Change and it doesn't happen!

af_thefragile

Note: this is another one of my rants/blogs to myself and everyone who wants to hear me. You can read this if you feel like and maybe leave a comment or two if you feel like to help me find my motivation!

Change has become such a monotonous part of my life lately. I go to bed every night and wake up everyday with a false hope of change. A change to my monotonous drain of life. The wastage of time i have with which i can add that sweet, energetic juice to my lifeblood. And the story continues. Where i go to bed again hoping the new sun will bring a new light and energy that'll wash away the monotony of my life.

So where's the problem. Where am i going wrong? What has happened that i'm starting to get desensitized to this word change that its starting to barely hold any significant meaning anymore. Its such an easy word to throw around and a completely different story to implement. I think i can blame the American politicians for that!!
Okay, now i'm just rambling. So i'll get to the point.

I wake up everyday hoping today will be the day i can turn my life around. Cuz literally i'm sick. I'm sick of spending each day exactly the same way. Wake up late, decide whether i wanna go to college or not, get hooked onto the internet. Find my sweet distraction. Realise i've just distracted the whole day away. Feel bad about it, distract yourself a little more to escape the pain. Make some lousy attempt at "changing" your life and doing something productive. Get even lousier results. Feel like a loser. Eat, watch tv for my another hour of pleasure and distraction. Reflect back on your day, realise there's nothing to reflect on, so make overambitious plans for the next morning. Fill up my false hope of "change" right upto the brim. Ahh, yeah, it gives this false sense of accomplishment right towards the end of the day. Finally it all feels good as I slip into the covers in a comfortable sleep just to wake up late the next day again and press repeat!!

All this and i wonder, "where is all my motivation draining out?".
Yes, its draining right down the toilet. And now i might as well be that spectator watching it all go down in that very familiar cycle. Familiar cuz when you look at it, isn't this how most of the world lives.
I've realised. Success is only an action away. Yes, we all plan. We all take actions and most of us yet find ourselves in the same place. Why? Cuz we don't follow through!! Or if we do, we take lousy actions to follow through with our plans. This is the fundamental difference between successful people and everyone else!
What makes people successful is that they make plans and follow through with their actions to make sure they get what they've aimed for.
What makes people lousy is that they make plans and follow through with their lousy actions and wonder why their life is still the same.

And the scary thing is I know all of this!! SO then why can't i get myself to do this... Why do i always get myself caught up. Like right now typing this post in that similar feeling of that false sense of achievement. I'm looking for the short and instant fix. The instant remedy and it can come in any shape or form and it doesn't cure but just anesthetises. Its like morphine. It makes you numb.

God, i've just typed a wall of text sitting here. But anyway, so i hope if you've stayed with me, you've gotten the story.

And the problem is again the question why?!
Why can i still not make the difference when i know all the theory. I just can't seem to put it to practice. Why?! Maybe i'm a bit tired and lacking the energy to do that. Maybe I'm not motivated enough to do that. Maybe i feel a bit overwhelmed with the amount of stuff i've set myself up for achieving. Maybe i know the answers to all of these questions but i'm just too lazy to make the effort. I never thought bringing the change was this hard. But hey, as a final consolidation, if it was easy, then everyone would have been totally successful!!

So get your ass off that soft and comfortable place and MOVE!!!!!

rediguana

Fingers crossed that tomorrow will be different for you.

af_thefragile

rediguana wrote: »

Fingers crossed that tomorrow will be different for you.

Yeah, like tomorrow if monday and i've got college. So if i go to bed early today n wake up early tomorrow, maybe i could make tomorrow a pretty productive day!

You see, i say this exact thing every night before going to bed and it never happens... But i realised, the key is in taking big actions. Not small lousy actions which i've been taking all along.
So i've sorta divised a plan which will keep me from wasting around on the internet (i kinda asked a mod to ban me temporarily from a forum i was spending wayy too much time on, so i won't be going there again). And i need to start working out. Like today or atleast if i go to bed early today (which i will), then wake up tomorrow at 5am (which i will, no matter what happens!) and work out in the morning before starting my day.

Big actions will bring the change!! And i'm looking forward to this... Maybe if i manage to wake up early and work out and spend a productive day tomorrow, i'll post a follow up message here to let you guys know how i'm doing. This should keep me motivated and on my road to success!!

rediguana

Sleep is important too, OP. I think 7am is early enough to get up at.

af_thefragile

rediguana wrote: »

Sleep is important too, OP. I think 7am is early enough to get up at.

Can't i need to leave home at 7am to make it to college in time for class.
If i wake up at 5am (or 6am atleast), i'll have time to work out in the morning and then dress up to leave home in time.

I should be able to achieve that by going to bed at around 10-11pm.
I've lately been going to bed at like 1am-2am n waking up at 8-9am. I just need to shift my sleeping cycle back by a couple of hours!

Anyway, thanks for responding. Hopefully tomorrow should be a better day!

Defenestrate

Sounds like a rather melodromatic way of stating you have lazy student syndrome to me. Fear not, studies have shown that 99%* of all students suffer from this affliction during their college years, and the remaining 1% that don't are usually billy-no-mates that end up working for NASA or something.

Fortunately, once you leave college and enter the big bad world of work, the strict 9-5 work hours will give structure to your time and prevent you from procrastinating excessively. In the meantime however, Dr Defenestrate** can prescribe a few treatments for the symptoms:

1) Put your alarm clock on the other side of your bedroom. You have to leave your bed to deactivate the bugger and once you're up, it's easy to jump in the shower.

2) Make a list of anything you need to get done. Sometimes, a matter might not be urgent such as get 'x' book out of the library, but will annoy you till you get it done. Put it on the list and tick it off after you're done.

3) Try not to get hungover too often. Easier said than done I know, but a hangover can really put you out of commission for a day when you decide it's better to rest and waste away the time on the internet. Drink plenty of water after a night out, this stops you from getting dehydrated.


*Study may not actually exist.
**May not actually be a real doctor.

af_thefragile

^Thanks for that mate!

Just a little update.
I work up late today at like 9! :eek:
Mainly cuz i went to bed at like 1am last night. (gotta change that first!!).
And I'm gonna put my alarm in the furthest possible location from my bed tonight!!

But then I didn't give up. I got ready, worked out for about 30mins (really satisfying), didn't do much, but hey, it was atleast a start!!
And time it all so the time for me to get out of bed, wash up, work out, get breakfast n out of home takes about 2hrs (maybe i can improve on that as time goes).
This knowledge should help me time my mornings more efficiently.

So yeah, although its like almost noon, i still feel quite energetic and enthusiastic to take on the day. Still got a long day ahead of me. Two more lectures in college and i'll be heading down for some climbing with the college club later in the night. Should be exciting!

This should be my most productive day all year if it still goes as planned!

beth-lou

af_thefragile wrote: »

So where's the problem. Where am i going wrong?

This is where you are going wrong:

I wake up everyday hoping today will be the day i can turn my life around. Cuz literally i'm sick. I'm sick of spending each day exactly the same way. Wake up late, decide whether i wanna go to college or not, get hooked onto the internet. Find my sweet distraction. Realise i've just distracted the whole day away. Feel bad about it, distract yourself a little more to escape the pain. Make some lousy attempt at "changing" your life and doing something productive. Get even lousier results. Feel like a loser. Eat, watch tv for my another hour of pleasure and distraction. Reflect back on your day, realise there's nothing to reflect on, so make overambitious plans for the next morning. Fill up my false hope of "change" right upto the brim. Ahh, yeah, it gives this false sense of accomplishment right towards the end of the day. Finally it all feels good as I slip into the covers in a comfortable sleep just to wake up late the next day again and press repeat!!

Here is your solution.

1. Get up at whatever time is neccessary for your commute to college.
2. Go to college. Don't think about it. just go.
3. Do not turn on the computer.
4. Repeat every day until you start to feel good about yourself.
5. Stop pontificating about it and just do it.

If you don't, you may as well leave college, because you are wasting your time. And years down the line you may look back at this and kick yourself for not copping on sooner and may be in a crappy job, wishing your life away with should have dones and could have dones. A life of regrets.

Just make the change and your whole life will turn around. Just do it.

togster

Really you need a kick in the arse. Cop on and stop wallowing in whatever you are wallowing in. It's your life and only you can decide what to do with it.

SpookyDoll

Maybe i know the answers to all of these questions but i'm just too lazy to make the effort.

BINGO!

Your problem is you dont actually have any real problems to worry about, dont worry life will soon deal you plenty.

metamorphic

yeah lists are good, great satisfaction with putting a line through something when you've done it. Make them small points too, all large tasks are a sequence of small ones, so don't feel silly about putting down a very simple task. If it has to be done it has to be done.

I found while in college most people are nice enough to each other, maybe I was lucky and didn't end up in a cliquey group. Anyway, if you want to get more involved and feel you've a reason to go here's what a group of us did. We took a subject each to which we'd go to all the classes and take notes etc. We became the "expert" of that subject. towards exam time we helped fill in the gaps for the others in our chosen subject. It worked really well, gave you another reason to go to class, and I found anyway, if you have people relying on you, you tend to try a bit harder. PLUS, it's a great feeling knowing you know a subject very well, and that an exam won't be a big deal.

I actually hit my rut a bit later in life, but it was much the same thing. Only way out is with small steps, you've to change a habit you've developed which isn't easy, you just have to do different things until those become the "new" habit.

Look at it this way, you already know one course of action will leave you feeling crappy and low, the other course of action takes a bit of effort, but at least the outcome will be more positive.

af_thefragile

Thanks for the reply guys.
Today was quite productive and it did kinda go the way i had planned it.
Apart from waking up late, i did manage to get almost all the things done today that i had planned to do in the morning before i left home.

It really is a good feeling when you manage to get things done and like you were speaking about putting a line through something you've done. Makes you acknowledge you have made an effort through the day at getting all the important bits done.

So yeah, it wasn't the perfect day but it'ld say it was probably the most productive day in the past month!
ANd hey, its just a start. I've set up a new mark for myself, now tomorrow i've gonna make sure i push it just a little bit higher and continue pushing the mark the little bit higher everyday before I'll eventually find myself at the top where i wanna be!!

Change happens in small steps, if you expect it all to happen overnight, its not gonna happen and you'll just end up disappointing yourself and feel worse about your life. But when you set up those little achievements for yourself through the day and make sure you get them all, it gives a much better feeling of accomplishment and you can look forward to making the next day the tad bit better!!

togster

Again you didn't get done everything you planned, why not?

Change doesn't happen in small steps. It take leaps of faith and you actually need to take those leaps.

Look, i have read your past posts and threads and see that essentially you are lazy. Change this and you will feel better about yourself.

It's simple. Go to bed early, wake up early, go to college etc. It really is that simple. We all struggle from time to time but wallowing in self what ever it is is never an option.

Take control of your own life. In ten years time you will regret being what ever it is you are now.

Good luck

dudara

You can see how one good day can make you feel ten times more positive.

The biggest problem that I see with your life at the moment is that you seem to be too easily distracted.

Try to get to bed early on 3 or 4 of the college nights - when you get up in the morning have a routine and don't deviate from it, i.e. get up, shower, dress, breakfast, out the door. Don't start mucking around on the net

(God I am so glad that the interweb was just a dream when I was a student, I'd have found it so much harder to stduy and get stuff done).

Good luck

af_thefragile

Hmm, so i thought i'ld top up my motivation a little bit by posting a little update in here.

So well, the week was a mix of things. It started on the high i was on after making this thread and ended back in a low with me falling back into my usual cycles.
I know, I know!
But i'm not gonna kick myself for it. Well, not that hard. It was still a much better week that the previous ones. Atleast it was a lot more productive and i made some good starts with things. Even though i screwed up towards the end, i still learned a lot from it and it sorta set up a new benchmark for me. So it was still knowledge as it wasn't failure!

Now coming back to kicking myself. Yes, yes, i do need a good kick in the back side. Just to wake me up and get me off my lazy ass! while not for screwing things up. I realised there's not much point dwelling in the negatives as negativity breeds more negativity. So its best just to ignore all of those negative energies and focus on the positives. As positivity also breeds more positivity which is a good thing!!

So its a start of a new week. I feel another positive high. Another wave of motivation to kick start me through the new week!
The time change also seems to have worked my way to help me make it easier to fix my sleeping cycle!


So to sum up what i learned from the week:

- One day of change and productivity brings 10 times as much positivity and motivation into your life. So keep changing to keep that positivity flowing in!

- Things aren't easy. Nothing happens if you just sit and ponder about it. Just entropy takes over and things end up becoming worse. To make things happen, you need to change that natural tendency of disorder into order which takes time and effort. But hey, this is what we've been sent on this planet for. To make things happens. To bring order.
We're not here to fool around!!

- Everything in life's got a steep curve. But thats only cuz when you've set to move mountains, you've pushing against tons of inertia and that takes a lot of force and effort. But once you get things moving, you get the momentum and things start to flow!! Its just the case of getting over that initial inertia which is the bit where most people give up (including me at times!).

- Finally, when you fall, just pick yourself and move on!! No point lamenting your fall. Life's too short to focus on such things. Spend your time on where the money and juice is!!
Remember to learn from the mistakes and focus on the positives. Negativity only breeds more negativity and we don't want that. So focus on the positivity which is where the money and juice is! Also for the fact that positivity breeds more positivity, watch your wealth and sugar levels explode!!


So yes. A new week. A new set of improved principles and guidelines. I should be able to go longer this week! If not, its back to the drawing board!!
Although its not a bad thing as long as your learn and take something back home from it.
There's no failure as long as you learn from your mistakes. Its knowledge, its progress!!

Miacc

I'll tell you how to change. Stop reading books, forget the theory.
this is your solution:

DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO DO ANYTHING FOR 2 DAYS -SIT IN YOUR OWN SWEAT, WATCH TV, EAT OR WHATEVER SLOBERY THAT USUALLY EVOKES DISGUST IN YOU WHEN YOU 'reflect back' on the nothingness of your day of plans that you didn't achieve so therefore change is becomming an unattainable concept KEEP DOING THIS UNTIL YOU GET SO SICKENED YOU WILL WANT TO DO THINGS - OP you're putting too much pressure on yourself. When we put pressure on ourselves its natural that our selves rebel against it... if this is your experience or this post makes sense to you...then TAKE MY ADVICE!..if not okay.

another tip. Talking or thinking too much puts your energy into that very thing, talking or thinking about doing somehting (making a change for ex). then we feel tired, that was hard work, i'l do it later, i need a rest now...
then you beat yourself up for not having motivation.

this seems to be whats happening to you, but im sure you already know that after all the books youve read..

Just one more thought - is it possible that you dont need to do all the things you think you need to do? how important is all of this really???

LegacyUser

I think your problem is that you're trying to do too much at once. You can't expect to go overnight from doing nothing to living a completely productive, active, perfect life. You need to set yourself achievable goals so then when you reach them you're happy with that.

Obviously going to college is important so start by saying you'll go there four days next week (yes you should go every day and maybe when you go four days you'll feel so good you'll want to go all five, but start off realistic and four is still a great start).

If you say to yourself at night, right tomorrow i'll get up at 5 and do one hour work out in the gym and then go to college all day and then cook a healthy dinner and then read over notes for the day (for example) it's a big change to make, and if you don't do one thing the temptation is to give up and start again the next day. Small steps in the right direction will still give you a positive feeling and it'll help you build up to where you want to go. Just don't try too much at once or you will get disheartened.

And good luck!

af_thefragile

^This is my life mate. And the only way i can achieve it is by "forcing" myself to do all the things i need to do.

Like i go to med school and i'm also a "musician".
So i really can't go with that "take life as it comes" formula. I've really gotta learn to manage my time cuz I don't have the time to be able to achieve all the things i wanna achieve without learning to manage my time efficiently.

Like i've gotta study for my college stuff (which takes a good dedication of atleast 2hrs a day), then i've gotta work on my music skills which take a lot more time as i'm pretty crap and i've really gotta improve (split it into learning my theory, practicing my skill, working on songs etc.) and then there's the social aspect of my life which eats up another good chunk of my time too and finally there's my exercise and fitness cuz i need to get healthier and fitter as i'm quite unfit and i really should get in shape!
Now yes i've seemed to have overwhelmed myself with all these things to do. But without this my life would seem meaningless. I need to study hard to get good grades in college. I need to work and practice hard with my music to be able to complete my music projects and get my band rolling. Then finally i need to look and feel better, stronger and healthier for myself and maybe everyone else!

I've done that "just watching tv, sitting in your sweat and basically not doing anything" for weeks in a row and I'm well disgusted! I don't need to try that anymore!! I've just had a very unproductive year so far. I basically just sat on my ass all of last year (i was recovering from a break up n crap) and so i ended up screwing up big time in college and with my music. So now i feel compelled to change as i really really can't afford to sit on my ass anymore. Well, i can, nothing is stopping me, but if i do, i'll never be able to achieve any of those things i wanna do and thats my life. I can't afford to just let it slip out of my life. So I really do need to force myself to get off my ass to become more efficient and productive with my time if i wanna be able to achieve all of those things.
And kinda try to manage to do it in a way that'll keep me motivated and basically not go into that "rebel state" you were talking bout.
I try to find incentives and it does really feel good after you've spend a pretty efficient and productive day. Which should motivate me.
Anyway, it is a constant thing of going back to the drawing board and coming up with new ways to find my motivation to change and basically keep myself progressing forward so to make sure i don't end up in a rut once again!
Cuz i've been in a rut for more than a year and its a horrible horrible place to be in and i'm absolutely sick of it!! I need to start moving now!!