Timeline to break up?

SamuelFox

Hi Guys, my girlfriend is heading abroad this time next year, and has decided that we will break up when she leaves. We’ve been together for about a year, and I’m wondering about her attitude. She says that she loves me, and isn’t the most easy-going girlfriends, so I get hassle when she feels I’m not putting in the effort. That’s fair enough, but is it acceptable to decide that we should go out until it suits her to break up? Is it a real relationship when it has a timeline on it? Can it really be love when she is happy to be single in the future?
I’m crazy about her and I don’t want to break up, but if its coming anyway am I better to have a clean break now? We’ve had trust issues in the past and hearing this lack of commitment makes me wonder if this could be an issue again.

I’m just off the phone with her so excuse me if my post is not the most coherent! Thanks for reading, please let me know your thoughts!

Marksie

SamuelFox wrote: »

I’m crazy about her and I don’t want to break up, but if its coming anyway am I better to have a clean break now?

For so many reasons the simple answer is : Yes.

TBH looking at your post, she is the one in a controlling dominating position.
She has decided the realtionship will die when she leaves, possibly because she wants a "guilt free" trip. If she comes back will she the one to determine whther it will start again?

Take back some measure of control and end it now, she may even be waiting for you to do that.

Personally a comment like that, i would have taken as her choice to end it and would have ended it there and then. Why prolong the agony of knowing iots going to finish, that would wreck anyones head.

cHaTbOx

I would easily break this one off.She seems a little selfish .Happy to go out with you until she leaves,who does she think she is?

This seems like an easy setup for her until she goes away,I would break it off and find someone you deserve.

Wagon

Bit ridiculous to stay together if you know when it's going to end. I don't get this at all, of why people do it. I'd break up with her now as well. Means you can get the usual sadness and loneliness out of the way so when the time comes to her leaving, you won't give a ****. Not really worth brooding over anyway, anyone who decided to keep you around as a piece of meat till it suits them is a right fecker.

DemocAnarchis

The cheek of her. Absolutely no point being in a relationship if you know for a fact that she is going to end it within a year. Dump her now and find someone who actually gives a damn.

Alter-Ego

Dump her. Its apparent that she doesn't love you.

Messed Up Mind

My friend and her boyfriend did this before she went away for the summer. She'd been with him for years from a very young age and they were afraid to be apart from one another. He didn't appreciate her at all. It was her way to break up with him without having to break up with him (ie without feeling like the mean one ending it). They ended up getting back together over the summer while she was away. He came over to her a month before she was due home, quit his job and all because he missed her so much. They're much happier together now.

You never know, the break could be good for you both. As you said, you do love her. It might be her way of testing your love for one another, albeit a very hurtful way.

MagicMarker

Break up with her now man. You're just there to keep her entertained until she leaves.

I can't see how anyone can pre-determine the end of their relationship, you just don't do that if you care anything for your partner.

Somehow i don't think you're going to be taking onboard what most people will tell you in this thread.

NADA

I would definately end it now to be honest. I was in a sort of simular situation. I am away on Erasmus for college this year and I met my girlfriend last Decemeber. Now we knew all along that I was going to go away but to be honest if she told me she was going to finish it with me because I was going away I wouldnt have seen the point and it would have just hurt more when D-Day actually came.If you continue you'll just be feeling like your running out of time which I know that if you don't sort this out now it's going to wreck your head until the time comes. I would definately end it now. If she really loved you she wouldn't want to break up with you.

If she said was heading off next week and decided to say it to you that would be one thing, but telling you that you'll be together for another year and that will be it? she sounds very selfish and this, quite frankly, is weird.

Get rid - and quick!

dlofnep

If she can't see a future, then neither should you. End it on your own terms. It will make the breakup FAR easier. Trust me.

SarahJ

I agree, you should break it off now. Why should you waste your time with her, when it seems she's happy to use you while she's here, just until she goes away! And meanwhile you'll be lfet at home when she's away meeting new people, more than likely getting over it quicker because she's away, while you are at home feeling heartbroken!

SamuelFox

Hi Guys, just to update you on how it panned out. I took the advice here and broke up, but after a (short) while we got back together. After talking about stuff it was clear to me that a lot of the problems we were having were coming from stress she was under from her parent’s divorce, which was a long time ago but is causing problems even now. I did my best to help her but obviously couldn’t do much so the problems remained and we broke up again, this time for good.

Anyway, I posted this to say thanks for the good advice that I got here, I appreciated it!