain you've a couple of Livers and if you're in a gambling mood I can make ya a very good offer on either your primary liver or the backup..... [PM sent]

Why stop there, you've got 10 digits at the end of your 4 limbs. Do you really need 2 arms, come on, really? Two. Human hair is worth money to the right people and you can turn your poo and other food waste into gas and fertiliser.

and2

Move back to parents house and stop paying mortgage..... Actually scrap that, just stop paying mortgage, AIB will understand.. Thats me up 20k a year

User45701

people saving/hoarding money and resources is the cause of recessions

AnonoBoy

User45701 wrote: »

people saving/hoarding money and resources is the cause of recessions

Wrong. As we have seen proven over and over again in After Hours - it is the foreigners who have caused the recession.

You can't argue with the facts.

Amanda

1. Start your own cult and take all your followers money from them. Feed them only on cornflakes but take their houses, cars and most of their life away from them.

2. Save on buying Christmas gifts and decorations by keeping all your cornflake boxes and make your own decorations out of them. Watch your friends go green with envy and then hey presto give them the same as a christmas present.

3. Re-wrap all the **** presents your family get you at Christmas and give them back to them on St stephens day. Don't even mix them up so they won't know. They put so little thought into you by buying you yet again a set of bath salts, why would you bother thinking about possibly hurting their feelings.

4. Save on medical bills by commiting suicide.

5. Invent a car which runs on cornflakes. A cult and a car that runs on cornflakes, you'd never see another skint day again.

(Viz's top tips sorted all this out years ago, I only borrowed the cornflake theme, not the subject matter thereafter, ***copyright your material using cornflakes...)

Ponster

The best way to help your economy to get out of recession is to spend money, not save it.

So free pints all night on me from 6pm onwards, Cork & Cavan Bar, 70 quai de Jemmapes,75010 Paris Metro : Goncourt.

Raiser

Amanda wrote: »

1. Start your own cult and take all your followers money from them. Feed them only on cornflakes but take their houses, cars and most of their life away from them.<SNIP>

I tried this about 2.5 years ago Amanda - the hangover was fairly severe; but I think it all ended fairly well [?]

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054920624

- As a money saving device a good Cult has huge potential but only in the hands of sober, straight-laced individuals with some degree of common sense

User45701

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Wrong. As we have seen proven over and over again in After Hours - it is the foreigners who have caused the recession.

You can't argue with the facts.

i dont know tbh after hours has been getting more and more immature over the last few years, while it can be very funny it confuses me how some topics get moved/locked while others dont even if they are simmilar topics created by a different user at a a different time. - I figure it was better modeerated (not stricter, just more clearly stated rules) it would be as much fun as it used to be but just so i can see what you are talking about throw in a few links there please

Amanda

Raiser wrote: »

I tried this about 2.5 years ago Amanda - the hangover was fairly severe; but I think it all ended fairly well [?]

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2054920624

- As a money saving device a good Cult has huge potential but only in the hands of sober, straight-laced individuals with some degree of common sense

You rock. But I not drinkin that there lemonade you made up earlier

AnonoBoy

User45701 wrote: »

i dont know tbh after hours has been getting more and more immature over the last few years, while it can be very funny it confuses me how some topics get moved/locked while others dont even if they are simmilar topics created by a different user at a a different time. - I figure it was better modeerated (not stricter, just more clearly stated rules) it would be as much fun as it used to be but just so i can see what you are talking about throw in a few links there please

So it be proof you're after, eh?

Eeemmmmmmmm......... HEY LOOK WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE??????

*Runs away*




*snigger*

Quazzie

AnonoBoy wrote: »

So it be proof you're after, eh?

Eeemmmmmmmm......... HEY LOOK WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE??????

*Runs away*




*snigger*

OH LOOK... A BEAR!!!!!!!!!!

*Runs away*

Lexus1976

User45701 wrote: »

i dont know tbh after hours has been getting more and more immature over the last few years, while it can be very funny it confuses me how some topics get moved/locked while others dont even if they are simmilar topics created by a different user at a a different time. - I figure it was better modeerated (not stricter, just more clearly stated rules) it would be as much fun as it used to be but just so i can see what you are talking about throw in a few links there please

As he takes out his langor and has a pee

Raiser

User45701 wrote: »

i dont know tbh after hours has been getting more and more immature over the last few years, while it can be very funny it confuses me how some topics get moved/locked while others dont even if they are simmilar topics created by a different user at a a different time. - I figure it was better modeerated (not stricter, just more clearly stated rules) it would be as much fun as it used to be but just so i can see what you are talking about throw in a few links there please

We need a new button right beside the "thanks" button........A kind of inverse thanks would be the sentiment.

- Not sure what you could call it

Dubh Geannain

Quazzie2002 wrote: »

OH LOOK... A BEAR!!!!!!!!!!

*Runs away*

Don't let that bear get me

Amanda

Dubh Geannain wrote: »

Don't let that bear get me

You could keep a bear to scare away the debt collectors and never have to pay your bills. You could feed your bear on cornflakes. But you'd have to take him everywhere so they couldn't get you.

Gummy Panda

Dubh Geannain wrote: »

Don't let that bear get me

stop stealing pics of me from my facebook!!*





*facebook account may or may not exist

Turd Ferguson

Dubh Geannain wrote: »

Don't let that bear get me

Its not a bear. Its Sexual Harrasement Panda.

Raiser

Salt, pepper, tomato-ketchup, drinking-straws, napkins [~= toilet paper], plastic cutlery......

- All of the above are scott free in fast food places.

Note: Have a free poo too before you leave and save on excessive wear and tear on your own toilet bowl, flushing-mechanism and pipes - while conserving your domestic hole-roll supplies.

pretty-in-pink

why pay for a colonice?

A garden hose, a funnel, and some warm water.......

Babies will get you money..think of the social.....think of the social.