Really don't know what to make of this guy...

LegacyUser

Ok to cut a long story short, I am 27 and have a fairly normal relationship history I think. I'm single now and I wouldn't be into sexual flings but when i was 22 I had one with a guy I knew through a friend of mine. It meant nothing, he had a serious reputation for being a player. I do remember liking him but not having the confidence to to not give him what he wanted but at the same time i don't remember ever being hurt or upset when it ended after about 2 months. I remember about a year after he stopped seeing me hearing he was engaged and thinking it was odd - this guy was a serious player and he was only 25 - they got married pretty soon after and it never bothered me either way. He's not someone i see or think of we just happen to move in the same circles!

So, I found it quite odd when he facebooked me during the week to see if i would be at a friends birthday on Friday night, though i didn't give it much thought - sure enough he was there - without his wife, we got chatting and he told me they'd spilt up and have a legal separation now 3 -4 months ago....we both had a lot to drink and I ended up kissing him, I was very aware of how what we'd had in the past was very sexual and i just wasn't interested at all.....So, he invited me to stay in his and i said no, that i wasn't going to sleep with him. He said he didn't want to have sex he just wanted to spend time with me and although it was against my better judgement we'd been having such a good laugh together I went back.

He did mention in the taxi that his wife hadn't been back to collect her stuff and she still has a key so he hadn't taken down her photos and their wedding photos and stuff because he felt it would be an attack on her or something. I understand that but there is a gigantic painting of her in her nude on the wall in the living room, which to be honest, is just mad....especially if your having a girl over.

Anyway, besides this we had such a great time together but he mentioned that his ex was always jealous of me and when he put the photos of the 2 of us up on his facebook she was on to him straight away saying we looked very close.

We met up last night again and had so much fun (no sex)

Look, I'm not looking for a big serious relationship from this guy, and i'm sure that's the last thing he needs right now anyway but i do genuinely enjoy his company, and i'd love to see more of him but with all this stuff i just mentioned I have a weird suspicion I've been recruited to take part in some jealousy compeitition with his ex, OR it could just be a rebound thing. I mean, I've never been married but I think if i was and i'd been separated 3 months I would understand my ex husband taking my naked painting down off the wall (not that i would ever have one of those!!!)

Anyway, the issue here is that i do see how different he is to before and i really like him, he talks about his marriage like he's certain it will never work again, but 3 months just sin't very long. I was with my ex for 2.5 years and it took me about 10 months to fully get over him

I'd like to hang around but I wonder should i clear off?

Victor

How confidant are you that they have broken up and he isn't just doing the "mice will play when the cats away" routine?

girl_friday

Victor wrote: »

How confidant are you that they have broken up and he isn't just doing the "mice will play when the cats away" routine?

Have to agree with Victor on this one... Is there someone you can check the facts with? Just take care of yourself!!

dudara

If he is being genuine about his separation, that he needs time to adjust. It may be very tempting, as you do enjoy his company, but meybe cut down on the contact with him.

BTW, am I right in saying that you had a thing 5 years ago with him, and yet he only recently put photos of the pair of you up on facebook? That's odd.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your replies.

Sorry I didn't make myself very clear. We were together 5 years ago and there is no photos from then (thank god!), he was taking photos at the birthday party on Friday night and had them up online the next day.

Also I am 100% sure they are actually separated. We have a lot of mutual friends and we were together in front of everyone at the party....It's common knowledge they split up I just hadn't heard about it until he told me.

Beruthiel

Be very, very careful.
There is clearly an awful lot of emotional stuff going on there if the pics are still up.
They are not over each other and he's probably desperately lonely right now. You are a good cure for that, but he's not ready for anything serious and certainly could not cope with it.
Take it slow and don't get too involved or you may come out of this getting hurt.

seahorse

Beruthiel wrote: »

There is clearly an awful lot of emotional stuff going on there if the pics are still up.

Yes, there obviously is.

OP, I think you are playing fast and loose with your own emotions here and not liable to do yourself any favours while doing so. You need to bear in mind that this man clearly still loves and feels a sense of loyalty to his wife, otherwise that naked painting would be outside in a skip.

JDLK

Sounds like he wants to shag you. He shagged you before and now he's hit a dry patch after the break up with his missus he's looking for some more easy sex.

Millie

As hard as it maybe I'd try and put a bit of distance between you for now.
Three months is nothing.

Having said that a friend of mine broke up with his live in girlfriend of 3yrs upon meeting another friend of mine out one night.
They clicked, he broke up with his girlfriend the following week and is now seeing my friend very happily.

I suppose a lot of this comes down to gut instinct but do be careful for yourself

LegacyUser

Ok, well thanks for your replies.

I'll back off, your right