Ex - Back together - Ex

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

Befor I begin, I just want you all to know that I am not big headed or conceited. I'm just telling this story the way it is.

I was going out with a guy for 3 years but we broke up about a year ago. During that time we have always styed in casual contact and have ended up sleeping together plenty of times. Recently, we decided to give things another shot. He was the one who ended the relationship initially so I asked him to give me a list of reasons why so we don't fall into the same trap and break up again. His list was as follows:

1) I felt threathened by your beauty and the fact that everywhere we go, men drool over you. (Please refer to start of thread, this is his opinion, not mine!!).

2) We were fighting non stop due to jealousy/control issues and I was starting to love you less.

3) I reaslised I wasn't in love with you the way I had been at the start.

4) I wanted to be on my own for a while to see what else was out there and to see if I could find someone I'm more compatible with.

He said taht being apart from me made him realsie how much he loves me and how badly he treated me. He says he's grown up now (31) and he's matured and knows what he wants. He
said he thinks I'm the most beuatiful woman he's ever seen and he's insanely attracted to me. So for the past few weeks we've been getting on better then ever before. We have this new found love and respect for each other and we are both really happy.

Well, make that past tense now.

On Saturday night we were out in town and we were sitting at a bar doing shots. The barman gave them to us on the hosue and winked at me. My bf started to get visibly uncomfortable but I wrapped my arms around him and made sure I gave him all my attention. We had an ok night but I knew he wasn't feeling great. On Sunday afternoon we went for a pint and to read the papers. A guy I used to go to secondary school with came over to me and gave me a big hug and a kiss on teh cheek and we had a catch up chat. I introduced him to my bf and thought everything was fine. My bf ended things with me on the way home. He said he can't go out with soemone like me. He can't deal with all the men in my life and that even though he trustsme, he still doesn't wanna have to deal with it all. He said it brings back to many memories and they all make him clench up with stress.

So, my question is, how can I make him understand that I love only him. I never cheated and he knows this but yet he can't 'handle' being with me.

Do you think he's using this as an excuse? Is this a real reason even cause I have doubts.
He is a 31 year old man, surely he should be able to deal with small things like this!

Is this worth chasing or should I just let him go?

I'm so upset that he got my hopes up only to run at the first sign of anything difficult.

Thanks guys

Beruthiel

Personally, I wouldn't be arsed.
You cannot change this guy, only he can do that and if he was as into you as he said, do you really and truly think that a hug from a friend or a kiss on the cheek would finish a great potential relationship with the possible love of your life!? I don't think so.
Jeez, I do that sort of thing with friends all the time.

Sorry, but he's an emotionally immature child with no confidence of self exteem. As a result he's unstable and certainly at the age of 31 you would be expecting him to act more like an adult.

We were fighting non stop due to jealousy/control issues

This clearly hasn't changed and nothing you say or do will stop his insecurities. Either way, why should you even think of pandering to them. This is his problem.
I wouldn't waste anymore of your time with him.
As the old saying goes, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
Don't give him a third chance to mess with your head. He's a fool to let you go over something so trivial.
Sorry, but 'sad bastard' comes to mind.

Wibbs

OK a tiny bit of insecurity is good for a relationship. It keeps people on their toes, but this is too much. Frankly why in god's name would you go out with a "man" this insecure and because of that, this controlling? He's a child emotionally if he's pulling that crap. Word to the wise, he doesn't like women. He is scared of the power they have over his already weak ego. This will never end well, no matter how "great" you think the rest of him is.

It's nothing to do with whether he's an ex or not, he's simply immature, insecure and I'm sorry at 31 well past the point where he can pull any excuses for being at this level of idiocy. If he was 19 I'd tell you to drop him and let time knock the edges off his madness, but at 31? No way. He's supposed to be a man not a spineless wimp. I've known women mates of mine go out with guys like this and I really don't see the appeal. TBH if you do go back with him, you'll only have yourself to blame down the line.

Beruthiel

Wibbs wrote: »

I've known women mates of mine go out with guys like this and I really don't see the appeal.

I *think* it may have something to do with massaging the womans ego, as in, he must really love me to be that jealous.
Where as, anyone with an ounce of common sense would run a mile.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote: »

I *think* it may have something to do with massaging the womans ego, as in, he must really love me to be that jealous.
Where as, anyone with an ounce of common sense would run a mile.

Thank you for being so blunt and for telling me it like it is. I agree with you. I think his behaviour is immature at best and pathetic at worst. I am tired of all the emotional turbulence and the constant reassurance. Also, who breaks up with someone cause they're 'too good looking'? Again, his opinion. I know I'm attractive and I do get alot of male attention but there are far better looking woman then me and looks fade with time anyway.
Does he want to go out with a ugly girl so no man will look at her?

It's just frustrating but I guess you can't reason with an unreasonable child. I won't contact him again and if he comes to me, I'll just tell him to find someone else. He couldn't possibly love me at all if he's willing to treat me like this and I am/would be a reatrd to put up with it.
I wish I didn't care about him but that's life, it's gonna be hard but I'm strong enough to walk away. I got over him before and I can get over him again.

Out of curiousity, do you think it's even possible to fall for someone again once you've gotten over them?

Can you ever really fall again and if so would you ever fall as hard?

AngryBadger

Have to agree with the above, a little bit of insecurity is normal, but at this level it's ridiculous. Thgis guy needs to get his head looked at.

better off without him OP.

Karen_*

He's too insecure around you therefore it will never work. Its been going on years now and he's making you feel almost like its you with the problem. He isn't going to change and you can't live your life like this.

Wagon

Sounds about 12 so he does. Don't bother at all.

p28559

oh yes..i think you can fall for the same person a second time...i even think that some times we never really 100% get over one particular person..........

Oryx

He may have thought, during your break that he had worked out his issues, but when it came back to actually being with you, he hadnt changed at all. And he is trying to project it onto you as your fault for being popular!

Sounds to me like youre well out of it.