How to get our relationship back on track

LegacyUser

Hi,

A few weeks ago my normally fantastic boyfriend let me down in a big way. He didn't cheat or anything but he wasn't there for me when I needed him. He's apologised a million times since then & really regrets it but we can't seem to get things back the way they were.
I'm just annoyed at him all the time no matter what he does, it took us a good while to get to proper trust & being really happy and now it's like it all disappeared on that one day.
I know it's up to me to forgive him & trust him again but he had no reason for letting me down, he said it just happened, so how am I to believe it won't just happen again?
I really love him, and before this happened everything was great and we were sure we would be together forever, but now it's all changed.
We are going on holiday to France in about 3 weeks and I really don't want our trip to be ruined.
Basically, has anyone any ideas how we can get over this and get back to being happy or should we just give up?

Thanks.

Wibbs

He's apologised for what happened. OK, but you've lost a level of trust in him over this. Not easy to recapture, especially if you hang on to the feelings. I would say the only thing is for you to try to let it go. Obviously easier said than done, but if you don't it likely will get worse. OK you may not be ready to let it go and move on, but between now and your trip, try to fake it that you have, if you know what I mean.

whiskeyman

How long yee going out?
IS this your first serious relationship / have you ever had a fight before?

Unregistered wrote: »

Basically, has anyone any ideas how we can get over this and get back to being happy or should we just give up?

I think he is trying his best to get over it, but it's you who's holding onto the bad vibe and won't let go. Maybe there's something underlying here that's the problem?
Fights happen and your other half can let you down. Works both ways. You have to understand why and know it wasn't with intent to harm or hurt. If you can accept that, you should move on.
The more you analyse it and want something to be wrong, you will find it.
Go and have a ball with the man you love.
Bon voyage.

LegacyUser

whiskeyman wrote: »

How long yee going out?
IS this your first serious relationship / have you ever had a fight before?



I think he is trying his best to get over it, but it's you who's holding onto the bad vibe and won't let go. Maybe there's something underlying here that's the problem?
Fights happen and your other half can let you down. Works both ways. You have to understand why and know it wasn't with intent to harm or hurt. If you can accept that, you should move on.
The more you analyse it and want something to be wrong, you will find it.
Go and have a ball with the man you love.
Bon voyage.

We're going out about 3 years, living together for 1. Both in our mid-twenties so not the first serious relationship for either of us.
Not being smart, but he doesn't have anything to get over, I'm the one that got hurt. And my point was that because I don't understand why - he can't give a reason - I am finding it hard to trust him not to do it again. I'm asking for advise on how to move on when I don't have a reason.

milod

Unregistered wrote: »

A few weeks ago my normally fantastic boyfriend let me down in a big way. He didn't cheat or anything but he wasn't there for me when I needed him. He's apologised a million times since then & really regrets it but we can't seem to get things back the way they were.
I'm just annoyed at him all the time no matter what he does, it took us a good while to get to proper trust & being really happy and now it's like it all disappeared on that one day.

All sounds a bit vague OP, and hard to advise when you haven't really given any clue as to how he let you down. Are you sure he even understands how he did so? You say he's apologised a million times, but is he doing so because you're angry or upset rather than from a true understanding of the situation?

Also, trust isn't an absolute condition - you can't measure it or expect a partner to live 100% up to your expectations. To err is human... and a real understanding of trust informs us that it isn't a guarantee, more a belief that the person you trust will do their best. The concept of 'trust' can be bandied about as an unrealistic expectation of perfection, and can be the worst form of passive aggressive behaviour when employed to extract a quotient of guilt.

Unless your partner acted with 'malice aforethought' and intended to let you down, then the situation is redeemable. As long as you both discuss it, and understand why you felt let down and learn from it, then there's no reason that trust cannot exist.

Marksie

Unregistered wrote: »

We're going out about 3 years, living together for 1. Both in our mid-twenties so not the first serious relationship for either of us.
Not being smart, but he doesn't have anything to get over, I'm the one that got hurt. And my point was that because I don't understand why - he can't give a reason - I am finding it hard to trust him not to do it again. I'm asking for advise on how to move on when I don't have a reason.

Look no one has an idea of what he has actually done, slept with someone else, pranged the car or burned the dinner.

Its hard to say what advice can be given apart from this:

if you are this closed and uncommunicative and internalising things then that is the issue.
hell you won't tell us, so how can you two be expected to fully explore the issue.
The carte blanche: how do i move on when i don't have areason, is just an excuse bnot to do something.

Have you talked to him habout how you feel, or have you just glowered and brooded, because that to be honest is how its coming across here.

LegacyUser

milod wrote: »

All sounds a bit vague OP, and hard to advise when you haven't really given any clue as to how he let you down. Are you sure he even understands how he did so? You say he's apologised a million times, but is he doing so because you're angry or upset rather than from a true understanding of the situation?

Also, trust isn't an absolute condition - you can't measure it or expect a partner to live 100% up to your expectations. To err is human... and a real understanding of trust informs us that it isn't a guarantee, more a belief that the person you trust will do their best. The concept of 'trust' can be bandied about as an unrealistic expectation of perfection, and can be the worst form of passive aggressive behaviour when employed to extract a quotient of guilt.

Unless your partner acted with 'malice aforethought' and intended to let you down, then the situation is redeemable. As long as you both discuss it, and understand why you felt let down and learn from it, then there's no reason that trust cannot exist.

Sorry for it being vague, basically there was a major incident in my family and when he found out about it he didn't come to be with me - I'm not going to give full details because it's personal - he left me to deal with it on my own. By trust I mean I trusted him to always be there for me when I need it, not at home watching tv when he knows I need him there.
He apologised because he realised he had let me down after we had discussed it, I didn't just go into a sulk and wait for him to say he was wrong.
I don't expect him to be perfect any more than I am, I just think if we are going to be together I should know that if anything happens he'll be there for me.

LegacyUser

Marksie wrote: »

Look no one has an idea of what he has actually done, slept with someone else, pranged the car or burned the dinner.

Its hard to say what advice can be given apart from this:

if you are this closed and uncommunicative and internalising things then that is the issue.
hell you won't tell us, so how can you two be expected to fully explore the issue.
The carte blanche: how do i move on when i don't have areason, is just an excuse bnot to do something.

Have you talked to him habout how you feel, or have you just glowered and brooded, because that to be honest is how its coming across here.

That's not really being very helpful, I said he didn't cheat and I don't think deciding to not display personal intimate details that would make it very obvious to anyone we know who I am is being uncommunicative.
And yes I have talked to him about how I feel, and I have no idea how you got that I glowered and brooded from a few lines of text, I'm not a dumb teenager and I think I have a valid question.

Thanks Wibbs for your advice, I know what you mean and it's a good idea.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

he left me to deal with it on my own. By trust I mean I trusted him to always be there for me when I need it, not at home watching tv when he knows I need him there.

Did you at any point call him up and tell him you need him to be with you during this time?

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

Did you at any point call him up and tell him you need him to be with you during this time?

No I was in a place where I could not use my phone, a family member rang and told him what had happened and where I was.
It is the sort of major incident I would go to be with him if it was the other way round, and he has said he knows he should of done but just didn't and doesn't know why.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

It is the sort of major incident I would go to be with him if it was the other way round, and he has said he knows he should of done but just didn't and doesn't know why.

So nothing more than a lack of judgement on his part, insensitive though it probably was, sometimes we can't read the minds of our partners correctly.
Blokes especially wouldn't spend a lot of time thinking about this kind of stuff.

As Wibbs said, let it go. He's apologised and it's about all he can do at this stage.
Be sure to be vocal next time you need him to do something.

EM2008

Ok he wasn't there for you and it hurt, you can't forgive him and expect to be the exact same way again.. I think you going on hols together is the best thing you can do.. get away from everything and enjoy each others company and start rebuilding whatever trust has been lost.

Unfortunately if you've decided to forgive him you can't keep going on about it. You both talked about it at length at this stage I'm sure so there is no point going over it on hols it will bring a bad atmosphere.

You know and love this guy for 3 years he knows he's hurt you, you can't change the past but you can both work on the future and no doubt your relationship will be better for it

Good luck

MagicMarker

Sorry, no one can advise you with the little info you've given.

We do not know about this incident, one mans 'major incident' is another man's 'minor hiccup'. Where was he when he was told about this, did he say why he couldn't be there?

If it's a case of a family bereavement he may have just been scared! Some people are extremely uncomfortable in those situations.

He's apologised, what else do you want? How many times does he have to apologise before you forgive him. Balls in your court here.

LegacyUser

Sorry if I've been totally unclear here but I don't see why people can't just take my question at face value. It was a big incident but i'm not going to put private details on the internet. We have discussed it and he is sorry.
Maybe there is something wrong with me, but I can't just forgive & forget in an instant because someone apologised. All I was asking for was advise on how to get over this as quickly as possible so it doesn't ruin our holiday.

Zulu

Unregistered wrote: »

No I was in a place where I could not use my phone, a family member rang and told him what had happened and where I was.
It is the sort of major incident I would go to be with him if it was the other way round, and he has said he knows he should of done but just didn't and doesn't know why.

You shouldn't force your standards onto other people. Just because "you would" doesn't always mean "he should". You should love him for who he is.
However, he has apologised to you for not being the person you wanted him to be, and you won't accept that apology. Why? You wish him to change to be more like what you'd like him to be?

MagicMarker wrote: »

Sorry, no one can advise you with the little info you've given.
We do not know about this incident, one mans 'major incident' is another man's 'minor hiccup'.

Exactly.

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

It is the sort of major incident I would go to be with him if it was the other way round,

I hear you, but I'll say this, if there was one bit of advice I would give to my younger self it would be this; don't be quick to judge or gauge someone elses reactions to a situation, based on your own. We all do it. I still do it if lesser now. Now I'm not trying to dismiss your end of this. Chances are good I would likely agree with you, but sometimes we have to kinda suck it up and accept that someone didn't see it as important at the time. If he's been there for you before then this was an isolated incident.

Mad analogy alert. Think of a relationship like a new car. You love the new car and it's all shiny and special and yours. Sooner or later you'll get the first scratch on it. Big deal at the time(been there:)). You polish it out and move on enjoying the car as before. Sometimes you get a big dent in it. Bit more of an issue. This is one of those times. OK it can't be polished out, but it can be repaired as good as new. Of course sometimes we get a big smack and the car's a write off, but I don't think this is one of those times. After that madness I'm tempted to say "happy motoring"

and he has said he knows he should of done but just didn't and doesn't know why.

I'd say the translation of that is that he didn't see it as important at the time. Throw in the lack of direct contact from you(I know you couldn't though) and he may have just been emotionally lazy that day and brushed it off, waiting for you to get back to him. We've all been in situations where after the fact we knew we should have done things but that's life.

As I say it boils down to this; he screwed up in your eyes, but if this is the only example of it then it's let it go time. Don't let it fester. Don't bring it up again as part of an argument. I know it'll be hard if you feel it hasn't been dealt with, but try to move on from this or it will cause more problems. Bigger ones than the one you're currently trying to solve.

Wibbs

MagicMarker wrote: »

Sorry, no one can advise you with the little info you've given.

While it may not be ideal, it's her right to not be badgered about it. The salient point is that it appears to be a somewhat major issue to her, that she feels he should have realised. Work from that principle.

We do not know about this incident, one mans 'major incident' is another man's 'minor hiccup'. Where was he when he was told about this, did he say why he couldn't be there?

I agree, but I would contend like you that different things upset people in different ways. However, I would hope that I would realise those things in someone I cared about, friend or lover and act accordingly. While everyone is responsible only for themselves I also realise that perception of hurt or need doesn't begin and end with me. To think otherwise in my humble is quite self centered. I suspect she is upset, not just about the incident, but just as much that her partner didn't see the importance of that to her regardless of his take on it. On a simpler angle, I've gone along with things because a partner liked doing them. I could have been arsed, but I knew she liked it, so to support her as my partner I went and guess what a lot of the time I enjoyed it.

If it's a case of a family bereavement he may have just been scared! Some people are extremely uncomfortable in those situations.

True.

He's apologised, what else do you want? How many times does he have to apologise before you forgive him. Balls in your court here.

She's simply looking for advice on how to go about that.

thebman

Unregistered wrote: »

Sorry if I've been totally unclear here but I don't see why people can't just take my question at face value. It was a big incident but i'm not going to put private details on the internet. We have discussed it and he is sorry.
Maybe there is something wrong with me, but I can't just forgive & forget in an instant because someone apologised. All I was asking for was advise on how to get over this as quickly as possible so it doesn't ruin our holiday.

Oh come on! If a friend of yours asked you for advice on their relationship and said, I can't tell you what happened but I'm having trouble forgiving him for it, what sort of answer can you possibly give other than try to forgive him harder ?

Your not putting personal details on the Internet because your unregistered. Just leave out the details that would make you personally identifiable like names and exact locations. Your hardly the first person this has ever happened to, if you are, write a book.

This is personal issues, if your not willing to post the personal part then it is goign to be hard for people to help you.

Wibbs

OK It would be great if the full story was here but it's not. Look if the OP doesn't want to give any more details, that's her right around here. As I've said before, no more badgering for more info or infractions are a coming. Go on what she's given or move along.

LegacyUser

I was rushed to hospital very ill while out with family intially we had no idea what was wrong, I was admitted then for 2 weeks. My brother rang my OH at work & told him when we were on the way and he stayed in work. Then he finished work, went home, had his dinner and then came and visited me, 8 hours after I was brought in. In case that makes a difference to everyones apparently very low opinion of me.
We discussed it when I got home from hospital and he apologised. We haven't rowed since so I haven't brought it up all the time as some people decided I have.
All I wanted was ideas on how to forget about it so we can get back to normal and enjoy our trip, like I've said a couple of times now. But instead some of you have decided to try and make me feel like it's my fault. Aside from Wibbs who has offered good advice.

LegacyUser

Your hardly the first person this has ever happened to, if you are, write a book.

I know I'm not, that's why I thought I'd try and ask other people who've experienced it for help.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

I was rushed to hospital very ill while out with family intially we had no idea what was wrong, I was admitted then for 2 weeks. My brother rang my OH at work & told him when we were on the way and he stayed in work.

Well now, I would have to say, that's fairly bad.
I doubt there are many of us who wouldn't rush straight to the hospital under those circumstances. In fact, I was once brought to hospital in the back of an ambulance and my partner at the time was there in 30mins.

So he apologised, but did he give an actual reason for not going straight in?

Waylander

Unregistered wrote: »

I was rushed to hospital very ill while out with family intially we had no idea what was wrong, I was admitted then for 2 weeks. My brother rang my OH at work & told him when we were on the way and he stayed in work. Then he finished work, went home, had his dinner and then came and visited me, 8 hours after I was brought in. In case that makes a difference to everyones apparently very low opinion of me.
We discussed it when I got home from hospital and he apologised. We haven't rowed since so I haven't brought it up all the time as some people decided I have.
All I wanted was ideas on how to forget about it so we can get back to normal and enjoy our trip, like I've said a couple of times now. But instead some of you have decided to try and make me feel like it's my fault. Aside from Wibbs who has offered good advice.

Well your attitude has not endeared you to most of the posters to be fair. As regards what he did, that was pretty bad form, did your brother let him know how serious it was or did he play it down so he wouldnt get too stressed? If he didnt play it down well that is pretty unforgivable and I am not sure how you can get over it.

cHaTbOx

Unregistered wrote: »

Sorry for it being vague, basically there was a major incident in my family and when he found out about it he didn't come to be with me - I'm not going to give full details because it's personal

You know this is a perfect time to go into full details as you are anonymous and it will allow other posters to give informed advice but if you don't have to if you don't want to

From what I gather,you just need to give it time.He seems to have apologised enough and the next step will be the on the day you need him ,when he comes through for you.It is very hard to win someones trust back if you have let them down when they needed you most,the only real way to do it is be there for them next time when they need you most.I don't suppose there has been something like that to let him get back in your good books.

Don't worry about it.You will have a fantastic holiday and you "really love him" ,so the holiday will probably be a good time to take both your minds off things that have happened.

Take Care

LegacyUser

Waylander wrote: »

Well your attitude has not endeared you to most of the posters to be fair.

My attitude was that I thought this was a forum where I could post anonoumously and ask for advice without giving my entire personal history without being blamed.

Waylander

Unregistered wrote: »

My attitude was that I thought this was a forum where I could post anonoumously and ask for advice without giving my entire personal history without being blamed.

It is but noone could give advice without knowing the severity of the offence, there was always the possibility that you were blowing a small issue out of proportion. You were getting very defensive in some of your posts too, and still are.

Ishindar

i guess OP, what u are struggling with is, that he showed you how much he doesnt really love u or care for u deeply. his feelings dont really run deep enough and u are more an accessory girlfriend that a real soulmate.
Its a difficult one to overcome, im not sure i could.

Beruthiel

Waylander wrote: »

It is but noone could give advice without knowing the severity of the offence, there was always the possibility that you were blowing a small issue out of proportion. You were getting very defensive in some of your posts too, and still are.

Waylander, let it drop and get back on topic.
B

jim o doom

that's pretty tough - I ended up in hospital before myself, and family & OH were along either in the ambulance or very soon after I was admitted - Did he know for certain it was you who was admitted to the hospital or might he have thought it was one of your family members?
with regards to getting over it - have you talked to him in depth about it? One thing that might be causing you to not be able to get over it, would be that you can't understand why he didn't show in the first place.. Sometimes men (I am one) can be fairly emotionally detached at the worst times and view a situation disjointedly and do incorrect things (in other words we are idiots).. If you haven't had a serious talk about it with him (I imagine you have though), then you should - if you already have, the only thing I can suggest is doing things together that you both love - it will help soothe the bummed feelings.. Also if you do forgive him, actually forgive him - don't save it up for a heated argument in the future, because he will assume it was all cool & could cause serious problems in the future!
hope that helps

aye

Unregistered wrote: »

I was rushed to hospital very ill while out with family intially we had no idea what was wrong, I was admitted then for 2 weeks. My brother rang my OH at work & told him when we were on the way and he stayed in work. Then he finished work, went home, had his dinner and then came and visited me, 8 hours after I was brought in.

It sounds pretty bad alright, but did you ever think that maybe he was scared or freaked out about seeing you in hospital.
he might not be good in hospitals, some people arent, and mayb have been building himself up to go in.
not making excuses for him, just a thought tho.

as regards getting over it, i think you'll need to talk to him about it again. he might not want to but i dont think you'll ever get past it really unless you get some sort of explanation from him.
myabe he couldnt leave work, and needed to eat before he saw you, i dunno, but he should have some recollection of what was going through his head.

vandermeyde

Hi Op,

A similar situation happened to a member of my family, rushed to hospital in an ambulance after a bad fall, I rang their other half to let them know and was greeted with indifference really, they had no intention of coming to the hospital until I basically told them to cop themselves on.

I was more p*ssed off with them than I was concerned for the person who had fallen (luckily enough we knew it wasn't serious at that stage, just a bit of concussion)

I think ultimately it just comes down to how people deal with a crisis. Some drop everything and come out all guns blazing others seem to go for the ostrich approach and pretend its not happening.

I can't speak for your other half, but if he's apologized and accepted that he should have been there for you its really back to you as to whether or not you can move on from it. Its obviously still bothering you so I'd suggest you go back and talk more to him about it, tell him you accept his apology but that you're still hurt and take it from there.

Make sure you enjoy that holiday, the only baggage you should be bringing on that is the suitcase with your clothes in it.

Wing Walker

Unregistered wrote: »

My attitude was that I thought this was a forum where I could post anonoumously and ask for advice without giving my entire personal history without being blamed.

I was reading this and I could understand where some of the other posters were coming from. It was a bit vague to start with and so difficult for anyone to really give some good advice on. Having said that, you've discussed the heart of the matter so it's easier for people to give their reactions.

A while back, a member of my family was brought to hospital and as soon as I heard I literally dropped everything and made my way immediately to the hospital. No ifs, buts etc. I was there as fast as I could have been; speeding tickets are probably making their way to me as we speak.

If it was my girlfriend, I would be exactly the same, unless... ! Unless I didn't care about her if I'm being perfectly honest about it. I'd finish work, then saunter home, have a bite to eat, watch the news and then if I wasn't too tired I head to the hospital. That would be the only time I would't rush straight to the hospital; but even then...

Perhaps this incident is just the tip of the iceberg. OR perhaps he's got some bad memories from a previous incident involving a loved one and a stay in hospital. Only you (and he) can answer that OP.

But as for a "quick fix" so you can enjoy your holiday? The only thing I can say is, talk to him and let him know exactly how you feel. If you're still not happy with what he says then there's not much hope for either the holiday or the relationship.

Best of luck with it.

tatt chic

Maybe he thought it wasn't that serious and your brother told him not to panic etc.
Its a tough one, you need to know he will be there for you no matter what, i don't understand why he can't explain why he didn't go in immediately?
he apologised and you have asked him why i presume, what has he said?

Zulu

OP I have to say after hearing the issue, my perspective has changed somewhat.

While I stand over what I already posted, clearly it is less apt when discussing the real issue as opposed to not doing cleaning the bathroom ever, or not jumping gleefully when you told him your cat had kittens. You were admitted to hospital. He should have come to you asap. It's an expectation, sure, but one everyone has.
It's not so much about trust, in my opinion, but rather: does he really care for you?
And thats not a nice question for anyone to be asking. Can you come back from this? Sure you can, but how you are going to become clear in your mind that he cares for you??? - I don't honestly know.

jim o doom

aye wrote: »

you ever think that maybe he was scared or freaked out about seeing you in hospital.
he might not be good in hospitals, some people arent, and mayb have been building himself up to go in

+1 on that - I go to hospitals as little as possible, lost my ma in one due to their stupidity & other relations too - have ALWAYS hated going near them, one of my mates has been in hospital 3 times this year due to stupidity and his stomach and I haven't been in once because I can't stand the places - that being said, if it was my fiancee, I would be there in a flash, feck work & my dislike of hospitals.

LegacyUser

can understand where you're coming from OP. Don't think I would be too impressed if my oh took 8 hours to get to the hospital, it's a tough one to get over and I don't think you should rush yourself.

In saying that my mam had a brain hemorage(sp?) in our house a few years back. I stayed with her the whole time and my dad called the doctor and then the ambulance. While all this was going on my brother stayed downstairs watching telly and eating a take away. He didnt even come to the door when they wheeled her out.
I asked him what the hell was wrong with him and he said he kinda went into shock, just refused to aknowledge there was anything wrong.
During the weeks after, as my mam recovered ( she's fine now by the way, thank god ) my brother was great. Was at the hospital all the time and really pulled the family together.
My mam never had an issue with his reaction, suppose cause she's a mammy she didnt expect much.

Anyway, if he was there for you over the two weeks you were in hospital, maybe you can see that as his reaction to your illness and not his first reaction.

LegacyUser

To answer the questions in various posts, he was told so & so has collapsed and is on the way to such hospital & we don't know whats wrong.
He has no previous bad experiences with hospitals.
We have discussed it and when asked why he pretty much just said he didn't know and that he assumed seen as I was going to hospital that I'd get better there & as my family were with me I wasn't alone, but that he realises now how stupid that was & if it happened again he'd be there in a flash.
He does love me, he's shown it non stop for the whole rest of the time we were together, it was just one monumental screw up. Intially i did take it as he just didn't care enough, but really I know that's not true.

Zulu

...well then.
You know in your heart he cares, which is whats most important.

And he's apologised.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi,


Basically, has anyone any ideas how we can get over this and get back to being happy or should we just give up?

Thanks.

Ok I think it went wrong somewhere, my OP was just asking for help on getting over this so it doesn't ruin our holiday. I was just asking if anyone has any advice because I'm finding it hard to forgive and forget. That was all.

Zulu

There is no quick and easy way.
If you want to forgive him, anytime you start to get bothered/angry/fustrated you need to:
1. Stop.
2. Take a moment.
3. Recognise that you are getting mad over something in the past that you want to forgive him for.
4. Recognise that you are now creating the issue.
5. Try not to let it bother you.

It won't be easy, but it's up to you once you choose to forgive him.

thebman

Unregistered wrote: »

To answer the questions in various posts, he was told so & so has collapsed and is on the way to such hospital & we don't know whats wrong.
He has no previous bad experiences with hospitals.
We have discussed it and when asked why he pretty much just said he didn't know and that he assumed seen as I was going to hospital that I'd get better there & as my family were with me I wasn't alone, but that he realises now how stupid that was & if it happened again he'd be there in a flash.
He does love me, he's shown it non stop for the whole rest of the time we were together, it was just one monumental screw up. Intially i did take it as he just didn't care enough, but really I know that's not true.

Seems to me he didn't realise how much it meant to you to have him there so.

whiskeyman

Unregistered wrote: »

Ok I think it went wrong somewhere, my OP was just asking for help on getting over this so it doesn't ruin our holiday. I was just asking if anyone has any advice because I'm finding it hard to forgive and forget. That was all.

The more you think and analyse a way of finding the 'solution', you're probably going to stumble across more issues and questions.
We can't give you advice exactly. It's going to have to come from both of you to put effort in that you care and love each other, despite what happened, and hopefully you can both learn from it.

pretty-in-pink

Unregistered wrote: »

I was rushed to hospital very ill while out with family intially we had no idea what was wrong, I was admitted then for 2 weeks. My brother rang my OH at work & told him when we were on the way and he stayed in work. Then he finished work, went home, had his dinner and then came and visited me, 8 hours after I was brought in. In case that makes a difference to everyones apparently very low opinion of me.
We discussed it when I got home from hospital and he apologised. We haven't rowed since so I haven't brought it up all the time as some people decided I have.
All I wanted was ideas on how to forget about it so we can get back to normal and enjoy our trip, like I've said a couple of times now. But instead some of you have decided to try and make me feel like it's my fault. Aside from Wibbs who has offered good advice.

That would make me pretty mad, I would thing the only way you can forgive him is to consciously decide to let it go. It will be hard I reckon, but you love eachother so you have to try. best of luck