Love

LegacyUser

Hi All

In a relationship 8 months now and my OH has never mentioned or even hinted at the whole "Love" issue.

Do people think its strange or would it even bother them if their OH after 8 months never mentioned it??

seamus

It's very ambiguous to be honest. Everyone feels it and expresses it very differently.

It's possible that they're one of those people who feels that the word is overused/overrated, and wouldn't say it even if they do love you.

It's also possible that they've been burned in the past and are tentative about using it before you do or too soon.

There are too many variables here to say that 8 months is too long/too short a time to wait before saying it. If you personally feel it, just say it. Being told that someone loves you is probably one of the least horrible experiences you can have

LegacyUser

im going out with my bf 4 months and he's slightly hinted at it, and although i know i love him, i might leave it another month or two before i say it.
would you yourself not say it or bring it up?
i know when it comes to me il have toi be the one cause my oh is pretty shy when it comes to those things.
just because he hasnt said it, doesnt mean he doesnt love you. maybe he has said it to someone before and then he was hurt by that person. its not something to be thrown around and i would prefere to wait a yr to hear and for my oh to really mean it then hear it thrown out after a few months.

She Devil

Maybe he is waiting for you ...
Go tell him and come back and tell us what he said ...

If he treats you well, and you have a laugh with him,there are many ways he can show you he cares for you rather than having to tell you ... maybe he is telling you through his actions!! The first time to say those three words is the hardest, once you break the ice there is no turning back.

LG26

My OH has been burned before, sorry prob should have mentioned it and it was badly burned. I just found it a bit strange that it hasn't been said because we spend so much time together and get on fantastic. I don't think i'd have the nerve to say it first incase it wasn't said back and then things would change i think. I suppose I just need to stop dwelling on hearing those word, they will come when they come.....I just wanted to see is anyone else in the same boat, cause I have been thinking about it alot.

coco06

Why is it that people need to hear these words? If the oh were treating them badly but they said they loved them would this make up for it? on the other hand if the oh is treating you perfectly but does not say it.. is this an issue??

Grawns

Unless you are 100% sure they love you. Don't say it ( first) as it will hurt and possible damge your relationship ( you'll start to over analyse) if they don't say it back. My 2 cents!

PretentiousApe

Bit off topic and irrelevant, but as Devin Towsend once said...

"Love is a way of feeling less alone, so what's all the fuss about?"

Oryx

Some people choke on the L word, and just cant say it, even if thats what they feel, and more importantly, how they act. Some people throw the word around like its confetti, and yet are a complete a*hole in the way they treat their 'beloved'.

It can be important to hear it, if you are the type who feels the importance of it, but actions speak louder, and should be listened to more.

Clare Bear

Why haven't you said it to him? I couldn't imagine being with someone 8 months and not having said it. I presume ye do love eachother if ye've been together that long. I know other people here have said don't say it because you might not like the answer but if it was me I would say it to him. If you feel ready you should. I know I've never said it before my OH has in fear of them not saying it back but that never took longer than a couple of months but at 8 months you should both more than know if you do or not. You might be waiting a long time for him to say it if you don't bite the bullet first, it's not like ye've only been going out a few weeks. The L word doesn't mean much to some people but it means a lot to others, if you want to say it then do regardless of the answer back (and don't dwell on it if you don't get it back, it sounds like ye're both mad about eachother and how he treats you is more important than what he says anyway). Best of luck.

Curvy Vixen

I'm sure you would love to hear your OH actually say the words but believe me, the words in themselves mean nothing.

It's what your partner does for you that matters...how they treat you and how you are around each other. I have been chatted up in pubs by guys that have said 'I love my wife but....'

And I'd be delighted to never hear them say anything if they were getting up every morning and heating up my car

When the time is right he will follow it up with the words and they will mean a whole lot more then believe me...

LegacyUser

Hi All

Thanks so much for all your replies and they made so much sense. The main thing is that he treats me like royalty and would do anything for me, so if the L word is the only thing thats missing being said well then maybe I have little to be worried about.

Thanks again and don't worry i'll let ya all know if I get the Balls to say it xxx

Bananawoman

God, 8 months...try 2 years and counting. Say it if you feel it, he may well not say it back (like in my case after I eventually bit the bullet after 1.5yrs...had wanted to say it since 6mts but held off so as not to pressure him) and it will hurt but you have to take an overall approach to this. Is he good to you and does he behave like he loves you at pretty much all times? Then that may have to be enough for now. He cant control how he feels but maybe he can control what he says (as in he might love you but for whatever reason be reluctant to say the words). We can all just live in hope and have a little faith in our guts.

funloving

Curvy Vixen wrote: »

I'm sure you would love to hear your OH actually say the words but believe me, the words in themselves mean nothing.

It's what your partner does for you that matters...how they treat you and how you are around each other. I have been chatted up in pubs by guys that have said 'I love my wife but....'
QUOTE]

They say Actions speak louder than words...very very true!!!!!

LegacyUser

Op

I wouldn't put you down for asking this. I am seeing someone a year and he hasn't said it. In used to fret about it. I think it's our women hormones. Most blokes are much more simple in their outlook and don't even think it needs to be said because they are happy and their brains don't work like ours do, it's totally wiored different... oh..and yes, they are Irish men and not gushing like some other nationalities are. I prefer Irish men to be honest, even if it does someitmes mean less of the verbal.... bless them they're the strong silent types!

I stopped worrying a few months ago because I know he loves me, I can see it in his eyes, in his smile and his hugs and the coffee he makes me when I stay over at his and am rushing around getting ready to leggit to work. So now, three words, (ok I'll be over the moon when he finally does say it) just seems like a smaller deal than the amount of stuff he does for me, and the fun we have and the laughter he's brought into my little world. Maybe try focusing on what you are getting out of the relationship instead of focusing on unspoken prfessions of adoration. I'm sure he does love you, just some people don't hold a lot of weight over those words (men mostly don't) and women obsess about them sometimes, I did anyway.
I do it too still sometimes, then I just think oh cop onto yourself he wouldn't be doing what he does if he didn't love yeh, yeh dope! (Not you me!)

jessbeth

At the end of the day love is only a word and it's used way too often if you ask me. It's a persons actions towards you that are important. People can say a lot and not mean any of it but it's how people treat you that speaks louder then any words.

LegacyUser

BananaWoman it must be tough after 2 years, but fair play for having the nerve to say it, i dunno if i could.

He was badly burned in a past relationship so i know he's taking this one easy. But sometimes I have to bite my tongue not to say it to him.

All your comments are great and you are all dead right, Actions do speak louder than words but sometimes you just wouldn't mind hearing those words. Because sometimes without helping it, you do think well whats wrong with me that he can't even tell me he loves me etc

jessbeth

But if you want to tell him, them tell him, it might be that he hasn't the courage to say it. I know what you mean, it's good to hear it too. It makes you feel good.

Shinners23

Op - the way I see it is...... if you feel it...say it... In my mind, we only regret the things we don't do.... not the things we do.

I remember when my oh first said it.... we were out with a few of this mates and he says "I love her" and I couldn't believe it... I was blown away. I don't think I said it back that night or the day after but perhaps a week or two later I said it to him.

But remember actions do speak louder than words.