oppressive G/F

LegacyUser

Hello,

Ill try to keep this short,I am about to move in with my fiance,we have been going out for nearly 3 years and got engaged earlier this year..she is pushing on me to save all i can which is fine i am now working six days a week doing security and she works 5 in a bank,I dont go out very often but i dont drink so when do i stick to blackcurrent and i like to play the odd game of texas holdem with my mates ussually for 10 or twenty squid buy in,last friday she went crazy at me cos i wanted to play poker in my mates house and said i have no interest in the house or saving for it and i shouldbt be blowing it on poker with my mates,take into account that she goes into town most saturdays with her mates and knocks back double vodkas and she has boasted to my mates girl friend about how much she drank and how hungover she was on sunday,what should i do,my poker and lack of drinking and 6 days weeks adds up to a lot more of a contribution that her and she is still giving me ****,i do love her but i think love blinds,also i forgot to mention my mates all hate her with a passion and try to disguise this and i know they want me to dump her..what will i do?

Beruthiel

suppressed wrote: »

what will i do?

What would you like to do?
Think about that question and be honest in your answer.

c - 13

suppressed wrote: »

my poker and lack of drinking and 6 days weeks adds up to a lot more of a contribution that her and she is still giving me ****

Have you pointed this out to her ? If so what was her reaction.

Your dead right when you say opressive.

Hagar

Take a step back, now take another, now break into a trot...

Seriously have a long hard look at your relationship. If she is oppressive before the marriage what makes you think she will be different afterwards?

Perhaps have a no holds barred chat with a good friend whose opinion you value. Someone who knows you both well.

TheDriver

+1, think you know your own answers mate. Be honest with yourself and her

Sugar Drunk

honestly? stop being her b*tch. Sorry thats harsh but shes taking the p*ss going out getting locked when she likes and telling you what to do with your wages.

Why not agree on a set amount a month that each of you save towards the house. Then the rest of your money is yours to spend as you wish? Part of her behaviour may be spurred by the fact that you allow her to behave this way so if you stand up to her and agree a set amount each that way its fair and she might just cop on a bit when she sees you are not going to stand for this



I also think you need to sit down and think about what you want - do you want to get a house with this girl and be with her long term? In fact do you want to be with her at all?

rvd156

Dude I seriously think if you marry this woman she will ruin and rule your life forever....

I know it's hard when you love someone who dominates your life but nobody has the right to stop you living.....

I think you should walk away from her....At least for awhile and maybe she will realise that she is being a bully.....

Burial

Speaking from my personal experience, if ALL of your friends don't like her, then clearly there is something wrong with her. I'm not saying break-up with her, but look at how she acts to your friends and how they treat her. Keep in mind I'm saying this is from my own personal experience, but I think she has an issue with your friends more then anything. (I presume she wasn't invited/didn't want to go. Therefore, doesn't want you around people who she thinks will break you up) Also, seeing your friends once a week, because she wants you to work 6 out of 7 days of the week, you must question whether she wants you to have a life that isn't her.

Anyway, moving to the issue, tell her to stop going out and getting hammered. She is entitled to drink let's say a naggin purchased from an off-licence and you get your poker. It's incredibly selfish for her to do this, and I recommend making a list of everything you spent money on, and she does the same. For a month. That way both of ye will get an insight into what ye are spending and saving.

star-pants

OP I agree with other posters here, it's double standards that you can't have a game of poker with friends, when she can go out and drink herself silly. You work more days than she does too, you have to be allowed some time out to unwind.

To be honest you don't sound overly happy - and the only way to fix that is perhaps to talk to her about it, there's no point in you breaking your back to save up and move in somewhere together and then realise there's a problem with the relationship.

ziedth

Now I'm not saying break up with the girl as you've said that you love her. But, If you don't nip this in the bud its going to be the way for the rest of your life. Calmly explain that you dont spend much and work 6 days a week and all you want todo is spend €20 odd euro with your mates playing poker.

She doesn't have to like it but its not the issue its just a matter of you wanting to spend a very small portion of your wages on what you want todo.

LegacyUser

She is taking the piss. You really have to stand up for yourself. You should be saving equal amounts. Say this to her and ask her how much she's saved . If she flips out which it sounds like she will it will be a good indicator of what she values .
I had a mate in the same situation with his girlfriend. He worked really hard and saved up the money for a house . She gave about 15 -20 percent of the total downpayment and surprise surprise they broke up within the year and the house was sold .They were co-owners.

K_P

I think a lot of people are jumping the gun in saying break up with her. The way she's acting is certainly not on, but I think there are ways of dealing with it rather than kicking her to the kerb.

A few other posters have mentioned this but you should mutually decide on an amount to save each month. Beyond that, you spend your money whatever way you want. That's that bit sorted.

However, if she flipped because you were spending time with your friends, maybe that's the issue. If that is the case, then you need to work that out separtely. I realise you love this girl and as she's your fiancee, you obviously feel you have a future together. But honestly, if all your friends hate her, you'd want to take notice of that.

So in conclusion, no need to dump her just yet, but you certainly need to stand up for yourself. Sort this out now, before she ends up running your whole life.

LegacyUser

Hi I second what people are saying about deciding on a set amount, it is only fair.

However, about her drinking I would be wary of stories that start with "my mates girlfriend said that she said ...." because things DO get exaggerated.
I'm sure you know your girlfriend goes out and drinks alright but they amount of times I've had stories go back to my husband about things I supposedly did or didn't do when I was on a night out.
Have an honest discussion with her about how she spends her money and you spend yours. Give her a chance to expain ... she might bring a nagin of voddy with her in her bag etc or maybe she's a light weight ... well obviously you know her well enough to know if that's the case.
Hope you get it sorted anyway

SpookyDoll

suppressed wrote: »

Hello,

Ill try to keep this short,I am about to move in with my fiance,we have been going out for nearly 3 years and got engaged earlier this year..she is pushing on me to save all i can which is fine i am now working six days a week doing security and she works 5 in a bank,I dont go out very often but i dont drink so when do i stick to blackcurrent and i like to play the odd game of texas holdem with my mates ussually for 10 or twenty squid buy in,last friday she went crazy at me cos i wanted to play poker in my mates house and said i have no interest in the house or saving for it and i shouldbt be blowing it on poker with my mates,take into account that she goes into town most saturdays with her mates and knocks back double vodkas and she has boasted to my mates girl friend about how much she drank and how hungover she was on sunday,what should i do,my poker and lack of drinking and 6 days weeks adds up to a lot more of a contribution that her and she is still giving me ****,i do love her but i think love blinds,also i forgot to mention my mates all hate her with a passion and try to disguise this and i know they want me to dump her..what will i do?

Tell her to get the boat, tell her she is a controlling hypocrite.....
Why have you put up with this BS thus far OP?

Marksie

suppressed wrote: »

Ill try to keep this short, I am about to move in with my fiance.

I will keep this short too.
I have highlighted the crucial thing here.
Don't move in until you have sorted his out once your in its going to be much harder to deal with things

She Devil

Have you got a gambling issue?

sprinklesspanky

suppressed wrote: »

Hello,

Ill try to keep this short,I am about to move in with my fiance,we have been going out for nearly 3 years and got engaged earlier this year..she is pushing on me to save all i can which is fine i am now working six days a week doing security and she works 5 in a bank,I dont go out very often but i dont drink so when do i stick to blackcurrent and i like to play the odd game of texas holdem with my mates ussually for 10 or twenty squid buy in,last friday she went crazy at me cos i wanted to play poker in my mates house and said i have no interest in the house or saving for it and i shouldbt be blowing it on poker with my mates,take into account that she goes into town most saturdays with her mates and knocks back double vodkas and she has boasted to my mates girl friend about how much she drank and how hungover she was on sunday,what should i do,my poker and lack of drinking and 6 days weeks adds up to a lot more of a contribution that her and she is still giving me ****,i do love her but i think love blinds,also i forgot to mention my mates all hate her with a passion and try to disguise this and i know they want me to dump her..what will i do?

Your money is yours, her money is hers. You don't tell her how to spend and she shouldn't tell you.

Money is one of the quickest ways to ruin a relationship.

Sure the belts are tightening, but the cost of living is going down soon as well.

unhappycamper

On occasion I play poker for €20 and if any person in this world told me I was out of order enjoying the odd game of poker I would swing the door open and kick them out of my life forever. You want a girlfriend who is happy that you had a bit of fun with your friends.

MagicMarker

She Devil wrote: »

Have you got a gambling issue?

oh come on!!!!

OP, i say before making the biggest financial commitment on your life (something which sounds like you'll pay more for than her, how convenient for her eh?) I would say take a long hard look at this relationship.

All i can really say is she doesn't exactly sound like catch of the century.

AngryBadger

Hagar wrote: »

Take a step back, now take another, now break into a trot...

Seriously have a long hard look at your relationship. If she is oppressive before the marriage what makes you think she will be different afterwards?

Perhaps have a no holds barred chat with a good friend whose opinion you value. Someone who knows you both well.

+1

meglome

Simply sit down and write out a list of what both of you spend in a week on 'entertainment'. Two Double vodkas with a splash in town are going to cost the €20 your spending. Then ask her to stop going out as she's spending way too much money, let's she how she feels about that.