Problem with sister

LegacyUser

I was wondering if any of you had a problem like this with a sibling.
Here goes.
I have 2 sisters and a brother.One is a few years older than me but behaves like a spoilt little brat. When we younger I idolised her,yet she barely even noticed me. It also did'nt help that my Da always favoured her and used to comment to me things like"well,at least your sister would never do that" and other confidence knocks.As a result,my Da and I had a stormy relationship as I was growing up.Since I got older, me and the old man have been getting on great and I think it's eating away at her.
She's been b1tchy and snotty around me since.She even makes my wife feel like sh1t.Coming up to our wedding she was less interested in our big day and more concerned with what shoes she had,or which of mine or my younger brother's apparently "degenerate" mates she would be sitting with.Even when my wife showed her the wedding dress,she said "That's grand,will these shoes make me look taller". My mother was mortified.
Even now she'll throw in digs about the way we live our lives,probably because she's jealous and never had the balls to grab life by the scruff of the neck like me and my wife did.(The wife and myself have had a wild life together,all good and would'nt change a bit of it btw)
It's just so difficult because it's putting a strain on my parents and they're not getting any younger.All I want to do is let out a torrent of abuse at her and then never talk to her again, but then I'd only be letting myself down by acting like that. I do love my sister, but I just don't like her.
Ironically enough, I get on with the other 2 feckers as if we were best mates,could'nt ask for a cooler brother and sister.
Just wondering if any of you could give a bit of advice on it, I'm kind of at my wit's end about it.Thanks.

Carrigart Exile

Unregistered wrote: »

I was wondering if any of you had a problem like this with a sibling.
Here goes.
I have 2 sisters and a brother.One is a few years older than me but behaves like a spoilt little brat. When we younger I idolised her,yet she barely even noticed me. It also did'nt help that my Da always favoured her and used to comment to me things like"well,at least your sister would never do that" and other confidence knocks.As a result,my Da and I had a stormy relationship as I was growing up.Since I got older, me and the old man have been getting on great and I think it's eating away at her.
She's been b1tchy and snotty around me since.She even makes my wife feel like sh1t.Coming up to our wedding she was less interested in our big day and more concerned with what shoes she had,or which of mine or my younger brother's apparently "degenerate" mates she would be sitting with.Even when my wife showed her the wedding dress,she said "That's grand,will these shoes make me look taller". My mother was mortified.
Even now she'll throw in digs about the way we live our lives,probably because she's jealous and never had the balls to grab life by the scruff of the neck like me and my wife did.(The wife and myself have had a wild life together,all good and would'nt change a bit of it btw)
It's just so difficult because it's putting a strain on my parents and they're not getting any younger.All I want to do is let out a torrent of abuse at her and then never talk to her again, but then I'd only be letting myself down by acting like that. I do love my sister, but I just don't like her.
Ironically enough, I get on with the other 2 feckers as if we were best mates,could'nt ask for a cooler brother and sister.
Just wondering if any of you could give a bit of advice on it, I'm kind of at my wit's end about it.Thanks.

does this wild life include copious amounts of marijuana and its paranoia effects

CHD

Ignore her, she will get the message and cop on.If not then don't bother with her.

Beruthiel

I wouldn't bother saying anything, approaches like that almost never end well.
Spend your time with the siblings you get on with and limit your time with her.
If she has a couple of brain cells rattling around in her head, she may come to the reason why of her own accord.

JB04

Op,

just keep out of her way as much as possible. Spend your time with your brother and other sister. Hopefully she will see sense.

When I was younger I didn't get on that well with my brother, but we have both grown up a lot since, and get on great now. We were both best men for each other and he is godfather to my eldest child.:)

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

she was less interested in our big day and more concerned with what shoes she had,or which of mine or my younger brother's apparently "degenerate" mates she would be sitting with.Even when my wife showed her the wedding dress,she said "That's grand,will these shoes make me look taller". My mother was mortified.

She just sounds like the normal self involved woman tbh.

Is this the worst of it?

S.L.F

Unregistered wrote: »

I was wondering if any of you had a problem like this with a sibling.
Here goes.
I have 2 sisters and a brother.One is a few years older than me but behaves like a spoilt little brat. When we younger I idolised her,yet she barely even noticed me. It also did'nt help that my Da always favoured her and used to comment to me things like"well,at least your sister would never do that" and other confidence knocks.As a result,my Da and I had a stormy relationship as I was growing up.Since I got older, me and the old man have been getting on great and I think it's eating away at her.
She's been b1tchy and snotty around me since.She even makes my wife feel like sh1t.Coming up to our wedding she was less interested in our big day and more concerned with what shoes she had,or which of mine or my younger brother's apparently "degenerate" mates she would be sitting with.Even when my wife showed her the wedding dress,she said "That's grand,will these shoes make me look taller". My mother was mortified.
Even now she'll throw in digs about the way we live our lives,probably because she's jealous and never had the balls to grab life by the scruff of the neck like me and my wife did.(The wife and myself have had a wild life together,all good and would'nt change a bit of it btw)
It's just so difficult because it's putting a strain on my parents and they're not getting any younger.All I want to do is let out a torrent of abuse at her and then never talk to her again, but then I'd only be letting myself down by acting like that. I do love my sister, but I just don't like her.
Ironically enough, I get on with the other 2 feckers as if we were best mates,could'nt ask for a cooler brother and sister.
Just wondering if any of you could give a bit of advice on it, I'm kind of at my wit's end about it.Thanks.

Had a similar problem myself.

I cut all contact with that family member.

It sounds to me like your sister is a bully.

I have some experience with bullies my best advice to you would be if you can't cut contact limit it.

vincenzo1975

make a big family gesture towards your parents this christmas, get all sisters and brother to chip in and buy them a nice holiday, and lay it on strong that this is from all the kids and you were planning it together, it will give them an impression of happy families and everyone is getting on great. make a big effort to make this christmas as happy and complaint free as possible. Even buy this sister a very nice present, and hand it over at your parents house.

After that, spend as little time around your sister as possible. Just let a lot of time pass without seeing her. (dont let your parents know this of course)

Sounds to me like she liked bossing you around and being the spoiled one, and is a little bit jealous of your relationship now with both your wife and your dad.

iluvmusic

maybe she feels left out. you said you're getting on much better with your dad, you're very close to your other brother and sister and your mum was 'mortified'. She may feel like you're all ganging up on her a bit. Not saying she's not acting badly but just trying to see her side too.

tbh

I think she acts like this because no-one tells her to stop. People think "ah sure it's not worth it", preferring to have years of unresolved issues, than face a confrontation that might last a couple of months in the worst case scenario. So, the next time she says or does something out of line, point it out to her, and let her know that it's not acceptable. Don't get upset with her, tho, that's the most important thing. For example, the wedding dress thing - shouldn't someone have said "do you know think that's a bit rude?" when she started talking about herself again? If she's rude to your wife, politely explain that you're not putting up with it, and while she's very welcome in your home, you'll ask her to leave if she does it again, and she won't be welcome back until she apologises. Don't shout at her, or give out to her, just point out that you won't accept that behaviour. I find that the calmer you are when you are telling the person, the more effective.

She's using either your apathy or your fear of confrontation to affect all of your quality of life. You have to make a stand. The thing is - you're doing her no favours by enabling this type of behaviour, her family will put up with it, but friends/workmates etc - won't.

LegacyUser

A lot of great advice there peoples,thanks.
Yeah, I think I'm going to approach it from the angle tbh posted.Pull her up on it in a calm way, and if she gets the hump, well that's just tough.I'll still be her brother at the end of the day and when she sees sense that this behaviour is'nt on,I'll be waiting with a big hug and an open ear.

Carrigart Exile wrote: »

does this wild life include copious amounts of marijuana and its paranoia effects

No actually, this wild life means travelling around the world on a few occasions and living from hostel to hostel out of a rucksack.Apart from the hooch,I've actually never done drugs in my life. Swing and a miss sunshine,swing and a miss.

peaches79

I totally agree with tbh.
I'm currently in a horrible situation with a sibling, caused by me having the balls to pull them up about some unacceptable behaviour. The rest of the family know and although they agree, they tend to say nothing and let the behaviour continue, which is why this person is not used to being called on it.

I do think you should confront it, but do be prepared for lots of tantrums and stamping of feet and demands for you to climb down. Best of luck with it though, sibling relationships are so tough

Messed Up Mind

I'd also agree with TBH's method. If she's going to act like a child, you have to treat her like one. If she was jealous of you and your father's relationship, she would've made the effort like you did to connect with your dad.

I had a friend who was being rude like this (making everything about her and so on). Everyone was really annoyed at her but never said anything for years, even her sisters would comment on her childish behaviour to her friends, but no one did anything about it until I basically pulled her up on it one day a few months ago. She sincerely regretted all her previous behaviour and hadn't realised that it had been so destructive. She's nearly turned her life around now slowly but surely.