Hate feeling like this.....

LegacyUser

ok, i'll try keep this brief

went out with girl for over 4 yrs. before we went out i was always very outgoing & independent, loved going out loads, enjoying myself. loved gf very much but when we broke up, we both knew it was the right thing to do. thing is, i miss her lots but i can accept that maybe we where not right for each other. but what i do miss loads is being in a relationship and having someone to enjoy my time with. broke up a few months ago and can't seem to get back to that guy i was before i was with her.

when i go out now at weekends, i end up getting VERY depressed cause i miss having someone. im still very outgoing but that independence of just enjoying myself seems to have gone. im not the type of guy who chats up women in bars/nightclubs so now most weekends ends up in me going out for beers, going home alone and ending up feeling like sh*t for 2/3 days afterwards. everyone says enjoy yourself being single again after so long, where the fact is i actually hate it. i can't see where the next girl is coming from either. feel like im caught between a rock and a hard place. if i avoid the whole drinks/bars thing at weekends then i'll end up sitting in all weekend, either way it will result in me feeling sh*t about myself. im sure this type of issue comes up a million times in here so apologies, just wondering has anyone any suggestions?

Curvy Vixen

I don't think that you should be trying to get back to being the guy you were before her..you're different now. 4 years older and big broken heart going on...

She obviously filled a big part of the entertainment section of your life and that's what's missing now.

You seem a little focussed on where the new girl is coming from. You need to spend some time being yourself now, not worrying where to get the next one. She'll come along when you are ready. It's not always great going from one relationship into another tbh.

What about some of the same old advice that's always given out in these situations? Get yourself an interest and get involved in it. Whether it be joining a gym or training guide dogs..do some voluntary work.

I think that you need to find out who you are now before you can concentrate on another relationship.

LegacyUser

moveon wrote: »

ok, i'll try keep this brief

went out with girl for over 4 yrs. before we went out i was always very outgoing & independent, loved going out loads, enjoying myself. loved gf very much but when we broke up, we both knew it was the right thing to do. thing is, i miss her lots but i can accept that maybe we where not right for each other. but what i do miss loads is being in a relationship and having someone to enjoy my time with. broke up a few months ago and can't seem to get back to that guy i was before i was with her.

when i go out now at weekends, i end up getting VERY depressed cause i miss having someone. im still very outgoing but that independence of just enjoying myself seems to have gone. im not the type of guy who chats up women in bars/nightclubs so now most weekends ends up in me going out for beers, going home alone and ending up feeling like sh*t for 2/3 days afterwards. everyone says enjoy yourself being single again after so long, where the fact is i actually hate it. i can't see where the next girl is coming from either. feel like im caught between a rock and a hard place. if i avoid the whole drinks/bars thing at weekends then i'll end up sitting in all weekend, either way it will result in me feeling sh*t about myself. im sure this type of issue comes up a million times in here so apologies, just wondering has anyone any suggestions?

I was the exact same as you mate. difference was that when I was out with mates and not the girlfriend, I was back to myself, funny, witty etc. So when I split up with my Girlfriend I thought id be fine.

But I found myself lost when going out with mates, not keen on chatting with gals etc.

I knew I wasn't missing my ex, but more missing the effection, and company of a girlfriend.

It was at this point that I decided to ignore my friends pleas to be free single for a while and find some one to fill that void with.

I started going out with my current gfriend then 2 months after, and it was the best thing to happen me.

Some people just don't like the singles sleeping around scene and that's probably you.

have you any hobbies and interests? if so why not try find a club etc and see if you can meet someone at some of those events.

I find it easier chatting to people with similar interests rather then in a club, so try find a club or something where you can meet new people.

You might find that you need a new hobbie to fill that gap rather then another girlfriend. but either way you will be taking your mind off things

LegacyUser

i would find someone to fill the void with, but like i said, not the type of guy who chats women up when im out in bars/clubs

so apart from there, not really alot of girls in work, so therefore not meeting alot of girls full stop!!!

like a previous poster said, i am probably "a little focussed on where the new girl is coming from" rather than just enjoying being myself. but the person i was before i was with my GF was a person who was out alot enjoying himself, so thats what i have fallen back into, except now i am not enjoying it, and its actually making me depressed rather than happy!!!

homerun_homer

moveon wrote: »

i would find someone to fill the void with, but like i said, not the type of guy who chats women up when im out in bars/clubs

so apart from there, not really alot of girls in work, so therefore not meeting alot of girls full stop!!!

like a previous poster said, i am probably "a little focussed on where the new girl is coming from" rather than just enjoying being myself. but the person i was before i was with my GF was a person who was out alot enjoying himself, so thats what i have fallen back into, except now i am not enjoying it, and its actually making me depressed rather than happy!!!

I sympathise. I had finally got myself in a good head space but lately my ex is always around at the weekends instead of staying where she goes to college. The fact she never could explain why we should stay apart was eating me up inside, especially when she tols me she still loved me a while after in which we spent the night together. Girls can be a total mindf*ck.
I do my best to avoid her out but like this weekend she found me and sat down for a chat. It was all well and good but some people started getting me shots and my memory of everything totally went and when I got home things went downhill from there.
It's very depressing feeling lonely even though there are plenty of friends around but sometimes it isn't enough.
I've been the same as you as well in which I go to pubs and clubs but don't really make an attempt to talk to strangers unless someone is introduced. The motivation had been gone though I do want to meet people.
Don't know what advice to give you but just know you're not alone in feeling this way.

LegacyUser

homerun_homer wrote: »

It's very depressing feeling lonely even though there are plenty of friends around but sometimes it isn't enough.

thats it exactly, i have plenty of friends to go out with, but while they are either talking about their own girlfriends or up chatting to girls, i am there thinking, a few months ago i was planning on buying a house with the girl i loved, now im sitting in the same pubs/clubs every weekend and hating it. but if i don't go out with friends, and avoid the whole alcohol/pub routine, then i'll be sitting at home depressed as well.

i know i should really stop concentrating on "where is the next one" coming from and just enjoy myself, but its the loneliness which is the killer and kicks in big time every weekend.

Schism

I really empathise with you fella. I'm in the same position, the trick is to keep your mind occupied. You'll feel the worst when you're bored because your mind starts to wander.

It's easier said than done but you just have to try to have a good outlook and keep your spirits high.

Above all things keep your confidence up, it'll never happen for you if you're sullen and introverted.

LegacyUser

what does someone do though at weekends if they wanna keep their spirits high yet wanna avoid having a few drinks and getting depressed about everything? anyone any suggestions on better ways to spend their free time at weekend evenings then going to pubs/clubs with friends?

abi2007

shopping and exercise oh and eat chocolate... and icecream

LegacyUser

Someone said that the right girl will just come along, that is walt disney advice. You have to be pro active to find another girl. By the way you are a man, you should not need to be in relationship. You say you aren't the type of guy that chats up women in bars. How's that working for you?

Go out and chat up women, it's amazing when you know how.

Visit www.mehow.tv Also read A New Earth with Eckharte Tolle.

Once you read A New Earth you will realise you have no real problems, so long as you are healthy and have a full belly you have no real problems. It's time to man up and start chatting up women.

Your ego is cutting you off from a connection with the world, eradicate it.

musicinyou

Dude,

you just need time to yourself, to repair yourself and one day you'l get up and you will feel better i promise you that much, also iv learned that if you go looking for love you wont find it specially if you beleive in love,you know it will find you, i suggest you take some time out, leave the pub scene for a while because drink can play a major part in your emotions, get yourself stright and when your ready you will no,, iv gone through the same as you i know exactly how you feel,

i wish you the very best of luck and no matter how many bad times lie ahead keep the fate, and never change who you are, be yourself

onwards and upwards

LegacyUser

moveon wrote: »

what does someone do though at weekends if they wanna keep their spirits high yet wanna avoid having a few drinks and getting depressed about everything? anyone any suggestions on better ways to spend their free time at weekend evenings then going to pubs/clubs with friends?

I joined a club - a sports club where people head away most weekends and through it I've met loads of new people, some nice girls and you know, it's been a month since I've been out with some of my old friends who are happy to just go and get wasted on a Saturday night and I haven't missed it at all. Used to wake up in a heap on Sunday morning and it just didn't suit me so I stopped it.

If I want to see these friends I do it mid-week or for a coffee at weekends... I'd rather be off living life the way I want than getting older in the same nightclub I've been going to for years.

LegacyUser

musicinyou wrote: »

i wish you the very best of luck and no matter how many bad times lie ahead keep the fate, and never change who you are, be yourself

i will never change who i am, thats one of the reasons we broke up, cause she wanted me to be someone i wasn't. but when will the bad times end? its been a few months and i still have this depressing feeling alot of the time. i just wanna be back to bein myself and happy again. the weird thing is, as much as i know she was wrong for me, i still think about her alot