Being made a fool of .....

LegacyUser

hi there,

I basically want to vent some anger that has been building up inside of me for sometime! I have been meeting this guy on and off for over a year and a half - we only ever meet when he is drunk and when he rings me!(okay i have been on occasion the one to text him but its mainly him getting in contact with me) So yeah basically a booty call! Only thing is I got attached! he didnt want anything but i always thought he would come around to wanting me so thats why i probably accepted being treated like a doormat!

Well to make a long story short i was with him again on Friday night! now i promised myself i wouldnt be but i collected him from town at 3.45 am! I know i know! but there is such great chemistry between us and although the sex wasnt great I felt comfortable being with him! He really is only 3inches when erect and on Friday night couldnt keep it up and he got frustrated and took it out on me! he went mad! now i still let him away with this and shrugged it off and we had a good laugh on sat mornign and went for breakfast (something we have never done before) and he drove my car back to his place! anyway i got a text from him after he got home to say that although he didnt rock my world to remember its not all bout the sex! Now this led me to think that he wasnt treating me as a booty call! So i replied saying i know its not and it doesnt matter i still enjoyed myself! anyway yest evenin he sent me a text saying that he didnt know where we were going and he was confused and maybe we should move on!! (im sure he meant go our seperate ways) so i replied that i knew that this was coming and i was fine with it and it was prob for the best! !(deep down i was so not fine with it)

Anyway today i decided i have to change my number - i really really like this guy but he is messing my head up so much! i cant sleep or work without thinking of him!He is like a control freak - he needs to be callign the shots!

I know that while i am hung up on him that i will not find someone new but im so down over the whole situation - the fact that there are guys like that out there with absolutely no respect for women! This has given me such a bad impression of men and i dont know if i can trust men again after him! i am always going to think bad of myself and now my esteem has hit rock bottom! only thing is if you knew me i am so confident and outgoing but he is gradually tearing away at this!

i dont know how i will cope with letting him go for good although i know its the best course of action! Has anybody ever been in this situation and how can i make myself feel better - he's like a bad habit that i cant shift! i have no willpower! i do think that changing my number is for the best but is it too drastic a change>???

I text him telling him that i was changing my number and that i wanted him out of my life for good - to which he replied that he had heard that before and talk soon and he would sent me an xmas card!! i told him to address it to fool no more other side of the world! I feel like utter sh!t!!

sorry for the length of this but jsut getting this down in writing is at least some remedy! like a release of tension!

thanks for reading it!

Burial

Your doing the right thing. He using you as a booty call, and I'd say he's thinking that you'll be back to him after awhile. Don't let him get your new number. Tbh, I wouldn't have told him you got a new number unless you considered him a friend. (Not a good idea to become friends) Tbh, I doubt any relationship with him would work as you've been his booty for over a year and a half. It's not going to change if he hasn't called/texted you when he was sober, and picking him up on a night out only reinforced the belief that it was ok to be his booty call.

Tupins

Hi there, you sound exactly like me a few years ago. Wasted YEARS of my life on this fool who basically did the same thing. Flirted with me on nights out, often ended up together at the end of the night (unless he had met someone else first), telling me all the things i wanted to hear etc etc. But at the end of the day I was only the fallback until someone better came along and then I'd be dropped in a flash. He would charm me till the cows came home but it never went beyond the nights out. You'd think I would have learned to tell him to feck off but I never could.

The thing is, as much as I want to call him all the names under the sun, it's me who was the biggest eejit in allowing him to get away with is for so long. He hurt me so much for so long and I always went back to him like an IDIOT! Eventually after a long (and I mean long) time, the straw that broke the camels back came when he made a fool out of me once again and I just thought that is IT. I've never gone back to him since. I've since met (and married) a fantastic guy who has only ever treated me with respect. He and this other guy are just from different planets!!

What I'm saying is, if you feel you need to change your number to break free from this guy then do it. But whatever you do you need to move away from him. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that things will change or that he will change - he won't! You need to move on and meet new people. Hopefully, if you're lucky you'll meet someone great and then you'll see how stupid and pathetic this guy is. Sometimes I can't believe I wasted so much time on this guy and look what I have now! I've heard that this guy is still single and no doubt still playing the field - in all honesty I actually feel sorry for him!

abouttobebanned

It's sounds to me (and I only read as far as the 3 inches bit) that he doesn't know a good thing when he sees it. I think he needs someone to tell him this.

colincolin

I've experienced the same thing but from the blokes point of view. All I can say is ditch him he doesn't care about you in the way you'd like.
On the other hand though you've nobody to blame but yourself. I hate all this crap about how men are so bad and just use women, you where fine using him until you developed feelings for him. You knew what you where doing before you got in to it and it suited you just fine then. Get over it and move on but don't blame anyone other than yourself.

Tuesday_Girl

You need to move on and never contact him or answer the phone to him again, that's the only way forward. He won't change, he won't start to treat you better and he won't fall for you.

Google a great book called "Mr Unavailable and The Fallback Girl", it was written for anyone who is in the exact situation you are in now and will give you the reality check you need to kick him to the curb and get on with your life. It can be an uncomforable read but please do check it out, good luck!

Karen_*

And I'm sure he's heard it on MANY occasions that someone is going to change their number to get rid of him. So what does that tell you? It tells me that he has a problem and that there are alot of women who need to like themselves a bit more.

You'd be very foolish to never trust anyone again or to always lack confidence as a result of this person. You know this is not about you at all but about him and that he is just a manipulating control freak. Its your self doubt that is allowing this to continue and you're right about you not meeting anyone while still hung up on him. But I suspect you'll feel a tremendous releif when he's gone from your life. Do you think you're his only booty call? I'd guarantee you're just one of many and he is probably texting a few of you at the same time. Sorry to say that to you OP but its the reality.

You're allowing this to happen to you. He has all of the power and there's no way to take it back without it hurting. Don't wait until it becomes easy because it won't.

Dizzyblonde

You're doing the right thing by changing your number. It's better to have a clean break, otherwise this could keep happening for years and it would be such a waste of your time.

CavanGal

I find it very hard to have sympathy for you! You called it a booty call yourself so you knew what it was about. You knew he only rang you when he was drunk and looking for one thing. Now in no way am I condeming people who have F**k buddies. But it only works so long as both people are aware of the situation and dont get emotionally attached. To say this fella was using you is true but from his point of view you were using him for the same thing. He texted you because he was comfortable with you as you knew about his, eh, problem. You chose not to text him but responded when he text you so you let him control you in such a way that he probably wasnt even aware that he had such control. He is now letting you know in a gentle manner that he's not interested, possibly because he realises you have feelings for him.

Basically, IMHO, you should have got out of this situation ages ago when you felt the first sign of attachment. Sorry if I sound harsh

Gyalist

No one can make a fool of you unless you allow them to. I'm afraid that you have to take the responsibility for this. No point blaming the guy when it was completely in your power to stop it.

You are starting to do the right thing by changing your number though I have to say that I'm surprised that you'd telegraph your intentions by telling him first. As you found out, that only gave him an opening to try to manipulate you. If you want to cut all contact with him, just do it. You don't owe it to him to let him know. Your actions will speak far louder than anything that you could say.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies - I know that no one can make a fool out of me unless i let them and i have been letting him make a fool out of me for so long! I admit i am the fool here!

I probably let him know that i was changing my number so that he wouldnt try to text me again! i wanted him to know that he has driven me to this and how much he has hurt me! i couldnt just cut contact like that without letting him know! i feel better that i did! we had a few text's over and back and i told him to forget he ever met me and he said already forgotten so hopefully that will be the last of it!

I think at least from all of this i have learned a lesson and to have some self respect would be the main thing i bring from all this! I will never let anyone treat me like this again - nor will i be a fool for anyone - and i hope that i can meet someone who can commit and isnt afraid of pursuing a relationship with me

Onwards and upwards from now!

Gemini Sister

Well done.

It also sounds like you need to be honest from now on. You never told him what you wanted did you? He may have hit the road sooner but ultimately would have had to respect you for knowing what you want and sticking to it.

Anyway, best of luck!

LegacyUser

Hey

Exact same thing happened to me but went on for 3 years!! They are 2 years I cant get back and at the end of the day i had no one else to blame but myself. he would swan in and out of my life when he wanted and I was stupidly always there to welcome him back cause I was crazy about him and thought that eventually he would feel the same way cause he "obviously missed me to come back to me". Not the case. He came back cause I made it easy to come back. The only way to get over this is to cut all contact. I did 6 months ago and hard as it was at the beginning I never think about him anymore. He was just using me till something better came along and I somehow almost agreed to this!! That is the scarey bit!!

Move on and find someone who really wants to be with you. They are worth the wait... not losers like these guys who will just always use people!!

DeiseChick87

In the same situation myself. Been 'friends' wit dis guy for three years, met thru a mutual friend. Meeting each other for a few months, he decided he had enough & we stopped talking. Three months later we wer texting again. Once again we stopped talking, this time due to him trying to make me jealous over his new girlfriend, which to be fair wouldnt take much. So anyway, started texting again. All the usual crap "i missed u" "i always thought of you" blah blah blah. Im a self confessed idiot cause it was exactly what i wanted to hear.
So he kept saying wer best friends, always ther for each other ect, however only by text. We'd meet up every now & again. So at xmas he told me he had a gf, so i was like ahh right cool! We continued to text, he'd always compliment me etc.
So then in feb he told me he was once again single & kept that up untill roughly 3weeks ago! Now he knows perfectly well how i felt about him all along. So yep, one nite out after too many drinks, my friend decides 2 text him (they dont know each other) he admitted to her he has a gf for the past year & a half! Total shocker, felt sick, completely ruined my nite!

so basically i was his "fallback girl", someone ther 2 massage his already over inflated ego! I have cut all ties with him. Im not saying its easy, cause its def not. Its only been 2weeks since i cut all ties. I already feel so much better, i dont constantly wait for him 2 text me. I dont spend my day hopin to bump into him. Its finished, over & done with. NEVER to be repeated again!

So ther u have it my lifestory ...(sorrry for d rant) all i can say is that cut all ties because ur worth so much more. He'll realise, wen its too late what a fool he's been. Good luck x

Trinity

I dont understand why people dont just say what they mean.

I've been there, more than once and its horrible. But unless you set your standards from day one you cant blame people for falling below them. I know you know its your own fault.

If you are honest with yourself did you really tell him you were changing your number cos you didnt want him texting you, or deep down were you hoping he'd do a 360 and say ok lets give it a go? I've been there with all the dramatics and in the end i looked like a mental case.

Have you ever said i want more are you willing to give it?

Instead of ending it like that, leaving the door open so to speak dont change your number, cos your gonna look like a gob****e if you text him drunk one night and give him the new one (done that too). Why dont you wait til he texts and tell him you want more and if he cant give it then he shouldnt contact you. Say you are not accepting that treatment anymore, tell him how you feel. You didnt exactly make your feelings clear in your texts either, you are just agreeing with everything he says even though thats not how you feel.

Then if he says no i dont want a relationship, ignore him, dont reply to his texts. Changing your number is, i dont know a bit much? Its like saying you dont have the will power to stop on your own, and giving him even more power that you have to go to that extreme to say no.

I hope this makes sense. You say you cant believe theres men out there with no respect for women, there are men out there with loads of respect too but you just have to set the bar from day one and show them how you want to be treated. Raise your standards and believe you deserve more than a booty call and you will get more (probably not with him though you have given him too many bad habits). Make them work harder than having to send a text for you to come running.