Family turn against my boyfriend for something he didnt do...What can I do?!!

LegacyUser

Ok Im 19 and my boyfriend is nearly 21. We both smoke weed, not lots. We still are doing well in college and all that and not wasters at all. We were in my room one night and my cousin who is 17 came over. We shared a joint with him (he said he does it sometimes anyway, I wasnt introducing him to it or anything) and that was that. Everytime after that he has been asking us for some and we aren't drug dealers or anything so we always say no.
He was drunk at a family party the other night and told his older brother that my boyfriend has been selling him drugs!! He has never done this and we cant understand why he said this!! Anyway his older brother went and told his mam and now my boyfriend has a name for himself in the family as being a drug dealer. It's only a matter of time until it gets to my parents, and my parents and boyfriend have had a very good relationship for the past 3 years. My boyfriend doesnt deserve this as he is a really good guy and has always tried to make an good impression on my family.
The only reason I can think of for my cousin to do this is that he was found with hash or something and wanted to try to put the blame on someone else, rather than let his family know that he has been going out looking for it. its a bit messed up that he would lie about something like this and blame someone totlaly innocent.
I know that my relations will believe my cousin as he is family, after all. And my boyfriend does look like 'the type' if ya know what I mean.
What can I do? Im afriad some family members will turn against me too.

hussey

I think you need to talk to your cousin and ask him why he said that.

there seems to be a lot of 'he said, she said' type conversation going on here.

You can also tell the truth to your parents.

Bottle_of_Smoke

tell truth to parents. though they prob wont like it that you and the boyfriend smoke it either. they will assume hes pressuring you to do it whatever you say and will hold that against him pretty much forever unfortunately

Dave H

Yeah,definitely tell your folks.
They will be upset that you're smoking it but at the end of the day, you and your boyfriend are over 18 and legally adults,fully responsible for your actions and their consequences.
Your boyfriend might'nt be in their best books for a while,but at least you'll both be in the same boat.
Even though your folks'll be annoyed,there will be a part of them that'll admire your honesty.
Pretty sh!tty situation you're in, best of luck with it.

qt9ukbg60ivjrn

get your cousin by the scruff of the neck and sit him down on a couch infront of your parents and make him admit the truth

Scoobydoobydoo

Tell your parents before someone else does. They might be very annoyed, and even more so if you were doing it in their house, which makes it worse. If they have to face your cousin's parents, they'll feel responsible that this child (of 17) was supplied drugs in their home. You might not see it that way, but I think parents would. Fair enough if you want to smoke weed, but if you're doing it in your parents' house, I would think you don't care about their feelings in the first place, and that is very far from going out of your way to make a good impression. You have put them in this unfair position, the least you can do is come clean. You and your boyfriend might be good people, in general, but this was not a good thing to do, and it'll look worse if you lie, it'll add to the hurt.
If I were you I'd not hang out with the 17 year old as he's obviously very immature and liable to land you in trouble if you want to carry on with the weed. I'd think carefully if you want to approach him, as he could twist things and don't text him in case he uses it against you. You'd probably be safer to steer clear. He might only be a little younger, but it could be that adults will see him as child/victim and you as adults/pushers, even if he's far from innocent. In fact, if you go looking for him, and he's already made up a fantasy story, it may look like you're desperate to shut him up/change his story.

Wagon

Tell the folks sure, you don't smoke a lot of the stuff and there's a hell of a lot of worse things out there then a bit of weed. If your parents are intellegent enough, then they'll realise this after they get all pissed off (not all are though, but you'd know that better than I)

Then get your cousin and if you don't want to kick the crap out of the little **** (I know i would but then maybe that's not the best solution ), put him in his place somehow. I reckon your right and that he got caught smoking it, and he sounds like the type of gob****e to blame someone he doesn't know. He shouldn't be getting away with this crap either so you can sort him out there. Good luck anyway. Sorry to hear about that.

LegacyUser

You smoke weed yet have a problem going out with a drug dealer ? If you feel no shame or embarrassment about smoking weed then tell your parents the truth but somehow i feel that isnt an option in this case. You know it aswell as everyone else that if you tell them the truth it'll be a never ending ordeal betweeen your parents and your boyfriend. Their relationship will crumble and turn to bitter resentment and hate. He may not be allowed visit the house or you may feel pressure from your parents not to see him again.

I dont think "intelligent parents" has anything to do with it. A parent will always protect their child from any precieved harm.

Theres no easy option here. I suggest when the problem raises its head with your parents you just laugh it off and deny it. Tell them your cousin is a filthy drug user and trying to evade personal responsibility by passing on the blame... to anyone he can... to your boyfriend. Tell them you;ve no idea where this came from and are upset and angry at the suggestion. Play dumb and hopefully this whole thing will blow over without damaging yourself or your boyfriend.

You put yourself in this position. Deal with it anyway you see fit. I dont envy the choices

SpookyDoll

Wagon wrote: »

Then get your cousin and if you don't want to kick the crap out of the little **** (I know i would but then maybe that's not the best solution ), put him in his place somehow. I reckon your right and that he got caught smoking it, and he sounds like the type of gob****e to blame someone he doesn't know. He shouldn't be getting away with this crap either so you can sort him out there. Good luck anyway. Sorry to hear about that.

+1

WTF does the cousin think he was playing at?

I would read him the riot act over this, and more !!

Pub07

Have voice recording turned on on your phone when you are talking to him so you'll be able to prove to your parents that he lied.

LegacyUser

Scoobydoobydoo wrote: »

Fair enough if you want to smoke weed, but if you're doing it in your parents' house, I would think you don't care about their feelings in the first place, and that is very far from going out of your way to make a good impression. You have put them in this unfair position, the least you can do is come clean.

I would NEVER usually smoke in the house but there was nobody there at the time, what can be wrong with that? Just using a free house. Surely you have made good use of a free house before?....And yes ofcourse I care about my parents feelings, that pretty harsh.

Scoobydoobydoo wrote: »

You smoke weed yet have a problem going out with a drug dealer.

I actually said my boyfriend wasnt a drug dealer, actually he isnt anywhere close to it. READ POST AGAIN.

Scoobydoobydoo wrote: »

Have voice recording turned on on your phone when you are talking to him so you'll be able to prove to your parents that he lied..

+1
Thanks for that, all I want to do now is kick the crap out of him. God you can imagine my boyfried but he has more sense that that! I think I would be in a better position to do so.
Another thing is, some of my older cousins are probably plotting the same thing against my boyfriend... Its pretty crap as he doesnt deserve it, he is a really really good guy.

What Id love to do right now is hold the ****er hostage and make him ring his mam and tell her the truth. Then kick his ass.

And somebody also mentioned about him being seen as a child and us the adults. I know in legal terms thats true, but you have to see it from my position. Im less than 3 years older than him. We have been having drinks together and having the craic since he was about 13. I just didnt see him as the stupid kid that he obviously is...

MagicMarker

Why are you so quick to disbelieve your cousin? Maybe you're bf did sell him some?

LegacyUser

I KNOW my boyfriend didnt sell him some. I know my boyfriend and if he has weed he will want it for himself! He never tries to sell any and he wouldnt. Especially not to one of my 17 year old family members. No he defiantly didnt, ye will just have to take my word for it that I know 100%.

Beruthiel

Talk to your cousin and ask him if he realises what this lie could do to you and your b/f. Ask him to set the story straight.
I would also tell your parents that he has told this lie. Better coming from you first.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
What a sh1te position to be in! I can't believe that a person you've been having underage drinks with etc has ratted you out like this. I mean there have probably been times when you could have dropped him in it but didn't and ye are obviously close to be doing this and hanging around together. I'd advise talking to your cousin, finding out why he told his parents, find out exactly what he said. I smoke weed as well and have two lovely parents who have told me in no uncertain terms that if they ever found out I was involved in any drugs they would call the police and I believe them! Ok you say it was a 'free house' but it's THEIR house so don't take that kind of liberty again. You can play dumb to your parents but they will know if they are not getting the whole truth and that will make them worry more. You say they have a good relationship with your fella so far even though he looks like he may use/sell drugs, they obviously trust your judgement and don't judge books by covers!

I hope it works out for you, give your cousin a quick rundown on the meaning of the word 'adult', 'coward', 'trust' and 'responsibility' if you can get the truth out of him then maybe between ye ye can sort out a damage limitation story and bury this unfortunate series of events
x

LegacyUser

Just so ye know Ive been going out with my boyfriend for 4 years and know him a lot longer. So we know each other well and are best friends. I know what he does and doesnt do. What I mean by "he looks like the type" is he has a kinda rough look and, well plays in metal groups! This is what some family members would say, you know he looks like the type TO THEM. Very stereotypical I know but Im sure most of you will understand how a lot of people think.
Im just so worried about how my family will just hate him now and he doesnt deserve it and some of my older male cousins WILL kick his ass if they get the chance. I just dont know what I can do. I want to deal with it for him, I dont want him to get involved. I feel I have the responsibility as it is my family that has done this to him.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Sounds like a lovely family - has any of them ever broken the law? Sped? Driven home after a few...? It's amazing how many people are willing to "kick the sh1t" out of someone, despite having broken the law themselves.

Anyway, besides getting te cousin to sort the **** out that he created, I would have very little time for my family if they were to make judgements like that.

"Guys, I love you and I always will, but if I have to choose him or you, it will be him. If you can't accept him, then we have nothing more to talk about. Call me when you do."

mud

get onto your cousin who started all of this!

Do you think your cousins are so crazy that they would kick the lard out of your fella over a bag of weed??

Calm down yourself, it hasn't got so bad it can't be fixed!

Scoobydoobydoo

Unregistered wrote: »

I would NEVER usually smoke in the house but there was nobody there at the time, what can be wrong with that? Just using a free house. Surely you have made good use of a free house before?....And yes ofcourse I care about my parents feelings, that pretty harsh.



I actually said my boyfriend wasnt a drug dealer, actually he isnt anywhere close to it. READ POST AGAIN.



+1
Thanks for that, all I want to do now is kick the crap out of him. God you can imagine my boyfried but he has more sense that that! I think I would be in a better position to do so.
Another thing is, some of my older cousins are probably plotting the same thing against my boyfriend... Its pretty crap as he doesnt deserve it, he is a really really good guy.

What Id love to do right now is hold the ****er hostage and make him ring his mam and tell her the truth. Then kick his ass.

And somebody also mentioned about him being seen as a child and us the adults. I know in legal terms thats true, but you have to see it from my position. Im less than 3 years older than him. We have been having drinks together and having the craic since he was about 13. I just didnt see him as the stupid kid that he obviously is...

Oh my God! What did you just do to my post?

You put quotes in there, as if I'd written them - which I did not! They're other posters'. I never said your boyfriend was a drug dealer. Why don't YOU read MY post again, and don't 'quote' things I DID NOT POST.

And I'm trying to give you the point of view of what a parent might feel, which I thought was your main concern. You might think it's harsh, I thought you'd want to hear the truth: Some parents would feel hurt that their child did something/consumed somthing illegal in their home (no matter what it is), and would feel their trust was betrayed because of this. If you don't think that's a big deal, then it sounds to me like....you don't care. I don't have a big issue with weed personally, but if my child did this, I know I'd feel very hurt.

So, if this is the case:
I would NEVER usually smoke in the house but there was nobody there at the time, what can be wrong with that? Just using a free house. Surely you have made good use of a free house before?....And yes ofcourse I care about my parents feelings, that pretty harsh.

Then just read that out to them and see what response you get from your parents, because they might agree with you, that there's nothing wrong with it. :rolleyes:

Yes, I certainly have made good use of a free house, but I never did anything illegal there, if that's what you mean.

Oh, I have just noticed that you said this:

We have been having drinks together and having the craic since he was about 13.

Nice.
Now I see it's a complete waste of time trying to offer an opinion to you, if you think that's normal.

LegacyUser

Hey listen im sorry I didnt mean to do that to your post. This is my first time posting on boards and I didnt know how to do the quote thingy numerous times I didnt think it would come out like that. Sorry! Im stupid!!!
Im really grateful for your opinion though. Thanks.
And just to address some other comments, yes there are some knackers in my family and they will look for any excuse to start a fight. You know the type. I try to distance myself from them as much as possible but they are the type to look for trouble.
I have a big family and there are a few bad apples in it. One of them being his older brother.
I dont want to have to get the cops involved! Its just a really messy situation.

Oh and you mean to tell me that you have NEVER drank at the age of 13?... Most people I know would have! So yes I do think it is normal. Can anyone here agree with that? Obviouslt it wasnt made a habbit of...
And so if you had a free house as a teenager you NEVER had anything illegal going on??!! Underage drinking? Underage sex? I dont think thats the norm! Sorry Im not mocking you but a lot of teenagers do...

Phlann

Drinking in early teens is pretty common, yes. I know very few people who weren't drinking by the age of 14/15 and I and many of my friends started at 13. I would also struggle to think of anybody I know who didn't have a joint or two at free houses and parties when they were in their teens.

That said, you're not going to convince any member of your extended family that giving a joint to a 17 year old was anything other than irresponsible.

But, since your bf isn't a drug dealer, you need to get your cousin to understand the damage he's done and put the record straight and then get your boyfriend to apologise to the kid's mother for giving him the joint (or do so yourself on his behalf).

What an awkward situation. Glad I'm not in his position tbh.

dudara

Scoobydoobydoo Take it easy on the OP - they clearly made a mistake when posting their reply. If you would like it changed, contact one of us mods via PM, or ask the OP to do so.

dudara

Scoobydoobydoo

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey listen im sorry I didnt mean to do that to your post. This is my first time posting on boards and I didnt know how to do the quote thingy numerous times I didnt think it would come out like that. Sorry! Im stupid!!!
Im really grateful for your opinion though. Thanks.
And just to address some other comments, yes there are some knackers in my family and they will look for any excuse to start a fight. You know the type. I try to distance myself from them as much as possible but they are the type to look for trouble.
I have a big family and there are a few bad apples in it. One of them being his older brother.
I dont want to have to get the cops involved! Its just a really messy situation.

Oh and you mean to tell me that you have NEVER drank at the age of 13?... Most people I know would have! So yes I do think it is normal. Can anyone here agree with that? Obviouslt it wasnt made a habbit of...
And so if you had a free house as a teenager you NEVER had anything illegal going on??!! Underage drinking? Underage sex? I dont think thats the norm! Sorry Im not mocking you but a lot of teenagers do...

Me again, sorry for my response, I panicked when I saw my name beside statements I never/wouldn't have made! I understand because I don't know how to separate the quotes either!
Wow, I didn't realise violence was potentially an issue for you here, as regards your relations - all the more reason then I'd say, to sit your parents down, be totally honest and everything, be all apologetic, (Don't say, "hey, we made the most of a free gaff, what's the big deal?"!) and work out with them, as a family, how to handle the cousins. You really need to get them on side now.
I'm mid-thirties, so I'm sure that's a factor for a start (and mother of a 13 year old boy), but no way was I or any of my friends, drinking or anything else at 13. I was still in primary school then! The very youngest that anyone I knew was drinking was 16, which is still very young (I think?). 13 is disturbing to me! I've got about 20 neices and nephews, most of them teenagers, and I know this isn't going on (at 13) among them, so far anyway! I don't mind if you think my experience is mock-worthy, but I haven't lived in a cave, and I certainly haven't been an angel - but I definitely didn't begin anywhere near 13! I have been around weed, just much later on, and not in my parents house.
I wish you luck with your parents, genuinely, but I think you'll be glad if it's you that tells them, even if they go mad for a while, at least they'll feel more like they can trust you in the long run, which may work out in your favour, because it's a hard thing to do, to own up!