Am I a selfish bitch?

LegacyUser

I recenly found out that a good friend is in a new relationship. I would regard this person as someone I could talk to easily about most things, and who shared my sense of humour and this person had a thing for me in the past but because there were no romantic feelings on my side we both knew nothing was going to happen between us. I'm genuinely happy for this person, and want them to be happy but when they told me this I was surprised at how there was a part of me that felt crushed! Maybe I'm kind of jealous because I want what they have, maybe it's a bit of now I wont be as important to that person. It's completely stupid but its how I feel. Am i being completely selfish? Is this a normal reaction?!

Maybe it seems like a trivial issue to some people but if not I'd like your opinions! Thanks.

Karen_*

No you're not being selfish at all. Its probably just that it feels funny that the person who had a special place in their heart for you now has someone in their life. And like you say maybe you're worried you won't be so important. Its unsettling when things change and you don't know how to feel. I would say its completely normal. And a part of you would like to have someone special too. Don't beat yourself up over it, it will just take a little time to adapt.

vincenzo1975

not selfish, just letting your ego get the better of you. makes you wonder if you ever led this person on a bit to stroke your ego in the past? A bit of a flirt, a pout or smile when out drinking, just to keep that bit of tension in the air.

if you did, then you deserve how you feel now, if you didnt, then just get over it.

Faith

I think it's normal to feel a bit upset or put out when a close friend starts a new relationship. You feel like you won't see them as much any more because they'll be with their new boyfriend/girlfriend, and this is usually true. Also, if you're single, it can make you feel really lonely.

When my best friend started going out with her boyfriend, I felt horribly left out and lonely. It took me ages to accept it. Then when I started going out with my boyfriend, she took it badly, despite her being in a relationship for 2 years. You get used to thinking of someone as "yours" and it's hard to accept that they have someone else now too.

LegacyUser

Yeah there could be a few thigns at play here, one you might have liked that this person had feelings for you and now that they're with someone else it means they've moved on from you.
Even if you weren't romantically interested this can be a weird feeling.

Also what others said, it can be difficult when a close friend starts seeing someone, because although you are still very important to them they don't have as much time for you and that can feel sad and lonely.

I had two friends, boy and a girl who I was very close with. They were my best friends and we always hung out together, he openly admitted that he fancied us both but I wasn't interested in him that way.
Predictably, they got together and I was pretty much dropped like a hot brick!
I remained friends with the girl, I tried to make the effort with the guy but he wasn't bothered, this really hurt as it made me wonder had he an agenda all along
So after the "honeymoon" period was over me and the girl became best friends again but as soon as I started seeing someone her nose was right out of joint!
She even told my boyfriend he'd "stolen" me from her!!

So in closing I think its normal for you to feel the way you do, it's not a nice feeling but it'll pass. Best of luck.

Wagon

Yep its normal. Like everyone above said, it'll take time for you to get used to.