Want to join family in Canada but...

Teamhar

Hey,

Dunno if this should be here or in one of the Personal forums, but I'm going to vent anyway. Here's the gist. I'm Canadian, but moved to Ireland with my family in the 80s (don't ask why!). Regardless of what state the country was in at the time, my family did well and we settled in fine. Ireland is pretty much home for me now. About four years ago, my parents were back in Toronto and they spotted a house for sale, right across the road from our old house. They viewed it, loved it and bought it. I think they bought it with a view to their own retirement, but when it came to actually going, my younger brother and sister (in their early twenties) decided to go too. Dog and cat went as well. Meanwhile, I stayed. I had a job, friends, loan payments... The time didn't seem right to go. When they left I missed them terribly but a few months later, I met a lovely guy who I am now engaged to.

As the years go on, I miss them all more and more. I feel I'm losing touch with them and I hate it. There's a small age gap between myself and my siblings and when I was younger, I didn't bother with them much. As a result, we're not particularly close but I thought that would change once we were all adults. Same with my parents who I now realise are really cool and I'd love to know them on an adult level! And before they get old. When my mum came from Canada to Ireland, she left her brothers and father behind in Canada. She saw her father twice in twenty years (fear of flying) and then one day, he got sick and was gone for good.

But not just that, I really feel going over there could be a good opportunity for us both. Its something that we've talked about on and off over the last couple of years. Sometimes he's really into the idea, other times he puts his foot down and says no way, he'll never leave Ireland. Its hard as it really gets my hopes up only to be dashed. We're both skilled professionals who could do pretty well over there and a year to try out would be perfect. As a Canadian citizen, I can sponsor him for a family class resident's visa that would allow him pretty much full rights over there.

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Is there anyway I can sell Canada to him? He's been over there with me a few times and really enjoys it. My Canadian cousin and her Irish husband went over a couple of years ago and never looked back. He hasn't been back here once. Financial security isn't a problem- he's got skills that can go anywhere and with some tentative research into the market around my own job skills, I've already been offered a job. He's not particularly close to his brothers, but does look after his mum quite a bit.

Worst case scenario: what if I went on my own, temporarily, just to get it out of my system? Would I be the worst b***h in the world? Could the relationship survive? If I were to go, would he follow me? I'm afraid to settle here in Ireland once and for all without ever having tried it. It would be one of those regrets. But then, if I went and the relationship ended, would I regret that more? I realise these aren't questions anyone can answer definitively- I'm just throwing them out there!

Thanks.

Inishglas

I can understand how you feel and the"pull" that Canada must have for you.
A word of caution, though. While the economy in Canada is in better shape than the US there is widespread concern about the short and medium-term future. Ontario is heavily dependent on the automobile industry, which is in serious trouble. There have been layoffs in other industries also. You mention that you and your partner are professionals. Some professions are likely going to be affected more than others. If, for example, you are in the health care field then you would be relatively insulated, at least in the short term, from the effects of an economic downtown. On the other hand, with the slow-down in the housing market, it is probably a bad time for an architect to consider moving. I suggest you hold on for a least a year (which isn't all that long) and wait until the future seems clearer before making a decision.
By the way, I am an Irishman who has been living in Ontario for many years.
Whatever you decide - good luck!

iarlaoha

Bring him over for a few weeks - Let him experience it

I'm Irish born, Canadian citizen. Thought I would never leave Dublin, but somehow ended up in Toronto at the beginning of 2007. Once I'd got into the swing of living in Canada, it was heartbreaking having to leave (I'm now in the US with my american wife).

As an Irishman, there's a lot to like about living in Canada if you're open to it. The taxes in Ontario are a little high, but that's a small gripe.

Just bring him over for a few weeks to hang out. Show him the sites. Let him get a feel for it.

Otherwise it's all hypothetical